Do you feel inadequate in bed? (Open to all)

wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
This is coming from a discussion with someone who knows my boyfriend very well and has spoken to him about such things. And from my own knowledge of how he feels.

He feels like he is inadequate for me in bed whereas I think he is more than adequate for me. It scared him when he saw some of my toys. Even though he has toys of his own. He thinks now that he isn't good enough and has practically frozen me off from sex because of this insecurity.

Despite what your partner or past partners have said, do you still feel inadequate? Open to males and females
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
4
6
13
5
2
Total votes: 30 (27 voters)
Poll is open
Feb 18, 8:24 pm
  • Buy 1 Vibrator Get 1 FREE
  • Limited offer: Save 25% on Blush Toys
  • Annual Clearance - Save 40%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 50%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Deeder Deeder
Its a bit mixed for me. Over the course of the past few years, and after a lot of trial and error, I've come to the realization that I just don't enjoy sex. Because of this, my husband has some feelings of inadequacy, though I hold nothing against him and don't believe his actions in bed have anything to do with my own problems. That said, my lack of enjoyment also causes a HUGE lack of interest on my part (as in, I'd rather do pretty much anything else), which makes me feel inadequate, despite my husband's constant reassurances to the contrary.

Sooo, yeah, I guess you could say that I do feel inadequate.
Feb 18, 9:42 pm
Edeneve Edeneve
I don't feel inadequate & no guy has ever said such to me.
Feb 19, 12:35 pm
js250 js250
I have had definite periods where I felt I just did not measure up...granted, after over 17 years together, the part that was the hardest was that I did not measure up to myself in the past. My husband was immensely helpful and reassuring during these times and I did eventually get my confidence back. It can be pretty intimidating when faced with past performances, experiences and current issues--from other posts of yours, it sounds like you have a good relationship base. Life can get in the way and cause insecurities--patience , understanding and playing together with no pressure can go a long ways to bridging them.
Feb 19, 10:47 pm
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I have had definite periods where I felt I just did not measure up...granted, after over 17 years together, the part that was the hardest was that I did not measure up to myself in the past. My husband was immensely helpful and reassuring during ... More
I sure hope so, things have been really rocky the last few weeks. He's always felt inadequate with me. Always had those insecurities. Especially since my "experience list" is much, much longer than his. It hasn't helped that we haven't even tried to have sex in over a month.

That being said, there are times when I feel totally inadequate. Current relationship as well as past ones included. When I was with a woman, I felt like I just never was good enough since I'd never fucked a woman before and like I couldn't ever please one the way she could please me.
Feb 20, 11:52 am
js250 js250
What is something he has as a part of his life that makes you feel inadequate due to lack of knowledge and experience? (You do not have to answer that here, just to yourself...).

With my husband it was his musical abilities and talent. I am sooo non musically inclined that it made me feel completely foolish and inadequate. I have had him explain and try to teach me just basics but that did not work to make me more comfortable either. Then he explained each of his guitars, the features, why they were unique and the ones he wanted...I found my niche in his interest. I have a phenominal gift for facts and research. I can now find the guitars he may be interested in for him, scan out the ones he would not be interested in and he can then pick and choose the ones he wants to actually purchase without the hassle of weeding the others out. No--I still can't play them or want to, but I do enjoy listening to him play and finding new treasures for him.

This can be applied to your sexual life as well. Your boyfriend may feel like he will never 'catch up' or be equal to you in experience. However, if the two of you could find some common ground--an area you both could be interested in exploring together and learning about it would do wonders for his sense of equality and security. I was a late developer sexually due to having a painful disease when I was younger. I had endometreosis and anything close to orgasms were very painful for hours afterwards. It wasn't until AFTER my hysterectomy at 22 that I figured out what all the fuss was about--and I haven't looked back!

That set me way behind experience-wise and I have felt pretty embarrassed and inadequate about that until my husband and I really found our enjoyment of toys together. We usually only use them together, we masturbate together and plan scenarios and fantasies for future fun. (Some of them for fun at the time only--but the closeness we have developed through everything has become amazing.) We have been through some very rocky and painful things over the last 17 years, but keep working together to change for the better (he has been sober now for 4 months!) and still find new areas that are still within our personal boundaries to explore.
Feb 20, 4:40 pm
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
What is something he has as a part of his life that makes you feel inadequate due to lack of knowledge and experience? (You do not have to answer that here, just to yourself...).

With my husband it was his musical abilities and talent. I am ... More
I'd love to find some more common ground! Porn was actually what we were doing for a while. But it's been nearly two months since we had sex at this point. But his new job = VERY BUSY and VERY TIRED man. Plus his living situation is way up in the air.

I've noticed some people say it depends on the circumstances, does anyone care to expand on what those circumstances are?
Feb 24, 9:30 pm
eri86 eri86
Inexperienced, yes. But I refuse to feel inadequate about it, or let anyone make me feel inadequate about it either.
Feb 27, 3:37 am
MaeGal MaeGal
I'm not very experienced, but I feel pretty adequate in bed. Not always, but for the most part.
Mar 3, 1:08 am
motorcycle rider motorcycle rider
i put depends on the circumstance, there are times when my stuff refuses to work .... i hate those times (sigh)
Jun 5, 8:08 am
KinkyNicki92 KinkyNicki92
I don't typically feel inadequate in bed because my husband lets me know exactly what he's thinking. However sometimes i feel a little insecure as im sure everyone does sometime or another. My husband doesn't get intimidated by my toys because i make sure he knows that they are only to "enhance" the experience and not to replace him. there is no toy that can replace that close, personal skin to skin contact.
Jun 18, 10:15 pm
LoveReImagined LoveReImagined
I've been with my husband since I was 13...and we've only ever been with each other. So there's nothing for us to compare anything to. Sure we've had our ups and downs...and both had issues with things not working properly but that's part of life. We've grown up together in ever sense..even sexually. I feel like we're both growing up even more sexually after having 3 kids and deciding we don't want anymore. He is some what intimidated by some of our toys but that's just bc he's a dude and still to this day cannot comprehend that we (women) are a little more complex than men. He probably doesn't even think I masturbate..
Jun 26, 10:00 pm
SexScienceAndFood SexScienceAndFood
Quote:
Originally posted by LoveReImagined
I've been with my husband since I was 13...and we've only ever been with each other. So there's nothing for us to compare anything to. Sure we've had our ups and downs...and both had issues with things not working properly but ... More
Wife and I are in similar shoes, being that we are each others one and only. High school sweethearts. But I don't feel inadequate with her toys. In fact, I get her toys :-D However, I do feel inadequate since she doesn't orgasm through penetration, only through external stimulation. I know that my inadequacy feelings are irrational here, especially since she can't even get herself off by penetration alone while masturbating (and he knows you masturbate ) But at the end of the day, our sex life is grand and we have no issues being satisfied, so that's the overriding feeling of adequacy :-D
Jul 7, 2:03 pm
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 10