Originally posted by
Tart in Tartan
So I've been married for 3 years to a great guy, and I'm looking for ways I can increase my sex drive/desire/repetoire with my husband. I was raised in a Christian home and unfortunately trained myself to never really think about sex (I'm
So I've been married for 3 years to a great guy, and I'm looking for ways I can increase my sex drive/desire/repetoire with my husband. I was raised in a Christian home and unfortunately trained myself to never really think about sex (I'm glad I never got it ingrained in me that sex is bad or evil, but I learned to basically just shut off that part of my brain/body). I've definitely made progress in the last 3 years, but my husband is much more adventurous and has a WAY higher sex drive than me, and I really want to step it up for him (and for us).
FYI, I am not interested in porn or in anything that would be extremely physically abusive or degrading.
Mainly what I'm looking for is advice on how I can develop a better sex drive, get sex on my mind more frequently, and learn to quiet the little voice that always says, "I can't have sex right now because of..." xyz practical reason/excuse. What are some things I can do to get more excited and interested in sex? We have a few fun toys already, and when we DO have sex, I enjoy it. But, I seem to rush through it anyway so that our lovemaking sessions are usually no longer than half an hour or so.
My husband has been super patient with me, but he also wants me to become a more active participant in our sex life -- me initiating it more, exploring new positions/scenarios, etc. One of my biggest fears is that I may just not be built to enjoy a huge variety of positions; what if I'm always going to be perfectly content with our standard 3-4 positions? I feel this burden to turn myself into some kind of sex goddess for my husband, because he has expressed his wish that I would always be looking for new things to try. Is it really unusual for a couple with a healthy, happy sex life to only have a small measure of variety (generally speaking)?
Anyway, I could keep rambling forever. Thoughts and tips are welcome!
Wow. You almost perfectly described my first 20 years of marriage. I was raised Christian too (still am!) in a nothing town in the Midwest. I was told on my wedding night the only advice I ever got: sex is how babies are born.
Enter my Mr. Perfect. Nice, young, strong virile (wew,getting myself worked up here). I was Mrs. Prim and proper. I didnt like going down on him, didn't like his playboys, wouldn't try anything outside of the house, save one time he convinced me to have sex in a field, but only at night when he had assured me multiple times it was abandoned.
And the problem is exactly what you described: my head got in the way of my sex drive. "I shouldn't now because..." turned into many nights of neither of us happy. It led us both to feeling like we were trapped in our marriage: him to a prudish wife, and me to a guy that just didn't feel like helping out around the house, was getting bigger, was making "gross" sex requests, etc.
I will tell you what turned it all around for me: we moved to a larger city for his work. The sex used in advertisements and whatnot had an effect. I realized that there was an entire segment of the population that was walking in sexual freedom that I lacked.
Here is the basic premise that started everything: you have to change your thinking from "I am a good girl trying to enjoy sex more, but I wanna do it in a responsible fashion" to "I am a wanton slut that is going to drain my husband at every possibility". Because cm on, sex is fun. You ever gotten muddy/dirty/in a food fight? At some point, you have to accept that you are a dirty girl that likes lusty things, and learn to love it. Honestly, I would take off any restrictions you have on yourself for awhile and go for it. Be sexual. You can always decide later to change things, but I would immerse yourself in the sexual. Masturbate everywhere. Look at everything. Figure out which kitchen implements could get you off. Go commando to church. Lubricate a finger and stick it inside your butt while masturbating in the shower. You are a slut. Think of yourself that way.
Sluts get excited about all things sexual, and dont think about it too much. It has changed the dynamic around our house too. My husband has turned into the most romantic, happy, eager to help around the house person ever(he knows that once we get started, there is a good chance I will jump him in the middle of it). He has dropped 20 pounds (all the sex helps), is kind, caring, and sympathetic to my needs. In response, I have given him my anal cherry, done him in bathrooms, countless amounts of road head, joined the mile high club 3 times, and even did him on the beach. It becomes a game of "where can I do hubby?". He comes home happy knowing there is a high likelihood that I will tell him "I'm not wearing underwear, I found a great free porn site, I want you to come home and do me while we watch another couple go at it.". Oh yes,you need to love the porn. At least temporarily. You are trying to learn how to go after your husband without looking at the industry that is based around just that. Look at it as a learning experience, you will find out how the girls act, and you can get some ideas for your activities. You might even find out some fetishes you never knew you had (I never thought I would love having my nipples pierced and pulled..but now I'm wet just thinking about it.)
Let go. Just accept your are a dirty girl that is going to swallow, is unhappy when her husband is not under her, and loves orgasms.