Help! How do i get my boyfriend to do foreplay?!!

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Help! How do i get my boyfriend to do foreplay?!!

happeegrl03 happeegrl03
ok. I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm in a fairly new relationship (5 months). sex has always been either a quickie or me going down on him and then a "quickie". Let me try to be more elaborate.. He likes doggy style (so do I, dont get me wrong, its my favorite position too), so he might give me a kiss ( a quick peck or two), touch my boobs for maybe about 30 seconds, then rolls me over, fucks me and thats it. At most i've had 3 orgasms, mostly only one. I have asked numerous times if he likes having sex with me, he says yes. I have tried texting him while he is at work and telling him i want him to make love to me. I have even had a pms meltdown asking him why he doesnt touch me down there. he says he likes sex with me, he says he finds me attractive.. so, then how do I get him to, at the very least, rub my pussy and give me at least one orgasm before he rolls me over and finishes?! I love him and I dont want to sound like a selfish nag, but I'm really starting to feel undesireable and uninteresting. I'm a multi orgasm girl living in a one orgasm world!
01/26/2012
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
You're not being selfish by wanting to participate in the act and wanting it to last longer and do more than just fucking. From over here, it sounds more like you're being treated like a blow-up doll than a person.

BTW - some guys don't know what "make love to me" means. They think it means penis in vagina and that's it. Yeah, I know, but their brains are different than ours.

The problem sounds like he probably doesn't know how to perform any foreplay, as most guys spent a good chuck of their first-time experiences(usually in high school) trying not to get caught, and some just can't get out of the habit. That whole 'build up for her' thing is a complete mystery to them.

(Another possibility is that he has premature ejaculation and is trying to cover it up by having quickies.)

Refuse to turn over until YOU'RE ready. Take his hands and guide him through the motions of what you want. Don't run on his timing, set your own, then meet in the middle. He just may be totally clueless about sex being more than banging away into a girl.

Better yet, tie him up so he can't control the encounter.

The main thing to do is to get his complete attention on the subject (not while doing it or being on PMS, but talking earlier in the day or something when you're both calm) and be clear and straightforward. Don't ever assume that he knows what you're talking about, because men and women have totally different definitions of the same words.
01/26/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Unfortunately, not every guy has had the sex talk with their partner.

For a lot of guys, trying to understand how a woman's body works is like trying to install a car stereo using the Haynes guide, but in a different language and upside down.

Sure, we know the very basics. We know we could slam it in the open hole and play with the wires a bit, but anything passed that is just lost on us.

The best thing to do, in my opinion, would be to just talk with him and teach him how your body works. Heck, he might enjoy you showing him how it works

It all comes down to communication and a willingness to learn.

Good luck!
01/26/2012
happeegrl03 happeegrl03
Thanks for the good advice and replies I will have a talk with him, I just dont want to sound like a winey woman..lol. I also don't want to hurt his ego or feelings. I tried to have that talk before and his first question was "why, dont i satisfy you?" Us being in our 30's I know it isn't age, I hope it is just lack of communication.
01/26/2012
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by happeegrl03
Thanks for the good advice and replies I will have a talk with him, I just dont want to sound like a winey woman..lol. I also don't want to hurt his ego or feelings. I tried to have that talk before and his first question was "why, dont i ...
you are not being whiny!!! not at all. you deserve intimate, engaging sex, and he's giving you the clips from a straight porn.


it will certainly take some work and time, but maybe you can be the gal who opens his eyes to a new way of viewing sex. good luck!
01/26/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by happeegrl03
Thanks for the good advice and replies I will have a talk with him, I just dont want to sound like a winey woman..lol. I also don't want to hurt his ego or feelings. I tried to have that talk before and his first question was "why, dont i ...
And if you respond with anything other than "no, you don't", you're only shooting yourself in the foot. Don't mince words or sugar-coat anything. If he's going to do it right, he needs to be told. Or else the next girlfriend will be completely tactless and say "No wonder you can't hang onto a woman - you treat them all like a penis sleeve, don't you?"
01/26/2012
happeegrl03 happeegrl03
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
And if you respond with anything other than "no, you don't", you're only shooting yourself in the foot. Don't mince words or sugar-coat anything. If he's going to do it right, he needs to be told. Or else the next girlfriend ...
LMAO! true!
01/26/2012
lcl169 lcl169
First of all, it's not selfish to want to have your fair share in the play! So no need to apologize. I understand it can be tough communicating with a partner... you don't want to hurt their feelings by making more than subtle suggestions. I was once in a similar circumstance where my needs weren't getting completely met.. I felt worried that I would be implying that my partner at the time was inadequate or that I wasn't enjoying what he seemed to be enjoying so much. Those things being said, I have a few suggestions:

Like Chilipepper said, you can make it part of the sex act by taking a little more control and setting the pace. I agree that a good idea might be to guide his hands where and how you want to be touched... put your fingers over his so that you can press his fingers onto or into you exactly the way you would do to yourself. Make some indication that you are really what enjoying he's doing... whatever's natural for you (for me, I like moaning). Positive reinforcement goes a LONG, LONG way in my experience. If/when he tries to flip you over, you could try to kiss him on the mouth to both slow things back down and remain face-to-face.

You could also initiate the session by laying on your back and touch yourself, showing him what you like... let him watch for a bit before letting him join in. You could set the pace this way too.

Whatever you choose to do, it should be comfortable and natural, and should make him feel like he's doing a good job. Again, always keep in mind positive reinforcement with your changes/constructive criticism...you want him to want to do it again!

Good luck!
01/26/2012
shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by happeegrl03
ok. I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm in a fairly new relationship (5 months). sex has always been either a quickie or me going down on him and then a "quickie". Let me try to be more elaborate.. He likes doggy style (so do I, dont ...
see personally i think hes being selfish for not looking at your needs..you just cant jump into sex everytime!you know its kinda funny though i was in the same situation...im in a new relationship with a younger guy,he didnt jump right in like that but he wouldnt play with me first..then one nite in the middle when he was getting ready to go in i pushed him away and navigated his fingers down and into me..once he saw how much i liked it now he does it everytime.try that if you dont wana say something if that doesnt work then id think about who your with because if hes selfish in bed then he will be with everything else.
01/27/2012
Rossie Rossie
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
Unfortunately, not every guy has had the sex talk with their partner.

For a lot of guys, trying to understand how a woman's body works is like trying to install a car stereo using the Haynes guide, but in a different language and upside ...
Also purchase an instructional sex video similar to this that includes foreplay, make him watch it with you, best way for him to learn what he has overlooked.
01/27/2012
happeegrl03 happeegrl03
Thanks for the helpful replied.. I talked to him and it was a communication error. He was in a vert long relationshio with someone who would never give it up.. So he doesnt try much.. I told him I'm a true slut and need multiple orgasms and I love when he fucks me but that I need more first and the conversation went well.
01/27/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by happeegrl03
Thanks for the helpful replied.. I talked to him and it was a communication error. He was in a vert long relationshio with someone who would never give it up.. So he doesnt try much.. I told him I'm a true slut and need multiple orgasms and I ...
YAY! Glad talking it out worked.
01/27/2012
indiglo indiglo
Wow, that's great! I was going to chime in with some suggestions and opinions myself. Communication, once again (as always) saves the day! Good for you for sitting down and talking to him about it. I'm amazed by what a simple fix it can be time after time. Great job to both of you, when you can start off a relationship by communicating like that, you can have a really nice future ahead of you!
01/27/2012
Taylor Taylor
Quote:
Originally posted by happeegrl03
Thanks for the helpful replied.. I talked to him and it was a communication error. He was in a vert long relationshio with someone who would never give it up.. So he doesnt try much.. I told him I'm a true slut and need multiple orgasms and I ...
Glad you were able to talk through things.

I've found that even though I might think I'm saying something clearly like "I need more foreplay" guys don't always pick up on it. Saying specifics of what you want like "I wish you'd do more kissing on my neck" seems to work a little bit better in my experience.
01/27/2012
Eliza Eliza
Quote:
Originally posted by happeegrl03
Thanks for the helpful replied.. I talked to him and it was a communication error. He was in a vert long relationshio with someone who would never give it up.. So he doesnt try much.. I told him I'm a true slut and need multiple orgasms and I ...
Congrats! Hope your sex life with him just gets better and better! :]
01/27/2012
Total posts: 15
Unique posters: 10