How do you tell someone about your fetishes?

NuMe NuMe
Today on "Tuesday's With Nina", she talks about how to share your fetishes with someone.

If you've already done this, what did you say?

If you haven't yet, what's holding you back?

What did you think of Nina's suggestions? Do you have any to add?
03/29/2011
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BadassFatass BadassFatass
My boyfriend and I had some things we wanted to discuss with each other when we first started dating and we were a little embarrassed to talk about them in person so we had the conversation online and it opened up a lot of things for us. We're able to be much more open in person now because of that conversation. It was a safe environment where we both had time to think about what we were going to say and since it wasn't face to face we were less worried about being judged.
03/29/2011
NuMe NuMe
Quote:
Originally posted by BadassFatass
My boyfriend and I had some things we wanted to discuss with each other when we first started dating and we were a little embarrassed to talk about them in person so we had the conversation online and it opened up a lot of things for us. We're ... More
That is a great idea!!!

I think I'm going to use that next time I need to discuss something with my husband that I'm having a hard time with.

Communicating my wants has always been tough for me.

Thank you!
03/29/2011
liilii080 liilii080
I'm a fan of having conversations while driving. You don't have to make eye contact if you don't want to and I read somewhere (no idea if it's true) that men have an easier time having difficult conversations if they are sitting next to you instead of across from you.

I'm also a fan of writing a letter. I am much more articulate in writing and I have time to re-read and edit if I don't like the way something came out.
03/29/2011
ValuptuousVirgo ValuptuousVirgo
Quote:
Originally posted by BadassFatass
My boyfriend and I had some things we wanted to discuss with each other when we first started dating and we were a little embarrassed to talk about them in person so we had the conversation online and it opened up a lot of things for us. We're ... More
I agree with the online communication. My fiancée and I have found that we have a lot of kinks in common, but due to norms in society, we don't mention them when we are together. Since I have been unemployed, when he goes to work our conversation have been completely open and ventured into things we would of never thought of sharing with another person purely because we are typing them through im. It feels like being a kid in a candy store for the first time every time, because one of us would so what if, or I came across this article, and the other person would be like oh I was thinking about that last night and I thought it would be cool. When we get together, it is like wow, I didn't think you would like that!!! Our online conversations is another avenue for our communication, and I think making us closer in all aspects not just our fetishes, even though it is definitely helping ;-)
03/29/2011
Conrad Conrad
Quote:
Originally posted by NuMe
Today on "Tuesday's With Nina", she talks about how to share your fetishes with someone.



If you've already done this, what did you say?



If you haven't yet, what's holding you ... More
I filled out the 30 days of kink blog challenge, and instead of posting it to a blog, I let my wife read it. Sadly it appears to have made her depressed. I'm very honest in our relationship, and shared some of my darker fantasies. I don't think she was prepared to hear it. I offered her to do the same, but our sexual preferences vary so drastically, I don't imagine I'll have any issues performing her fetishes.

I don't think she realizes (and I plan to discuss it further with her) that I don't expect my darkest of fetishes to be performed. I would enjoy if they were performed, but I don't expect it. They just act as masturbation fodder.

I don't think she understands that for every dark fantasy I want to do with her, I want her to do it back 100% to me. I don't expect her to perform any act that I haven't performed on myself, or that I would be unwilling to have her do to me. My list of no's (waste play, condemnable-philias(zo o,pedo,necro,etc...), diaper/age play) is pretty short though, so it can be tough.

My dark fetishes are the polar opposite of my personality, which I think causes some unsettling feelings as well. The most I can do is talk to her honestly about it, and let her ease into anything that she is willing to do.
03/29/2011
NuMe NuMe
Conrad,

From time to time, my husband has told me things that freaked me out a bit. And sometimes more than a bit. Some I've eased into and they've become a reality. Some are just fantasies of his that he realizes would never happen.

She'll come around and realize this. Especially if you keep the channels of communication open and reassure her that many things are just for you imaginative pleasure. And anything that she's open to, ever, down the road, to just let you know.
03/29/2011
Sammi Sammi
I've only ever told my husband, but I never actually said it at first. It turned up in the porn I'd rent . He never really said anything about it, until one night, after we'd started experimenting, we were pretty buzzed and had a really good conversation about it. We talk about them on occasion now.
03/29/2011
married with children married with children
If you are close enough with the person, I would think that you just come out and talk about them.
03/30/2011
Conrad Conrad
Quote:
Originally posted by NuMe
Conrad,



From time to time, my husband has told me things that freaked me out a bit. And sometimes more than a bit. Some I've eased into and they've become a reality. Some are just fantasies of his that he realizes would never ... More
Thank you for your response. As well as your twitter response. She has already started coming around. It just takes some time to digest such things.
03/30/2011
Conrad Conrad
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
If you are close enough with the person, I would think that you just come out and talk about them.
You do. But you never really know what the other person is thinking. We like or love a person, and assume them to love us the same way, but they feel these things in their own way.
03/30/2011
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 7