how would you feel?

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how would you feel?

MN58 MN58
What would your immediate reaction be if you just found out your son or daughter had sex?

this reminds me of the time when my parents found out I had sex....it went HORRIBLE... they expected me to wait until marriage since I was raised in a religous family. But i've only been with one person so i dont know what the big deal was....
06/12/2011
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MaryExy MaryExy
I don't have kids yet, but I would try to be chill. I can understand being freaked, but it'd be hypocritical of me to get mad, unless they didn't use proper protection or were sleeping with random people. I might try to make them wait if they started VERY young, but I would focus on telling them that it's best to wait until your more emotionally balanced (mainly hormonally balanced I guess).

So yeah, it's probably a bit weird (like seeing the first evidence that your parents still have sex), but I'd try to be reasonable and calm.
06/12/2011
married with children married with children
angry that he was thinking with his penis. most kids are not ready for sex.
06/13/2011
Sir Sir
Depends on their readiness. If I found out that it was some random encounter, I would be upset, but if it was with a partner they felt seriously for, I would not be angry. I would be upset that they had not discussed that they were reaching that level of the relationship, though.
06/13/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by MN58
What would your immediate reaction be if you just found out your son or daughter had sex?

this reminds me of the time when my parents found out I had sex....it went HORRIBLE... they expected me to wait until marriage since I was raised in a ...
Well my girls are getting to that age where they are thinking about boys more and more so if I found out they had sex my reaction would depend on HOW I found out. If they are telling me "oops I'm pregnant" I might be quiet and reflective because I want to support them not hurt them. Right now they trust me to be level headed and fair I don't want to damage that. They know how babies are made and all about protection...but accidents happen and it doesn't have to ruin their lives. It's a baby not a life ruining mistake!

If they come to me saying they might be sick from having unprotected sex then we will get them tested and then treated before we have a VERY serious discussion because they ALREADY know better than to have unprotected sex! Accidents happen but really not making sure your partner is clean is not an accident.

If I caught them I would have a sit down discussion about appropriate behavior and finding an appropriate place to have sex. I would also want to be sure they are making a good decision to have sex, and are taking precautions to ensure the life that they want. I can't imagine doing it any other way.

Threats and recriminations caused me to face a miscarriage and the subsequent exam by myself afraid the whole time the doctors would tell my parents and then I would be beaten, either physically or emotionally...more than likely a bit of both. For crims sake they felt it was ok to tease me viciously about Sigel until I was begging them to leave me alone...and then felt it was appropriate to slap my face and head for DARING to say "Please leave me alone." I want my girls and boy to understand that it is THEIR responsibility to make their own life choices but that I am right there to help and yank their asses out of danger...if I can. They know that the only way I can do that is if they are honest with me.

I wouldn't want my babies having sex at 17 but I did...and I was fine. So I take a deep breath and work on building the kind of relationship with them that I wish I had with my Mom. After than all I can do is hope they know I am here and that they trust me enough to come to me.
06/13/2011
MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
angry that he was thinking with his penis. most kids are not ready for sex.
lol true. we were both virgins.
06/13/2011
MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Depends on their readiness. If I found out that it was some random encounter, I would be upset, but if it was with a partner they felt seriously for, I would not be angry. I would be upset that they had not discussed that they were reaching that ...
I wish they would've been more unnderstanding like that. We lost our virginities to each other and well my parents are pretty old-fashsioned and still dont approve of our relationship because we're not married yet & are living together.
06/13/2011
MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Well my girls are getting to that age where they are thinking about boys more and more so if I found out they had sex my reaction would depend on HOW I found out. If they are telling me "oops I'm pregnant" I might be quiet and ...
Wow I can tell youre a great mom! When I get to have kids I also want to build up the realationship I never had with my mom. I want to break the "curse". My mother never had a relationship with her mom because her mom gave her up for adoption (yes I say "her mom" because I'm not fond of her and I also don't know her) and my mom never had a relationship with me because she preffered to emotionally abuse of me and therefore I was always too scared to tell her anything because she would tell my dad and then he would hit me a lot. So now when I have kids I want to make sure our relationship is a great one.
06/13/2011
MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
I don't have kids yet, but I would try to be chill. I can understand being freaked, but it'd be hypocritical of me to get mad, unless they didn't use proper protection or were sleeping with random people. I might try to make them wait ...
Well as long as my kids are with someone they love I'm not going to be mad at them, on the contrary I think I would be happy that they found somebody like I did. And ofcourse protection!

Oh thank god I never saw my parents have sex! I would've been scarred for life!
06/13/2011
Ansley Ansley
I think it has more to do with the sudden realization that the child is having sex when to a parent they still seem so young and unprepared for the dangers, stigmas and issues that are associated with having a sexual relationship.

I can't say how I would personally feel but I'm sure I would have the reaction that most parents have.
06/13/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
I would only ask if he used protection or not.

Our son is 16 and I would be fooling myself if I was trying to hold him to a higher standard by expecting him not to have sex until he is married. Neither my husband nor I waited until we were married. Sex is normal and hormones are a bitch. We realize this, so we talk about sex all the time with our son (much to his dismay at first). He knows where the condom stash is and that he is welcome to help himself to them with a no questions asked. He also knows he is expected to use them when he decides to have sex (not only out of respect for himself, but respect of her also).

I am impressed with our son's concern for his friends who are having sex. He has given condoms to his best friend and encourages him to be respectful and be safe!
06/13/2011
roe6989 roe6989
Quote:
Originally posted by MN58
What would your immediate reaction be if you just found out your son or daughter had sex?

this reminds me of the time when my parents found out I had sex....it went HORRIBLE... they expected me to wait until marriage since I was raised in a ...
I know where your coming from. My family members are pentocostal and apostolic, which are two of most strict denominations of christianity. Luckily my mother was very understanding when I told her I was not a virgin. She took me to olive garden and we talked over delicious italian food. It was really cool of her. I think that if my daughter came to me and told me she was having sex I would simply have a long discussion with her about safety. I would also want to talk to her about common myths and give her the opportunity to ask me any questions she might have. Since I plan on becoming a sex therapist I want to keep a very open dialogue.
06/13/2011
MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by roe6989
I know where your coming from. My family members are pentocostal and apostolic, which are two of most strict denominations of christianity. Luckily my mother was very understanding when I told her I was not a virgin. She took me to olive garden and ...
good luck in your studies!

I would do the same since my mother always chose to psuh me away with her screams and torture. I would also prefer having long discussions with my children if they chose to be sexually active. I think thats the best way to handle that sort of situation or any other serious action they take in their lives.
06/13/2011
MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by roe6989
I know where your coming from. My family members are pentocostal and apostolic, which are two of most strict denominations of christianity. Luckily my mother was very understanding when I told her I was not a virgin. She took me to olive garden and ...
good luck in your studies!

I would do the same since my mother always chose to psuh me away with her screams and torture. I would also prefer having long discussions with my children if they chose to be sexually active. I think thats the best way to handle that sort of situation or any other serious action they take in their lives.
06/13/2011
MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I think it has more to do with the sudden realization that the child is having sex when to a parent they still seem so young and unprepared for the dangers, stigmas and issues that are associated with having a sexual relationship.

I can't ...
Its hard not to have that crazy reaction. But personally I'm pretty calm when it comes to facing any major situation.
06/13/2011
MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
I would only ask if he used protection or not.

Our son is 16 and I would be fooling myself if I was trying to hold him to a higher standard by expecting him not to have sex until he is married. Neither my husband nor I waited until we were ...
True. I wouldn't want for my children to go through an unplanned pregnancy at that age.

Sex in teenages has become more of a "norm" over the years so its not a great surprise if they are active. Its so much better to have discussions in that manner because you wouldnt want for them to be physically or emotionally hurt. Having condoms available at all times is something im considering of doing once i have kids. Ofcourse, I'll teach them that it will be at the right place, time, and with the right person. I wouldnt want my kids to be with just random partners.

It sure does sound like he knows what he's doing!
06/13/2011
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 8