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Cocoa88 Cocoa88
I have a little problem but I don't like discussing it with my partner. He is my husband and very sensitive about it. He doesn't last as long as I want sometimes. Usually it's great and no problems. But there are times when I'm not ready and he's over and done. What are somethings I can do without flat out telling him. whenever I try to talk about it he gets all sad and I feel like a jerk......What do you do to last longer or make your partner last longer?
04/10/2009
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Perish Perish
Quote:
Originally posted by Cocoa88
I have a little problem but I don't like discussing it with my partner. He is my husband and very sensitive about it. He doesn't last as long as I want sometimes. Usually it's great and no problems. But there are times when I'm not ...
I don't know if this would be a good idea but it would be kind of fun to do. Get some desensitizing lube and secretly slip it into your sex play like it is normal lube and that should help.
04/10/2009
Nashville Nashville
Cock rings- Average Joe wrote a good review of a Tantus ring recently and explains how they work, also discusses how to size for one, and I think he even says how to put one on.

As far as desentizing lotions and potions go, I've come across many that don't work or work for only a few minutes... not all do as they should.
04/10/2009
Machina Machina
Why should you feel like a jerk when he's the one leaving you unsatisfied? Men and their silly egos! The only thing I've found that helps in this situation is to get him to bring you to orgasm through oral sex or with toys or *something* before you start having sex. He still might not last as long, but at least you'll be satisfied.
04/10/2009
Magician Magician
Quote:
Originally posted by Machina
Why should you feel like a jerk when he's the one leaving you unsatisfied? Men and their silly egos! The only thing I've found that helps in this situation is to get him to bring you to orgasm through oral sex or with toys or *something* ...
I feel like that's an inherently self contradicting statement. I dont think you should get yourself off then leave him to his own devices. All you're doing is switching the players in the problem, which does nothing to solve it.

I would say if one thing you could possibly try is see if he can have sex more than once a session. the second time usually takes longer, and everyone gets to have more sex. It's a win win.
04/10/2009
Sammi Sammi
We keep going, and he works up to a second orgasm while using toys on me
.
I have a cock ring coming (yay!!), so we are going to see if this helps him to last longer for what I really want to do .
04/10/2009
Cocoa88 Cocoa88
Well we used to do it like 3 times a day and I am happy with once every other day. But I think his anticipation of the sex makes him to into it. And he just finishes. He has to wait a few hours before being able to have sex. By that time I'm pretty much done with wanting to do it. lol. I should buy both the lotion and the cock ring.....I have it on my wish list...But I have yet to be approved for my upgrade. And my partner will not buy these things for himself. haha. You should come check out my reviews and vote for me if you can
link
04/10/2009
Liz2 Liz2
I have been there, I made sure I had two orgasms prior to penetration, whatever happened after that was a bonus. He usually came immed after penetration, but it did get better..
04/11/2009
Machina Machina
Quote:
Originally posted by Magician
I feel like that's an inherently self contradicting statement. I dont think you should get yourself off then leave him to his own devices. All you're doing is switching the players in the problem, which does nothing to solve it.

I ...
I don't necessarily think my advice implied a switching of players. Rather a mutual exchange of pleasure-

Scenario A: husband is satisfied, wife still wants more
Scenario B: wife is satisfied, husband is satisfied.

I don't see why getting her off first implies that he will be left to his own devices either??? He's still getting to have sex with her, and just because she's already gotten off doesn't mean he'll be fucking a dead fish. My guys thinks when I've had an O before we start fucking he can really relax & enjoy himself without having to worry about if he's going to be able to make me cum before he shoots his wad. Sex feels marvelous for me after I've just had an orgasm too, & I can have another one quicker if I've already gotten off once. It's a win-win situation.

Sure he could try numbing creams, wrapping his dick with 2 condoms, or other methods to make him lasting longer, but these would require her to comment on her husband's quick shooting (although I would recommend she have a conversations with her hubby about this- she said she didn't want to). She can ask him to go down on her or something before sex without having to say "I wish you would last longer."

Most men cum quicker than women, thus leaving many women in the same predicament our friend Cocoa88 is in. Some men pass out after sex & aren't ready to go again for another couple of hours or more (which is what I'm guessing her husband does). Our society seems to put a lot of unnecessary focus on a man's ability to hold back his load & keep his penis hard for long amounts of time in order to sexually satisfy a woman. This simply isn't biologically possible for some men, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them, or their partners need to go unsatisfied. I mean most men can & will blow in under ten minutes. Most women take significantly longer. Women don't always need a penis to feel sexually satisfied. Fingers, tongues, vibrators, etc can all work wonders on the vagina.
04/11/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I think a well-designed vibrating cockring is a great idea. I bought 2 of my friends (who are a couple) a Minerva, and they really liked it!
04/11/2009
Magician Magician
Quote:
Originally posted by Machina
I don't necessarily think my advice implied a switching of players. Rather a mutual exchange of pleasure-

Scenario A: husband is satisfied, wife still wants more
Scenario B: wife is satisfied, husband is satisfied.

I don't ...
I wasn't trying to start an argument, I simply felt that you we're being unfair saying the problem was the man's ego. As for the scenarios, The way you first described it did in fact bring to mind something like banging a dead fish. Some people need a goal to work towards, like a orgasm for the other person. That is all I was trying to get at. I'll drop it from now on.
04/11/2009
Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Machina
I don't necessarily think my advice implied a switching of players. Rather a mutual exchange of pleasure-

Scenario A: husband is satisfied, wife still wants more
Scenario B: wife is satisfied, husband is satisfied.

I don't ...
Actually, I am a woman that needs a dick to feel satisfied. Oral sex, fingers, and sex toys don't cut it. To get that complete feeling of being like, "okay, sex is done", I need to actually have sex with him.

I will feel unsatisfied if we don't have sex or it isn't long enough. Case in point- the other day we had sex, he tried to work me up to orgasm for 45 minutes thru foreplay which included toys, tongues, and fingers. We finally started having sex and it lasted a total of 2 minutes which wasn't enough for me. We both acknowledged it was too short as I'm always one to say, "honey, that wasn't long enough" and a few hours later we reentered the bedroom and had sex for well over 20 minutes which brought much more satisfaction for both of us then the first time.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling your partner that you're unsatisfied *communication is key* and using whatever methods to prolong the sex is a route couples should explore if they both feel unsatisfied.
04/12/2009
Cocoa88 Cocoa88
Whenever we have sex there is always fore play but it is an average of five minutes...Whenever he does go down on me it takes me a long time to finish my first orgasm because he rarely goes down and I think I am to excited about it and just want to enjoy it and never finish lol. I go down on him a lot but I do not make him finish but that over excites him and he is done very quickly once we start having sex.
If I tell him (which I have told him before) that he finishes too early or I want more he feels like he isn't enough and he is enough....I just want him for longer.....If I tell him he doesn't want to try again like sleeping dreamer he is just done for the day and feels bad.
I can finish fine with toys but using them "every" time is a little too much for my partner. We use them a lot but not every single time....
04/13/2009
ScottA ScottA
Speaking from the man's side, there are a couple of things to consider. Firstly, many men inadvertently train themselves to orgasm rapidly so they can get done masturbating before someone walks in on them, and this can carry over into sex. There are other possibilities as well, and there's a way that you can "retrain" non-severe cases of early ejaculation. It takes a while, but what you do is you start off with masturbation and slowly work to extend the amount of time you (the man) lasts, by periodically stopping and working to psychologically refocus to enjoy the sensations.

Another thing to look at is how often you have sex. You seem ti indicate that it's about every other day. If a man ejaculates more, then he can tend to last longer (and as a plus there are also preliminary indications that it might help keep his reproductive system healthy). Try to make a commitment as a couple to have sex every day for a couple weeks and see if that helps.

Perhaps you could also try lengthening foreplay, and maybe bringing your toys into play before his penis. Women take much longer than men to get excited enough to orgasm, and more stimulation before penetration might help you.
04/13/2009
Dragon Dragon
Oh fuck.

First. All the communication in the world may not change a damn thing.
Second. Some people may not change. They may not show interest in toys or cock rings even after they have been brought into the relationship and used.
Third. Some people have denial or sensitivity issues that you wouldn't even believe.

And by the way.... Men can come when they aren't very hard. And you can have what is supposed to be "penetrative" sexual intercourse without penetration. And partners may believe their partner came when in fact they did not.

Find pleasure where it exists. Work towards improvement in the ways that it seems possible in your relationship.
04/13/2009
Cocoa88 Cocoa88
Quote:
Originally posted by Cocoa88
I have a little problem but I don't like discussing it with my partner. He is my husband and very sensitive about it. He doesn't last as long as I want sometimes. Usually it's great and no problems. But there are times when I'm not ...
So just an update! My hubby has started giving me little teasers of head before we do anything and its amazing! He has also started doing little things in between us having sex...little pauses where he focuses on parts of my body then starts up again....It is unbelievable...I have finished everytime and am totally satisfied...And the best part I didn't tell him anything~!
04/21/2009
Perish Perish
Quote:
Originally posted by Cocoa88
So just an update! My hubby has started giving me little teasers of head before we do anything and its amazing! He has also started doing little things in between us having sex...little pauses where he focuses on parts of my body then starts up ...
That's great to hear! I'm glad everything is working out for ya!
04/21/2009
Oggins Oggins
Quote:
Originally posted by Cocoa88
So just an update! My hubby has started giving me little teasers of head before we do anything and its amazing! He has also started doing little things in between us having sex...little pauses where he focuses on parts of my body then starts up ...
That's fantastic! You didn't tell him anything? Really? Maybe he just picked up on it through your actions? Whatever happened, I'm glad to hear that things are better now! Have fun! =)
04/21/2009
Butterkups Butterkups
You take control... I dont mean in a forceful and mean way. I mean you be in control of it. lay him back and rub his cock. Get it good and hard and then regin to rub your pussy all over it. then slide up onto his belley for a while and back down oin his cock. Slide back down onto one thich and rub your wet pussy ther for a while. All the while kissing his neck and chest. If he gets excitted and begins to get pushy, just gently push him back down and slide that wet cunt back over his cock. His brain will once again go numb and he will comply with yoru desires. Put his hand on your pussy while you stroke his dick. when he slides a finger in say two ...soflty say oh yes baby put two fingers in. you will have him so damn hard and hot it will blow his mind before he blows his wad.
05/05/2009
Josmoseph Josmoseph
Quote:
Originally posted by Cocoa88
I have a little problem but I don't like discussing it with my partner. He is my husband and very sensitive about it. He doesn't last as long as I want sometimes. Usually it's great and no problems. But there are times when I'm not ...
I guess i do not understand why you would not want to talk about what can be a very serious issue in your relationship. It may be the way you are approacing it. If you yell at him his dick is going to retreat up inside him so far that when he opens his mouth it may pop out at you. You might want to give him suggestions on how to last longer. Pulling out and letting him suck your tits for a while until he is ready again. You really do need to deal with this before you begin to resent the idea of making love to your husband.
05/08/2009
Total posts: 20
Unique posters: 13