Peggi, I think most women go through this. We have been taught that it's the "man's job" to initiate sex and we are to go along with it, or fake a headache.
We are also taught that only "sluts" go after sex, while "nice girls" wait for their partners to initiate. I know I had problems with this, not knowing if he would "want to." After a while, My Man said to me, "You know, it would be nice if you initiated sex once in a while." It really never occurred to me to do it!
He has now for many many years become very aroused when I make it clear I want him sexually. We play a lot, and grab each other all the time, but he often can read my subtle signs, but sometimes you just have to say, "I want to have sex. Do you?" The worst thing he can say is, "I'm not in the mood right now."
Believe me, men have to go through a LOT of being turned down and most of the time, as women, we don't mean it personally. But, those first few times he did say No, I was nearly in tears! Now, I'm older and have gotten used to the give and take of a healthy sexual relationship. Yeah, when I want it and he doesn't, I am not happy. But, I respect his choice, because he respects mine when I'm not in the mood. Happily, neither of us are not not
in the mood often! Both of is are ready to go a good part of the time. But, everyone has their occasional non-sexual days and they are entitled to them.
Most of the time, he will probably be very happy to have you initiate and respond happily.
my husband has had sex with me just because
I wanted it and he really wasn't in the mood but went along with it. But, yanno, I've done the same for him. It's part of the give and take of a healthy relationship.
Can you sit down and talk to him about it? Say something like, "I want to initiate sex, but I don't know how you'll respond to that." My guess is most healthy men will be thrilled with the idea!
Good luck. It takes some courage the first few times, and being turned down is NOT personal, but it does sting. But, remembering how often many of us say no as well makes the sting go away. In a day or two, you'll both be in the mood and it will happen. Most of the time when you initiate, I'm willing to bet he'll respond quite happily.