Help with insertion problems...

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Help with insertion problems...

T&A1987 T&A1987
I've been trying to have sex with my gf, but we can't figure out how to insert (we're both pretty inexperienced). We've tried lubing up having plenty of natural lubrication, but it doesn't seem to go in. I'm not sure if she's too tight, if I'm not doing it right, if my knees are in the wrong position, or what. Sex books don't help as it's all psychology and little actual physics. Any ideas what I'm doing wrong?
06/14/2012
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Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
I've been trying to have sex with my gf, but we can't figure out how to insert (we're both pretty inexperienced). We've tried lubing up having plenty of natural lubrication, but it doesn't seem to go in. I'm not sure if ...
You may want to schedule an appointment with her OB/GYN to rule out any physical problems. It's possible she has a form of vaginismus.
06/14/2012
Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
I agree with Petite Valentine, but just one question: when attempting penetration, has she tried inserting your penis into her vagina herself? When I was a teenager, my bf was having trouble penetrating me for the first time. I took some initiative and guided him in myself. She might be able to locate her opening better, because she can feel for the right spot.
06/14/2012
T&A1987 T&A1987
Quote:
Originally posted by Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
I agree with Petite Valentine, but just one question: when attempting penetration, has she tried inserting your penis into her vagina herself? When I was a teenager, my bf was having trouble penetrating me for the first time. I took some initiative ...
We have both tried to insert it to no avail. She has been able to have toys and a speculum inserted without problem. We think it's either psychological, or the angle perhaps, but then again, we're not really experts, which is why we're asking asking. When I insert, I don't feel anything and if i thrust, she either feels nothing or pain, while I don't feel a darn thing. The more we try and fail the more I'm amazed that teenagers are able to figure this out. Is it supposed to be this complex?
06/14/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
We have both tried to insert it to no avail. She has been able to have toys and a speculum inserted without problem. We think it's either psychological, or the angle perhaps, but then again, we're not really experts, which is why we're ...
Have you tried letting her warm-up with a toy first?

Are you able to insert your fingers?

Are the lights on?

All of these things can be helpful. Using a toy can help loosen her muscles and might help alleviate some of her psychological stress. Your fingers can do the same, and you can use then use them to help guide you in.
06/14/2012
T&A1987 T&A1987
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
Have you tried letting her warm-up with a toy first?

Are you able to insert your fingers?

Are the lights on?

All of these things can be helpful. Using a toy can help loosen her muscles and might help alleviate some of her ...
lights on, haven't tried used a toy as foreplay, but she tested herself with one after an attempt to see if it would insert and it did. I am able to insert a finger, but the index finger is usually too large.
06/14/2012
Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
Other than what Petite Valentine has already suggested, she could also try putting a pillow or two under her hips. This changes the angle and might help relax her pelvic floor. It does sound as though she is tensing up unintentionally.
06/14/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
lights on, haven't tried used a toy as foreplay, but she tested herself with one after an attempt to see if it would insert and it did. I am able to insert a finger, but the index finger is usually too large.
I should have asked earlier… what toy? Large? (like a dildo) Small? (like an egg) Hard (like plastic)? Soft (like silicone)?

Right now my guess is that it's a combination of nervousness and insufficient arousal. If she's able to insert a toy on her own when aroused, you should be able to insert an index finger. I actually would not try for anything larger until she can comfortably accommodate two fingers.
06/14/2012
T&A1987 T&A1987
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I should have asked earlier… what toy? Large? (like a dildo) Small? (like an egg) Hard (like plastic)? Soft (like silicone)?

Right now my guess is that it's a combination of nervousness and insufficient arousal. If she's able to ...
it was a plastic dildo less than one inch in diameter (i can't recall the name, or I would have included a link). I tried arousal, plenty of foreplay, then lubing myself and putting some water-based lube in and on her, but still, nothing. we've tried this about 4 or 5 times already. Pretty soon we'll have to get a new box of condoms.
06/14/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
it was a plastic dildo less than one inch in diameter (i can't recall the name, or I would have included a link). I tried arousal, plenty of foreplay, then lubing myself and putting some water-based lube in and on her, but still, nothing. ...
I'm going to agree with Yaoi Pervert, it sounds like she's tensing up. A dildo less than an 1" in diameter is on the small side, but clearly she's able to insert something larger than your index finger.

As Yaoi suggested, a pillow might help, and if you haven't already, let her try putting your penis in her vagina. She should be able to feel when you're in the right position.

Another option is putting off PIV sex for a little while. If you've tried nearly a half dozen times with no success, it can only be adding to the stress. Have some fun just using hands and mouths with one another. Or ask her if you can use the toy on her (it sounds as though only she's used it on herself). It will help you both become more familiar with each other's bodies, and more importantly, relax you so you feel less nervous the next time you attempt PIV.

Good luck!
06/15/2012
Miss Nessa Miss Nessa
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
I've been trying to have sex with my gf, but we can't figure out how to insert (we're both pretty inexperienced). We've tried lubing up having plenty of natural lubrication, but it doesn't seem to go in. I'm not sure if ...
I fully agree with Petite Valentine, the boyfriend and I were having the same problem. We were 17 (he 18) and we thought we just didn't know what we were doing.. Years later (still with the same guy) I finally went to the doctor and found out I have vaginismus. It's 100% treatable. I would highly recommend seeing OB/GYN.
06/15/2012
Beck Beck
I would say try getting a liberator so you can help position her better. Use a toy along with oral to warm her up. And see if you can do it from there.

I had a boyfriend when I was in High school that we just couldn't do it no matter what. We tried all kind of positions and plenty of warm up. But the angles were all wrong. It just didn't work. We tried for 6 months and split.

I do agree that being checked for Vaginismus is a great idea. I know it effects many women. Can't help to rule it out.
06/15/2012
KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
You really need to back off the PIV for awhile. Sex should be fun and lighthearted... not like this. Back off, slow down, and have fun exploring each other's bodies. She'd probably feeling a lot of pressure right now which isn't helping her head space. The most important thing you can do is try to take that pressure off of her.
06/15/2012
T&A1987 T&A1987
quick point of clarification. When i say we've tried about 6 times, 5 of those were last year, we've been long distance for a while and now she's back. Since she's been back, we've tried once. it's not like every night we've tried and failed.
06/15/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
quick point of clarification. When i say we've tried about 6 times, 5 of those were last year, we've been long distance for a while and now she's back. Since she's been back, we've tried once. it's not like every night we've tried and failed.
Ah, when you wrote:

"we've tried this about 4 or 5 times already. Pretty soon we'll have to get a new box of condoms."

I got the impression you meant over a few nights. If it's been months, definitely get a new box of condoms because they have a limited shelf life.

Back to the problem —
Since she can already use toys internally, I think this is a matter of nervousness (bear in mind I'm not a doctor!). Have you been able to try some of the recommendations from the thread yet? (Like using the toy on her or using a pillow under her hips?)

If the books you've been reading are too psychological, try visiting the Men's Health Online Position Guide
06/15/2012
T&A1987 T&A1987
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
Ah, when you wrote:

"we've tried this about 4 or 5 times already. Pretty soon we'll have to get a new box of condoms."

I got the impression you meant over a few nights. If it's been months, definitely get a new box ...
I've tried pillows, but they may not be large enough. I have an inflatable wedge that I've been meaning to try. As for the condoms, the listed expiration date is in 2013. Unless those dates are often off by a year, it should be okay. I haven't tried that link you gave, but am doing so now, thank you.
06/15/2012
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 6