Labels labels and more labels

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Labels labels and more labels

LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
I swear, I run across new terms for gender and sexual orientation almost daily. Heterosexual, gay, bi, bi-curious, genderqueer, gender-fluid, lesbian, transgendered, pansexual, omnisexual, asexual and the list goes on. My personal favorite is Nina Hartley's description of herself as a heterosexual butch dyke.

Sometimes the terms are self-explanatory and sometimes I have NO clue what they mean.

Probably there are many people out there who are often as confused as I am, but afraid to admit it. So, while I don't think a label should rigidly define you, I'd love to know more about what they mean to y'all.

What terms do you use to describe your gender and sexual orientation?

What do those terms mean to you and why did you choose to use those in particular?
02/26/2010
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
*snort-giggle* Wait until they get politically correct.

I don't care much for labels, as - like you said, Laurel - they multiply like rabbits and sometimes even change. Although, as having natural curiosity, I like to know what things mean.

For myself, I am quite a girly-girl who (just discovered) likes it rough with guys, but I've always been turned on by earth-mother women though I've had only two lesbian experiences 10+ years ago. I tend to be submissive as well. Whatever label that is, I have no idea - I just list myself as hetero and don't bother with explaining the details.
02/26/2010
Sir Sir
I am a heterosexual man. They do not mean anything to me, whatsoever. Their definitions are what they mean to me.
02/26/2010
Victoria Victoria
I identify as a heteroflexible female in a monogamous relationship.

But WHO do I identify this to? NO ONE. Maybe in a dating scene, it would matter - but in my life, no one cares. They care about what I think of such and such, or who I know, or what I can do or what I have done or whatever. It's always more specific than my gender, who I'm attracted to and who I am fucking. Hell, even people who fuck for a living never asked me how I label myself.

That's not to say that I don't get hit on, because it still do - even with a sparkly wedding ring on my finger. But how is that any different than wearing a sign saying who I am attracted to? I think there are people out there who will always ignore the signs, no matter how subtle or large those signs / labels are.

Sir sorta touched on something - people DO care about how you see them though. So maybe that is where identity comes into play. People wanted to be treated with respect, ultimately. And if you can understand how a person identifies, you may understand them and interact with them better.
02/26/2010
Red Red
Labels are really just nice starting points or a deeper conversation, if you're interested. At least, thats how I see it

I also love labels. I like things defined. Not in a strange neurotic way, just...in general.
02/26/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
I identify as a heteroflexible female in a monogamous relationship.

But WHO do I identify this to? NO ONE. Maybe in a dating scene, it would matter - but in my life, no one cares. They care about what I think of such and such, or who I know, ...
I had actually written an entire response, then backspaced it because I sometimes do not feel like explaining things into much depth or posting my thoughts. I feel the same way that you do about this, Victoria.

I never speak to anyone about my sexuality or gender. I happen to look very androgynous, but I actually am masculine in personality, so if someone mistakes me for something else, I correct (or they hear my voice and say "whoops"). But aside from that, in my every day life, if someone asks if I am with someone, I say, "Yes, I have a partner." I refer to her as my little girl here and other places who know what sort of relationship we're in, but in my everyday life? She is my partner, and since I call her that, people often think that I am "cloaking my homosexuality" by not outright saying that she is my "boyfriend." HAHA! I get that a lot, people have said, "You're...gay?" "No, my partner is not a man." "But, usually homosexuals call their girlfriends or boyfriends 'partners.'" "That is not fully true."

In terms of labels, I never refer to someone with pronouns or assume their sexuality because there's no reason for me to. I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with them, so what does it matter to me what they label themselves as? If they tell me something about themselves, then I will of course honor that. I feel that if a person is willing to share such intimate thoughts with me, then I will respect those thoughts.
02/26/2010
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by Red
Labels are really just nice starting points or a deeper conversation, if you're interested. At least, thats how I see it

I also love labels. I like things defined. Not in a strange neurotic way, just...in general.
A gal after my own heart. And yeah, the scientist in me adores having everything defined. Even if I don't know what all the labels mean, it makes me all warm and fuzzy to know that I can find out what they are! They're a great place to start a discussion on stuff people rarely talk about, because so much is assumed.

Personally, my sexuality/gender labels are pretty boring. I'm a heterosexual woman in a monogamous relationship. Who likes to do crazy stuff like blow things up in lab and take turns with the flogger in the bedroom.
02/26/2010
ordinaryak ordinaryak
I think sometimes labels are good especielly for younger people who feel ashamed or embarressed about what they like or how they feel, sometimes having a label makes them feel sane or normal. i dont label myself as i dont feel the need but i have met some people who felt they needed that to feel comfortable with themselves.
02/28/2010
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by ordinaryak
I think sometimes labels are good especielly for younger people who feel ashamed or embarressed about what they like or how they feel, sometimes having a label makes them feel sane or normal. i dont label myself as i dont feel the need but i have met ...
That's a really good point. If there's a label already out there that kinda fits who you are, at least you know you're not alone.
02/28/2010
Splendwhore Splendwhore
Some days, I loathe the very existence of labels. Other days, they're a nice comfortable blockade to hide behind. Explaining my sexuality, my partner, or my relationship is often my least favorite thing. I'm sure it looks complicated on the outside, to a stranger, but to me it's perfectly normal, just everyday bull.


This is how many an interaction goes down:

Hello. Yes, I'm a girl. Yes I know my partner is physically a girl. No, I am not a lesbian. No, my partner is not a lesbian. Yes, I am attracted to women, to a degree. No I do not hate or hold disdain for men. Yes I find men sexually appealing. Yes, my partner will one day be a man. No, that does not make my partner confused, psychologically damaged, or otherwise strange. Yes, my partner is heterosexual. Yes, you are small minded and bigoted for giving me that look, you know the one. Yes, I do believe this conversation is over.


Really, it's so much easier to say:

Hello. I'm a Bisexual Woman, deeply in love with a Transgendered FTM (Female-to-Male). We will get married as Man & Wife, legally in these U.S. states. We will reproduce. You will deal with it, or I will kick your ass. The End.
02/28/2010
deceased deceased
I am in love with myself. It took a long time to get there, and a lot of money. (not on plastic surgery or botox or implants, but therapy)

I have a friend who is a nursing teacher who says I love myself so much there's not a lot of room for anyone else. Looking for someone who measures up.

No labels here. I may seem a little narcissistic, ybut when you look deeper, it doesn't apply.
02/28/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
ah, yes...labels.

There are a lot of them out there. My favorite is "gender-fluid" because it reminds me of the fun parts of sex (fluids).

The only problem I have with labels is when someone applies one to themselves that is just not accurate/believable.

For example:
"I'm male."
"um...you have a vagina and a pair of DD's"

-or-

"I'm gay"
"I know for a fact that you haven't had sex in a year and a half. Before that you had a string of girlfriends and have NEVER touched a penis that wasn't your own".

-or-

"I'm a lesbian."
"No, you kissed another girl at a party once when you were drunk."

In the above examples, the first speaker could be 100% true to themselves but the second speaker points out the inconsistencies in their stories via a Foamy-like rant.

If you want a label, great! Just make sure it is an accurate one, otherwise you look like an idiot. If you don't know...don't pick a label
02/28/2010
Rockin' Rockin'
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
ah, yes...labels.

There are a lot of them out there. My favorite is "gender-fluid" because it reminds me of the fun parts of sex (fluids).

The only problem I have with labels is when someone applies one to themselves that is ...
Your examples are quite insensitive. What you may see as "inconsistencies" can be your mistaken judgments of a person. No one has given you or anyone else the authority to judge someone else's label as "accurate."
02/28/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
Your examples are quite insensitive. What you may see as "inconsistencies" can be your mistaken judgments of a person. No one has given you or anyone else the authority to judge someone else's label as "accurate."
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come off as judgmental or insensitive.

But if someone says "I'm green" and they obviously are not, it confuses me.
02/28/2010
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come off as judgmental or insensitive.

But if someone says "I'm green" and they obviously are not, it confuses me.
I see what you're trying to say, but I think it might be useful for me to point out that some of your examples were perhaps poorly chosen. I'll try to explain in a way that is not intended to come across as an attack, but as education.

To clarify, the first one especially. If someone with a vagina and a pair of double D breasts tells you that they are a man, then you are probably talking to a FTM transgendered person. Telling them that they are saying something inaccurate/not believable is incredibly hurtful and invalidating. It may not be meant as such, but it does.

Am I right in saying that what you meant was this: when a person who does not in any way identify as male, says they are male - as opposed to someone who was born with a woman's body but identifies as male, says they are a male?
02/28/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Luscious Lily
I see what you're trying to say, but I think it might be useful for me to point out that some of your examples were perhaps poorly chosen. I'll try to explain in a way that is not intended to come across as an attack, but as ...
I think so, thanks for clarifying!

I originally wrote "man", but then realized that I'm not that manliest man out there.

Male: biological/chromosomal
Man: mentally a guy

I hope that clears up stuffs.

This is why I hate labels...
03/01/2010
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I think so, thanks for clarifying!

I originally wrote "man", but then realized that I'm not that manliest man out there.

Male: biological/chromosomal
Man: mentally a guy

I hope that clears up stuffs.

This is why I hate labels...
No problem. We all get tangled up in words sometimes. Labels are a double edged sword.
03/01/2010
Splendwhore Splendwhore
Quote:
Originally posted by Luscious Lily
No problem. We all get tangled up in words sometimes. Labels are a double edged sword.
A double edged sword indeed. & Thus, my love-hate relationship with labels continues.
03/01/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Luscious Lily
A gal after my own heart. And yeah, the scientist in me adores having everything defined. Even if I don't know what all the labels mean, it makes me all warm and fuzzy to know that I can find out what they are! They're a great place to start ...
You're not the only boring one!

I'm a heterosexual female in a monogamous relationship. Only I don't get to blow things up in labs, lol
03/01/2010
Jade Jade
I'm not really one for labels either. When my cousin was trying to figure himself out they really confused him. He kept trying on labels and couldn't figure out which one he was. It didn't help when uneducated people kept putting the wrong ones on him. He finally did figure it out, but slapping labels on people doesn't seem to help anyone. Just my opinion.
03/21/2010
Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
I've long since given up making any attempt to learn all of the possible labels. They change so frequently it's next to impossible to keep up. I chose to stick with what I've called myself my entire life. I'm a bisexual female.
03/22/2010
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
We're too old to give a shit about labels. We are what we are, and we do what we do, and that changes fairly often.
03/22/2010
Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
I do my best not to go crazy learning and identifying labels. To me, you are what you are, you like who you like, and you do who you do, and as long as it doesn't involve children, animals or unwilling participants, I'm cool with it.
03/23/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Alan & Michele
We're too old to give a shit about labels. We are what we are, and we do what we do, and that changes fairly often.
This made me laugh.

Also, I loved the comment above that said "I am in love with myself." I wish there were a sexual orientation for people that love themselves because I would totally use it. Like the above poster said, it took a long time to get there but now that I'm here I'd like to check it off on my census forms (do they even have a box for orientation on census forms?)
03/23/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
This made me laugh.

Also, I loved the comment above that said "I am in love with myself." I wish there were a sexual orientation for people that love themselves because I would totally use it. Like the above poster said, it took a ...
Well, TECHNICALLY, asexual does mean "to love oneself," but now it means that the person is not interested in sexual intercourse.
03/23/2010
pinkzombie pinkzombie
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
I swear, I run across new terms for gender and sexual orientation almost daily. Heterosexual, gay, bi, bi-curious, genderqueer, gender-fluid, lesbian, transgendered, pansexual, omnisexual, asexual and the list goes on. My personal favorite is Nina ...
Im a hetro female to me. But I have had bi experiences...threesom es. ect. The labels thing throws me off whatever it may be.
11/23/2010
Total posts: 26
Unique posters: 18