Masturbation-need advise

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Masturbation-need advise

Heather Heather
Sounds stupid but I’m happily married. Why would I masturbate? What has it done for your relationships? Convince me I need to learn how. And while you are at it, tell me how. That’s right, I’ve never done this but am willing to try if it will improve our sex life. Yes I do understand the basic idea of touching yourself but can any of you give me some tips on how best to start?
09/08/2009
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Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Quote:
Originally posted by Heather
Sounds stupid but I’m happily married. Why would I masturbate? What has it done for your relationships? Convince me I need to learn how. And while you are at it, tell me how. That’s right, I’ve never done this but am willing to try if it will improve ...
I'm sure it's a bit different for everyone, but personally I would suggest masturbation to all married couples. If you know yourself well enough to be able to say exactly what pleases you most, you can then share that info with your partner, which results in more satisying experiences for both.
As a couple, we actually enjoy masturbating together sometimes, because we both find it arousing to watch each other. One or the other of us sometimes performs it alone as a means to tease each other too...a form of foreplay if you will, like if you were to dance erotically for your partner. And it does take the stress out of those times when you're apart or your partner isn't in the mood for sex.
"How" is entirely up to you. If you've never done it before, you might feel more comfortable trying it alone a few times though because you'll be more able to pay attention to what feels good if you aren't thinking about your partner's reaction.
09/08/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Heather
Sounds stupid but I’m happily married. Why would I masturbate? What has it done for your relationships? Convince me I need to learn how. And while you are at it, tell me how. That’s right, I’ve never done this but am willing to try if it will improve ...
Why should we convince you to do anything? That's ridiculous. If you want to do it, do it. If you are perfectly happy with your sex life as is, don't. Simply put, the fact that you even posted suggests that you want to do it.

So how? Well, focus on a sexual zone. Clit, vagina/g-spot, anus, breasts, or any other specifically arousing place. Then it's up to you. Vibrations work well for many women. You might try rubbing, pinching, swirling, tugging, tapping, thrusting, grinding (against), pumping/suction, water from the tub faucet or shower head, humping a pillow/blanket, so on and so forth. There's really no right way. Maybe just mimic what your partner does to you.
09/08/2009
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by Heather
Sounds stupid but I’m happily married. Why would I masturbate? What has it done for your relationships? Convince me I need to learn how. And while you are at it, tell me how. That’s right, I’ve never done this but am willing to try if it will improve ...
Ok...first, Adriana's right. If you ask, you are interested.

Next, does your husband like porn? If so, there is a good chance he would like to have his own personal porn star.

Walk right up and ask "would you find it hot to watch me masturbate?" Let him know you're curious. I am almost positive he will drag you down the hall to the bedroom and tell you to get to it. As a general rule, husbands try not to "upset" the wife with requests she may find offensive, so they look other places.

We should not be convincing you, you should ask him. If it turns him on, try it out for him, that alone should convince you.

As for how, that all depends on what turns you on. For me it is all clitoral (I am working on the whole g-spot thing, but I think I need a tutor or something). Some girls love the g-spot, others are nipples. If you are not keen on manual masturbation, get a vibrator (EF has lots of those!) or you can look at other toys. I have known girls who only do it in the shower, some set a mood with candles and music and all that. I am also guessing you were never taught that masturbation is healthy. It is, just like breast exams. Right now there is a good chance your husband knows your nether-regions better than you do, that needs to change. You should know what you like, if you don't then get to exploring. I bet you will find some really interesting things out about yourself.

Invite your husband in on it if you are nervous. He can guide your hands as if her were using his, this may make it a little easier on you. There is no right or wrong way to masturbate. I promise
09/08/2009
ScottA ScottA
Even if your husband doesn't like porn you're his wife and he probably likes watching you.
09/08/2009
LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Heather
Sounds stupid but I’m happily married. Why would I masturbate? What has it done for your relationships? Convince me I need to learn how. And while you are at it, tell me how. That’s right, I’ve never done this but am willing to try if it will improve ...
I find the more I masturbate, the more my appetite for sex in general increases. So if you find your desire for sex with your husband waning, this might be a good way to combat that. Also, knowing how your body responds to different forms of touch can only help you help your husband improve his ability to please you.

Now, how to start? Start like most of the rest of us did, explore your body and when you find something that you enjoy you do it more. And, as I think several people mentioned here, consider a small vibrator (or a big one if you are feeling courageous) as an option. You don't just have to use it alone either, you can have your husband use it on you as just another way to add spice to your sex life.

There are many, many non intimidating options to choose from and most everything here has a review (or 20) to read and learn what kind of experience you can expect.
I'd say an egg vibrator or even a pocket vibrator would be a small, inexpensive place to start.

Good luck!
09/09/2009
Heather Heather
Thanks for the responses. Some good ideas and interesting insights. Yes to Adriana and J's Alley I am intersted but was more interested in how it can improve on a relationship which I think both Michele and Alan and LicentiouslyYours answered. Masturbation was never something I was told was bad but sex in general was not discussed. So sex and sexuality are not something I am comfortable discussing or exploring. ScottA, thanks and I bet you're right. I don't think my husband has seen much porn and I have seen none. I do intend on looking for some kind of porn since I am more of a visual person and looking for new ideas and to explore.
09/09/2009
Saraid Saraid
Quote:
Originally posted by Heather
Thanks for the responses. Some good ideas and interesting insights. Yes to Adriana and J's Alley I am intersted but was more interested in how it can improve on a relationship which I think both Michele and Alan and LicentiouslyYours answered. ...
Good luck, Heather! If you're looking for porn, you might want to look around at reviews on EF or look for feminist porn which portrays women in a different light. There are also many female directors like Tristan Taormino that make porn that is appealing to women and puts women in power.
09/09/2009
SexyStuff SexyStuff
You probably don't NEED to, if you are happy without it then don't feel like you have to change anything. If you are having a hard time keeping up with your husband's desire level, masturbation can be a great way to train yourself to want it more often.
06/16/2012
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 8