Minimizing pain

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Minimizing pain

jesh jesh
My gf and I are going to have sex soon. She hasn't had sex before and I just started introducing her to masturbating with something inside of her.
She can only put a toy in about 5 inches without experiencing pain.. on the other hand she tried just as her period started later that night.

I'm about 8 inches and 2 inches girth so I'm worried. I definitely don't want to hurt her. I know I should get her turned on as possible first, well lubricated. I also know it can help to massage the lower part of her opening to help loosen her up..


But beyond that I'm at a loss. Is there anything else I can do? I would really really appreciate some advice.
I was just reading the thread about size below, and I have to say I left more confused than when I entered it and started reading it.

(here: link)

Thank you so much to anyone who reads this and bothers to reply. =)
02/23/2010
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by jesh
My gf and I are going to have sex soon. She hasn't had sex before and I just started introducing her to masturbating with something inside of her.
She can only put a toy in about 5 inches without experiencing pain.. on the other hand she tried ...
Make sure she is very relaxed and very excited. The male penis is built to fit a woman's vagina, it compresses in ways that even the best vibes and dildos don't, but not all women built are the same. She may need a bit of a warm up to help her release oxytocin which helps the muscles of the vagina relax. She can help to bolster her natural release of oxytocin by rubbing your body with the palms of her hands, arms and any part of her body she is comfortable with. Skin to skin contact causes the brain to release all the lovely sex chemicals so get rubbing!

Warming up with gradually larger vibes and dildos will help just as if you are playing anally, so keep working on it...especially just before your special night. Then be sure to go slow and take your cues from her, even the smallest tightest women can surprise you with how much "stretch" the muscles of their vagina's have! Let her relax and allow her body to stretch to accommodate you and it should be fine.

Also remember that you have a long penis, you may not be able to "bottom" out inside her. Again just listen to her and encourage her to talk to you about what feels good and what doesn't. Most girls are a bit reluctant to talk about what feels good to their bodies so get into the habit of asking and really listening.
2 inches is large but not impossible as the vagina has alot more give for girth than length (think birthing babies ) but as long as you go slow and make sure she's both ready and well lubricated...oh speaking of that you might stock up on some nice water or silicone based lube before hand. Lube makes everything better!

Relax and enjoy yourself that's the real advice, if you are gentle and listen you'll not hurt her. Trust yourself you'll do fine, after all, you thought to ask before trying the real deal with her. She's a lucky lady!
02/23/2010
jesh jesh
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Make sure she is very relaxed and very excited. The male penis is built to fit a woman's vagina, it compresses in ways that even the best vibes and dildos don't, but not all women built are the same. She may need a bit of a warm up to help ...
Airen thanks so much for the reply! I had no idea about oxytocin and rubbing the skin.. that is very good information. Maybe I can start things with a massage then.. both of us touching each other?

I was trying to get her to use something larger when she had that sharp pain.. she said the girth didn't seem to hurt just the length. Is it normal to have pain when something is pressed up against the cervix?
02/24/2010
deceased deceased
Don't forget to massage the mons pubis. Its very very rich in nerve endings. Grinding against someone for a while, especially while dancing causes arrousal and pelvic congestion (it feels like blue balls) and then she will want to relieve that feeling ! (Always works for me). This congestion not only increases lubrication, but it causes the vagina to relax in the area of the walls..
02/24/2010
deceased deceased
The cervix has a lot of nerve endings, but the upper third of the vaginal canal doesn't have that many nerve endings. However, the area of the clit has eight times as many nerve endings as your penis.
02/24/2010
jesh jesh
Awesome thanks Misha. =) I will try to work in some heavy grinding too.. and I want to make her cum for me a couple times before trying sex, so.. hopefully it'll be not too bad for her.

Can any women out there verify if it hurts to have something pressed against the cervix? Or does that kind of thing vary with different people?
02/24/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by jesh
Awesome thanks Misha. =) I will try to work in some heavy grinding too.. and I want to make her cum for me a couple times before trying sex, so.. hopefully it'll be not too bad for her.

Can any women out there verify if it hurts to have ...
It does vary even with the same person. When I first started having sex, having my cervix bashed by a penis didn't hurt or sometimes felt good. My vagina is more sensitive now and that feeling is very unpleasant. If she is not experienced, she may not know so just check in.

I want to echo that the fact that a toy doesn't work with the vagina the way a penis does. It seems like the vagina is more forgiving with a real, live cock. It's also reasonable that her vagina is only about 5" deep which is really an average depth.

Also, do not accidentally cause her to tense at the idea of pain. It didn't hurt for me at all as I didn't have a hymen (at the time). I don't know if it broke earlier or if I just never really had a pronounced hymen but my experience was pain and blood free. This isn't the case with all women but you can psych yourself out to think it hurts which makes you tense up even more.

Good luck!
02/24/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Yes, hitting the cervix does hurt (it always has for me), so be gentle on the thrusting when you do get to that point. And make sure to tell her that she CAN tell you if anything hurts or not - you've made it plain to us that you want to make her First a wonderful experience, but don't forget to tell her that. This is for her, as you've said, so she can be selfish in telling you what works or doesn't for her.

Yes, the others are right - lots of massage, foreplay, and lube so she's relaxed and comfortable.

And please ... speaking from experience ... don't expect miracles. It puts undue pressure on both of you.
02/24/2010
Liz2 Liz2
I have a shallow canal so anything pounding vs my cervix feels uncomfortable. I usually have a problem if my b/f uses larger toys with me and sometimes even his cock is uncomfortable. Sufficient arousal, lube, patience and awareness of your size should bring orgasmic pleasure to you both. Good luck!!
02/25/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by jesh
Airen thanks so much for the reply! I had no idea about oxytocin and rubbing the skin.. that is very good information. Maybe I can start things with a massage then.. both of us touching each other?

I was trying to get her to use something ...
Oh absolutely it is normal to have pain when the cervix is bumped. That's why most women agree that length is not the deciding factor in larger penises or dildos, girth is! Some women, like myself, like to feel their cervix touched and/or hit but as far as I can tell most don't. Have you tried to find her "G" spot? Its a spot on the vaginal wall toward her belly button that has a raised "rough" feel to it. If you gently run your finger pad on the upper wall of her vagina toward her cervix you should be able to feel it. When you locate it measure approximately how far it is back and then aim to penetrate only as far as that for a while. As her experience grows you can try going a bit deeper, IF she wants you to.

Misha is absolutely correct about masassaging her pubis as well anything that brings blood to that area will increase the elasticity of her vaginal walls and natural lubrication. I find just a light stroking over the pubic are with finger tips to be an excellent foreplay technique. Just stroke your fingers feather light on the skin just belonw her belly button down over her labia and back up. If she enjoys a light touch she'll love this! If she prefers a firmer touch try doing the same thing with the whole palm and light but firm pressure. Watch how her "lips" swell and begin to "blush" that's a clear indication that blood is pooling in that region.
As you can see the degree of sensitivity to the cervix being touched varies as well as the level of tolerance. Just experiment slowly, don't rush.

Explore her clit gently, if she is ultra sensitive there, play with the hood of her clitoris (the area of skin just above the clit itself) and be sure to use a well lubricated finger or toy. It's the sliding, gliding sensation that is most pleasureable for most women. That's why oral sex is so pleasurable for most women, your tongue is soft and wet! Small circles around the clit might drive her wild as well as gently stroking over it. Get to know her preferences and she'll be more able to relax which will help her when it comes time for the "big event"

Good luck to you both,
~Airen
02/26/2010
ordinaryak ordinaryak
Quote:
Originally posted by jesh
Airen thanks so much for the reply! I had no idea about oxytocin and rubbing the skin.. that is very good information. Maybe I can start things with a massage then.. both of us touching each other?

I was trying to get her to use something ...
you probably hit the cervix, some women (like me) cant bear to have it touched during sex unless im so extremly turned on. when it hits my cervix even my guys finger will send me into dry heavs of pain. many women are like this (i dont know about the dry heaving but the pain) its best to try not to hit it. when she is really aroused the cervix will lift up out of the way. a good postion is spoons as it prevents you from going too deep and she can feel comfortable with yur arms around her and her just lieing there relaxing. please keep away from missionary!!! this can cause you to go too deep! also keep away from doggy style or her on top! you can work up to those. also its probably best if you wear a condom simply so you dont go crazy and go too fast make sure this first few times are about her and not about you untill it starts feeling good for her. it may also help for you to buy a lube to have handy. and always remeber if she says stop do it! your working hard to keep your relationship with this girl going to mess it up by truamatizing her! i know youll do a good job relaxe yourself and talk talk talk to your girl as much as possable about everything thats going on
02/28/2010
Phoenix Fire Phoenix Fire
I'd also be weary about the fact that if this is the first time and especially if you're using toys to get used to it and its causing pain it could be the hymen breaking or that it hasn't broken completely. Are you sure that after she used the toys she definitely got her period or was it in fact the hymen breaking and some spotting and bleeding from that?

I agree with what everyone's been saying. I am a big fan of foreplay, I think its super important.... but at the end of the day you just need to remember to relax, have no expectations (because more so than not, the expectations wont be met), and just let everything happen as naturally as possible. Set the mood, maybe even have a glass of wine to loosen up beforehand (but DONT get drunk) and just let it all happen. I remember having major issues with being able to get to the point of orgasm and I remember what my boyfriend at the time did and the most important part was him making me feel so relaxed that I didn't have a thought in my head. If she thinks, she'll worry and then she wont be focusing on the pleasure. My most recent discovery is clit stimulators so maybe get her a rabbit vibrator to help with turning her on.

Most importantly... JUST HAVE FUN and enjoy each other!
03/01/2010
jesh jesh
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all of the awesome suggestions and I will definitely put it into practice. =) Just six more days till she comes home!
You all are great!


p.s.
Airen, thanks for all the detailed information and obvious care you put into your posts. =)

p.p.s.
xchairitycasex - Thanks for all the ideas on positions! I had never even considered the impact that those might have. She'll be disappointed for sure, as since she's been away she's fantasized about all those positions you said to avoid!
At least, at first she will be.

p.p.p.s.
Phoenix Fire - Yes I'm sure it wasn't her hymen as she broke through that when she was 8 or so doing tomboy things.
03/04/2010
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 8