Reluctant fantasies

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Reluctant fantasies

Cherrylane Cherrylane
As I've probably mentioned in a few threads before, my guy has a few pretty distinct quirks when it comes to sex. One such quirk is that I can't for the life of me get him to ask or suggest anything for himself. When I show him the restraints I've been considering buying, he clearly gets excited and openly approves of the idea of tying me up. Finds it very sexy. But when I ask him, "What sort of thing would you like to try?" or "Do you have any fantasies you want to explore?" BAM, deer in the head lights. "I don't know" and "I don't think I have any?"

I can't tell if when he seems excited over certain ideas he's just trying to appease me, or if he's just uncomfortable about asking outright for something? Or unsure whether I'd be into it?

I'm almost positive he "has it in him" somewhere. Not due to an assumption that all people must be at least a little bit kinky--He just really seems like he has it in him somewhere lol. It's just there's like some disconnect? Idk.

How should I approach this? Should I keep trying to get him to come to me and/or talk about it, or should I just keep suggesting we try various things and attempt to suss out what he responds to best on my own?
12/09/2011
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AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by Cherrylane
As I've probably mentioned in a few threads before, my guy has a few pretty distinct quirks when it comes to sex. One such quirk is that I can't for the life of me get him to ask or suggest anything for himself. When I show him the ...
One thing that I have found is that for some people, actually saying what they want out loud is difficult. It could be they are embarrassed to admit it, they feel put on the spot or worst of all afraid of the rejection that might come with saying the wrong thing.
What we do is text or email each other fantasies and wants. It really started that way because we were separated a lot and wanted to still keep it steamy while on the road so we started sexting. Through that we found that it's fun, less intimidating and you can sometimes type something easier than you can say it.
Maybe suggest you two try that, just to see if it helps him open up in a safe way. Also, if you email or text, you have more time to think about your answer without having someone there expectingly looking for your response.
Hope this helps some! Good luck
12/10/2011
Total posts: 2
Unique posters: 2