She's not enjoying penetration anymore

Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Have you considered trusting your partner enough to believe what she says about her sexual desires? If she says it's because your size is bothering her, I think it's really questionable to assume she's hiding something and not telling you the truth. If this is truly the case, there is more about your relationship that you may want to evaluate. Additionally, where are you getting this bizarre information about "most lesbians" not enjoying penetration? That is patently untrue. Lesbians, like people of any other sexual orientation, are individuals with individual preferences when it comes to sexual stimulation. I'm not entirely sure why you would believe otherwise.
07/28/2010
Contributor: Midway through Midway through
More foreplay will help her open up. I had a really large partner a few years ago, and it took quite a while before I was capable of taking him in without being uncomfortable. For the most part, extra foreplay and him being really slow and careful is what did it-but I had to stretch out.
07/29/2010
Contributor: Valyn Valyn
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
We have but the excuse is tycally low sex drive and stress.
You seem to be very responsive to the forum today, but how about that conversation with her? Communication really is key, and if she just blurted out that sex has been hurting her, then you two definitely need to sit down and figure out what's goin on, and what has been going on.

Good luck!
07/29/2010
Contributor: PonyPlay PonyPlay
I little bit ago I had a similar experience. Every time I had sex it hurt really bad and I couldn't figure it out for about a week or two. But I was still horny and I wanted to have sex so I kept trying but it kept hurting and I didn't understand it at all. I finally turned out that I was just really dry down there and need some lube with a moisturizer everything. Foreplay helps because it makes a girl wet so shes lubed but if she isn't lubed enough then it hurts because it gets raw an irritated. I hadn't been using any lube for a long time and it didn't bother me at first but it ended up hurting later because I was really raw and dried out.

Also it could be that you are pushing on her cervix, some girls like it but it can hurt and be uncomfortable if pressed on to hard. It might be that you are to long and are pressing her cervix, in this case I can only recommend not thrusting all the way in.

In any case you guys should have sex and while you are having sex you should tell her to tell you where it hurts and what hurts. If she's ok with it you should get a little flashlight and check out what's down there for her to. I have hurt before and had my man looked down there and found a cut or a gash, it could just be something as simple as that. If this just flared up for her to it might be a good idea to see a gynecologist and get herself checked out just to be sure there's nothing weird going on. The best thing to do though is try to have sex and have her talk about how it feels as you are having sex with her.

If she is totally closed to the idea of sex and doesn't even want to try then she might be have some psychological reason for suddenly rejecting you. If she's had bad experiences with sex in the past she might be more reactionary to a little pain during sex and you might have to just take it slow and make sure she feels ok every step of the way.
07/29/2010
Contributor: PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
She doesn't find me as attractive anymore?
Oh goodness there is such a thing as to big! Woman have different length vaginas and it hurts when someone is pressing on you cervix really hard over and over again. I had a friend that was always upset because her vagina was super tiny and she could never find a guy that didn't push her to hard. It isn't a lame excuse because pain happens! It is also possible that her hymn never came off all the way. Mine didn't come off all the way for a while and it hurt sometimes, I finally got so feed up with it I asked my husband to get me drunk and remove the rest of it. He light scrubbed the extra off with a wash rag and I haven't had any problem since. There is way to many physical possibilities to be jumping to conclusions.

I am sure she finds you attractive if she still is willing to do other sexual things with you. If she would avoid all sexual things that involved you. You really need to talk though and work it out.
07/29/2010
Contributor: shepegsME shepegsME
Thanks guys. We are in talks. It's not easy...obviously there's several issues at hand and there's lots that can not be posted here as well. But thank you all for some great advice.
07/29/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
Thanks guys. We are in talks. It's not easy...obviously there's several issues at hand and there's lots that can not be posted here as well. But thank you all for some great advice.
Good luck!
07/29/2010
Contributor: YoungCouple YoungCouple
Oh god I am gonna get banned for this, but hit the gym for two weeks straight, come home toned and buy a bag of weed. Works wonders!

But seriously, we have gone through periods where one of us finds the other less physically attractive, or get less interested in sex. And from my personal experience, when one of you is a bit fed up with the other, or is finding the other less attractive, talk isn't always the answer.

I always say make a small life change. Join a club, find a hobby, exercise, buy a fleshlight (I did when we could't have sex for 6 months). It keeps things interesting. If the problem really is discomfort, try spending one night stretching gently with lots of lube and some toys a bit bigger than you, the next night it might be more comfy.

My advice is worth what you paid for it
07/29/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by YoungCouple
Oh god I am gonna get banned for this, but hit the gym for two weeks straight, come home toned and buy a bag of weed. Works wonders!

But seriously, we have gone through periods where one of us finds the other less physically attractive, or get ... more
wasn't that the plot of "American Beauty"?
07/29/2010
Contributor: shepegsME shepegsME
Quote:
Originally posted by YoungCouple
Oh god I am gonna get banned for this, but hit the gym for two weeks straight, come home toned and buy a bag of weed. Works wonders!

But seriously, we have gone through periods where one of us finds the other less physically attractive, or get ... more
LOL, funny. Wine works well and yes, some side fun alone is gonna have to do for a little while.
07/29/2010
Contributor: shepegsME shepegsME
Lube helps sometimes. I remember when we used to do anal, it was actually easier. But yes, sometimes I do hit her cervix. That's a bitter sweet one cause sometimes she enjoyed the tapping there and founding arousing, other times she didn't like it.
07/29/2010
Contributor: PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
Lube helps sometimes. I remember when we used to do anal, it was actually easier. But yes, sometimes I do hit her cervix. That's a bitter sweet one cause sometimes she enjoyed the tapping there and founding arousing, other times she didn't like it.
I find that tapping it can feel nice but when it gets pressed hard it can hurt pretty bad and be surprising. I've found that in certain positions I doesn't go as deep and you are less likely to hit it hard. You might want to try different positions and gage how deep you are before you hit her cervix. You might have to just train yourself to not push all the way in. Hope some of these suggestions help.
07/29/2010
Contributor: shepegsME shepegsME
Quote:
Originally posted by PonyPlay
I find that tapping it can feel nice but when it gets pressed hard it can hurt pretty bad and be surprising. I've found that in certain positions I doesn't go as deep and you are less likely to hit it hard. You might want to try different ... more
Spooning is the best. G-spot is just in the perfect position for me, but she complaints it hurts. HUH!
07/29/2010
Contributor: Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
Okay, here's the deal.
Recently my girl is saying that she's not into penetration. Even though she can orgasm from vaginal sex and g-spot. She says I'm kinda large so it's not very comfy. She would rather mutually masturbate or ... more
I can't imagine that she isn't into penetration, especially since you said that she likes g-spot stimulation. Rather, I'm going to suggest that perhaps the two of you need to take more time to warm up to sex. More foreplay, try some oral beforehand, etc. Also, lubricant never hurts!
07/29/2010
Contributor: PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
Spooning is the best. G-spot is just in the perfect position for me, but she complaints it hurts. HUH!
Have you asked her where it hurts or what you are doing when it hurts. She could have something else going on to you need to find out more about what's going on.
07/29/2010
Contributor: Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
If you haven't been using lube, you might want to give it a try... or try using a different kind (like silicone instead of water). Also... try looking up some positions that will give you a shallower stroke that might be more comfortable for her.
07/29/2010
Contributor: AU AU
I went through a phase where vaginal sex was a little uncomfortable. Maybe some of it was psychological (I was pretty depressed, or was it that I was stressed at that time?). Or maybe it was entirely physical. I felt discomfort mostly at the vaginal opening. I still occasionally have the problem and lube helps only sometimes and I take a longer warm-up. Some days (a woman's insides changes with her cycle), He hits too far and my cervix feels like it gets beat up. My partner is close to your size (about 8 inches, width also similar), so maybe that last situation is more close to your girl's situation? I suggest trying to deal with it for now, it may just be a phase. See if she can please you in other ways until it passes. Also, see if shallow thrusts are OK? Try to understand where it's uncomfortable in her.

She's not showing hints that she has problems with you out of the bedroom? If she isn't, you probably don't have to worry about her not loving you anymore!!

Relax and communicate! I just caught a recent post and edited. Sound like you are working through stuff. I wish you the best!
07/31/2010
Contributor: AU AU
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
Spooning is the best. G-spot is just in the perfect position for me, but she complaints it hurts. HUH!
Yeah, I used to like spooning sex, but now it hurts for me!
07/31/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
NONE OF THE ABOVE!

Maybe it honestly DOES hurt her! Maybe you're not working her up enough. Maybe she's not lubricated enough. Why would you think these things?! There are PLENTY of lesbians who enjoy penetration! That's just a ... more
Sweetheart there's only ONE person who can answer this! You know who that is...but you have to be willing to believe what she is saying. You might be a bit large for her. You might need more foreplay, or to try some positions that don't allow for deeper penetration, or that allow her to control how deep you go. You could try some of the sex furniture that would allow all of the above in more comfort. The thing is nothing is gonna become clear unless you talk to her, probably over and over in many different places and settings.

One thing that is working for us is to write some steamy erotica for each othr on freeform topics all about what turns us on...then we discuss it and decide if we want to give it a try.
07/31/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Then there you go. You are a bit bigger than average, so this may be the problem. The only thing that I personally find odd is the fact that you've been together for so long (am I correct on this?) and she has just come out with the fact that it ... more
Stress can cause lubrication issues and elasticity issues...you need oxytocin to stretch those tissues. A natural way to both relieve stress and increase natural oxytocin is touch therapy, or just light massage. The palms of the hands run over the skin of a partner can trigger a release of oxytocin for both parties.
07/31/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
She doesn't find me as attractive anymore?
More than likely this isn't the issue at all.
07/31/2010
Contributor: shepegsME shepegsME
She read thru all of these last night and it sparked off some really great conversation. Thank you everyone.
07/31/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
She read thru all of these last night and it sparked off some really great conversation. Thank you everyone.
YAY!!!
07/31/2010
Contributor: shepegsME shepegsME
It was easier to have her read this and then talk instead of talking first. Lol
08/01/2010
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
I believe stress also makes it harder to get aroused. When it's harder for a woman to get aroused, her vaginal canal won't lubricate properly, or her cervix and such move up quite as well, making sex painful where it was otherwise pleasant.
Definitely true!
03/06/2011
Contributor: Alyxx Alyxx
Odds are it actually does hurt, and sex that hurts or is uncomfortable is a complete turn off. Perhaps try more foreplay to get her loosened up a bit and make sure there's enough lubrication.
03/06/2011
Contributor: Valentinka Valentinka
I sort of have a similar problem myself and I assume that the situation is the result of several factors combined.
For instance. My sweetheart is also bigger than average and it may really cause some inconvenience. Also I've been through a lot of stress recently. But the main thing is that we are each other's firsts and started having PIV sex just around a month ago. I understand that it often takes time and practice to figure out the most comfortable ways to do this, but nevertheless I'm so much worried already! I worry about us being incompatible, about me having some disease (even though I've done some tests at the hospital recently), about me having some physical abnormalities....... There are so many unpleasant thoughts and fears in my head, that even sex without penetration is now not as desirable and pleasurable as before
I'm not saying that your girl is this much nervous person as I am, but these things can really grow like a rolling snowball. Having pain several times may lead to worries, and these worries will prevent a person from enjoying sex thus causing more pain.

My message is messy as always, sorry for that I hope I managed to express my idea.
03/06/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
Okay, here's the deal.
Recently my girl is saying that she's not into penetration. Even though she can orgasm from vaginal sex and g-spot. She says I'm kinda large so it's not very comfy. She would rather mutually masturbate or ... more
There could also be medical issues such as endometriosis or fibroids which can cause sudden uncomfortable feelings.
07/22/2011
Contributor: Jenyana Jenyana
Quote:
Originally posted by shepegsME
Thank you for the response. It's true, she hates foreplay and that maybe part of the problem. Stress is really a big deal.

Had to run upstairs and get hard for this one. Here's my size:

Length: 7.25"-7.5"
Width: ... more
...after reading your measurements, I can tell you that if we were dating, I'd NEVER let you go anywhere near my vagina. And it's not for any of the reasons you listed... getting penetrated by anyone bigger than an inch and a quarter width causes me intense pain.

So yes, I can believe that she finds it uncomfortable, and that she may not have an ulterior motive for suddenly decided she doesn't want to be penetrated any more.

If she doesn't have an inherent health condition that makes it impossible for her vagina to stretch, like me, you may still make it work with communication, foreplay and lubrication, but if not...

What's the big deal? There are plenty of other ways to have sex, and plenty of people who don't like penetration. Try them out, you both might find something you'll like.
07/23/2011
Contributor: playtimeohsofun playtimeohsofun
She prolly just needs feel more wanted!
07/24/2011