When you first started having sex

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When you first started having sex

charletnarouh charletnarouh
How did the experience compare to your expectations and fantasies? Were you disappointed or pleasantly surprised? Did sex exceed your expectations or had it been so hyped up in your mind that it was a let down? What about it was different than your expected? Was it more or less romantic, messy, fun, pleasurable, exciting, etc. than you expected? Or was it about like you expected? Did it get better after the first time or was the first time this idealized image of perfection that can never be duplicated?
10/01/2012
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- Kira - - Kira -
Well, the first time I had sex wasn't really at will. My then boyfriend threatened me and forced me into it. So that's not really what I had hoped and dreamed of. After that I was so screwed up about sex that I bled from it for about five years. So, yeah, that wasn't what I expected either. None of it was really what I expected at all. I expected something enjoyable given all the hype, but my experiences led me somewhere else.

Now that I'm over what happened, sex is very enjoyable for me and is far beyond what I could have imagined as a young child.

I don't think you can really understand what sex will be like until you have it. Kinda like people say about kids. You can read all the parenting books in the world, but until that baby is there you just don't quite get it. Same thing with sex.
10/01/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Well, the first time I had sex wasn't really at will. My then boyfriend threatened me and forced me into it. So that's not really what I had hoped and dreamed of. After that I was so screwed up about sex that I bled from it for about five ...
Oh my god, Kira. That's terrible. I'm so glad you were able to overcome that trauma to become the sexually liberated, sex positive woman that you are now. I'm in awe. There's victims and then there's survivors and then there's those, like you, who do even more than survive and that's something I find incredibly inspiring.
10/01/2012
Beck Beck
I first sexual experiences were also forced upon me as a small child. However, my first willing sexual act was as a small child. I was in 5th grade when I first had oral sex with the neighbor girl. I continued to for many years. I didn't experience penetration until 15.

I really can't say what I fantasized sex to be. I was very confused about sex until I met my husband. I would pretty much have sex with any person who actually wanted to. I gave my body to a number of people who didn't care about me and I didn't care about them. I've been with my husband since I was 17, so I did this from 15-17.

Now, I'm glad I understand sex. It's better than anything I could ever imagine.
10/01/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
Oh my god, Kira. That's terrible. I'm so glad you were able to overcome that trauma to become the sexually liberated, sex positive woman that you are now. I'm in awe. There's victims and then there's survivors and then there's ...
It's funny how you say there are victims and survivors and some that go a different way. Back when I started talking about things in therapy they all wanted me to fit into one of those roles, mostly the victim one. I just didn't feel like I wanted to live my life surrounded by things that happened in my past. Being either a "victim" or "survivor" defined me too much by some asshole. I guess I'd rather just be me aside from whatever traumas I may have had.
10/01/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
That's odd to me. Most therapists I've seen for non-sexual trauma and abuse in my past, and the stereotypical therapists always want you to be a survivor not a victim. And that's great, moving on, awesome. But "surviving" seems like such a minimalist idea. Yeah, victim, wallowing in what happened to you and not getting past it is bad, but how is merely surviving really all THAT much better? You can survive something bad that happened to you, and that's great but why can't we transcend survival? Being a survivor still seems like, like you said, being defined by the trauma or the abuser. Just like everything else in life, I want to do more than just survive it.
10/01/2012
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 3