Originally posted by
My goal is to figure out why girls especially find sex so shameful. Some girls are embarrassed of the number of guys they have slept with or the acts they have done in the bedroom. I personally don't feel ashamed, so I will add that option.
My goal is to figure out why girls especially find sex so shameful. Some girls are embarrassed of the number of guys they have slept with or the acts they have done in the bedroom. I personally don't feel ashamed, so I will add that option. I'd like discussion on this more than anything, but the poll is simply to let people know I'm not assuming this is true for everyone.
Also, if you are a guy and would like to answer, I'd love to hear your response. It'd be unique to hear this kind of thing from the gender that is usually pinned as sexually unrestricted.
I personally feel as if shame comes from social anxiety about sex. Either sexuality is looked down upon (in terms of homosexuality and such), or girls are told that their virginity is more worthy than their pleasure.
I am a girl & I am not ashamed about sex. How society feels or how others feel about sex has not affected me, thankfully. When you ask if we feel ashamed, if you mean ashamed of our sexual lives as far as being a whore or too easy is concerned, that is not something I deal with because I've been with the same man for almost 7 years now.
Assuming we're still talking about feeling shame due to how many partners we've had, let's just fast forward a little...
Before these past 7 years, before my partner and I ever got together, it was a different story. If you'd asked me then if I feel shame over my sexual activity, I might would have said yes. I'm really not sure I ever felt a lot of guilt or shame, but I can admit that there was/is one thing that I was at least a little bit ashamed of as far as my sexual activity went. I was afraid to say no. When a boyfriend approached the topic of sex, many times I gave in to those typical lies and persuasion. "You're just a scared little girl" was enough to make me give it up once. I don't know why I let words by boyfriends affect me to such an extent that I'd give my self to them when I did not want to, but I did. And I would later feel really badly because I did not want to give myself to these people, not even a tiny bit & I'd kick myself for doing things that I did not want to do just to keep someone from pestering me.
If we're talking about being ashamed because of other things though, such as appearance-wise, then I'd say it depends. Usually, I'm pretty okay with not letting too many icky thoughts about my appearance get in the way of our sex. I have days where I don't feel as confident flaunting it all, but not so bad.
Basically, these days, I feel no shame about anything I do sexually. I'm only with my partner, we are monogamous, we do not feel guilty about the acts we do during our sex & we're pretty happy.
That is not to say I don't cherish myself and my body, even if my partner and I have sex regularly. I cherished my virginity, but didn't totally beat myself up too much over losing it. Today, I see those mistakes as lessons learned, experience that shaped the knowledge and strength I have now, as a woman. Really, they did actually contribute to me looking deep inside myself and seeing that I had to see me as someone too special to just give away to people who pretended to love me. I do cherish my body though and view it as something special, every single time I give it, even if I am giving it to the same spouse over & over. Each time, it's special. It was not pleasurable for me to lose my virginity, and I really don't dwell on it, and I highly doubt any girl finds their first time (or their first 10 times!) pleasurable, so it's not a matter of pleasure over virginity, it wasn't for me anyway.