Why do girls (perhaps anybody) feel ashamed about having sex? Anyone is welcome to answer

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Why do girls (perhaps anybody) feel ashamed about having sex? Anyone is welcome to answer

hmb12 hmb12
My goal is to figure out why girls especially find sex so shameful. Some girls are embarrassed of the number of guys they have slept with or the acts they have done in the bedroom. I personally don't feel ashamed, so I will add that option. I'd like discussion on this more than anything, but the poll is simply to let people know I'm not assuming this is true for everyone.

Also, if you are a guy and would like to answer, I'd love to hear your response. It'd be unique to hear this kind of thing from the gender that is usually pinned as sexually unrestricted.

I personally feel as if shame comes from social anxiety about sex. Either sexuality is looked down upon (in terms of homosexuality and such), or girls are told that their virginity is more worthy than their pleasure.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I sometimes feel ashamed, and I can tell you why.
2
I do not feel ashamed.
38
Sometimes people make me feel ashamed, but I'm not personally ashamed by my sexual actions.
9
I often feel ashamed of my sexuality/sexual habbits.
I am a guy
7
I am a girl
29
Other
Llama?
1
Total votes: 86 (46 voters)
Poll is closed
01/25/2013
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Rossie Rossie
Blame society, race/culture, and religion. I'm Chinese, and I've never felt guilty or ashamed about having sex, or discussing about sex, as it's a normal part of my life. I know there are other Asian (specifically Chinese) EFers out there, but most of them never reveal their race, and the reason being?
01/25/2013
Terri69 Terri69
I don't feel ashamed
01/25/2013
RonLee RonLee
Quote:
Originally posted by Rossie
Blame society, race/culture, and religion. I'm Chinese, and I've never felt guilty or ashamed about having sex, or discussing about sex, as it's a normal part of my life. I know there are other Asian (specifically Chinese) EFers out ...
I'm male and I'd agree with your statements, Rossie.
I personally am not ashamed about having had sex with both men and women.
However, I have experienced being denigrated for having had relations with men. People I would otherwise consider to be intelligent and not bigoted have not been particularly accepting about same sex relationships. I've even heard unkind things said about being bi rather then absolutely gay or straight. The reason that some people are intolerant and wish to hurt another through shame if not something worse, I cannot understand or explain.
01/25/2013
Lavendar Lavendar
I'm a girl and I am not ashamed
01/25/2013
Ashleyxx Ashleyxx
Quote:
Originally posted by hmb12
My goal is to figure out why girls especially find sex so shameful. Some girls are embarrassed of the number of guys they have slept with or the acts they have done in the bedroom. I personally don't feel ashamed, so I will add that option. ...
I used to worry about it but as i have gotten older i find its not as important anymore
01/25/2013
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I was always more afraid of partner judgments about my lack of experience than anything else. ("You're HOW old and only done it a FEW times????") Closely followed by expressions of disgust that I (an unattractive, plush woman) was being sexual at all. So, mine was more "self-loathing" than shame.
01/25/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by RonLee
I'm male and I'd agree with your statements, Rossie.
I personally am not ashamed about having had sex with both men and women.
However, I have experienced being denigrated for having had relations with men. People I would otherwise ...
You know that just sickens me. We're pretty hetero-flexible under the right conditions and it's a fantasy we play around with quite frequently. My family hardcore believes that if a man has a penis anywhere near him and he enjoys it any capacity that he's a [forgive me please] fag. It just incenses me to no end.

My sister didn't speak to me for quite a long time because I had a girlfriend in high school instead of a boyfriend.

I refuse to be ashamed of any of it.
01/25/2013
ginnyluvspotter ginnyluvspotter
I used to be about doing somethings during sex but I got over a lot of that.
01/25/2013
TrenchcoatHunters TrenchcoatHunters
Quote:
Originally posted by hmb12
My goal is to figure out why girls especially find sex so shameful. Some girls are embarrassed of the number of guys they have slept with or the acts they have done in the bedroom. I personally don't feel ashamed, so I will add that option. ...
I'm a girl and im not ashamed about it
01/25/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by hmb12
My goal is to figure out why girls especially find sex so shameful. Some girls are embarrassed of the number of guys they have slept with or the acts they have done in the bedroom. I personally don't feel ashamed, so I will add that option. ...
I was pretty conservative growing up, but never felt shame about sex. Too enjoyable. Of course, it is a really odd activity, if you look at it in a detached way. Funny even. All in all, I had good lovers so shame never played into the equation.
01/25/2013
null null
I'm ashamed at times, but I was taught that sex, even married, heterosexual, baby-making sex, it bad, wrong and shameful. Much less polyamorous, polysexual, unmarried sex.
Thank you conservative Christian parents in a southern state.
01/25/2013
sexxxkitten sexxxkitten
I'm female and I don't feel ashamed. I think the shame comes mostly from religion.
01/25/2013
Mrs.Tee Mrs.Tee
Quote:
Originally posted by hmb12
My goal is to figure out why girls especially find sex so shameful. Some girls are embarrassed of the number of guys they have slept with or the acts they have done in the bedroom. I personally don't feel ashamed, so I will add that option. ...
i dont feel ashamed at all
01/25/2013
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by hmb12
My goal is to figure out why girls especially find sex so shameful. Some girls are embarrassed of the number of guys they have slept with or the acts they have done in the bedroom. I personally don't feel ashamed, so I will add that option. ...
I am a girl & I am not ashamed about sex. How society feels or how others feel about sex has not affected me, thankfully. When you ask if we feel ashamed, if you mean ashamed of our sexual lives as far as being a whore or too easy is concerned, that is not something I deal with because I've been with the same man for almost 7 years now.

Assuming we're still talking about feeling shame due to how many partners we've had, let's just fast forward a little...

Before these past 7 years, before my partner and I ever got together, it was a different story. If you'd asked me then if I feel shame over my sexual activity, I might would have said yes. I'm really not sure I ever felt a lot of guilt or shame, but I can admit that there was/is one thing that I was at least a little bit ashamed of as far as my sexual activity went. I was afraid to say no. When a boyfriend approached the topic of sex, many times I gave in to those typical lies and persuasion. "You're just a scared little girl" was enough to make me give it up once. I don't know why I let words by boyfriends affect me to such an extent that I'd give my self to them when I did not want to, but I did. And I would later feel really badly because I did not want to give myself to these people, not even a tiny bit & I'd kick myself for doing things that I did not want to do just to keep someone from pestering me.

If we're talking about being ashamed because of other things though, such as appearance-wise, then I'd say it depends. Usually, I'm pretty okay with not letting too many icky thoughts about my appearance get in the way of our sex. I have days where I don't feel as confident flaunting it all, but not so bad.

Basically, these days, I feel no shame about anything I do sexually. I'm only with my partner, we are monogamous, we do not feel guilty about the acts we do during our sex & we're pretty happy.

That is not to say I don't cherish myself and my body, even if my partner and I have sex regularly. I cherished my virginity, but didn't totally beat myself up too much over losing it. Today, I see those mistakes as lessons learned, experience that shaped the knowledge and strength I have now, as a woman. Really, they did actually contribute to me looking deep inside myself and seeing that I had to see me as someone too special to just give away to people who pretended to love me. I do cherish my body though and view it as something special, every single time I give it, even if I am giving it to the same spouse over & over. Each time, it's special. It was not pleasurable for me to lose my virginity, and I really don't dwell on it, and I highly doubt any girl finds their first time (or their first 10 times!) pleasurable, so it's not a matter of pleasure over virginity, it wasn't for me anyway.
01/25/2013
ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
None other than those close to me (friends, and others I've dated) even know that I consider myself some-what bisexual. I dated a few girls in high school and very much enjoyed it. I have never had sex with a female, however. I have never felt ashamed, just knew my religious family would never accept it.

I do remember once my girlfriend and I went to our high school's football game together. We kissed a lot, just like the other straight couples did. We liked each other and acted just like the other couples did. Whenever we kissed the guys would stare and chant things like "all right!" and such. The girls called us sluts and dikes. It was hurtful.

We weren't ashamed though, and just did the usual. My family has no idea I ever dated a girl. It's frustrating.

As far as sex in general goes, I'm not ashamed at all even though I used to be. Now I actually find that I wish I could talk more openly about my sex life. I'm really happy about all the different things we have tried and enjoyed. I wish there was someone I knew in person to talk to about the everyday things we try.
01/25/2013
Nickki Hard Nickki Hard
I have never been ashamd about anything to do with my past least of all sex. I am very open about my sex life. I admit I have treated men the way most men treat women. Wham bam thank you man. If and when I am a relationship I give the correct, and rather large number of men I have been with. If I needed to I could list names also. No Fear here!
Maybe this is bad, some may think I have no respect for myself. That thought is wrong I respect myself more I think. I am friends with many of the men I have slept with, one of my good friends is the guy that I lost it too, and my best friend is one of my ex's (we started as friends, went to fuck buddies, went on to a relationship, that ended when he fell in love with me, and he is now my best friend)!
Ok maybe I gave a little TMI here, but sex is nothing to be ashmed of!
01/25/2013
PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
I don't feel ashamed.
01/26/2013
Beautiful-Disaster Beautiful-Disaster
i dont feel ashamed.. there are people out there that like to try makin me feel ashamed.
01/26/2013
jr2012 jr2012
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I was always more afraid of partner judgments about my lack of experience than anything else. ("You're HOW old and only done it a FEW times????") Closely followed by expressions of disgust that I (an unattractive, plush woman) was being ...
I feel you on this one Chilipepper! Girls, myself included, let our shame about our bodies run very deep. I can't offer a solution but it is a good point.

(hugs for all the squishy bellies out there!)
01/26/2013
LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
I love sex and I feel great about it. lol

Actually, come to think of it, I guess I did used to be ashamed of thinking sexual ideas and such because of religion. I was so sexually suppressed, my boyfriend worried that I was asexual or something. I would masturbate, but I would do it with a blank mind for no reason aside from how it felt and I felt bad about doing that, too, but I couldn't stop myself.

Anyway, we had some talks about sex and he explained that there was nothing wrong with feeling sexual things toward someone you've been in love with for 3 years. Especially if you knew you wanted to spend your life with them like we did. I thought about it and decided he was right and I told him he had permission to think about me that way and I'd be happy if he did and asked if he was alright with me thinking that way about him. XD That was the beginning of something beautiful.

I can't believe I came from being like that to the way I am now. o.o; Now I'm a sex fiend with a filthy mind.

It's probably for the best that our relationship wasn't ever about anything sexual at all for so long considering our age gap. lol
01/26/2013
hmb12 hmb12
Quote:
Originally posted by RonLee
I'm male and I'd agree with your statements, Rossie.
I personally am not ashamed about having had sex with both men and women.
However, I have experienced being denigrated for having had relations with men. People I would otherwise ...
I have a guy roommate who is bi. I personally get annoyed when people say that it's because he doesn't have much luck with girls. Yes, he dates more men than women, but I personally don't think anyone should say it because of some sort of shortcoming on his part.

I'm a girl, and I can't picture myself with a girl to any extent, but that is my own choice, and it is by no means the right one for everyone.

I also like your pipe picture!
01/26/2013
hmb12 hmb12
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
You know that just sickens me. We're pretty hetero-flexible under the right conditions and it's a fantasy we play around with quite frequently. My family hardcore believes that if a man has a penis anywhere near him and he enjoys it any ...
I'd post the celebratory cheerful face in reply to this, but my smileys are broken

Great post! My boyfriend grew up with a family like this and luckily he can't stand it either.
01/26/2013
Marie Hanna Marie Hanna
I think a lot of it is religion.
01/26/2013
P'Gell P'Gell
I'm a woman and I have never felt guilty about any sexual activity I have taken part in at all.

However, I was raised to be ashamed of sex. I refused to allow that shit to stick with me past the age of 13 or so. I think it's our job, when becoming adults, to rise about the bullshit we were "raised" with, especially if it was based on fear, guilt, shame and misunderstanding of how humans act, behave, enjoy themselves and respond.

I don't that heterosexual sex is something a woman "gives" and a man "takes." It is two people (no matter what their gender, sex or role) enjoying each other. I've never "given it up" to anyone, I've enjoyed consensual sex with people, but we shared it together.

The first time I had sex, getting rid of the albatross of "Virginity" was a HUGE relief. I nearly as glad to be rid of it as one is to be rid of a pimple.... or syphilis.
01/26/2013
hmb12 hmb12
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
I am a girl & I am not ashamed about sex. How society feels or how others feel about sex has not affected me, thankfully. When you ask if we feel ashamed, if you mean ashamed of our sexual lives as far as being a whore or too easy is concerned, ...
Yeah. I feel like our society in America doesn't talk enough about it. I don't know you personally, but I've known a few guys myself that think that there is nothing wrong with trying to pressure a girl into sex. I dealt with that a lot in relationships when I was younger. At this point, I'd run really fast away from anyone that continuously pestered me about sex. I feel like people get the idea that sex is either something to accomplish or that it's something to hide from at a young age.

I like to think of it as a key part of a trusting relationship, to understand each other sexually and know each others boundaries and needs is something that is good for a mature relationship. Exploring together is good, but pushing someone into something is a very immature way of doing it and I guess society is uncomfortable with viewing it that way.
01/26/2013
hmb12 hmb12
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
None other than those close to me (friends, and others I've dated) even know that I consider myself some-what bisexual. I dated a few girls in high school and very much enjoyed it. I have never had sex with a female, however. I have never felt ...
Aww, I've mentioned this before in a post. The myth that guy bisexuals are non-existent and that female bisexuals are doing it for a guys attention.

I know a lot of people that think bi girls are hot, and that bi guys are just homosexuals that haven't come out fully. I get angry about this a little, I'm a heterosexual female so people think I must also feel this way, but they don't know what my boyfriend and I do behind closed doors. We aren't 100% traditional, we are in the process of exploring things with each other and finding out what we like that we haven't ever done before and it's fun. I'm totally open to anything that feels good. If I enjoyed kissing females, I wouldn't hide it. It's just not my thing.
01/26/2013
P'Gell P'Gell
Oddly, I've never felt I had to have sex with anyone. If I didn't want to, I'd say no and that would be the end of it.

I wonder if it correlates to my lack of guilt and belief and understanding that my body is my own not for others to play with, if I don't consent, and not for others to attempt to shove their medieval belief systems onto.

When you truly, truly know you own your own body, there is NO guilt and no feeling that one needs to comply with any sexual request that one doesn't want to engage in. Only when one feels that one's body is NOT one's own do things like guilt and pressure to have sex against one's will come into play. (Of course, rape being a completely different thing. One can't stop a rapist.) My comments are confined to women who think they "have to let a guy do what he wants" and it correlates to feelings of the fear of abandonment, a fear of being alone or a fear of not taking the strong lead to being in control of one's own body and one's own life.

It's hard to work and a great deal of responsibility to say, "My decisions are mine and my body is mine!" Once one owns ones decisions, further decisions (especially about sex) rarely end in guilt.

It also helps if you can say, "Fuck "society" and their backwards belief system!"
01/26/2013
hmb12 hmb12
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickki Hard
I have never been ashamd about anything to do with my past least of all sex. I am very open about my sex life. I admit I have treated men the way most men treat women. Wham bam thank you man. If and when I am a relationship I give the correct, and ...
I've strung a guy along before. I felt bad eventually. He told me he wanted just sex because he wanted to lose his virginity. So we were friends for a while and I was wary of pushing him into something, when he persisted for several weeks, I warned him that I wasn't sure I wanted anything serious. We had sex for a while, and he started acting like I wasn't aloud to hang out with anyone, even girl friends, without telling him. He started saying I love you, and I don't know where I went wrong, but he fell for me a bit. I ended up having to tell him that I was interested in someone else before he stopped talking to me.
01/26/2013
hmb12 hmb12
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I was always more afraid of partner judgments about my lack of experience than anything else. ("You're HOW old and only done it a FEW times????") Closely followed by expressions of disgust that I (an unattractive, plush woman) was being ...
This is interesting to me because I've just recently become friends with a guy that thinks I'm nowhere near sexually attractive, though he considers me a good friend, because I am too small. I'm around a bit over 5ft tall, and weigh 130 something. I used to be much lighter, and I feel like this is the biggest I have been (yet I know I am still small). It gets me down sometimes to be at my largest weight, even if I do look fine. People I knew from high school say I look so much better with more weight on me. I never had an eating disorder or anything to cause me to be so skinny, but I feel awkward that people notice so often. Its weird, sometimes I like it sometimes I don't. But having a friend that says "you need to gain 60 lbs to be attractive to me" makes me have faith in the fact that its all in my head that guys only like tiny girls.

Girls need curves, I'd hate to lose mine! There are so many attractive curvy girls out there that I like to remember when I get down on myself. Every girl feels unattractive sometimes, and I hate people who try to make others feel bad about themselves.
01/26/2013
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