Would you believe a guy you just met that wants to have monogamous sex w/ you long term?

edeneve edeneve
would you believe a guy you just met that wants to have monogamous sex w/ you long term? he says that's what he's looking for & will be monogamous as long as the sexual relationship works for him. should it not, he says he will tell you it's not working for him.
10/11/2013
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PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I believe people will say anything they think you want to hear, in order to get what they want. I wouldn't be very trusting of what he has to say, but that's just me.
10/11/2013
Rory Rory
Ask him again when you get to know him better. He may be sincere but only time will tell. I'm still long term monogamous with a man I meet 41 years ago!!!!!
10/13/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
I believe people will say anything they think you want to hear, in order to get what they want. I wouldn't be very trusting of what he has to say, but that's just me.
I see we are both skeptics! Basically you do not know him, right? Take what he says with a dose of skepticism and wait to see what his actions say while you get to know him better. Only time will tell and you can never err by being cautious! Besides, anyone who would have a problem with you being cautious and looking out for yourself is someone not to be trusted and is unconcerned with your welfare.

But if this statement is something that is supposed to gain your approval for something, for example your willingness to start a sexual relationship with him, then I say be suspicious! Surely someone who means this statement should be willing to give you time to be sure. But, my instincts (admittedly based on very little), tell me he is shopping around for sex and giving himself an easy out by saying "it doesn't work for him" after he gets what he wants (or not). It's just an odd thing to say to someone you are supposedly interested in for a long term relationship, don't you think?

The last thing I would do is sleep with him now. I'd get to know him much better because I'd rather be "dumped," or leave myself, over basic incompatibilities than over a sexual matter -- I know that would really destroy my sexual confidence if that were the reason he left. It sounds like he wants to sample the merchandise before even starting to decide if there is a basis for a relationship. I personally would not want to be with someone who prizes his sexual gratification above all other reasons to be involved with someone long term, it just sounds "off".
10/13/2013
MrWill MrWill
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
would you believe a guy you just met that wants to have monogamous sex w/ you long term? he says that's what he's looking for & will be monogamous as long as the sexual relationship works for him. should it not, he says he will tell you ... More
Be cautious. Who is to say he isn't just saying that to get some and then he decides "oh, it doesn't work for me"?


Be careful.
10/13/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
I see we are both skeptics! Basically you do not know him, right? Take what he says with a dose of skepticism and wait to see what his actions say while you get to know him better. Only time will tell and you can never err by being cautious! Besides, ... More
Or perhaps he is being honest and telling the truth and it's such a refreshing change of pace that it sounds too good to be true.
10/15/2013
edeneve edeneve
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
I believe people will say anything they think you want to hear, in order to get what they want. I wouldn't be very trusting of what he has to say, but that's just me.
I agree that anybody not trustworthy will say anything they think I want to hear to get what they want. I'd like to believe people are being honest. but that's not realistic to believe, especially if it's not known whether you can trust them.
10/15/2013
CinnamonNights CinnamonNights
I think it could be possible but it should still be taken "with a grain of salt".
More often than not people will just be after what they want, which is bad if they don't want the same thing you do. I did get off lucky, I technically didn't know my boyfriend too long before he told me he wanted to be date me long term. It took me a long time to trust him because I've been hurt before, but he was very honest about wanting to be with me seriously.
So it's possible they would be sincere but still very rare so not worth all of your trust.
10/15/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
I agree that anybody not trustworthy will say anything they think I want to hear to get what they want. I'd like to believe people are being honest. but that's not realistic to believe, especially if it's not known whether you can trust them.
As long as you are "forewarned", don't let skepticism stop you. You just take the time necessary to feel comfortable and determine if he is trustworthy. I don't think anyone should be pressured into sex in order to help the other determine if you two are sexually compatible before getting to know you. And I am not saying he is doing that. But if you love someone, sex will be different anyway because it will be an expression of your emotions. He can find out plenty that would "rule you out" anyway, maybe he just thinks sex is an easy way to decide if it's worth bothering before investing time and possibly emotion? Of all the things you can think of to help you pick a long term partner, would you say sex is the most important? If it is, then you two may be on the same page. Only you know the answer to that. As long as he doesn't do anything that suggests otherwise, you can take in what he said and hope it is true.
10/15/2013
edeneve edeneve
the answer is really anyone's guess, except for the guy saying this. but at the same time, it really could be plausible.
11/06/2013
edeneve edeneve
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
the answer is really anyone's guess, except for the guy saying this. but at the same time, it really could be plausible.
I'm still confused & frustrated!
11/12/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
I see we are both skeptics! Basically you do not know him, right? Take what he says with a dose of skepticism and wait to see what his actions say while you get to know him better. Only time will tell and you can never err by being cautious! Besides, ... More
Well said.
11/12/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Well said.
Thanks! I try very hard to give thoughtful responses and I get frustrated sometimes when the person asking doesn't respond (I am NOT saying that is the case this time, Edeneve did respond). Others have often enough not responded that I hesitate now and have to decide if I want to "go there". So, I really appreciate hearing that from you!
11/12/2013
Alonewulf Alonewulf
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
would you believe a guy you just met that wants to have monogamous sex w/ you long term? he says that's what he's looking for & will be monogamous as long as the sexual relationship works for him. should it not, he says he will tell you ... More
Anyone wanting a monogamous relationship shouldn't put a sex based stipulation on sex like that. Why would he say "as long as the sex works for me"? That's dumb.
11/13/2013
Sincerely Yours, N Sincerely Yours, N
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
would you believe a guy you just met that wants to have monogamous sex w/ you long term? he says that's what he's looking for & will be monogamous as long as the sexual relationship works for him. should it not, he says he will tell you ... More
No. To quote the eternal words of Dr. House, "Everybody lies." Even if he isn't lying to me, he might be lying to himself and might change his mind tomorrow.

Now, if I've known him for a while, I would have a better gauge of how likely he is to change his mind.
11/13/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
There is no guarantee in anything. He could be lying or telling the truth. People generally have a pattern of behavior. If he had only three long term relationships and was monogamous, it is highly likely that he is telling the truth. If he hasn't had a relationship longer than a month, chances are he will be true to you for about a month.
11/14/2013
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 11