Amusing Misconceptions You Had About Sex?

Madeira Madeira
When I was little and sex was first explained to me, I was told that "male and female genitalia are designed to fit together" and so somehow I got the notion that you found the person who "fit" and married them... sort of a lock and key system.

Also when I was little and I saw my baby brother for the first time I asked "What's that?" pointing to his penis, not because I didn't know what a penis was, but because I thought boys didn't grow penises until adolescence.

Anyone else have any funny misguided ideas about sex when they were young?
09/18/2010
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Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
Thanks to a comment from my uncle, I thought a girl could get pregnant if a boy touched her knees.
09/18/2010
Alicia Alicia
When I was little I never really realized that the vagina was an actual hole. It's amazing how I had one and yet never really knew what it was until I was near puberty. I thought that sex was a man rubbing his penis up against the woman's crotch.
09/18/2010
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
When I was little I never really realized that the vagina was an actual hole. It's amazing how I had one and yet never really knew what it was until I was near puberty. I thought that sex was a man rubbing his penis up against the woman's crotch.
Same here! I had an extremely hazy understanding of sexual health and development until sex ed in fifth grade. Before then, I thought that the urethra and vagina were sort of the same thing. My only "official" source of information on sex was a Parenting book I found that had a section on giving children "the talk". It talked about sperm fertilizing the egg, so while I knew what was going on on a microscopic level, I had no idea how the macroscopic event actually unfolded. I figured that when two people really loved each other, the man's sperm would somehow magically float to the woman's egg and fertilize it.
09/18/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Madeira
When I was little and sex was first explained to me, I was told that "male and female genitalia are designed to fit together" and so somehow I got the notion that you found the person who "fit" and married them... sort of a lock ... More
Heh, I thought that getting pregnant had something to do with dragging pants around because my Grandfather once said my Grandmother got pregnant everytime he drug his pants through the room. I had this image of candles, mood music and some odd ritual involving sexy lingerie and a man dragging a pair of pants through the room, flourishing it around while she moaned and got pregnant.

My Dad is such a lover of porn that I don't remember ever not knowing how sex worked but for some reason I didn't connect that to getting pregnant till later when I studied animal biology. I was terrified for a while that you could get pregnant by kissing but when I refused to kiss my Dad, my parents sat me down and gently explained that sex was how you made a baby...never said anything about the mechanics, mind you. I just remember being totally satisfied with that answer and really glad my Dad wasn't gonna get me pregnant!
09/19/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
My mother the RN was so clinical about sex since my early childhood that I never understood why anyone wanted to do it (it sounded boring as hell the way she went about educating me). I was more terrified of the intense passions I had, which were never covered in our talks; and with the cruelty of teenagers I was never allowed to express it during my so-called 'feeling out' years. It's only now (in my early 30's) that we're talking about that end of the spectrum and she was surprised: "You apparently have a much higher drive than your father or I ever had."
09/19/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
When I found out that a man's penis went into a woman's vagina, I didn't know that there was any motion involved. I thought that he just stuck it in there, and "released" sperm when he wanted to. The idea of erection was foreign to me, I had no idea there was such a thing.

In 8th grade I saw a boy messing around and humping a desk and everyone was laughing and I thought. "Oh, he must be imitating sex. It makes sense with motion."

I also thought men only had "sperm" on a cycle, like women had their periods. I heard the term "sexually compatible" and I thought you had to find a man who "had his sperm" at the same time that you had your period, so you could get pregnant.

I was told NOTHING about sex in any detail. A friend told me the basics, and even then, my mom didn't want to tell me what was correct or incorrect. My dad insisted they tell me SOMETHING (because the girl who told me, when I was in second grade said the man has to "piss in the woman to have sex") and at least my dad wanted to correct that misconception. But, I was given NO details except that it was a "sin" to have sex outside of marriage and that I wouldn't like it until I was married, and my mother also gave me the impression that it was something women did, when absolutely necessary only to "keep their man." (No wonder my dad left her.) I had no idea how it could be so awful BEFORE marriage and then suddenly be something you might like a little bit.
09/19/2010
Sir Sir
Not about sex, per se, but about genitalia. I thought that if I wished it enough, that I would magically grow a penis.


Yeah. Stupid, right? HAHA!

Sex though, no, not really - just thought that it would be easier than it actually is.
09/19/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Heh, I thought that getting pregnant had something to do with dragging pants around because my Grandfather once said my Grandmother got pregnant everytime he drug his pants through the room. I had this image of candles, mood music and some odd ritual ... More
Airen, when I was little, I was terrified I could get pregnant by using the same towel my father or boy cousins used.
09/19/2010
Jenniae09 Jenniae09
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Heh, I thought that getting pregnant had something to do with dragging pants around because my Grandfather once said my Grandmother got pregnant everytime he drug his pants through the room. I had this image of candles, mood music and some odd ritual ... More
I was terrified of kissing my parents too! But they never explained it to me further. That's when I began hitting my teenage years of independence before I was even close to being a teenager.
Then when I began actually learning about it I somehow didn't expect it to take so long. I thought the penis would insert, move around a little bit until comfortable and then release the sperm and you would be pregnant! Man was I wrong lol.
09/19/2010
Tuesday Tuesday
My mother was an RN too, but refused to tell me anything about sex. I asked her how babies came out. She was intensely uncomfortable with this question. I finally badgered her into admitting that they came out of "a hole" that was not the urethra or anus. I assumed that she had scars on her abdomen from when each baby popped out, like Aliens.

In the second grade, a girl mentioned the word 'penis' and I asked 'What's that?' I guarantee you I was the last in my class to learn about anatomy.

I assumed that when a baby was born the parents said "This one looks like a girl/boy" and with that declaration, the baby assumed that gender.
09/19/2010
NightNight NightNight
For awhile I didn't realize my vagina had a hole that went some ways inside me, or that this opening was a different thing than where my pee came from. I, for the longest time, could not conceive how a penis would go "into" a vagina (this just seemed IMPOSSIBLE) and could only make sense of procreation by assuming two people having sex were just rubbing against each other. Even when I learned through illustrated cross sections how a penis fit inside a vagina I couldn't believe my body was capable of that. I had never felt like I had this "empty space" inside me.
09/19/2010
Not here Not here
When I was little I thought sex was when a man and woman hugged and kissed while rolling around on a bed. I definitely don't think I was alone in thinking this, but it seems ridiculous looking back on my concept of sex as a kid. I guess kissing seems like a BIG deal to a kid, though.
09/19/2010
iceman681 iceman681
because i had seen my sis naked when i was 2. my mom said i refused to pee out side because i thought the wind would blow it off. haha
09/19/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Airen, when I was little, I was terrified I could get pregnant by using the same towel my father or boy cousins used.
ROFL the bad thing is you know our kids have stories like this they could tell if they had the courage! :p
09/20/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
My mother was an RN too, but refused to tell me anything about sex. I asked her how babies came out. She was intensely uncomfortable with this question. I finally badgered her into admitting that they came out of "a hole" that was not the ... More
LOL How cute! I can just see the parents and nurses grouped around the poor baby saying things like, "Hmmmmm looks more like a girl than a boy" baby grunts a bit and HUZZAH! A girl! Could you imagine if they disagreed? Poor lil baby no wonder they are so tired that first couple of weeks!
09/20/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by NightNight
For awhile I didn't realize my vagina had a hole that went some ways inside me, or that this opening was a different thing than where my pee came from. I, for the longest time, could not conceive how a penis would go "into" a vagina ... More
I felt the same way. I "found" my vagina when I was a small child and asked my mom, "What is that other hole for?" And she said, "I'm not going to tell you, it isn't important. Why are you touching yourself there, anyway?" (DAMN, it's the one of the most important holes in my body, afaic.) My dad made her tell me, because obviously I asked. She just said that was where babies came out.

The first time I saw My Man's erect penis we were not yet having PIV sex, just messing around. And I thought to myself, "OMG, that is NEVER going to fit." I was scared. But, there was no problem a few weeks later, and a lot of manual stim and coaxing and the damn thing FIT! And I loved it. I had thought that erect penises were about the size of a baby's as that was all I had seen. Of course, with my luck I get a Big Boy for my first. Made for an interesting and terrifying week or so, until I understood the mechanics of lubrication and arousal.

OH, and I also mistook my perineum (taint) for my hymen! I thought "OMG, that thing has to RIP? I'm going to die!" Thank goodness, My Man assured me that was NOT my hymen. In fact, I never had much of a hymen at all.
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09/20/2010
Lavender*Moon Lavender*Moon
After walking in on my parents at the age of 5, I pretty much knew everything about the actual act of sex and how babies are made. My only misconception was about penis size. I figured they were all the same size. Being that my father and some of my uncles (in their speedos....that's another topic) looked like they were on the larger size, I was quite surprised at how small my first was. I actually remember thinking, I guess he forgot his extention.
09/21/2010
NightNight NightNight
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I felt the same way. I "found" my vagina when I was a small child and asked my mom, "What is that other hole for?" And she said, "I'm not going to tell you, it isn't important. Why are you touching yourself there, ... More
HAHA Oh my god, I threw my head back in laughter at your hymen story.

I remember when I was little I felt what I now assume are pieces of my torn hymen and was so ashamed because I thought I was growing a tiny penis
09/21/2010
Luvasaurus Luvasaurus
When I was in 1st grade, a kid in my class told me that his dad peed in his mom's mouth every sunday. I remember when that clicked in my head later. Ohhhhhhhh... he probably wasn't peeing in her mouth. Or maybe he was?

I thought it was bagina until i saw the word.
09/21/2010
Luvasaurus Luvasaurus
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I felt the same way. I "found" my vagina when I was a small child and asked my mom, "What is that other hole for?" And she said, "I'm not going to tell you, it isn't important. Why are you touching yourself there, ... More
I told my first bf I was waiting until marriage, because losing my virginity to his 8 1/2 inch cock terrified me at 13.
09/21/2010
Zeracan Zeracan
I can barely remember even thinking about any sexual matters at all until I was 9, when my best friend introduced me to late night HBO and its many wonders. As the saying goes, it all went downhill from there.
10/20/2010
Blinker Blinker
I used to think girls only had 1 hole, where the pee comes out. I just thought it was the pee-hole. Thank goodness I was wrong.
10/20/2010
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
The only thing I could never figure out was where babies came out. Even at 11, when my mom was preggo with baby sis, I thought if my mom had to poop, that the baby would just "magically appear." (same baby sis who thought married Christians have 'boring vanilla sex' as I mention in my blog today) Needless to say that once I expressed my misconception, I was given the correct details. Mom was never shy. In fact, it's where I get my over-sharing issue from. Guess reviewing sex toys is just a natural step because I'm sure my blog readers don't want my reviews mixed in with my faith and spirituality posts!

On another note, when I worked in a pediatrician's office, the nurse practitioner told us of a girl, when asked if she was sexually active, her response was, "No, I just lay there, he's the one who's active." Sixteen. This is how they get pregnant!
10/22/2010
SexyTabby SexyTabby
I was really just uneducated. I was never told anything about sexuality. Learned very brief where babies come from in school with only a hint of what sex even was or how the sperm and eggs hooked up.

When I started my cycle I thought I was sick and would die. No great explanation just told no no it's normal - wasn't even told it would only happen for a week or so. I was figuring I would bleed til eternity.
10/22/2010
Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
ROFL the bad thing is you know our kids have stories like this they could tell if they had the courage! :p
I USED TO THINK THAT TOO.
10/22/2010
Dame Demi Dame Demi
I thought sex happened by accident.

For some background, I am an only child, so had no older siblings to help educate me. Mom & Dad avoided the subject entirely. I attended Catholic school from grades 1-8. My friends were as sheltered and clueless as I was. I assumed what I saw and was told were true, so I tried to connect the bits and pieces of the information I received in a logical manner.

Here follows the account of what led me to the above assumption:

1st Grade, age 6 - In the car on the way to school one morning, I asked my Mom where babies come from. She replied, "Mommy's belly." I pondered this, then asked how they got inside her belly. She replied "Mommy and Daddy pray together very hard, and when they've prayed enough, God puts a baby in Mommy's belly." My mother had her gallbladder removed back in the Middle Ages, so she has a large scar on her abdomen, which kept me from asking how the baby got out of Mommy's belly; I just drew the logical conclusion there. Even though they put me in a Catholic school, my family wasn't particularly religious--I think Mom just panicked.

Grades 1-3? - Ok, so Mom told me Mommy and Daddy prayed real hard and God put a baby in Mommy's belly. Mom, however, also watched soap operas, which meant I grumpily ended up watching soap operas instead of cartoons sometimes. Hrumph. Eventually, though, I started to notice the women on soap operas were always getting pregnant by accident. Something didn't add up here. I probably asked my mother about it, but I imagine she fled since I don't remember her response. I think I decided the people probably said the wrong prayers or something.

Grades 2-3? - By this time, had heard the word "sex," but didn't have much idea what it involved. The soap opera people seemed to be kissing naked together in bed a lot, so I figured that was it. No connection between sex and pregnancy yet; I was still buying the prayer thing.

Grades 2-4? - I'm old enough to remember a time before VCRs. My friend's father had a collection of actual movie reel porn films. When we found the stash, we had no access to a projector and couldn't view the films. However, the movie boxes had photographs on them; LOTS of photographs, very explicit photographs, and photographs that...well, let's just say her father owned some 'specialized' films. Naked people were cool, we already got that. The 'specialized' pictures were gross, but we understood the WHAT, if not the WHY--people were peeing and pooping on each other, then eating and drinking it sometimes. REALLY GROSS, yes, but peeing and pooping were at least familiar things to pre-pubescent girls. The rest of the pictures were far more confusing. Naked people kissing--ok, that jived with the soap opera stuff, cool enough. We knew what 'wee-wees' were, but we had no concept of an erection--so the pictures were obviously of wee-wees, but they didn't look like those we had seen on our fathers, friends, brothers, cousins, whoever. We also couldn't understand what exactly the men and women were doing with these unnaturally-shaped wee-wee's; I guess holding them or batting them around a bit seemed ok, but we definitely didn't understand WHY anyone would do something like lick one, or put in in his or her mouth! The boxes showed scatology, golden showers, and oral sex, but I don't think they showed vaginal or anal penetration. After much discussion and debate, we finally figured it out, and attributed it to--CLAYMATION! Well, wee-wee's didn't really look like those pictures, and NOBODY would ever lick one, or put one in his or her mouth. So we thought of our old-time holiday specials, and determined the movie people used the same methods to make these strange, hard wee-wees out of clay so the people in the movies could suck on them and stuff. Putting a REAL one in your mouth was just beyond disgusting, and the movie wee-wees didn't even look real! We didn't really understand WHY they would do this, but we didn't understand why people would pee or poop on each other, either. We chalked it all up as a way for grown-ups to get to see naked people.

Grade 5 - Dum DUM! Sex ed, Catholic-school style! Realistically, it wasn't as bad as many of you might think (but writing this now has me believing it was much worse than I realized). They separated the boys and the girls, and each group had its own class. We learned about our vaginas, and our periods--what would happen and why. We learned pregnancy was caused when a sperm fertilized an egg, and we learned the sperm came from a man during sex. Ok, at least, the prayer theory was finally dispelled. We were told sex was for married men and women, and that it felt good, which was ok (yay, Vatican II!) because it was a gift from God. They showed us diagrams of girl parts and boy parts, we learned the boy parts were actually called penises, and that they were the source of the sperm. They left out some unnecssary details like erections and orgasms, though. So, since we hadn't yet reached puberty, we understood WHAT had to happen, but had no freaking clue WHY anyone would ever want to do it! I remember my friend saying during recess "I wanted to have 5 kids when I grow up, but if that's what it takes to have one, I'll have to adopt them all. I'll NEVER do THAT. It's just GROSS!" (Sideline: she, naturally, got pregnant in high school.) I wasn't particularly grossed out, but even though I now knew how a woman technically got pregnant, I still didn't actually know what 'sex' was. Ok, they taught us a woman got pregnant when a sperm from a man's penis entered her vagina and fertilized an egg. Got it. They left out a few minor details, though, like erections, penetration, and ejaculation. They told us sex felt good, so I basically thought 'having sex' meant a man and a woman got into bed together naked, then kissed and hugged for awhile. Kids generally like hugs and kisses, so it wasn't too difficult to imagine a "grown-up" version that felt good and involved naked--because naked was still good. The missing links of penetration and ejaculation caused me a lot of confusion, however, because without them, I still couldn't figure out how those damn soap-opera women kept getting pregnant by accident! Those links are pretty important when you're trying to put this stuff together, especially when you're a child who has not yet reached puberty, had an orgasm, or even consciously experienced sexual arousal. Looking at naked people made my vagina feel a little 'tingly' sometimes; so I might want to touch it, but it sure as hell never occured to me to try putting something in it! WTF? (Literally.)

Continued in the next post...
10/23/2010
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Quote:
Originally posted by Dame Demi
I thought sex happened by accident.

For some background, I am an only child, so had no older siblings to help educate me. Mom & Dad avoided the subject entirely. I attended Catholic school from grades 1-8. My friends were as sheltered ... More
So...time to puzzle this all out. In order for a woman to get pregnant, a sperm from a penis has to enter her vagina. Ok, I got that. But I only knew about the microscopic sperm entering the vagina--nobody mentioned anything about those big, hard Claymation penises being REAL and actually entering the vagina themselves to deliver the sperm in person! I thought 'sex' occurred when a man and woman got into bed together naked and kissed and hugged and rolled around or something. They seemed to moan a lot, too, for some reason, at least in the soap operas. I knew in order to get pregnant, a sperm had to enter the vagina, so I now reasoned if a couple WANTED to get pregnant, the man would put his penis against the woman's vagina while they were doing the naked-in-bed-together stuff, maybe rub it up and down a little, perhaps even say that old prayer Mom told me about! Then, eventually, they'd both get tired and fall asleep together.
Suddenly, it all became crystal clear! Those accident-prone soap-opera people were finally explained! They had 'sex' by getting in bed naked, kissing and hugging because it felt good, and eventually got tired and fell asleep. Then, obviously, while they were asleep, the naked man rolled over on top of the naked woman, the sleeping penis came in contact with the sleeping vagina, but that pesky little sperm was wide awake and wanting to go find himself an egg! So...sleeping man ACCIDENTALLY rolls onto sleeping woman, penis touches vagina, sperm enters vagina, and thus the poor soap-opera woman accidentally becomes pregnant! Case closed! I was quite disgusted by how long it took me to figure it all out.

[It could actually have been worse, though. When she was in 3rd grade, a high school friend of mine found a video tape of her parents with another couple. I'd rather draw incorrect conclusions from soap operas and Catholic schools than learn from Mom and Dad THAT way.]
10/23/2010
Sera Sera
My mother used to call the vagina a "tutor" so I always thought of the person who was helping me with my homework as some kind of vagina. I always saw sort of a weird resemblance. It was really weird. I still haven't gotten over it.
10/25/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera
My mother used to call the vagina a "tutor" so I always thought of the person who was helping me with my homework as some kind of vagina. I always saw sort of a weird resemblance. It was really weird. I still haven't gotten over it.
OMG that is priceless...I need to get a Math Vagina....
10/25/2010
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