Just a phase?

FaerieLove FaerieLove
Now I'm bisexual. When my mom met my girlfriend at the time that she found out I wasn't straight she just leaned into my dad and said: "Don't worry she's just going through a phase, she'll grow out of it." She was convinced it was just a phase. It seems like I'm not the only person who's experienced the "you're just going through a phase" remarks. Did anyone else get this? If so what was your so called "phase"?
08/20/2011
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FleurDevereux FleurDevereux
My mom told my dad that me liking girls may or may not be a phase.
But she said having an open relationship with my fiance and swinging is definitely just a phase.
Well, if that's true, so far it's been a 4-year phase.
Maybe I'll get over it after we've been married for 60 years.

Hell with it. Life is just a phase. Do what makes you happy and enjoy the fuck out of it.
08/21/2011
Peggi Peggi
Although not sex-related, my parents would say that everything from wanting to dye my hair to multiple colors (such as black and orange) to wanting tattoos or piercings to the types of shows I wanted to watch was "just a phase"....yet those "phases" haven't changed for the majority of my life!

I think often, parents who don't want their children to think or feel a certain way about an issue chalk it up to a "phase", as a personal hope that eventually it'll all just go away. Which I think is silly.

Hah, being bisexual, just a phase You woke up one day and said, I think today I will be bisexual lol that is the type of mentality they would've had to go through, were my theory not the case...but who knows, after all, so many people also believe it is a "choice", meh, could've been either I suppose :/
08/22/2011
Kkay Kkay
I've also experienced this, and found it very dismissive. I dislike how much my family wanted to force an identity on me.
08/22/2011
LuciFaery LuciFaery
Ah~ The phase remark.

When I was 16, I'd broken up with my first girlfriend, and our relationship lasted about a year. My grandma one day, after we'd pulled into the driveway, told me that I WASN'T gay and that it was a phase. There was no asking, I was TOLD this was how I am and that I was OVER this phase. I simply rolled my eyes and said 'yeah sure, whatever'. Well, 5 years later and I still find women far more attractive than men. When will this phase end?! /Sarcasm.

Sadly, it seems that the 'It's just a phase' remarks are something we have to live with. Hopefully, your parents will come to understand that no, it's not a phase and will love you all the more for being comfortable with who you are.
08/23/2011
Ansley Ansley
It was just a phase for me and I know a few girls who used it to piss off their parents. But, that doesn't mean it's true for everyone.
08/23/2011
toxie m toxie m
I had a phase back when I was trying to figure my sexuality out in high school. Like Sapphire Storm said, it doesn't mean it's true for everyone and it's definitely not cool to be TELLING people that their bisexuality is a phase. However, by the same token there are people who do have a phase (or more than one phases) while they're sorting out who they are.
08/23/2011
FaerieLove FaerieLove
I honestly don't believe sexuality is really as black and white as society makes it. I think its more of a grey area kind of thing. It can be ever changing, ever growing and coming and going. But overall, it seems to be different for all people.I think that in of itself makes it confusing for many people. Honestly, I'd like to think of the whole phase thing as people trying to sum up sexuality into either a black or white ideal. The phrase 'it's just a phase' allows all the grey areas to easily be dismissed as something that just happens to be passing by and short lived.
08/25/2011
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
The "phase" mentality really is sad, because it makes a young person feel like they have to eventually change to be more conventional, and that something's wrong with them if it doesn't happen. Or, alternatively, they feel confident in their identities and choices, but feel that others are against them.

It's especially messed up that issues of personal and sexual identity get chalked up to phases. These are complicated issues that some people are lucky enough to get through quickly (though frankly I think that many people don't look into them very far in the first place), while others spend most of their lives trying to figure them out.

I had brief periods where I was more attracted to women than men, others when I wasn't attracted to anybody, and even one where I was phallophobic (afraid of penises). I only ever told my mother, and I'm grateful that she never told me that any of it was due to a phase, and allowed me to figure it out in my own time. I now refer to them as "phases" I went through, because they had a definite ending point, but I didn't call them that while they were going on.
09/04/2011
(k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
When I was in middle school and came out as bisexual, my mother said it was just a phase, something I was doing for shock value.
It's been just about 10 years, and since I've learned more about sexualities, I've discovered that I actually classify as pansexual instead of bi.
Either way, my mother prefers not to talk about it because- well, I guess talking about it all these years later would mean admitting that it's actually how I am, not a phase.
12/05/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
No one ever told me my sexuality was a phase, probably because I never "Came out" about it, so much as just did what I wanted to do and didn't care who knew. However, my mother did think my decision not to have kids was "just a phase" even though my conviction just gets stronger as time goes on.
12/05/2011
Lindsey123 Lindsey123
Everything I ever did was "just a phase"
12/06/2011
Katelyn Katelyn
Quote:
Originally posted by FaerieLove
Now I'm bisexual. When my mom met my girlfriend at the time that she found out I wasn't straight she just leaned into my dad and said: "Don't worry she's just going through a phase, she'll grow out of it." She was ... More
My mom says the excact same thing. I used to date guys in high school but now identify as a lesbian. She says "its OK to experiment" but won't believe me when I tell her I am simply not interested in men. I don't want to pressure her so I will get wait it out until she realizes that I am not going through a phase.
12/08/2011
Envy Envy
People keep saying that me not wanting kids is a 'phase' and that I'll 'change my mind' and such. I don't want to, I'm happy not having kids and i never want any!
12/08/2011
NavyDoll87 NavyDoll87
People still tell me that I'm going through a "phase" when I say I'm bisexual. I'm 24 years old not 14. I think I've surpassed the phase stage.
12/09/2011
oldman oldman
I think people say that because it prevents them from dealing with their own issues.
12/11/2011
RonLee RonLee
Sometimes people feel the need to make a comment, if for no other reason than to fill the silence. In some if not most of those awkward times a person may say something that doesn't hold up to close examination.
Relatives and parents in particular, more often feel that need to say something. Let it slide, be the more mature person when they say something stupid like that.
Life is short, try to maximize being your own example of tolerance. You won't regret it.
12/11/2011
Missmarc Missmarc
I've learned to never bring any boyfriend or girlfriend to my parents unless I am a few days away from getting married. I learned this at 17. I really hate it when my parents judge my love life from their point of view.
12/15/2011
kendra30752 kendra30752
I don't think I've ever been told something I was doing, interested in or whatever was "just a phase." I have heard a lot of parents write the things that scare them off as "a phase". I've heard them do it when their kids go through stealing "phases", drinking/drug "phases", etc. I think in some cases, parents write it off as a phase so they don't have to deal with it.
12/15/2011
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
People keep saying that me not wanting kids is a 'phase' and that I'll 'change my mind' and such. I don't want to, I'm happy not having kids and i never want any!
Ugh, my dad does that. I decided when I was 16 that I didn't want any kids of my own. I'm 22 and my mind hasn't changed once, yet he insists that someday I'll change my mind. He just can't comprehend that some people don't want children.
12/18/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by FaerieLove
Now I'm bisexual. When my mom met my girlfriend at the time that she found out I wasn't straight she just leaned into my dad and said: "Don't worry she's just going through a phase, she'll grow out of it." She was ... More
Heh my Mom was convinced that my being pagan was just a rebellious phase, after 25 years I guess I am still rebelling. Then my being poly was another rebellion...and moving away from the State was rebellion and visiting Canada was also a rebellion...I never knew I harbored such a rebellious streak! I guess I'll get over it and settle down sometime, right?
12/18/2011
Total posts: 21
Unique posters: 19