Pegging by the numbers

Peg,
I'm 45 and have been pegged (with a previous girlfriend, when I was 33) and I loved it. Now I've been married for 11 years and my wife has no problem with anal play (giving &receiving ) she will use a dildo on me if I ask and she will sometimes ask to, my problem is she seems to be repulsed by me wanting her to use a strap on harness. But I want it so bad how do I change her mind? Tomorrow is our 11th anniversary and I was hoping to get her drunk and get her to use the feeldoe that I bought a few months back hoping to "get pegged" I haven't brought it up yet but I did break it out last Saturday and used it handheld on her but not me yet. Can you help me?

I'm not peg but I'll respond anyways since I think some more info is needed. First have you brought this up to her? From what you say it sounds like you have but you may have just danced around it. It sounds like it's something you very much desire and if that's the case you need to be up front with it. Have you asked her what her hang up with it is? Once you know that then you can work on softening her up to it and taking away any confusion she may have about it being homosexual or whatever the issue is. My wife has said she's not into it at least at the moment but it's something I try to mention occasionally in hopes that down the road she might do it. Now she obviously knows you got the feeldoe. May I ask which model you got? If it's one of the longer ones like the Feeldoe More and she's into DP you could try using it on her in that way which may serve as a bridging stone to where you want to get to. One other idea and this is something I've been working on somewhat is trying to write some erotica about your fantasy. Then when you're done try sharing it with her. Hope all this helps.

Thanks for the link. That was a good read.

Redhot, I can only say this, share how you feel, after 11 years of marriage you should be able to talk about anything openly and honestly, hoping to get her drunk to do something does not sound like the best way to go about it in my opinion.

Thank you very much. I'll update you!

I second the don't get her drunk bit. You still have to worry about her waking up to a used dildo and hazy memories of what she did. Better to figure out why she's reluctant. A glass of something or two might help a little, but completely drunk... no.

It sounds like you want this to happen more than once. It also sounds like your wife is comfortable with giving you anal stimulation, and doesn't worry that it's "messy" "wrong" or a sign of homosexual inclinations. That is a good thing, and it probably just means that she sees wearing a dildo as being incompatible with her femininity. Try to think up some ways to reinforce her femininity while she's pegging you and see where that goes.

So did you look specifically for a pegger when searching (in other words not-pegging was a deal breaker), or did you search for a good general match and then put the moves on her later?

I always look for a compatible personality first, then see if we have similar sexual interests second. It's more of a gamble but I think it leads to more happiness in the long run. When I met my pegger it was purely by chance and to date she is the only one I've met.

"pegging" is strictly female penetration of a male anally using a strap-on, strapless or harness dildo.

I don't think there's any special term for other strap-on sex. I think the idea was to destigmatize "heterosexual male receptive anal intercourse".

it was mine

I know this is false, but she could be worried you might like it too much and turn gay. There are a number of arguments against this fear, I'd just have a frank conversation and explain why you enjoy it, that you've done it before, that you love her, etc.

Since she's willing to use a dildo on him by hand I'd be more likely to suspect she sees wearing a harness and dildo as being defeminizing. Try to work out some ways that she can remain "feminine" while sporting a strap-on.

Started around 30.

Some of us were just sexually adventurous and not always in stable relationships

Don't rush into things. You haven't experienced pegging yet, but that doesn't mean that you never will. Take the time to learn how your body works and figure out what you really want (not just physically but also emotionally/relational ly) from a partner and then when it finally happens you'll be ready.