My girlfriend's fiance has the same thought process. It's not so much that it doesn't "count" he just isn't threatened by the fact that she has sex with other females.
but if it's with (gender here) it doesn't count!
10/24/2010
Quote:
It's true easier said than done. I've had threesomes before, and I'd love to have a few more, which wouldnt be hard, since I'm the go-to girl for all my friends relationships haha, but I hate that if I tell a man that I'm dating that I'm bisexual that automatically he goes to THREESOME! No. Hello? And if I suggest a threesome to any woman I'm dating she flies off the handle and says, "THIS is why I never date bisexual girls."
Originally posted by
Naughty Student
My man knows that I have had experiences with women in the past before we had been together and it always intrigued him. He even proposed a threesome but it is easier said then done(if you want to maintain a good relationship afterwards). So for us
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more
My man knows that I have had experiences with women in the past before we had been together and it always intrigued him. He even proposed a threesome but it is easier said then done(if you want to maintain a good relationship afterwards). So for us we are strictly monogamous.
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I'm terrible with relationships haha
10/26/2010
BooBadKittyFunk
Quote:
I believe it pertains to each couple's level of commitment, honesty, and trust as well as the circumstances in place. Between myself and my husband, we are extremely close to one another. He knows all my secrets, and I his. We have discussed this topic until we've beaten it to death so we're both clear on our set rules, guidelines, and limitations.
Originally posted by
Owl Identified
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or
...
more
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or both of them contends that if the woman in question has sex with another woman it's within bounds or "doesn't count". I've heard a whole host of reasons that justify this kind of reasoning such as the other woman is somehow not threatening to the man simply by virtue of not being the same gender, or that the other woman can fulfill needs that the man can't.
I am queer-identified. My romantic and sexual partners have been a mixed gender group, and I am now in a long term relationship with a man. We are in an open relationship in which I can opt to have sex with other women (or men) if I choose, but he also has the option of having sex with other women (or men) if he desires. For me the one-sided "open" thing on the grounds of bisexuality being some sort of "special" case is a little problematic.
So what do you all think of bisexuality being grounds for one-sided "openness" in relationships that are otherwise embrace a fairly monogamous lifestyle? You can select more than one on this, and of course there will probably be lots of shades of grey so please comment with your own answer if it's not provided. Thanks! less
I am queer-identified. My romantic and sexual partners have been a mixed gender group, and I am now in a long term relationship with a man. We are in an open relationship in which I can opt to have sex with other women (or men) if I choose, but he also has the option of having sex with other women (or men) if he desires. For me the one-sided "open" thing on the grounds of bisexuality being some sort of "special" case is a little problematic.
So what do you all think of bisexuality being grounds for one-sided "openness" in relationships that are otherwise embrace a fairly monogamous lifestyle? You can select more than one on this, and of course there will probably be lots of shades of grey so please comment with your own answer if it's not provided. Thanks! less
He is in the military and is currently deployed, he is not at all threatened by me dating another woman for the pure fact that to me, having a girlfriend is like having a best friend that you know on a whole different, more intimate level. They are the surrogate to be there for comfort and intimate attention. Basically best friends with benefits. Personally, I would not mind that my prospective girlfriend have a bf/husband as long as they are completely aware that there is no chance that they will be seeing a threesome anytime in their future with me. [I prefer single girls for that reason, lessens the drama.]
He feels that it would be better that I be with a woman than to come home to find out that I had ran off with another man [which I would like to make it clear that, that scenario would never EVER happen, nor would I take off with a woman]. He knows that I am fiercely loyal to him and no other person will be able to steal me away from him. But that doesn't stop me from sharing my love and affection with a fellow woman who cares for me as I will/would for her.
To someone who has no experience in this lifestyle, it may seem strange and contradicting, but it is a lifestyle none-the-less and to condemn me or anyone else who lives this way is to be a hypocrite in a sense that they expect me to be open to their kinks and lifestyle without taking in consideration of the vise versa. Basically, put yourself in our shoes and think before you speak or judge. (none of what I have stated is meant to offend anyone, if I have in any way, I apologize.)
11/03/2010
Quote:
I personally do not think that "rules" in a relationship need to inherently be created based on one or both partners' bisexuality. Our sexualities are so multi-faceted that our orientation only makes up one small piece. There are bisexuals who totally dig the monogamous thing, and heterosexuals who couldn't imagine not being polyamorous. What about a switch who is dating a submissive? Might they want to explore sexual opportunities outside of the relationship based on power dynamics rather than gender?
Originally posted by
Owl Identified
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or
...
more
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or both of them contends that if the woman in question has sex with another woman it's within bounds or "doesn't count". I've heard a whole host of reasons that justify this kind of reasoning such as the other woman is somehow not threatening to the man simply by virtue of not being the same gender, or that the other woman can fulfill needs that the man can't.
I am queer-identified. My romantic and sexual partners have been a mixed gender group, and I am now in a long term relationship with a man. We are in an open relationship in which I can opt to have sex with other women (or men) if I choose, but he also has the option of having sex with other women (or men) if he desires. For me the one-sided "open" thing on the grounds of bisexuality being some sort of "special" case is a little problematic.
So what do you all think of bisexuality being grounds for one-sided "openness" in relationships that are otherwise embrace a fairly monogamous lifestyle? You can select more than one on this, and of course there will probably be lots of shades of grey so please comment with your own answer if it's not provided. Thanks! less
I am queer-identified. My romantic and sexual partners have been a mixed gender group, and I am now in a long term relationship with a man. We are in an open relationship in which I can opt to have sex with other women (or men) if I choose, but he also has the option of having sex with other women (or men) if he desires. For me the one-sided "open" thing on the grounds of bisexuality being some sort of "special" case is a little problematic.
So what do you all think of bisexuality being grounds for one-sided "openness" in relationships that are otherwise embrace a fairly monogamous lifestyle? You can select more than one on this, and of course there will probably be lots of shades of grey so please comment with your own answer if it's not provided. Thanks! less
For me, this is an example of "fair is not always equal". I think relationship rules should be fair to all parties, but that may or may not mean that the expectations are the same of everyone.
11/03/2010
I feel like I'm jumping into this kind of late, but ah well.
The guy that I've been dating for two months is bi, and I'm kind of...playing around with the idea myself? I don't think I would want to have a third actually in the relationship (and props to CutiePatootie for making that work), but my boyfriend and I have both agreed to occasional threesomes with members of either sex. He just always adds the clause that I'm the only one that he cums in (I guess that's supposed to make me feel special?) and that I don't look at anyone else the way I look at him, which has emotional, not sexual connotations. We've also talked about adding another couple. With another couple, I think it would be easier for me to have something more long term, but I can't really give a justification as to why. So we're not really "open" per se, because no matter what the other person has to be there, but I guess that just in being open to the ideas that we are makes us more open than most couples.
The guy that I've been dating for two months is bi, and I'm kind of...playing around with the idea myself? I don't think I would want to have a third actually in the relationship (and props to CutiePatootie for making that work), but my boyfriend and I have both agreed to occasional threesomes with members of either sex. He just always adds the clause that I'm the only one that he cums in (I guess that's supposed to make me feel special?) and that I don't look at anyone else the way I look at him, which has emotional, not sexual connotations. We've also talked about adding another couple. With another couple, I think it would be easier for me to have something more long term, but I can't really give a justification as to why. So we're not really "open" per se, because no matter what the other person has to be there, but I guess that just in being open to the ideas that we are makes us more open than most couples.
12/02/2010
i know for me, being bi, i have a hard time seeing myself with only one gender ever.
whoever i settled down with, i honestly think i'd want some freedom from time to time.
whoever i settled down with, i honestly think i'd want some freedom from time to time.
12/03/2010
Quote:
I have heard other men say things like this and I wonder why. A woman has just as much of a capacity to fall in love with an other woman as an other man. Why do some men seem to under value the sexual and emotional relationships between two women in ways that they would never do if that same woman they were involved with were to have a sexual relationship with an other man?
Originally posted by
Tart
My girlfriend's fiance has the same thought process. It's not so much that it doesn't "count" he just isn't threatened by the fact that she has sex with other females.
I'm hetero, and monogamous, but I am attracted to other men. My Man is hetero and monogamous and attracted to other women. As we have not re Opened our relationship at the moment, my having a relationship, or just sex with an other man is no different (in my mind) than a bisexual woman, who is married or in a decidedly monogamous relationship, having sex with an other woman. (If the couple has an understanding of course it is a different situation.)
I don't get why female/female relationships seem to "not count" from so many people's POVs. The emotions, the sex, the orgasms and the attachments are just as real and just as valid.
12/03/2010
Quote:
For some reason your husband thinks that you might "run off" with an other man, but doesn't even consider the prospect that you could fall in love with and "run off" with an other woman?
Originally posted by
BooBadKittyFunk
I believe it pertains to each couple's level of commitment, honesty, and trust as well as the circumstances in place. Between myself and my husband, we are extremely close to one another. He knows all my secrets, and I his. We have discussed this
...
more
I believe it pertains to each couple's level of commitment, honesty, and trust as well as the circumstances in place. Between myself and my husband, we are extremely close to one another. He knows all my secrets, and I his. We have discussed this topic until we've beaten it to death so we're both clear on our set rules, guidelines, and limitations.
He is in the military and is currently deployed, he is not at all threatened by me dating another woman for the pure fact that to me, having a girlfriend is like having a best friend that you know on a whole different, more intimate level. They are the surrogate to be there for comfort and intimate attention. Basically best friends with benefits. Personally, I would not mind that my prospective girlfriend have a bf/husband as long as they are completely aware that there is no chance that they will be seeing a threesome anytime in their future with me. [I prefer single girls for that reason, lessens the drama.]
He feels that it would be better that I be with a woman than to come home to find out that I had ran off with another man [which I would like to make it clear that, that scenario would never EVER happen, nor would I take off with a woman]. He knows that I am fiercely loyal to him and no other person will be able to steal me away from him. But that doesn't stop me from sharing my love and affection with a fellow woman who cares for me as I will/would for her.
To someone who has no experience in this lifestyle, it may seem strange and contradicting, but it is a lifestyle none-the-less and to condemn me or anyone else who lives this way is to be a hypocrite in a sense that they expect me to be open to their kinks and lifestyle without taking in consideration of the vise versa. Basically, put yourself in our shoes and think before you speak or judge. (none of what I have stated is meant to offend anyone, if I have in any way, I apologize.) less
He is in the military and is currently deployed, he is not at all threatened by me dating another woman for the pure fact that to me, having a girlfriend is like having a best friend that you know on a whole different, more intimate level. They are the surrogate to be there for comfort and intimate attention. Basically best friends with benefits. Personally, I would not mind that my prospective girlfriend have a bf/husband as long as they are completely aware that there is no chance that they will be seeing a threesome anytime in their future with me. [I prefer single girls for that reason, lessens the drama.]
He feels that it would be better that I be with a woman than to come home to find out that I had ran off with another man [which I would like to make it clear that, that scenario would never EVER happen, nor would I take off with a woman]. He knows that I am fiercely loyal to him and no other person will be able to steal me away from him. But that doesn't stop me from sharing my love and affection with a fellow woman who cares for me as I will/would for her.
To someone who has no experience in this lifestyle, it may seem strange and contradicting, but it is a lifestyle none-the-less and to condemn me or anyone else who lives this way is to be a hypocrite in a sense that they expect me to be open to their kinks and lifestyle without taking in consideration of the vise versa. Basically, put yourself in our shoes and think before you speak or judge. (none of what I have stated is meant to offend anyone, if I have in any way, I apologize.) less
If you are "fiercely loyal" why is the idea of your having a Friend with Benefits who is male not a consideration? Is female-female love less important? I'm sorry, I do not understand this kind of thinking and although you are free to do what is best for your own life, you ARE capable of falling in love with a woman just as much as you are capable of falling in love with a man.
My Man and I once did have an Open Relationship, (so, I have been in your shoes) but were both very aware and recognized that either of us falling in love could cause the entire structure to come crashing down and ending our relationship. It was a chance we took, but we did recognize what could have happened. The gender identification of our other lovers has nothing to do with it, from where I have sat and played.
I'm not trying to give you a hard time, just asking why he thinks a sexual relationship with an other woman is "less threatening." Women fall in love with other women every day and being "loyal" has little to do with one's feelings when Love comes creeping into the equation.
Please, I am not trying to hurt you in any way. I just don't see why a relationship with an other woman "doesn't count." It seems to minimize woman to woman Love. And, I think woman to woman Love is beautiful and shouldn't be minimized, and certainly does "count." Doing it is one thing, pretending it doesn't "count" is an other.
Your mileage may vary, and probably does. Please don't think I'm picking on you, I'm only confused as to why a woman is seen by him (and perhaps you) as someone who could never challenge the relationship between you and he.
12/03/2010
I would say that in my marriage, even though I'm bi-curious, it does not give me the option to go have sex with a woman. It certainly does not necessitate that I have that option just because I might want to.
That being said, every couple has to determine which rules applies to their relationship, be the rules identical or not, and both parties should adhere to those rules. AND in the incidence that any of the feelings towards the rules change, an open, honest conversation needs to take place.
That being said, every couple has to determine which rules applies to their relationship, be the rules identical or not, and both parties should adhere to those rules. AND in the incidence that any of the feelings towards the rules change, an open, honest conversation needs to take place.
12/03/2010
other
01/15/2011
Quote:
It totally depends on the dynamic of the relationship and who is involved. My partner is straight and I'm pansexual and he knows that he can't satisfy my desires for being with a female. If the time ever came for me to want to be involved with a female, physically/intimately or in a relationship he'd willing to talk it out and allow that sense of freedom. As CutiePatootie said, my boyfriend knows that at the end of the day I don't want to get rid of him and that I truly and genuinely love him no matter who I am with or attracted to.
Originally posted by
CutiePatootie
This is a bumpy road for each individual relationship. He's straight and I had only been "experimenting" with him in threesomes and through our relationship have realized that I'm bi. I crave women as does he so we have a set rule
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This is a bumpy road for each individual relationship. He's straight and I had only been "experimenting" with him in threesomes and through our relationship have realized that I'm bi. I crave women as does he so we have a set rule that it works best when we all play together, it's just part of what our relationship is. We currently have a "girlfriend" (a fantasy often talked about but never believed it would happen) and he's begining to encourage me to play with her when he's out of town. I think it's because he knows he's not out of the picture in any way and she likes being with both of us, not just one or the other.
So I put "other" because there's not one side or the other that's "open" per se. We take each individual situation and dicuss it before hand. We'd hate for something that we enjoy to ruin our marriage. less
So I put "other" because there's not one side or the other that's "open" per se. We take each individual situation and dicuss it before hand. We'd hate for something that we enjoy to ruin our marriage. less
01/24/2011
it counts I hate people that claim or believe it doesn't- as long as its human it/they count, some people have this idea of well as long as he/she is with me at the end of the night it doesn't matter. I consider that an open relationship they may not define or "Identify" it as such but it is
01/30/2011
Very articulate responses, this thread has given me a lot to think about.
01/30/2011
I have no idea how anyone could think it wouldn't "count", and I'm kind of puzzled by the question - why do people seem to equate bisexuality with polyamory? They're not always linked.
02/03/2011
I am having a situation that is exactly like this. My husband says that if i have relations with another woman he should be able to as well but in my opinion it is not the same that would be like me saying that if he can sleep with other woman i can sleep with other men which he is completely and utterly against. No i don't think it is fair for me to go sleep with a woman and him sleep with only me but i also don't think it is fair that i sleep with a woman he gets to as well. Its a complex situation. I think that until the day he can be comfortable with the fact that i won't leave him or like it more for/with another woman than it will just be me and him.
02/28/2011
Quote:
My boyfriend is straight and would not sleep with someone else. I do not think I should get away with it just because I am also attracted to women. A threesome would be one thing, but just going and having sex would be totally different. If you want to have an open relationship fine, but the one sided thing is wrong.
Originally posted by
Owl Identified
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or
...
more
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or both of them contends that if the woman in question has sex with another woman it's within bounds or "doesn't count". I've heard a whole host of reasons that justify this kind of reasoning such as the other woman is somehow not threatening to the man simply by virtue of not being the same gender, or that the other woman can fulfill needs that the man can't.
I am queer-identified. My romantic and sexual partners have been a mixed gender group, and I am now in a long term relationship with a man. We are in an open relationship in which I can opt to have sex with other women (or men) if I choose, but he also has the option of having sex with other women (or men) if he desires. For me the one-sided "open" thing on the grounds of bisexuality being some sort of "special" case is a little problematic.
So what do you all think of bisexuality being grounds for one-sided "openness" in relationships that are otherwise embrace a fairly monogamous lifestyle? You can select more than one on this, and of course there will probably be lots of shades of grey so please comment with your own answer if it's not provided. Thanks! less
I am queer-identified. My romantic and sexual partners have been a mixed gender group, and I am now in a long term relationship with a man. We are in an open relationship in which I can opt to have sex with other women (or men) if I choose, but he also has the option of having sex with other women (or men) if he desires. For me the one-sided "open" thing on the grounds of bisexuality being some sort of "special" case is a little problematic.
So what do you all think of bisexuality being grounds for one-sided "openness" in relationships that are otherwise embrace a fairly monogamous lifestyle? You can select more than one on this, and of course there will probably be lots of shades of grey so please comment with your own answer if it's not provided. Thanks! less
03/03/2011
This has to be determined on an individual basis. In my relationship, because I'm bi I can be with other women most of the time with him watching but I stay away from men. I've offered the same openness to him, same sex is fine opposite is conditionally off limits. He isn't interested in men OR other women though so he's never taken me up on it. He's comfortable with this, in fact most of it was his suggestion. It really just depends on the relationship. If he wasn't ok with it I would never do anything outside of our relationship.
03/16/2011
Quote:
I'm not exactly sure what the question is. But me and my boyfriend are monogamous, however he allows me to occasionally hook up with a girl given the situation and the rules that we have established. I dont think its about being bi and having one sided openess, I think its about what rules the relationship has established.
Originally posted by
Owl Identified
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or
...
more
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or both of them contends that if the woman in question has sex with another woman it's within bounds or "doesn't count". I've heard a whole host of reasons that justify this kind of reasoning such as the other woman is somehow not threatening to the man simply by virtue of not being the same gender, or that the other woman can fulfill needs that the man can't.
I am queer-identified. My romantic and sexual partners have been a mixed gender group, and I am now in a long term relationship with a man. We are in an open relationship in which I can opt to have sex with other women (or men) if I choose, but he also has the option of having sex with other women (or men) if he desires. For me the one-sided "open" thing on the grounds of bisexuality being some sort of "special" case is a little problematic.
So what do you all think of bisexuality being grounds for one-sided "openness" in relationships that are otherwise embrace a fairly monogamous lifestyle? You can select more than one on this, and of course there will probably be lots of shades of grey so please comment with your own answer if it's not provided. Thanks! less
I am queer-identified. My romantic and sexual partners have been a mixed gender group, and I am now in a long term relationship with a man. We are in an open relationship in which I can opt to have sex with other women (or men) if I choose, but he also has the option of having sex with other women (or men) if he desires. For me the one-sided "open" thing on the grounds of bisexuality being some sort of "special" case is a little problematic.
So what do you all think of bisexuality being grounds for one-sided "openness" in relationships that are otherwise embrace a fairly monogamous lifestyle? You can select more than one on this, and of course there will probably be lots of shades of grey so please comment with your own answer if it's not provided. Thanks! less
For my situation, it was at first very confusing for me, because I didnt understand what situations he was okay with and we hadnt established rules very clearly. But after talking, and being honest with each other we came up with a common ground.
On the other side, I would totally be cool if he decided he wanted to hook up with another guy (given the right situations and rules) and him and I will occasionally bring in a girl to join us.
So I suppose that it would be unfair for someone to assume that they can have all the freedom and not give anything back to the partner who allowing that openess. I cant see how one-sided openness can work, but maybe thats just because I havent experienced it.
04/04/2011
Quote:
Thats basically the same with my relationship, only I occasionally allow him to also hook up with the girl that I am with, but it has to be a girl that I trust enough to not get in the way of our relationship, and of course I trust him enough to not do it when I am not there.
Originally posted by
RammaJamma
This has to be determined on an individual basis. In my relationship, because I'm bi I can be with other women most of the time with him watching but I stay away from men. I've offered the same openness to him, same sex is fine opposite is
...
more
This has to be determined on an individual basis. In my relationship, because I'm bi I can be with other women most of the time with him watching but I stay away from men. I've offered the same openness to him, same sex is fine opposite is conditionally off limits. He isn't interested in men OR other women though so he's never taken me up on it. He's comfortable with this, in fact most of it was his suggestion. It really just depends on the relationship. If he wasn't ok with it I would never do anything outside of our relationship.
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04/04/2011
Quote:
LMAO I love you for this. I totally, completely, 100% relate.
Originally posted by
Trashley
It's true easier said than done. I've had threesomes before, and I'd love to have a few more, which wouldnt be hard, since I'm the go-to girl for all my friends relationships haha, but I hate that if I tell a man that I'm dating
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more
It's true easier said than done. I've had threesomes before, and I'd love to have a few more, which wouldnt be hard, since I'm the go-to girl for all my friends relationships haha, but I hate that if I tell a man that I'm dating that I'm bisexual that automatically he goes to THREESOME! No. Hello? And if I suggest a threesome to any woman I'm dating she flies off the handle and says, "THIS is why I never date bisexual girls."
I'm terrible with relationships haha less
I'm terrible with relationships haha less
04/08/2011
Quote:
Thank you so much for your articulate response, P'Gell (as per usual). This is precisely what I was driving at in my initial post. It's not that I think anyone should do this or shouldn't do that - EVERYONE must negotiate the rules and boundaries that THEY are comfortable with in a relationship. As long as it is mutual and consensual then I see no issue.
Originally posted by
P'Gell
For some reason your husband thinks that you might "run off" with an other man, but doesn't even consider the prospect that you could fall in love with and "run off" with an other woman?
If you are "fiercely ... more
If you are "fiercely ... more
For some reason your husband thinks that you might "run off" with an other man, but doesn't even consider the prospect that you could fall in love with and "run off" with an other woman?
If you are "fiercely loyal" why is the idea of your having a Friend with Benefits who is male not a consideration? Is female-female love less important? I'm sorry, I do not understand this kind of thinking and although you are free to do what is best for your own life, you ARE capable of falling in love with a woman just as much as you are capable of falling in love with a man.
My Man and I once did have an Open Relationship, (so, I have been in your shoes) but were both very aware and recognized that either of us falling in love could cause the entire structure to come crashing down and ending our relationship. It was a chance we took, but we did recognize what could have happened. The gender identification of our other lovers has nothing to do with it, from where I have sat and played.
I'm not trying to give you a hard time, just asking why he thinks a sexual relationship with an other woman is "less threatening." Women fall in love with other women every day and being "loyal" has little to do with one's feelings when Love comes creeping into the equation.
Please, I am not trying to hurt you in any way. I just don't see why a relationship with an other woman "doesn't count." It seems to minimize woman to woman Love. And, I think woman to woman Love is beautiful and shouldn't be minimized, and certainly does "count." Doing it is one thing, pretending it doesn't "count" is an other.
Your mileage may vary, and probably does. Please don't think I'm picking on you, I'm only confused as to why a woman is seen by him (and perhaps you) as someone who could never challenge the relationship between you and he. less
If you are "fiercely loyal" why is the idea of your having a Friend with Benefits who is male not a consideration? Is female-female love less important? I'm sorry, I do not understand this kind of thinking and although you are free to do what is best for your own life, you ARE capable of falling in love with a woman just as much as you are capable of falling in love with a man.
My Man and I once did have an Open Relationship, (so, I have been in your shoes) but were both very aware and recognized that either of us falling in love could cause the entire structure to come crashing down and ending our relationship. It was a chance we took, but we did recognize what could have happened. The gender identification of our other lovers has nothing to do with it, from where I have sat and played.
I'm not trying to give you a hard time, just asking why he thinks a sexual relationship with an other woman is "less threatening." Women fall in love with other women every day and being "loyal" has little to do with one's feelings when Love comes creeping into the equation.
Please, I am not trying to hurt you in any way. I just don't see why a relationship with an other woman "doesn't count." It seems to minimize woman to woman Love. And, I think woman to woman Love is beautiful and shouldn't be minimized, and certainly does "count." Doing it is one thing, pretending it doesn't "count" is an other.
Your mileage may vary, and probably does. Please don't think I'm picking on you, I'm only confused as to why a woman is seen by him (and perhaps you) as someone who could never challenge the relationship between you and he. less
However, the point of opening this thread was just to ask why it seemed so common that people often think same sex relations/relationship s outside the primary relationship "don't count" or are not a threat somehow. To me this speaks to a deeper belief that same sex relations/relationship s "don't count" and this kind of troubles me.
That was really all I was trying to put forth, and I'm glad you picked up on it. Thanks for your input.
04/08/2011
You know, looking back over this thread I'm really impressed with the conversation that it opened up. It could be a great Sexis article...just sayin'
04/08/2011
I am definitely not for there being separate rules for each partner in a relationship. I certainly agree that is can be problematic.
For example: When my partner and I first got together, he considered himself to be bi-curious and I was most definitely bi-sexual. When I first started dating him I was a silly teenager and was also dating a woman as well. This was fine with him, but not with my female partner. She was married anyway and I really didn't see us going anywhere so I broke it off with her. My partner and I then decided that it would be mutually acceptable for both of us to have sexual encounters with members of the same sex, but not members of the opposite sex.
As far as I know ( and I know a lot. ^.~ ) we both never made good on the offer, but five years into our relationship we were at a bar in a big city with some friends and I started chatting this lovely lady up. She was moving closer, I was getting all of those great signals and all of a sudden my lovely co-pilot sidles up to us, puts his arm around me ( he was sober ) and states "Do you know who I am? I'm her BOYFRIEND!" Obviously miss lovely was no longer so interested and she only stayed to chat about another minute.
A few months later a female friend of mine ( we were just friends ) kisses me at a bar. I relate this to my partner and he suddenly hates her with a passion.
The point is, he either decided in his head that he wasn't going to pursue the option and that i should, the got extremely jealous, or he was never okay with it in the first place. It created a little bit of resentment in me, and I am sure he has some lingering feelings of resentment over my willingness to engage other women.
Definitely needs to be the same open and honest rules for both partners.
For example: When my partner and I first got together, he considered himself to be bi-curious and I was most definitely bi-sexual. When I first started dating him I was a silly teenager and was also dating a woman as well. This was fine with him, but not with my female partner. She was married anyway and I really didn't see us going anywhere so I broke it off with her. My partner and I then decided that it would be mutually acceptable for both of us to have sexual encounters with members of the same sex, but not members of the opposite sex.
As far as I know ( and I know a lot. ^.~ ) we both never made good on the offer, but five years into our relationship we were at a bar in a big city with some friends and I started chatting this lovely lady up. She was moving closer, I was getting all of those great signals and all of a sudden my lovely co-pilot sidles up to us, puts his arm around me ( he was sober ) and states "Do you know who I am? I'm her BOYFRIEND!" Obviously miss lovely was no longer so interested and she only stayed to chat about another minute.
A few months later a female friend of mine ( we were just friends ) kisses me at a bar. I relate this to my partner and he suddenly hates her with a passion.
The point is, he either decided in his head that he wasn't going to pursue the option and that i should, the got extremely jealous, or he was never okay with it in the first place. It created a little bit of resentment in me, and I am sure he has some lingering feelings of resentment over my willingness to engage other women.
Definitely needs to be the same open and honest rules for both partners.
04/15/2011
I think that it depends entirely on the couple and what you're okay with. I'm pansexual, my partner is demisexual, and what works for us isn't necessarily going to be what works for someone else.
I want a third. I do. I want someone that we could both love, who could enter our relationship as an equal partner. Someone who would be content with it being the three of us. I know I won't likely get it- it's hard enough to fall in love with one person that you want to spend your life with- but I want it.
I don't want it because I'm pansexual. I don't want it because I want to be with a woman and would feel unfulfilled otherwise- I'd be fine if that partner was male, or genderqueer, like myself. For me, identifying as polyamorous has nothing to do with my gender preference extending beyond what my partner is.
I want a third. I do. I want someone that we could both love, who could enter our relationship as an equal partner. Someone who would be content with it being the three of us. I know I won't likely get it- it's hard enough to fall in love with one person that you want to spend your life with- but I want it.
I don't want it because I'm pansexual. I don't want it because I want to be with a woman and would feel unfulfilled otherwise- I'd be fine if that partner was male, or genderqueer, like myself. For me, identifying as polyamorous has nothing to do with my gender preference extending beyond what my partner is.
07/29/2011
So long as the communication is open, anything is possible. This was a very confusingly-worded question. In the end, if terms are made, both parties should agree on whatever they are--whether or not they are equal for both parties or not does not matter. Some people will care more, some will care less. But if they can come to an agreement, compromise, or whatever you'd like to call it--does it matter?
08/03/2011
not sure
08/03/2011
Im all about monogamy
08/03/2011
every couple has their own set of rules and guidelines. it's really nobody's business except the couple on what they decide to do. if they both don't think it counts, then it doesn't count. if they do think it counts, then it should count
08/03/2011
I'm bisexual. Have been with a straight guy for four years now. Sometimes I really crave sex with a woman, but that doesn't give me permission to go have sex with one. It would hurt my boyfriend very deeply if I did and I love him very much so it's completely out of the question. I get by on fantasies.
But as long as both people understand the "rules" of the relationship and are comfortable with the boundaries they can be as equal or as unequal as works for them.
But as long as both people understand the "rules" of the relationship and are comfortable with the boundaries they can be as equal or as unequal as works for them.
02/16/2012
Honestly? I've hit my boyfriend (Not hard, he was driving. >.>) for implying that I -need- contact with another female to be happy. He *was* trying to use this as grounds to get a threesome, but it was still irritating. I'm perfectly happy with one person, of one gender. I personally would still feel like I was cheating if I fooled around with a girl, and I'd feel like he was cheating if he was messing with a guy. In the end though, it comes down to what the people in the relationship agree on.
02/16/2012