Auto-erotic, are you familiar with this term?

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Auto-erotic, are you familiar with this term?

Destri Destri
First, let me begin by saying I had NO idea which group to put this in, so I hope no one is offended by my choice.

There has been a lot of discussion between my hubby (a gender-fluid, male-presenting person) and I about what label would describe my sexuality. Labels suck, but sometimes you need a word to describe yourself...

Anyway, he was wondering about the term 'asexual' because I really do prefer masturbation to having anyone 'messing' with me. I love to make other women cum, all day long, but I don't want anyone trying to make me cum. (I hope this makes some kind of sense) But when I researched the term 'asexual' it tended to mean a person with no sex drive at all, and that is certainly not me. So, I found this:

A 1977 paper entitled Asexual and Autoerotic Women: Two Invisible Groups, by Myra T. Johnson, may be the first paper explicitly devoted to asexuality in humans. Johnson defines asexuals as those men and women "who, regardless of physical or emotional condition, actual sexual history, and marital status or ideological orientation, seem to prefer not to engage in sexual activity."

She contrasts autoerotic women with asexual women: "The asexual woman [...] has no sexual desires at all [but] the autoerotic woman [...] recognizes such desires but prefers to satisfy them alone." Johnson's evidence is mostly letters to the editor found in women's magazines written by asexual/autoerotic women. She portrays them as invisible, "oppressed by a consensus that they are nonexistent," and left behind by both the sexual revolution and the feminist movement. Society either ignores or denies their existence or insists they must be ascetic for religious reasons, neurotic, or asexual for political reasons.

Sorry it is so long... but this seems to sort of describe me. I am very interested in the opinion of others...
02/11/2012
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Wild Orchid Wild Orchid
I seem to fit the auto-erotic definition. Never had any kind of face-to-face partnered action. The only erotic exchanges I have happen on-line - putting up videos and reading comments, exchanging fantasies etc. I haven't had any good offers of sex in real life. But then again I don't go places to socialize and meet people who could want to make those offers. I know my body really well and apart from the latest dry spell keep it pretty happy and orgasmic. I'm curious about partnered sex and would like to explore it but that requires me to socialize. Which I don't always like.

I don't feel oppressed. I'm living on my island on self-imposed exile. I can swim to the other shore. I'm just too comfortable here.
02/11/2012
Ghost Ghost
Yes, "asexual" is used to refer to a person who has no sexual desire. "Autoerotic", however, applies to any form of self love and self-eroticism. The definitions are contained within the name, if you're familiar with Latin.
02/11/2012
Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
Yes, "asexual" is used to refer to a person who has no sexual desire. "Autoerotic", however, applies to any form of self love and self-eroticism. The definitions are contained within the name, if you're familiar with Latin.
Oh I get that! My question is, if a person enjoys making other people orgasm, are they still auto-erotic? The definition appears to mean someone more like Wild Orchid, rather than myself...
02/11/2012
MR Chickhabit MR Chickhabit
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
Yes, "asexual" is used to refer to a person who has no sexual desire. "Autoerotic", however, applies to any form of self love and self-eroticism. The definitions are contained within the name, if you're familiar with Latin.
latin really is important.

you beat me to it.
02/11/2012
Ghost Ghost
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
Oh I get that! My question is, if a person enjoys making other people orgasm, are they still auto-erotic? The definition appears to mean someone more like Wild Orchid, rather than myself...
No, I don't think so. "Autoerotic" means, specifically, SELF love only. If you are into making other people orgasm, but not being touched yourself (except by yourself), you're generally referred to as "stone".
02/11/2012
Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
No, I don't think so. "Autoerotic" means, specifically, SELF love only. If you are into making other people orgasm, but not being touched yourself (except by yourself), you're generally referred to as "stone".
I honestly don't know what you mean. Are you saying I am made of stone, or am I missing something???
02/12/2012
Ghost Ghost
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I honestly don't know what you mean. Are you saying I am made of stone, or am I missing something???
lol, no! Sorry for the confusion. I mean the term I hear most often for people who like to touch other people, but do not themselves like to be touched, is "stone". Often referred to "stone butches", but not always (you don't have to be a butch, or a lesbian specifically, to be "stone"). It's not an official term.
02/12/2012
Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
lol, no! Sorry for the confusion. I mean the term I hear most often for people who like to touch other people, but do not themselves like to be touched, is "stone". Often referred to "stone butches", but not always (you don't ...
oh... LOL duh... I should have gotten that. So I would be a stone auto-erotic then.
02/12/2012
callsignhusker callsignhusker
yep, you wouldn't be asexual. i have a friend who is asexual and he just literally has no interest at all in his own sex life or that of others. i find this autoerotic definition fascinating and think a lot of people could fit into that category.
04/22/2012
badk1tty badk1tty
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
lol, no! Sorry for the confusion. I mean the term I hear most often for people who like to touch other people, but do not themselves like to be touched, is "stone". Often referred to "stone butches", but not always (you don't ...
I'd never heard the term "stone".
04/23/2012
SouthernBelle SouthernBelle
I definitely think auto-erotic sounds like what you described about yourself. I personally am not auto-erotic, but I know people who are... or people who only date people who are. Very interesting.
05/04/2012
Chami Chami
why should i do the work when i have my man to do it for me i guess this doesn't fit me lol
05/13/2012
pix pix
I had not ever heard of auto-erotic, but it seems to be a label that fits how you describe yourself. If you use this label, you might have to explain it, but then again that's not your job so you could just use it and let people google it if they're curious.

I do know people who label themselves asexual but who do masturbate, so they seem to fit the auto-erotic label more. I am not sure if they use the asexual label because it is more common or because they have not head of auto-erotic either.
05/17/2012
AlianneCimorene AlianneCimorene
I'm asexual, in that I find the asexual label an accurate description. But I use the term asexual the way one might use hetero-, homo-, bi-, etc. This, to me, means that I don't have any sexual attraction towards other people. I still have sexual desires (in that I have a high sex drive and masturbate pretty frequently) they aren't directed towards others. Thus, I consider myself asexual, because I lack attraction to all genders. I'm "equally disinterested in everyone," as a friend once summed up.
According to the definitions of asexual and auto-erotic quoted above, I don't quite fit either, since I do both have a high sex drive, but lack the desire to express it with other people. I suppose it depends on how you define desire, since it might be that I fit the auto-erotic category. I'd need to read the paper to be able to figure it out.
06/23/2012
nori nori
I'm glad you found this term, I can send this to friends of mine who are also confused about their own ideas on asexuality and satisfaction. Thanks for bringing this to the queer forum! I do believe this is the correct place for this.
06/27/2012
Mamastoys Mamastoys
This whole forum has been educational for me..thanks for sharing!!
06/27/2012
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 12