Bisexual as a "phase" or for "attention"

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Bisexual as a "phase" or for "attention"

Akanzi Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called themselves bi, flirted and when things started to approach something more serious or even physicality in the sense of a kiss, they ran away with an "ew that's gross, I don't kiss girls" attitude.

I have been out as bi since I was in 6th or 7th grade so I know bisexuality, or pansexuality really, are not phases for me but people keep saying it won't last. That being said, does anyone else get that or did they when they were younger?

And, has anyone else found that people tag themselves as bi for attention?
01/23/2011
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inbarati inbarati
Quote:
Originally posted by Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called ...
When I was in my teens, a lot of girls would approach me, want to sit in my lap and blow in my ear, and then run away giggling.

Being 17, already in an open relationship, I was remarkably relaxed about this, though I admit it confused me.

I think, as more people come out as bi and pansexual, and come out younger, that those kinds of things will happen. Probably more now than when I was younger due to the Katy Perry "I Kissed a Girl" phenomenon.

What it boils down to is that some people will identify as bi or pansexual, and some people will just be experimenting. As long as people are open it's all good. The crappy part comes when people can't be honest, and other people get their hearts broken.
01/27/2011
Tart Tart
I saw this a lot while in high school. I never really understood the idea of getting attention for being bisexual. I suppose it generated attention because it was taboo, and bisexuality was a way to "toe the line" without being a total outcast for being homosexual (in my school). I experimented subtly in high school, and I believe I was pegged as a bisexual even though I identified as being hetero during my high school years.
03/18/2011
hornypoet69 hornypoet69
While it is dangerous to assume that all bisexuals are just in a phase, sometimes this really is what is happening. While the attraction itself may not be a phase, the behavior or identity could be. Many people experiment, to figure out what they like, or just for fun. Sometimes gay people will initially come out as bisexual because it is less threatening. While you should never assume that a bisexual person is just experiencing a phase, if it does come to an end, you should accept the identity they are using now.
03/19/2011
RammaJamma RammaJamma
I get that all the time. People are always trying to tell me what my sexuality is when I know quite well that my attraction to both sexes is not going anywhere.

The people I'm around a lot are mostly bisexuals and like me, not in the "phase" way.
03/20/2011
liilii080 liilii080
People try to explain and rationalize what they cannot or do not want to understand. The best you can do is be you and if they are open to being educated, then educate them and explain why it is not a phase. Most people don't understand that sexuality and attraction, especially for females, is on a fluid scale and it's not black and white (or male or female in this case). Hopefully someday, educated people will tip the scales and there won't be these misunderstandings or judgements.
03/20/2011
callsignhusker callsignhusker
i think most people are encourage/forced into a heterosexual lifestyle because of societal norms, when really i think most people are bisexual/pansexual/het eroflexible if they really thought about it and were open to it. personally i thought i was totally straight until perhaps a year or two ago, and i'm fortunate enough to have a partner who understands that as we grow we learn more about ourselves and our preferences. one of the most arrogant things someone can do is tell you what your sexuality is, and i think that's what makes most people think they are totally heteronormative.

as for the whole experimenting phase, i think it's a shame that people think they can only try new things when they are being "dangerous" or it's just temporary. ignore those ignorant people and just do what you feel is right for you in that moment.
03/20/2011
SouthernBelle SouthernBelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called ...
I definitely feel like some people (mis)identify as bisexual, especially when they are younger. It may be for attention, but it might also be when they are just figuring out who they are and what they like. I know one of my friends thought she was straight, then she decided she was bi as she became attracted to more women, and now she identifies as a lesbian.

I've definitely been told that it is a phase, and I will eventually choose one sex or the other... but I don't think that is necessarily the case for most bisexuals.
05/02/2012
Voir Voir
I've seen a lot of people use sexuality as attention. there was a guy in my highschool who was Gay; he carried a purse, wore make-up was extremely feminine (then when he got to college dropped all of the make-up/purse carrying stuff) and he was cool 'n stuff - but there was another guy who was also "gay" and was extremely jealous. Soo I'd see one of them (usually Josh) come to school in something nice and then the next day Lee would have something similar and talk shit about him...

Well after Josh graduated, Lee stopped all of his... idk flamboyancy? And claimed he was bi, then he'd be gay again for a while then straight then bi etc. etc etc... and it was something he proclaimed every couple of weeks to the point that I deduced he used sexuality as a means of garnering attention or a reaction from people... or, in a friend of mine's experience, as a way to grope people (mostly girls idk if this is true, he never over-stepped any personal boundaries with me). But I know some people don't really have a static sexuality... but just the whole way he carried himself and acted about it screamed attention attention attention lookit me.

Anyway I don't have much personal experience; I've only ever dated guys but I've been attracted to a girl before and kissed another. I think it had more to do with their personality than the fact they were a girl. I've never really broadcasted my sexuality... for the longest time when people would ask me I'd just answer I was straight; because I'd dated and had sex with men (this was before all this Trans stuff so I guess now I could tell them I'm gay >8)) except now there isn't an answer and I just shrug and say "well I've only ever dated guys but...-shrug- idk"

Even before attempting to look male/masculine I had a lot of people come up and ask me if I was a lesbian or assume such and I've been asked if I was a dyke... and apparently that has different meaning than lesbian? Idk e_e I don't really care about all the terminology... but for the most part people have made assumptions about my sexuality based on my personality / appearance and I make little attempt to correct them because I don't care and because for me it's about the person; and while I definitely favor male bodies I really don't give a shit if they have the type of personality I'm attracted to... and pretty eyes.

I'm evasive to the sexuality discussion because I don't really know how to answer it; because for me there isn't an answer ... it's not really something I think about unless prompted.
05/03/2012
Falsepast Falsepast
i've seen teenagers being bi just for the attention. you could tell they didn't really care for the other person because instead of loving them and spending time with them, they instead spent their time trying to notify everyone that they were "bi" now
05/03/2012
hall5885 hall5885
I've seen some claim it for the attention. Even admitted to doing it for the attention. Which is annoying cause then it leaves rest of us to be tagged with the "only for attention" label.
05/05/2012
Chami Chami
i do believe that a lot of people do it for attention or because now its the "cool" thing to do/be for high school kids and such....makes me feel bad for real bi people that get accused of doing it for attention
05/13/2012
Miss Lissy Miss Lissy
Quote:
Originally posted by Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called ...
I've been bi since I hit puberty and I realized I liked boys AND girls. There have been guys that pretty much were like "Oh you're bi cool let's have a threesome." And there have been girls that wanted to just make out for the attention. Personally I don't understand all these thirteen year old girls running around saying they're bisexual just because they think guys will like them more. I mean experimenting is fine. Experimenting is fun. But there is a line.

My best friend in high school did that. She kinda led me on, kissing on me and holding hands and all that shit, but when it came down to it, she just wanted the attention for being different (mind you I grew up in a fairly conservative small town). That's a wound that still stings a little. I think if you're going to identify as bi, be mindful of who you get involved with. Just my two cents there.
05/16/2012
reinkaos reinkaos
There were many many girls in my HS that claimed to be bisexual that weren't
05/16/2012
GONE! GONE!
*shrugs* People experiment and I think that's a good thing. I do, however, wish people who aren't even experimenting would not use labels just for fun because this is what people end up thinking about the whole group they claim to be a part of.
05/16/2012
pix pix
I know people who are legitimately bisexual like myself. I know people that label themselves as bisexual and I wonder about whether they really are, but it is not my job to label other people or question how they identify themselves. I don't think "pretending" to be bisexual is any better or worse than "pretending" to be straight, although there could be vastly different reasons for these two actions.

As for reasons to label yourself bisexual when it might not be 100% true: Some people feel that taking this in-between step between straight and gay makes coming out easier, like slowly lowering yourself into cold water. Some people might just be bi-curious but they don't know the difference between the two labels. For some people, it is just a phase; there's nothing wrong with that, sexuality is fluid and our preferences can change over time - although it's important to note that it's not like we're choosing to change them, like we woke up one day and said "I think I'll be gay today instead."

You say that you know girls who say they're bisexual but then back off when other girls try to kiss them - this doesn't mean they are just pretending to be bisexual. Being attracted to one sex or another (or both) doesn't mean being ready for physical interaction with them. They might be asexual, aromantic, or have some kind of psychological issues regarding intimacy or their sexual orientation.

That being said, people who truly have no reason to call themselves bisexual other than seeking attention disgust me. They are just giving the rest of the world another excuse to think badly about a group of people who have done nothing wrong, and confusing well-meaning straight folks who are trying to understand our point of view. If they are flirting with the same gender when they are lying about being bisexual, they are leading those people on and that will lead to a lot of hurt feelings and wasted time.

But people who try to tell others that their self-proclaimed orientation is wrong or is just a phase, are just as bad. It's my orientation, it's not hurting you or anyone else, and if I feel like I need to re-label myself a year from now, that's my right! So stay out of it.
05/17/2012
MissBean MissBean
Quote:
Originally posted by Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called ...
I think that experimenting with your sexuality and figuring out what does and doesn't work for you is a phase for everyone- what matters is what people discover about themselves in that phase. I knew very early on that I was interested in more than just boys. Some of my friends (also girls) and I fooled around a little and I think some of them did it for attention. We felt pressured to put a name to our activities so they called themselves Bi but later changed. I decided not to identify as anything until I felt more secure and later was able to confidently come out as Pan. I think that if people do anything for attention, it usually is as a result of them not knowing how to classify what they're feeling or trying to figure out.
Long story short- I don't know anyone who is legitimately Bi or Pan who later realized it was a phase. I know lots of people who were figuring out what they like and had some same sex interactions, and I don't think that those interactions necessarily mean they are gay or bi. I think gender and sexuality is very fluid and some people will change the way they identify as they get older, and some people know from the get-go who they are.
05/18/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Quote:
Originally posted by Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called ...
I've never seen anyone actually do this, but when I first came out at 13, that was what people assumed about me. It was extremely frustrating.
05/22/2012
ichwillwaffels ichwillwaffels
Quote:
Originally posted by Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called ...
I am bisexual myself and have never had anyone say this to me, but in highschool I did have many people around me who were doing things for attention. they would kiss a girl at a party or something and come in the next day saying they were bi because guys thought it was hot. It was mostly just skanky girls who just wanted more attention and did not happen often.
06/16/2012
PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
I am bisexual and I never did it for attention. I have had relations with both men and women. But did know some who only used it to get attention.
06/16/2012
Khanner Khanner
I got NO attention in high school for being bi because all of my crushes were on straight girls. I had no reason to come out cause I wasn't getting any in the first place.

I know "liesexuals" must exist, but I hate it when people treat it like they're the rule and not the exception.
06/16/2012
BG529 BG529
no not at all
06/16/2012
Pinkshirt Pinkshirt
I do feel that it is a trend in high school just to look cool or whatever. When you are an adult I think it's normal to feel atracted to both sexes. Personally I only like men as partners but I think a woman's body is beautiful.
06/16/2012
lecanis lecanis
Quote:
Originally posted by Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called ...
I get a lot of people freaking out that I'm over thirty and still referring to myself as bisexual. It's largely regarded where I live as something young people do for attention, or to seem edgy and cool, or as rebellion against their parents, or as a 'step' toward coming out as gay.

I do think there are definitely those people, but it's quite unfair to judge all bisexual people by them. It's a reality that if you look at any label (religious, sexual, class-related, interest-related, whatever), you're going to find a variety of different types of people using it.
06/19/2012
altheasmarnella altheasmarnella
Quote:
Originally posted by Akanzi
I keep hearing people saying bisexuality is just a phase or that (women especially) are "bisexual" so as to gain male attention and be somehow more appealing in their eyes. When I was still in high school, I found that many girls called ...
I don't find it to be a phase for me and I'm 31...it only occurred to me a year ago that I felt I was bi...sure, I'd always melt when I saw women kiss on screen, but I never felt I could be sexually attracted to women on that next level. I'm sure as hell about the way I feel now and it's liberating to even talk about!
02/28/2013
Total posts: 25
Unique posters: 25