Bisexual to please others?

Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
When I was in high school, and already openly bisexual, a girl I knew came up to me and asked me, "Do you think I should be bi?". My first response was to be completely dumbfounded that the question had even been asked. After a moment I asked her why she was asking; her response was that she liked to go to parties and clubs and drop extacy, after which she would make out with other girls. It seemed to make them happy, and to make the men/boys around her happy. My response was very simple. Would you do this sober? Her answer was a definite no. I told her I though that she had found her answer, but that sexuality is not the kind of thing you really ask advice on. What another person thinks you should be is not the issue.

I am curious as to whether anybody else has had an experience similar to this and what reaction they may have had. I am still frustrated when remembering this because I ran into a lot of girl when I was younger who were doing similar things, just making out with each other for attention, because they thought it would make them more desirable.

I have no qualms with anybody who is genuinely attracted to somebody doing what they please, but when it becomes an issue of whether or not it is going to raise your social standing if you make out or participate in sex acts with another person .... it sets a really bad standard. It also reinforces the argument for those who are closed minded, that anything other than heterosexuality is a phase, or a cry for attention and nothing more.

What do you think about this issue?
10/26/2010
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J's Alley J's Alley
My friends and I used to go out all the time and most of us (girls) would end up hooking up with other girls. A lot of the guys thought we were bisexual as a result. I remember having the conversation with my roommate and telling her I was absolutely not bisexual, but she maintained that since I would hook up with girls I was (she was a self-proclaimed bisexual who would have threesomes to humor her fiance).

My response was simply that since I didn't identify as a bisexual and only did it to have a bit of fun at parties and club (would never do it outside those settings) I was NOT a bisexual. I am amazed that she would try to convince me that I was something I didn't identify myself as.
10/26/2010
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
I can see that from both sides.
On one hand, nobody wants to be labeled and nobody should be. She couldn't tell you what you were any more than she could be you and make the decision for you.
On the other hand, I can't even begin to fathom why you would be interested in it while you were out, but not the rest of the time. I am not judging you, I just honestly can't understand it. With most things people do only when partying (drugs or alcohol), it is an issue of it not being an acceptable day to day habit, whether because it is unhealthy or it is not considered responsible. But with sexuality, I dunno I just have a hard time grasping what changes outside of a club setting.

If you can explain it, that might help. I expect it is likely the kind of thing that is hard to put into words ...

Thank you for your response though I appreciate it.
10/26/2010
AmethystRose02 AmethystRose02
Girl With Fire
I think that of recent bisexuality has become the in thing, kinda like celebs and flashing themselves or going to rehab. Bisexuality or Homosexuality with women is a lot more accepted these days and it's more publicized and it's more accessible in the media and can even be found in entertainment directed at teenagers.

I think that with that mentality there are more people who want to be crowd pleasers and fit in so they do these stunts like making out or hooking up with girls while out partying and they get to be "that girl" who is fun and sexy and popular.

It can also be that while under the influence they can say or do things that they wouldn't do while sober and blame on being under some sort of influence (alcohol, drugs, the high from just being in a club atmosphere). It's possible that the thoughts and fantasies and desires were always there and weren't acknowledged or only subconscious and being out and being able to blame whatever is being done or said on being under the influence provides a "safe" way to act on those thoughts, fantasies or desires. And then once they sober up they can say that it was because they were intoxicated.

I myself am openly bisexual and I find it annoying and frustrating when you meet men who I like in a platonic sense, but they're just waiting for the chance to see me make out with my girlfriend. I also hated when I may really like a girl and they're only hooking up or making out with me because it's a turn on for the men around them or for whatever nonsensical reason. I once heard a term on the Tyra Banks show called Bar-Sexual applies there. It refers to women who only hook up with other women while inebriated at a bar or club just to be a crowd pleaser.

J's Alley
I can totally see your frustration with someone trying to force a label on you. I can see how she might think you were just in denial and she was probably trying to honestly help you out of the closet. I'm not saying either of you were right or wrong, but I can definitely see both sides.

If it wasn't for the fact that this only happened while you were out and about and probably somehow inebriated I would say you could identify with a character on The Real L Word. She didn't want to be labeled as bisexual or as being attracted to men or women - she felt she was attracted to the person regardless of their sex. The character (Jill I believe) identified with this book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire. A quote she said in an interview was "I would encourage all young women to allow themselves the freedom to explore their sexuality, without fear of stereotypes, definitions and labels. Sexuality is such a tremendously complex concept. To me it feels very narrow minded to try and package attractions, emotions and experiences neatly into a box. Too many factors are at play when individuals feel for one another, and moreover those feelings can easily change over time as we grow. The concept of fluidity affords a flexibility to our attractions, understanding that they can change based on an array of situations. I hope that young woman can avoid the societal pressures of having to ‘declare’ a sexual identity (if one doesn’t perfectly fit) and instead, simply experience happiness and love where, when and how they find it." I don't know if that really applies to you, but when I read your post that's what I thought about.
01/02/2011
SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
When I was in high school, and already openly bisexual, a girl I knew came up to me and asked me, "Do you think I should be bi?". My first response was to be completely dumbfounded that the question had even been asked. After a moment I ... More
I think your right 100% sometimes its peole like that taht make the bisexual c omunity look bad and make people lable us as posers and really is a slap in the face being bisexual id be really pissed off if a girl was making out with me just to make me happy if it isnt a mutual feeling i dont want it
06/16/2011
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Unique posters: 4