Defending your Bisexuality?

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Defending your Bisexuality?

lecanis lecanis
I feel like I'm in a position of constantly trying to convince people that I'm bisexual lately. I do tend to have a preference for women, though I was married for a very long while to a man, but I didn't stop being attracted to or interested in men. I just haven't met as many lately that did it for me and there are fewer men in my immediate social group, so I'm less likely to talk about them.

Does anyone else have this phenomenon sometimes? Other people seeing lulls in certain types of sexual interest externally and saying 'look you're really...' to you? Do you argue it or just roll your eyes?
06/15/2012
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nori nori
I get this a lot, unfortunately.. When I'm with a woman, I'm a lesbian, when i'm with a man, i'm straight. And if i'm with someone who's trans/queer, I'm labeled queer.

even though none of those labels are mine. v.v
06/16/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by lecanis
I feel like I'm in a position of constantly trying to convince people that I'm bisexual lately. I do tend to have a preference for women, though I was married for a very long while to a man, but I didn't stop being attracted to or ...
Why do YOU feel that way? You shouldn't. Nobody should feel that they need to "defend" anything about themselves, including who they prefer. That's really strange to me. Do you feel badly when people ask you? Do you live in a place where there's a lot of judgement. I mean, I know there's judgement EVERYWHERE, but a lot of areas, especially here in the US are really laid back about things like this. Sure each community is different, but even in my tiny conservative town, not much is ever said about different sexualities. We just mind our own business out here. Maybe you need a different "immediate social group." That is something you can change.

I never care what people think, in most cases. I only care what my loved ones think of me and still, I don't care too much there. LOL. I don't hardly wonder if people think bad of me. Maybe that's why I tend to be optimistic. When I'm feelign really badly about myself though, I've noticed I care more what others think, but usually that resolves quickly.

A lot of people think that since I'm 22, my partner is 25 and I am about to finish school, we have our own place, that we should already be spittin' out babies. I get that A LOT. "Why on earth are you not trying to harder to have kids of your very own?" Well, for one, I chose my career first and for two, I lost BOTH of my very own kids. Three, we have kids that are not biologically ours, but they are ours. That is annoying, but I'm actually really proud of our choices. I would do anything to have my own kids lives back, but I cannot change it and I'm proud that we decided to do things this way. The kids we have are old enough to do their own homework and be left alone in their bedrooms while I am taking classes at home so things work out the way we want them to. Mostly, when someone judges my relationship choices, I think very little about it, but realize that I did what was right for me. It's not the same as them asking why I chose to be with a male, but it's the type of judgement I get personally. I am able to blow it off really easily because I'm very happy with my decisions, and even if I chose to be with a woman, I would still feel happy that I had done what was right for me--if that was what was what I wanted in my life--I wouldn't have much hard feelings over what others think.
06/16/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
I find I have to defend not only my own sexuality, but bisexuality in general. There's a lot of people out there that seem to think that bisexual means "confused" or just "really horny" or something. Which, of course, it's not. I'm not confused about my sexuality - I'm attracted to males and females. It's made even worse because I'm married, so of course that means I must be straight. Just because I'm married doesn't mean I'm not still physically attracted to females. Ideally, I'd love to have a girlfriend as well as my husband, actually.

I had a coworker that used to argue with me all the time that bisexuality wasn't real. It was just for women that wanted attention or hadn't fully decided on their sexuality yet. I think he partially did this just to get a rise out of me, but it was super annoying nonetheless.

I tend to get a bit hot tempered about it when people say things like this, not because I'm not comfortable with myself, but because I feel like I have to defend the position for all bisexuals when someone has an incorrect opinion of what it means. Like somehow I have to be the voice of the group if a person doesn't know any other bisexual people. So yeah, I'll argue it every time. I don't like when people have opinions that go against pretty hard facts.
06/16/2012
KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
I find that bisexuality has to be defended more than any other label. I get argued with about it mostly from my gay and lesbian friends. They think that I am one of the other and faking the rest which bothers me a lot. If I haven't dated a woman for a while, some straight people give me crap, but not much.
06/16/2012
ichwillwaffels ichwillwaffels
Quote:
Originally posted by lecanis
I feel like I'm in a position of constantly trying to convince people that I'm bisexual lately. I do tend to have a preference for women, though I was married for a very long while to a man, but I didn't stop being attracted to or ...
I have a lot of friends who think bisexuality isnt a real thing at all and you cannot possibly be attracted to both. To be honest they don't even know I'm part of that group because I know exactly what they will tell me.
06/16/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
The number of times I have been told that bisexuals need to "just pick one" gender to like frustrates me. I'm also polyamorous, so telling me to just pick one is ridiculous on multiple levels.
06/17/2012
ScarletFox ScarletFox
I recently found myself having to defend my bisexuality to my own boyfriend who proclaimed that I couldn't be bisexual because I hadn't been with a woman more then once. I tried to explain that by his logic that he was basically saying that until someone has been with whatever gender they prefer that they have no sexuality at all and that I was being crazy.

I have also gotten comments from a few of my coworkers, one who is a lesbian and another who is a gay male, various remarks about how 'I'll pick a side eventually' and that 'Once you have done anything with another woman/man that makes you gay.'

Its a little frustrating to say the least but I stand very strong with how I identify my sexuality.
06/18/2012
lecanis lecanis
Quote:
Originally posted by nori
I get this a lot, unfortunately.. When I'm with a woman, I'm a lesbian, when i'm with a man, i'm straight. And if i'm with someone who's trans/queer, I'm labeled queer.

even though none of those labels are mine. v.v
Yes, that is quite frustrating! I think it's a pretty strange idea to be defined by a relationship, personally. I think a person should be able to have an idea of who they are outside of who their current partner is, so it's weird when people pull the 'You are with ___ therefore you are ___ thing."
06/19/2012
lecanis lecanis
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
Why do YOU feel that way? You shouldn't. Nobody should feel that they need to "defend" anything about themselves, including who they prefer. That's really strange to me. Do you feel badly when people ask you? Do you live in a place ...
That's a really good question. XP I think for me it's mostly that I do tend to be very involved in the politics of sexuality. I've been highly involved in LGBT issues and groups in the past, so being told I shouldn't be involved because of a current partner is frustrating.

I think too though it's very awkward for me because it does make it difficult for me to do things like dating. Mentioning being bisexual is an immediate shutdown for a lot of people, both lesbians and straight men. But I feel even more awkward lying about my sexuality, so it becomes really complicated. I think the place where I live is very polarized on such issues: there's a gay community and there are straight people, and both sides like to try to either claim you or kick you out, depending on how you present yourself as a bisexual.
06/19/2012
Mitzuki Mitzuki
Quote:
Originally posted by nori
I get this a lot, unfortunately.. When I'm with a woman, I'm a lesbian, when i'm with a man, i'm straight. And if i'm with someone who's trans/queer, I'm labeled queer.

even though none of those labels are mine. v.v
Pretty much this. :/
06/20/2012
CadmiumKitty CadmiumKitty
When I came out to an ex boyfriend about being bisexual, he argued with me and told me that I wasnt -_-
07/11/2012
Lavendar Lavendar
Quote:
Originally posted by ScarletFox
I recently found myself having to defend my bisexuality to my own boyfriend who proclaimed that I couldn't be bisexual because I hadn't been with a woman more then once. I tried to explain that by his logic that he was basically saying that ...
I've had the same problem with my boyfriend. I have only had one experience with a woman, but it was real to me and it's frustrating and deeply saddening when someone you love tells you it wasn't.

I also get arguments telling me "oh you've only been with a woman once, and mostly men so you're 80% straight and 20% gay" or some BS like this. Why would anyone try to measure what you are or deny it?
07/11/2012
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 11