Husbands

Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
I am a married bi-sexual woman who has no desire to have a threesome with another woman but it is such a fantasy of my husband's. Anyone else have this experience and how did you handle it?
04/16/2009
  • Weekly Special: Hot Vibes! Buy 1 Vibrator And Get 1 FREE
  • Better Price Sale - Save 50%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price - Save 40%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Dragon Dragon
Wow! He wants to open a whole lot of emotional and sexual stuff. It is very common for men to want to fantasize about seeing two women or pleasing two women. Porn has not helped this. With you being bisexual, this has definitely set his mind going.

My situation is not exactly the same as yours, but similar. I would say that if this is a strong fantasy, it may not go away very easily and you will either need to accept and deal with it, cut it off, or deal with it on a (gently)pressuring and long term basis. Either way you have some challenges. I personally feel this won't go away and you'll need to deal with it. Do so on your terms.

Start by getting some real information, and real discussions about what this could do to your relationship, especially the emotions. A fantastic book is Opening Up to get you started. It's one of the best that I've seen.
04/16/2009
Red Red
Quote:
Originally posted by Wise Young Mommy
I am a married bi-sexual woman who has no desire to have a threesome with another woman but it is such a fantasy of my husband's. Anyone else have this experience and how did you handle it?
Yes, that is a can of worms and a half. DBD's response is great.

Since this is, conceptually, opening your marriage, I recommend you sit your husband down and have a frank discussion about how he would feel if you pursued a solo relationship with another woman, and how he would feel if you wished to introduce another man into the bedroom. Whether or not you're interested in doing those things, his responses will be very telling and will give you a clue as to what landmines may come up if you were to agree to acting out his fantasy. It's one thing to think about how cool it will be to see two women together, it is an entirely different thing to see your partner intimate with someone else. Just because it's another woman doesn't mean that feelings of jealousy and inadequacy won't pop up.

Once you know of the potential landmines, you can proceed knowing the pitfalls - either by taking the time to quell the fears, or by moving forward aware that they may come up.

And, of course, it's one thing for it to not be your fantasys, it's another to be something you don't want to do. It's great to be good-giving-game, but there are limits - don't do something you really don't want to do. Good luck!
04/16/2009
Cinnamon Chambers Cinnamon Chambers
I am bi, but my husband had no interest in a 3 some, but I pushed the issue. That was a while back and for us it has worked better for me to keep the interactions separate, but to keep him informed. Good luck, discuss everything, especially the what ifs, be comfortable with what you decide will be your limits, and expectations.
04/18/2009
stricksw stricksw
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
Wow! He wants to open a whole lot of emotional and sexual stuff. It is very common for men to want to fantasize about seeing two women or pleasing two women. Porn has not helped this. With you being bisexual, this has definitely set his mind ... More
I agree & think this is great advice, one cant ever do too much research when emotions and feelings are on the line. I also agree that in so many ways, porn has painted a picture/landscape of what we, more specifically males should expect/demand in the sexual arena... I will go ahead and apologize if I sound biased or stereotypical, I am merely making a statement from my perspective of being a male & my experiences. My wife is straight, but I have long had bisexual curiosities almost to the point of experimentation. While my wife is supportive, there is one consideration that has held me back that I will share with you. Once a door is opened and/or closed, it usally stays that way...what is experienced can not be unexperienced. While thats a difficult thing to get around while you have a raging lust going on, it's well worth stepping back & re-evaluating. I have read quite a few posts of couples agreeing to go down that road, only to find something didn't work out for one of the participants & things went sour from there.
I'm sorry for being so verbose, I do get on rants sometimes... Thanks for reading/listening to my opinion.
05/01/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Keep the channels of communication open with your husband rather than just shutting him down and telling him no. You need plenty of communication to have a successful relationship regardless of the amount of people involved in it. You as a couple need to figure out whether this is a fantasy he is willing to leave in the realm of fantasy, or if it is something he is really interested in. With further discussion you will be able to unravel why you lable yourself bi-sexual but have no desire to have a threesome with your husband. This isn't meant to ding you it is simply a sttement of fact...you need to discover if the issue is jealousy, a feeling of betrayal of your vows, or simply you aren't interested in anyone but him right now. I'm assuming you aren't having another relationship outside your marriage, if you are then there are seperate issues about why you won't open that area up to your husband. It's a minefield and a half regardless of the situation and in my experience only open honest discussions and slow progress leads to favorable outcomes. Good luck to both of you.
07/21/2009
GNGenie GNGenie
My husband has also brought up this fantasty: he'd love to have a threesome with me and another woman. There are a lot of problems with that, not the least that we have totally different "types" and I would rather not initiate with someone local for fear of later complications, but we did sit down and have a frank conversation about it.

As it turned out, talking it out revealed that Husband was more in love with the idea than the actuality and just enjoyed talking about it. So glad we got that off our chests!
03/27/2010
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 7