Is It Possible for Opposite Sex Bisexual People To Say Together? A TL:DR Story for Questions and Answers

wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
For weeks I've been trying to find a way to word this on the forums. I still don't think I have it right and I still don't know if I'm putting it in the right spot, but I think I'm ready to put it out there in hopes that I can find help for my soul and that someone else who might have the same or similar situation might find help.

For six months I dated and was engaged to a 23-year-old man who came out to me as bisexual before he asked me to be his girlfriend. He knew that I had been with another woman for 2 years prior to moving here and meeting him, and then ultimately falling for him. He and I connected almost immediately and it turned into a quick friendship and soon more than that because we found in each other what we had always looked for in a partner, whether they be male or female. Less than 3 months into the relationship, he proposed to me. Our small town did a light parade in which he took the opportunity to use the float for his volunteer fire department to propose. It was sweet and I immediately said yes. I had never before connected with another person on such a level as I did with him. It was both a deep friendship and a deep romantic connection, so the "quick" timing of it made no bother to me. It also happened to be his birthday. So not only did a good portion of our small town get to witness our engagement, it was also on the radio the next day.

We had both already deeply discussed both of our "identities" as bisexuals and we had discussed other things to do with it as well like what if one of us had the urge for sexual contact with the same sex, how would we handle it, etc, so forth. We were very open and honest about everything. It was amazing, like I said, never before had I had such a relationship with another person before.

After almost two months of being engaged, we finally started to discuss setting a date, we were in Lincoln visiting his friends while I had a job interview out there. The friend we were staying with also happens to work for an event planning company that specializes in weddings. She was helping us, and he suggested a date, and about a week later we settled on that being our date. His idea.

It was soon after I announced our selected date that he started to act... a bit different. Kind of like he was starting to get cold feet. So a few weeks later I finally confronted him about it and we had an open and honest conversation about how he was afraid we were moving too quickly and he was afraid that somehow we would mess it all up. I calmly suggested that maybe we back off of the engagement for a while and he could, in a sense, "redo" his proposal when he was ready for it. At first he didn't like that idea and pushed it away, but he said he would consider it. Our conversation got cut short because he had to run to the restroom with sickness (we never lived together) and it was late and I needed to get some sleep. When I got home I had a text from him in which he said that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him and that he would like to be able to redo it when the timing felt better and he didn't feel so scared. I told him it was perfectly okay and asked him if he would prefer I not wear the ring or anything. He said something incredibly sweet about how love isn't a ring and that what we have is more than "just a ring."

Anyway, a few days later he leaves to go pick up his truck which was in the shop out in Lincoln (trivial information). He almost cuts off all contact with me. Started acting a little strange, and he even took the bag of our sex toys and condoms with him, which I pointed out, because, why would you do that?

When he finally comes home a few days later, he had just barely been home a few hours when his mother has a mental breakdown and he has to fly in to the rescue and then is given custody of his 16-year-old sister. So here is he, back from his trip to be thrown into something that he doesn't want to handle, for the second time in his life, I might add. He's trying to stay strong for his sister and himself, and won't accept help until I let him know that I love him no matter what and that I could never judge him for something like that. It embarrassed him what happened. Here he was working on getting his life out of this small town and his family "screws it up" again.

Anyway, the same week he starts a new, very demanding job which he is working at odd hours, thinks he has a bit of time, but then is pulled away to other things. He tries for a while to take me out to lunch or to text me or call me really quick, but soon he is sucked into work and cannot. I start to panic, wondering what's wrong, thinking I did something. His job took him away from everyone, really.

We broke up just before St. Patrick's Day. He told me he couldn't "give me what I deserve" because his job would never allow for it. He looked so ashamed and scared. He hates hurting people. I was devastated, and quite frankly, I still am a bit.

A few days before we broke up he'd said something that was a little, odd. Almost as if he was trying to tell me that he was gay and not bisexual, but even still he is hanging onto the bisexual identity. We don't talk very much and when we do, it's never ever about anything personal, he shies away and immediately runs from it. He does it with everyone. I work with his family and they are heartbroken for us as no one saw it coming and a lot of his close friends didn't even know until I told them recently what happened.

It's a small town, so coming out as bisexual or gay is difficult, especially when you have a father who is cruel and judgmental like his. His sister recently outed my ex-fiance by showing his father and their mother his MeetMe account in which he listed himself as bisexual. His mother and father were and are both upset. His mother has come home from rehab and has been acting strange herself. He's not acting like himself.

Part of me has to wonder if maybe the confusion and pressure of saying he's bisexual yet committing himself so seriously to a woman was too much to handle. Scared that maybe he might be gay and what if he was going to make a big mistake by marrying a woman?

I don't think I can honestly say that I am bisexual myself. I do enjoy the sexual and romantic company of both men and women, I cannot deny that, but I do think I lean more towards men. However, I can say that compared to him, I am much further along with my security on that matter. Suffice it to say that me being more "comfortable" was terrifying to him because he wasn't.

So, I suppose my whole point of this is. Do you believe two bisexual people can sustain a heterosexual relationship without it being a battle, without it being something terrifying? I'm not necessarily asking for my sake. I want others to find answers in anything that is posted here, maybe be able to relate and take something away from it.
Apr 14, 12:51 am
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wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
For weeks I've been trying to find a way to word this on the forums. I still don't think I have it right and I still don't know if I'm putting it in the right spot, but I think I'm ready to put it out there in hopes that I can ... More
Does the comfort level of one's own sexuality come into play? I believe it does. If you're more comfortable with who "you are" then it won't have a negative impact on your relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Whether is is gay or actually bisexual is up in the air, and it might be for a very long time. Though, what does one do after a break up in which their mate comes out as gay or lesbian? I mean, there's nothing you can do for the relationship anymore, but what does one do for themself? You accept it for one. But, how do you deal with it? Because even if you are totally accepting of it, having invested that kind of emotion in someone still hurts whenever you think about it the way I have if he does come out as gay: it's not that you didn't have the right kind of love, it was all there, it was all good and we had the right kind of love and support for each other. Just at the end of the day, it wasn't all right. It puts a dull ache in you that is hard to escape from. Which is why I have chosen to ignore that until I know for certain.

I don't know what was harder for me. Being a woman in a relationship with another woman, or being a bisexual woman in a relationship with a bisexual man.

I know this was a very, very long post. Very wordy, and probably seems like I am seeking some kind of attention. I more just wanted to put my story out there so that maybe someone else can find something in this to take away and put a positive light on it.

Anything anyone can add would be much appreciated. I want us all to offer up advice or words of wisdom that which others can find helpful.

I will start by saying that love is a wonderful thing. It can both hurt you and lift you up to a great place. And no matter how you have it, be thankful when you have it and hold onto the happiness you once felt when it was there. It is a gift of life.
Apr 14, 12:52 am
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
I know this was a long post, but I am curious to see people's opinions and responses to the basic question: can two opposite sex bisexuals successfully hold a relationship?
Apr 28, 11:53 am
KinkyCouple KinkyCouple
The short answer is yes.

Two bisexual people can certainly have a heterosexual relationship and be successful. As a bisexual female I've pretty much dated the spectrum, straight, bi, gay, male, and female. That includes a relationship that ended because my boyfriend came out. Out of all those I actually found other bisexuals are the easiest to date. They always understood where I was coming from emotionally and sexuality and had realistic expectations for us as a couple. I've actually ran into a lot more problems with straight men. A lot of them seemed to think that my bisexuality ment that I would be into mff threesomes, or that I would fuck another women and let them watch/film us.
Jun 22, 4:54 pm
RonLee RonLee
The short answer is yes. (I quite liked that KinkyCouple, thank you for allowing me to plagiarize you.)
I recently married my longterm GF, oh and her and I are both bi as well.
Jun 24, 8:33 pm
tturtle tturtle
I think you mentioned this in your post, but I have to make reference to it. You said you are secure in who you are and what you like. That is the key in any relationship, whether it is gay, bi, or straight. You are secure, where as your ex fiancé appears to have a lot of questions that he needs to find the answers to. So yes, two bisexual people could have a heterosexual relationship that can definitely be successful, but both partners must be open and secure in themselves. I wish you the best of luck in your situation.
Jun 24, 11:26 pm
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 4