Not sure what I prefer...

The New Intimacy

Not sure what I prefer...

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Contributor: KC Kitten KC Kitten
I have always thought of myself as straight, I've only ever dated men, but then I met this woman, and I keep thinking about her in a sexual way, I'm not sure if that makes me bisexual or just bicurious, she is in a relationship with someone and I know she is bisexual as well, but I also know that as long as she has this partner, she would never date anyone else, I've never thought about another woman this way, and I don't know that I ever will.

Soooo I'm really unsure, and living with a homophobic family, I don't really have anyone else to ask =/ so what do you guys think?

Is having a fantasy about a woman going to change or define my sexual orientation, or does it only count if I actually act on those thoughts?
08/21/2011
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Contributor: Ghost Ghost
What do you mean, "count"? If you have sexual feelings toward women, ok. If not, ok. If it passes in time, ok. Do what makes you happy and quit worrying about labels! If you're curious, flirt with a few girls. ;3
08/21/2011
Contributor: BellaSucette BellaSucette
I think you shouldn't be so worried about labels. Life is too short. If you feel like having sex with girls, go for it. If it's just men, go for that. Just do what makes you happy!
08/22/2011
Contributor: Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
I've had the same issue. I know I am find women attractive, but I don't have any real experience with them (dating or sexual), so I don't know what you would really call that. My husband reasons that I didn't have to date or have sex with a man to know I like men, so it should be no different for women. He would definitely say I am bisexual. I think I agree with BellaSucette's advice. I wish someone had told me that years ago.
08/22/2011
Contributor: KC Kitten KC Kitten
Elona: I guess you're right I'm too worried about labels and everything to really focus on what I WANT, too busy thinking about thoughts being stereotypes than the meaning behind it.

BellaSucete: Basically, as before, labels sorta controlled that way of thinking, I didn't really look at it like that.

Yaoi Pervette: I think I was just confused because I've never been attracted to women before, and so clearly no experience to back it up.

In full, I think I just assumed I was only attracted to men because the only people I've ever been attracted to in the past were men, maybe its not a matter of the gender so much as the person
08/24/2011
Contributor: LuciFaery LuciFaery
If you're attracted to the person more-so than the gender and you REALLY want something to call it, other than love and attraction, I would say you're pansexual/omnisexual. That means you're more attracted to the person than their gender. It really sucks that your family is homophobic, but I do hope you don't let that scare you away from pursing a relationship with someone, who is available, and just so happens to be the same gender as you are. A person's sexuality is constantly evolving and growing, people learn new things about themselves all the time, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to a different gender than you've been attracted to in the past.
08/25/2011
Contributor: Chaotic Rantings Chaotic Rantings
I would have to agree with Elnoa here. Labels aren't all that, just do what feels the most comfortable for you.
09/09/2011
Contributor: NonNewtonianBisexual NonNewtonianBisexual
So I know I'm about a month late, but I thought I'd mention a concept some people follow called the Kinsey Scale. Basically it argues that people aren't just stuck on different labels but that sexuality is a whole range (in the original scale's case, it goes from 0 to 6.) So if you've never had a sexual thought about a woman in your life you could very well be a 1--mostly heterosexual--and this gal could be just the person to trigger your hormones. A friend of mine is a dyed in the wool homosexual and apparently drove up to his alma mater just to score with a girl "because she was just so damn hot, I couldn't help myself."
Long story short, having those thoughts (or even acting on them) isn't a big deal, but if they keep happening then you might have to take a deep breath and consider your orientation.
10/10/2011
Contributor: Rawhide Rawhide
Fantasies are just that- fantasies. They can mean something or nothing based on how pervasive they are and how much you desire to act on them. I knew I was gay based on fantasies I started having when I hit puberty. I had never done any of the things that I fantasized about, but women were always central in them.

It sounds like you have the capability to experience attraction towards women, specifically one woman. There is a small chance that you've met the one woman on earth you would ever be attracted to, but it's far likelier that there are also other women out there that might tickle your fancy. It sounds like you are bisexual with a strong preference towards men.

You don't have to act on a fantasy to know what it means, but it might be a good idea to act on it (now or sometime in the future) in order to see if your fantasy of sex with this woman matches the reality. Keep in mind that sex with one woman doesn't represent sex with women in general, so if you love/hate one experience with one person it doesn't mean you will love/hate the experience in general.

Even if you enjoy sex with women, you don't have to change the way you identify yourself. Lots of women who primarily date/sleep with men but experience occasional attraction to women are calling themselves "heteroflexible" rather than "bisexual" because it more accurately represents their reality.
10/10/2011