Virginity - losing it?

The New Intimacy

Virginity - losing it?

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Contributor: VanillaCupcake VanillaCupcake
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
Everyone considers losing their virginity in different ways. Its very personal, and I personally believe it doesnt have to be when your hymen is broken or when you are first penetrated (because how would lesbians ever lose their virginity) I'd say its really her own opinion as to what is de-virginizing. There is really no actual rules as to what is or isnt.
If that made any sense at all lol!
04/04/2011
Contributor: np702 np702
it really depends on your perception of it. ive known girls who would only do anal/oral, and still call themselves virgins. if you still consider yourself a virgin, then thats whats important
05/01/2011
Contributor: PinkPedal PinkPedal
I think It only counts when use a mans penis.
05/11/2011
Contributor: Noira Noira
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkPedal
I think It only counts when use a mans penis.
Well, then lesbians are virgins forever, with that mentality. I think it's silly.

If you've had sexual contact with another human being, you are no longer a virgin to that sexual act. Oral, anal, vaginal... getting pegged by your girlfriend... if there's another person involved, you are not a virgin anymore. Virginity is a state of mind, I think.

I have long since lost my 'cherry' to a myriad of things: tampons, masturbation, toys, that time I slipped between a fence post... to me, all that means is I've had my first time masturbating with something insertable, and now I have yet to experience first time something else!
05/13/2011
Contributor: It's a Hooker! It's a Hooker!
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
None of these express my opinion on that. A person losing their virginity is with one or more partners, no penetration needed whatsoever. Sex can be done in many ways, not just with penetration of something coming off of the pelvis. For me, ... more
Great!
05/13/2011
Contributor: Anjulie Anjulie
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
None of these express my opinion on that. A person losing their virginity is with one or more partners, no penetration needed whatsoever. Sex can be done in many ways, not just with penetration of something coming off of the pelvis. For me, ... more
Agreed. I have been in many relationships and never had penetration by a male-bodied person. I do not consider myself a virgin. Plus i have been in relationships with people who did not like penetration and i would not consider them virgins either.
05/27/2011
Contributor: Bonanza Jellybean Bonanza Jellybean
I've asked myself this question as well, as it was difficult for me to pin down what constituted "sex" due to my newness to intimate expression, especially because my orientation is bi/queer/sexually fluid and I experienced non-penetrative sex before I experienced penetrative sex. I first had sex with another female with whom I shared a long term relationship, before having sex with a man after that relationship ended.

I consider myself as having lost a certain aspect of my "virginity" with BOTH of these individuals. When I experienced female-and-female sex for the first time, I lost that portion of my "virginity", and then when I experienced female-and-male intercourse, I lost a different portion of my "virginity" in experiencing something new, sexually, for the first time. I'd consider having anal sex for the first time losing your "anal virginity", etc.

I don't much care for the term "virginity" or that it's something you "lose" -- when you have consensual sex, you don't lose anything; you GAIN intimacy, pleasure, and a new experience.
06/09/2011
Contributor: SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
I really dont feel that penitrationha sanything to do with virginity I think sex is supposed to be abeautiful experiance with two concenting people no matter what the gender is
06/10/2011
Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
I really don't think that she's a virgin if you have messed around with her a lot. She might still have her hymen, but I agree with a lot of people here in saying that you aren't *really* a virgin anymore, emotionally, that's for certain, after oral, fingering, any of those forms of sexual contact. You can still break her hymen though, if she would be more comfortable dealing with the pain beforehand rather than later, but intercourse with a man still might hurt the first time.
06/10/2011
Contributor: hyperfemmepony hyperfemmepony
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
Girls can fuck with or without a strap-on. It's all about how you two are feeling, and if you're fucking, that's losing your virginity.
06/29/2011
Contributor: lzbncrckhead lzbncrckhead
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
i feel that “virginity’ is lost when you are sexual with someone else, regardless of penetration by a penis or not
07/01/2011
Contributor: Booktease Booktease
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
Its my personal opinion that virginity is a state of mind. For example, I don't consider myself a virgin, and not because I've been 'entered', but because I've had sex/fucked/made love with someone. And for each person, that can be a very different experience. Technically, I am a 'virgin' in most people's eyes because I have never had sex with a man, but oh, boy. I most certainly do not consider myself as such. Virginity, in a way, is a very archaic and strange term to me. I don't really like it and don't usually use it. I would never call myself a virgin.
08/08/2011
Contributor: LostBoy988 LostBoy988
I guess I would have mixed feelings depending on the motive behind it and the maturity of the person trying to lose their virginity.
08/08/2011
Contributor: Gingy Gingy
I think if you put anything up there you are having sex (fingers, dildo, banana...whatever if it goes in its sex)
If you go down on her its oral sex...which is sex in itself
if you put something up her ass its anal... etc etc

And also you aren't her partner now its not your job to worry about her virginity its not really any of your business at this point.
08/08/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
I'm sorry, but I do not believe you've lost your virginity unless it has been through penis penetration. That's the original def of sex. I'm not saying having sex with the same sex is not sex, but you are still a virgin unless an actual penis has penetrated. SOOOO many females have their hymens broken long before sex actually most do. That does not make them sexually active. If they've not had a penis inside then they are still a virgin. I honestly cannot understand how it can be thought of any other way. If you have oral sex that doesn't mean your no longer a virgin. It is a type of sex, but it is not intercourse.
08/19/2011
Contributor: Orion Orion
I feel once you are exposed to sex in general your no longer a virgin be it oral toys etc as long as its with a partner solo is meh you haven't had the connection with another that's when it hits imo.

Losing ones virginity isn't just the breaking of the hymen it is a mental thing your a virgin to sex like you could technically be a virgin to apples or whatever you haven't had before.

I guess one could say if you have not had a penis in side you you are a virgin to penis lol etc.

I agree with an above poster it is so archaic and kind of backwards these days has a whole lot of religious underpinnings. Is used to hold things against a person as if there un pure or pure etc.
08/19/2011
Contributor: BellaSucette BellaSucette
I see many posts about hymens being broken means losing your virginity. Not all women are born with them, though. I found this: "Proofs" of virginity are unreliable, inaccurate, or misleading. A torn or absent hymen does not signify that a woman has had vaginal intercourse. A hymen can be stretched or torn by horseback riding, ballet exercises, tampon use, or even a regular gynecological exam. Some women are even born without a hymen.

I think it's all about how the person looks at it. If you have some intense, emotionally connected foreplay, you may even consider that losing your virginity. It depends on perspective. Hope that helps a bit!
08/22/2011
Contributor: Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
An intimate act with penetration with feeling for one another equates to losing virginity to me anyway so I chose if it represents a penis or goes inside like one then it counts.
09/03/2011
Contributor: Sieglinde Sieglinde
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
Gonna have to agree with the people who say that it doesn't have to be penetrative to count. She had sex with you, so she's not a virgin, even though you didn't pop her cherry. That can be done by doing things like horseback riding, after all, but that doesn't mean you lost your virginity to a horse if that happens.

It's really up to how she feels emotionally, though. I'd say you already took her virginity. If she feels like she's still a virgin, though, that's her business. My best advice is that, if she wants to be with you again, ask how she feels about the use of a strap-on, whether that'd be deflowering her in her opinion or not, and if she's alright with that.
09/04/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
I'm personally of the opinion that sex is sex, oral, anal, manual, PIV intercourse are all sex. Someone else might view it differently, but if we're defining a virgin as someone who's never had sex, then anyone who's done any of those things isn't a virgin in my opinion.
09/17/2011
Contributor: oldman oldman
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
I would say that if your friend and you were sexually intimate, the virgin boat has already sailed...
09/18/2011
Contributor: Rhazya Rhazya
I'd say how you lose your virginity, would depend on your sexual preferences at the time of first sexual interaction.
10/18/2011
Contributor: chicken12 chicken12
I have a pretty strict view about what virginity means - I take it in a symbolic form, rather than a literal sense. To me, it doesn't matter if there was penetration or if the hymen was broken - if two people engage in a sexually gratifying act, it's sex. This includes masturbating each other, oral sex, and anal sex.
10/18/2011
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
I think it is 100% open to personal interpretation. Most people would say if you use a dildo on yourself to masterbate you are still a virgin. So if other people use it on you (by hand) many would say you are a virgin as well. Yet if they use a strapon, it's crossing closer into the realm of pushing it for virginity loss. After all, that is one of the ways (aside from scissoring) two women would have sex. Where people draw the line is very personal.
10/26/2011
Contributor: JGrey JGrey
Quote:
Originally posted by Luscious Lily
Well said. I completely agree with this way of thinking about it, and I agree that "virgin" has become a really slippery word. Ask 3 people what it means, and you'll get 7 different answers!
Indeed! Nothing more to add.
10/31/2011
Contributor: nori nori
I think virginity is subjective. Some consider it fingers, others mouth, others toy, or horseback hymen breaking. so to each their own.
10/31/2011
Contributor: pleasurehunter pleasurehunter
i think two people penetrating each other is losing virginity, anal or vaginally, as long as something phallic is involved
11/03/2011
Contributor: freshbananas freshbananas
anything else might be a little unfair to some gay/bi/les couples
11/07/2011
Contributor: Theaadrian Theaadrian
I think it really doesn't matter if you use a strap on before she has sex with a man. If she or anyone were to masturbate with a dildo before they had sex would they consider themselves no longer a virgin? no. Of course a strap on with another person is not the same thing as masturbating alone, but if she is comfortable thinking about straight sex and lesbian sex as two separate, and very different experiences, I'm sure she won't have regrets. I wouldn't...
11/08/2011
Contributor: Darklyvan Darklyvan
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
Sounds a little like you may care for this person more than you realize and are a little jealous. Perhaps if she truly has feeling for you as well you should talk to her about it
11/13/2011