(Gay) Sex and Virginity

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(Gay) Sex and Virginity

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Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
I'm pansexual and I've had both male and female partners.
I am a female and had sex with a female before having sex with a male.
Lots of people tell me the male was the "true" loss of my virginity.
Do you agree with this?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
No, the female partner was the loss of virginity.
86  (91%)
Yes, the male partner was the loss of virginity.
8  (9%)
Total votes: 94
Poll is closed
04/08/2012
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Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
Virginity is a social construct. If you had only had sex with women all your life, then by those standards you would have always been a virgin. Which means every Gold Star Lesbian would be a virgin right now, no matter how many women they have slept with. Obviously, this simply isn't true.

When a man loses his virginity, what does he actually lose? Nothing at all. Nothing changes. And yet, they still consider it "losing his virginity" whenever he has sex for the first time. So why should the loss of a hymen be what decides a woman's virginity? And besides that, lesbians can lose their hymens from penetrative sex, too. And your hymen can break from normal activities or stay in tact after having penetrative intercourse. So no matter how you look at it, it's stupid. Simple as that. Virginity is a stupid concept and you've lost "it", whatever "it" may be, as soon as you've had sex. Period. Male, female, it doesn't matter. You've lost it.
04/08/2012
Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
You lose it when you feel like you lost it.
04/08/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
If she popped your cherry via fingering I would say so..
I'm so not sure on this one, I can't vote!
04/08/2012
Contributor: Katelyn Katelyn
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
Virginity is a social construct. If you had only had sex with women all your life, then by those standards you would have always been a virgin. Which means every Gold Star Lesbian would be a virgin right now, no matter how many women they have slept ... more
Great answer Nazaress!
04/08/2012
Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
Quote:
Originally posted by Katelyn
Great answer Nazaress!
Ha ha. Thank you. I'm really opinionated about this. The concept of virginity is incredibly homophobic, not to mention sexist, and I just don't really like it at all. I guess that shows in my response.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm pansexual and I've had both male and female partners.
I am a female and had sex with a female before having sex with a male.
Lots of people tell me the male was the "true" loss of my virginity.
Do you agree with this?
The first time you had sex and had that "AHA!" moment you were no longer a virgin. Doesn't matter if there was penetration, that's an archaic and very negative standard that should be left in the darkness of history.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I have always been told the same thing. My first sexual encounter was with a female as well. I don't like the term virginity at all.
04/09/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I have always been told the same thing. My first sexual encounter was with a female as well. I don't like the term virginity at all.
At least I'm not the only one being told this. *sigh*
04/09/2012
Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
I think this is very common for people to discount the loss of virginity if there is no penetration.
I think it is the only physical change that leads to loss of virginity would be the breaking of the hymen.
All in all, it is a silly construct.
04/09/2012
Contributor: pootpootpoot pootpootpoot
The only one who needs to determine when you lost it is you! Whether you think virginity is lost with sexual contact or with penetration, the answer should be clear. Did they seriously tell you that they disagreed? That seems pretty rude!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Mia.The.Wonder.Slut Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
I agree with Nazaress, but I'd like to add that virginity only matters if you want it to matter. You get to define not only what virginity means to you, but you also get to decide IF it means anything to you.

Anyone that tries to tell you that having sex with a male-bodied person is the only way to lose your virginity is being heterosexist. Our physical bodies do not define sexuality or sexual experience.
04/10/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Quote:
Originally posted by Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
I agree with Nazaress, but I'd like to add that virginity only matters if you want it to matter. You get to define not only what virginity means to you, but you also get to decide IF it means anything to you.

Anyone that tries to tell you ... more
It is hetrosexist, and the thing is, these comments are made by people I know aren't homophobic. It's annoying.

The worst comment was after the first time I had sex with a male, he stated something about taking my virginity and I was like, "You know I've had sex with a woman, right?" As supportive of my sexuality and those of any orientation, he could not accept the fact that I considered my female partner my "loss of virginity."
04/13/2012
Contributor: kawigrl kawigrl
I think the first one (the female) counts
04/13/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Quote:
Originally posted by kawigrl
I think the first one (the female) counts
I tend to feel this way, too. I just dislike when everyone I discuss sex with thinks otherwise.
04/14/2012
Contributor: Various Various
The female obviously. If you had sex you are no longer a virgin, and if you felt like you had sex with her then there is no question.

I suppose I could understand why some people would debate you lost it to the male, but I would have to whole heartily disagree with them.
04/14/2012
Contributor: yeoshua yeoshua
Would masterbation count?
04/14/2012
Contributor: nope nope
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
Ha ha. Thank you. I'm really opinionated about this. The concept of virginity is incredibly homophobic, not to mention sexist, and I just don't really like it at all. I guess that shows in my response.
Agree with this.

I've known lesbians whose doctors have basically told them they're not sexually active because they're not engaging in penetrative sex with a male and I'm like
04/17/2012
Contributor: Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
Quote:
Originally posted by TheParrishism
You lose it when you feel like you lost it.
This, absolutely.
04/17/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by nope
Agree with this.

I've known lesbians whose doctors have basically told them they're not sexually active because they're not engaging in penetrative sex with a male and I'm like
Seriously, that makes no sense. And a Dr should know that. Asking if they are sexually active is asking if the engage in any sex act. So, yes Lesbians who are having sex with women are sexually active. A Dr should know that even oral sex counts as sexually active and it can spread diseases. I think I would get a new Dr and recommend that one be sent back to college.
04/17/2012
Contributor: Mirachaya Mirachaya
I technically "lost" my virginity(hymen torn) without my consent. In the cases of rape victims like mine therapists often encourage you to readjust your thinking on the topic.
I tend to consider my personal definition as the first time someone played(whether with insertion of finger or penis) voluntarily with either gender. Then again, I've known people who have done a lot of childhood experimentation. It really depends on what you personally think on the topic.
If it comes down to just the tearing of the hymen for women, my friend lost her's to a tampon. What is the definition for males? First time inserting into any orifice, or just vaginal insertion? When turned around to the other gender; it is even harder to define.
04/25/2012
Contributor: Catch Star Catch Star
Quote:
Originally posted by TheParrishism
You lose it when you feel like you lost it.
Exactly.
05/01/2012
Contributor: SouthernBelle SouthernBelle
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm pansexual and I've had both male and female partners.
I am a female and had sex with a female before having sex with a male.
Lots of people tell me the male was the "true" loss of my virginity.
Do you agree with this?
Not at all! My partner, who has never been with a man, is most certainly no longer a virgin after over 4 years of sex with me.
05/01/2012
Contributor: Rockasaurus Rockasaurus
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm pansexual and I've had both male and female partners.
I am a female and had sex with a female before having sex with a male.
Lots of people tell me the male was the "true" loss of my virginity.
Do you agree with this?
Sex is sex, plain and simple. It's just as much about the emotional aspect as it is about the physical.
05/01/2012
Contributor: Susen Susen
I think it has to do with how you feel, as well.
05/08/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
If you feel like you lost your virginity, then you did - it's such a hazy concept to begin with and doesn't have any strict physical or medical definitions - it's very much a social thing.
I really don't like the social and cultural roots of the concept of virginity, and don't really use it myself. Lately the concept looks even more ridiculous because I have had multiple threesomes and yet both my partners and I would still be considered virgins if you use the penis-in-vagina definition of "real" sex and virginity loss.
06/05/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
Virginity is a social construct. If you had only had sex with women all your life, then by those standards you would have always been a virgin. Which means every Gold Star Lesbian would be a virgin right now, no matter how many women they have slept ... more
I totally agree. I try not to go off my rocker when people say otherwise, but it's a struggle. Those who feel you are only having sex when a penis is inside a vagina discount entire groups of people without even realizing it. It's very narrow minded and could be extremely offensive.

It is kind of a silly concept, but to me, you lose your virginity the first time you're sexual with someone - no matter the person and no matter what exactly you did.
06/05/2012
Contributor: VanillaFreeSex VanillaFreeSex
need a 3rd option in poll. I personally count each separately.
06/05/2012
Contributor: namelesschaos namelesschaos
My short answer is that I reject the concept of "virginity" entirely and instead think of certain event more as "milestones" . Both or none of these could be "milestones" for you, it depends on what you consider a milestone to be.

"Losing virginity" is a backwards concept at it core. It doesn't make sense to refer to the gaining of experiences as a loss. Do we refer to learning how to drive as losing pedestrian status? Do we refer to graduating as loss of degreelessness? Do you consider your first job loss of unemployment? Do we call getting married "loss of singe-hood" while cutting the loss of single-hood cake at your loss of single hood party? Of course you don't, if we where to phrase any other major life experience in the same fashion as we do sexual experience it would sound ridiculous, because it is.

The entire concept reflects a limited and negative view of sexuality. Like any aspect of human experiences their may be certain major "milestones" along the path but we don't generally approach them with the backward logic of "virginity". In that line I would consider both events to be "milestones" but which experience represent a milestone and why is up to you.
06/06/2012
Contributor: britanny0620 britanny0620
I consider both of mine to be the loss of my virginity - just in different ways. I'm sure people would argue their point no matter which you considered. Also, after reading namelesschaos's comment - I totally agree with that.
06/06/2012