Same sex domestic abuse?

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Same sex domestic abuse?

levellc09 levellc09
Has anyone ever experienced same sex domestic abuse? My best friend has a partner that abuses her but she feels its ok because she fights back. I have seen her with black eyes and busted lips but she thinks its normal. I however feel its 150% unexceptable and worth ending relationships. What is your experience if you have ever or have ever known someone who was abused? Can people with vilolent ways really change?
01/24/2012
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lcl169 lcl169
Quote:
Originally posted by levellc09
Has anyone ever experienced same sex domestic abuse? My best friend has a partner that abuses her but she feels its ok because she fights back. I have seen her with black eyes and busted lips but she thinks its normal. I however feel its 150% ...
First of all, are you sure it's abuse? You should make sure they're not involved in a consensual BSDM relationship before bringing it up.

Besides that... in my experience, it's important to focus on your friend and showing her that you care and that you're there for her. Your friend likely feels exceedingly close to her partner, and she doesn't want to admit that anything is wrong with them or the relationship. It's not your job to tell her what to do... It's up to her to make the decision to speak up or leave. As such, it's important not to try to force your friend into anything like leaving their partner or calling the authorities, as it often backfires. And turning the partner is yourself in definitely not the answer!

Instead, in my opinion, the best approach (and sometimes the most difficult) is to talk with your friend frankly. Tell her you're concerned about her, citing specific examples. Don't speak too much about her partner (accusingly or angrily in particular), instead the attention should be focused on your friend and her mental and physical wellbeing. Letting her know you are willing to provide any type of support you can is good. She can, and hopefully will, choose to accept your help in due time.

Good luck!
01/26/2012
levellc09 levellc09
Quote:
Originally posted by lcl169
First of all, are you sure it's abuse? You should make sure they're not involved in a consensual BSDM relationship before bringing it up.

Besides that... in my experience, it's important to focus on your friend and showing her that ...
She isn't into bdsm and has openly told me she has been hitten by mistake. But how many mistakes can there be if its happening every week. If we are out dancing she shows up and makes her leave and some times physically forces her out. Its just so frustrating to see someone you care about not realize their worth. I understand feeling close and even in love with someone but I'm not sure I could let that over look the fact that someone abuses me. When we talk I try not to talk down about her partner but when she asks me to be honest I am. I don't think I will confront her but I would like to know a better way to handle it when she wants to talk. The thing is can someone change?
01/26/2012
levellc09 levellc09
Quote:
Originally posted by lcl169
First of all, are you sure it's abuse? You should make sure they're not involved in a consensual BSDM relationship before bringing it up.

Besides that... in my experience, it's important to focus on your friend and showing her that ...
Thanks for the advice btw!
01/26/2012
lcl169 lcl169
Quote:
Originally posted by levellc09
She isn't into bdsm and has openly told me she has been hitten by mistake. But how many mistakes can there be if its happening every week. If we are out dancing she shows up and makes her leave and some times physically forces her out. Its just ...
I hear you... it's really distressing to know someone you care about is in trouble and hurting. For you and your friend both (if/when you're ready), Rainbow Domestic Violence's website and The National Council on Domestic and Sexual Violence's website are good general resources. I see from your profile that you're in Atlanta, so if you're friend is in Atlanta too this other website for the Atlanta Lesbian Health Initiative might be of assistance.

Good luck, and my sincerest wishes to you and your friend.
01/26/2012
Katelyn Katelyn
Quote:
Originally posted by lcl169
I hear you... it's really distressing to know someone you care about is in trouble and hurting. For you and your friend both (if/when you're ready), Rainbow Domestic Violence's website and The National Council on Domestic and Sexual ...
This is such an important topic. I feel like this never gets brought up because there is so much emphasize on a "traditional form of abuse". Women hitting men, women hitting women, men hitting men (all kids of abuse exist.) If this isn't consensual BDSM then I really do hope your friend got out of this situation.
08/01/2012
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 3