Coming out to your significant other...

catsin catsin
For those of you who came out to your significant other during the relationship, I'm interested in your experience. I'd like to know how long you were with them before coming out and what kept you from coming out.
03/26/2012
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DarthTaco DarthTaco
We had been dating about 2 years before I came out to him. I'm a recovering drug addict and had been sober for about a year before I did it. I finally had to confront the feelings I've had my whole life over my gender that I had been hiding with pills. When I finally came to terms with it, I knew I had to tell him regardless to what it led between us. It was only fair.

It took me about a week to build up the courage to tell him. I unfortunately chose a terrible time to tell him. We were fighting over the phone (it was long distance at the time), and it was the middle of the night. I knew then I should've waited another week, when I was gonna see him .

Anyway, I finally told him. His reaction: "Oh God, you really ARE the man in this relationship." I should make it clear we always make jokes to break the tension. Anyway, we discussed some stuff over what I was gonna do. It took him about a week to be ok with the whole thing. It's been about a year and a half since then and we're really happy . He's not really bothered by me looking more masculine and the changing of pronouns. He's happy to call me his boyfriend and being gay with me. He's also relieved that I don't want to ever get pregnant xD.
03/28/2012
catsin catsin
Quote:
Originally posted by DarthTaco
We had been dating about 2 years before I came out to him. I'm a recovering drug addict and had been sober for about a year before I did it. I finally had to confront the feelings I've had my whole life over my gender that I had been hiding ... More
Thanks for your detailed response!!! I really appreciate it
03/28/2012
cryinglightning86 cryinglightning86
I was with my boyfriend for a while before I came out to him. It maybe took a year of being in a relationship with him before I admitted that I liked girls (something I took ages to admit to myself). Maybe two or three years later, I told him I didn't feel entirely female. He now knows I identify as genderqueer, and he has been the most supportive person in my life. I grew up in a conservative, Christian home, and I don't know what I'd do without having him since I was fairly young by my side. (We're one of those weird situations that have been together since we were kids.)

He's cis-gendered and heterosexual. At first, he was afraid when I came out to him as genderqueer. He thought this meant I was trans*, and he was afraid this would mean that I was a man, which seemed to make him question his heterosexuality. We fought through this for a while. Finally, he came to the conclusion that he would still love me, even if I was trans*. It was hard for us to come to this point, but we're here. I'm still trying to figure out my gender identity, and it's really difficult. However, as my boyfriend supported me when I realized I wasn't heterosexual, he's also come to a point in helping me through figuring out my gender identity.
07/11/2012
FindingJames FindingJames
I've never come out to somebody I was dating. However, I came out to my best friend who was pretty much my girl friend. We both decided we didn't want to date, but we did a lot of things a couple would do. We had acted that way for a long time (about 5 years). I was afraid to tell her because I was afraid that we would drift apart. She's always cared about what people thought which is why she's not out to many people as bisexual, so I wasn't really sure if she would stop hanging out with me or being so close with me because of what people would say. I knew that once I came out as FtM transgender that everybody would know within a week because I live in such a small town where I have a lot of enemies. I finally decided to suck it up and told her. She was kind of iffy about it at first, but she understood. We aren't as close as we were before, but we kind of act like really close friends.
07/11/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
I came out to my first boyfriend during our relationship because I figured out I was genderqueer while we were dating, he was relatively supportive but didn't really know what to think or do about it. We broke up not long after, and that was one of several factors in it, though he didn't admit that at the time. We're friends now and we've talked about it a bit since then. He's straight, it'll probably be best for him to actually date folks who firmly identify as women in future... It was pretty weird for him to have his "girlfriend" spring that one on him, but I didn't want to keep quiet about such a big personal discovery.

My next two partners already knew I was genderqueer before we started dating and are both okay with and very positive about it, so I haven't had to come out during a relationship since then.
07/13/2012
butts butts
I met my partner online, I passed as male to him without question so it surprised him a bit when I came out but he had no problem with it. I told him online a while before we ever started getting serious, for me it's something that I think is important to disclose as soon as you think the other person is showing interest. He came out to me as pansexual, and 3 1/2 years after moving in together we're still going strong I'm on HRT and he's so happy for me, there's really been very few issues in our relationship regarding my gender, and the only real problems have been my own self consciousness and our families issues.
07/13/2012
sodapin sodapin
Quote:
Originally posted by FindingJames
I've never come out to somebody I was dating. However, I came out to my best friend who was pretty much my girl friend. We both decided we didn't want to date, but we did a lot of things a couple would do. We had acted that way for a long ... More
Damn :\ that's disheartening to hear....

I've been thinking about whether I should just be out entirely or stay stealth entirely because I feel like "news" like this would spread like wildfire as soon as I tell one person.
07/14/2012
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 7