Do you choose to label your sexual orientation?

bottled-diva bottled-diva
My husband is FTM and I have always felt that my sexuality is mutable but am more inclined to men, so when i label myself I say I'm straight.

Do you label your sexuality?
I find that it is something that come up in "Real world" situations like when I talk about my husband or when I call my husband he.

How do you all deal with this situation?
11/05/2012
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- Kira - - Kira -
Yeah, I like labels. They help classify things. I'm always confused when people don't like them, but to each their own.
11/05/2012
RonLee RonLee
I'm not TG myself so perhaps I shouldn't even post on this thread, however...
My first mtf tg lover commented that she thought that I was quite a mix of what would otherwise be contradictory aspects of sexuality. I prefer NOT to label myself though. Hey, it Works for me.
11/05/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by bottled-diva
My husband is FTM and I have always felt that my sexuality is mutable but am more inclined to men, so when i label myself I say I'm straight.

Do you label your sexuality?
I find that it is something that come up in "Real ... More
It sounds like you're kind of fluid and that calling yourself "straight" may be the easiest way to deal with it in social situations. It might even make your husband feel more confident/secure/comfo rtable to have a straight wife. It might make him feel less like he falls into some kind of middle ground or grey area which might help his security and alleviate dysphoria. i do know a spare few trans* folks who feel like their trans* identity can get lost this way. Some that feel like they can no longer fit into the LGBT community if they get too assimilated into the straight world which can make some of them feel rejected or isolated so it's important to talk to him about it if you haven't already.

Of course, pansexual or bisexual or anything along those lines would work equally well, depending, obviously, on your husbands comfort.

i'm a lesbian. i have been criticized for being too closed minded or shallow because i'm not interested in trans* men, which can be frustrating. i think i'm pretty open but the reality is, they are men, and not because i'm clinging to my lesbian label, but because there are things about men i'm simply not attracted to and trans* guys, with or without surgery, have some or all of those things and it just doesn't work for me. i don't really rule out the possibility that it could happen but it hasn't so far. If it did, i'd have to reevaluate my lesbian label.

As a lesbian, i also definitely don't rule out the possibility that i could be attracted to and interested in a trans* woman who is interested in women. In which case, i'd still be a lesbian, of course.
11/05/2012
bottled-diva bottled-diva
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
It sounds like you're kind of fluid and that calling yourself "straight" may be the easiest way to deal with it in social situations. It might even make your husband feel more confident/secure/comfo rtable to have a straight wife. It ... More
I totally understand that you're not interesting FTM TGs. I truly feel that they are men and given dysphoria issues that go allow with being trans I can see being with someone who identifies as a lesbian to be difficult. Not that I'm saying it couldn't work. Relationships are as different as the people in them.
Thanks for your input!
11/05/2012
Intrepid Niddering Intrepid Niddering
I'm omnisexual. My explanation is just that I don't care what's between a person's legs; what matters is how I connect to a person.
11/05/2012
edeneve edeneve
some help keep things clear.
11/05/2012
hanjonatan hanjonatan
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
It sounds like you're kind of fluid and that calling yourself "straight" may be the easiest way to deal with it in social situations. It might even make your husband feel more confident/secure/comfo rtable to have a straight wife. It ... More
it's ludicrous for people to criticise you for not wanting to date men when you're a lesbian. that's like... kind of what being a lesbian means?

anyway, i'm bisexual, and i don't have a problem with labelling myself that way. if anyone wants to know the specifics, they can ask, but it seems a bit like oversharing to give people more details than just the basics when all they probably want to know is if i'm into dudes or ladies or both, and the answer is "both".
11/06/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
When I tell people I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years they tend to assume I'm straight, but when asked I usually label myself as "It's complicated."

I am attracted to both men and women, but I am attracted to pretty people, not the genders separately. I also went through a phase where I was SURE I needed to get a gender change because I got on better with boys and fantasized about being on top of someone thrusting into them. Now I understand that there are lots of women who like to thrust into things, and that doesn't make them men.

I prefer to be in relationships with men, though, because women are crazy and do confusing things.
11/06/2012
TboyTy TboyTy
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Yeah, I like labels. They help classify things. I'm always confused when people don't like them, but to each their own.
Humans by nature want things to fit into nice neat categorized boxes, it's how our brains operate.

The issues with this are multifaceted, especially for trans folk. The boxes we love to label create boundaries, by our very nature trans folk cross boundaries. Even the name for our group of people even clearly states that, *Trans*(men/women/folk )

Sure, you can create a new label/box but then you have to explain every time you use this new descriptor. It's a of work, which often leads to discussion topics we may not want to share with everybody.

In the end I find it's a lot easier and more reliable to abandon labels, and when it comes up, have conversations I can steer in whatever direction I'm most comfortable with depending on whom I am speaking to.
11/07/2012
TboyTy TboyTy
Now, having said all that above... my favorite way to open a discussion with people I don't mind sharing a lot with (read: people I'm crusing, or with whom I'm already having a discussion of gender/sexual identity) is to claim that I'm "A whole new ball of queer"
11/07/2012
hanjonatan hanjonatan
eh, your ball of queer probably isn't that new...

i like labels, and i think most people understand that they're basically just shorthand for "this is pretty much how it is". no one really needs to know the specifics of my orientation/preference s/etc beyond the basics (though i'm big on oversharing so i'll tell most people, especially after a few beers). but people might want to know why i have a girlfriend when they'd previously assumed i was gay (happens all the time), or they might wonder what's up with my gender, or whatever, and labels are useful in those situations. my "bisexual" might not be everyone else's "bisexual", but it's still a useful term, you know? ditto my "transsexual".
11/07/2012
PrincessYagami PrincessYagami
Quote:
Originally posted by bottled-diva
My husband is FTM and I have always felt that my sexuality is mutable but am more inclined to men, so when i label myself I say I'm straight.

Do you label your sexuality?
I find that it is something that come up in "Real ... More
If people ask, I tell them I'm pansexual. I don't really think about it. I just like what I like. Make it simple.
11/07/2012
butts butts
I'm gay, that's fine with me. I may be attracted to very effeminate men, but I've never had much of an interest sexually or romantically with females. I admit, there's a few transwomen out there whom I find very attractive, but I feel like my attraction to them is on the edge of fetishism. I probably wouldn't date a transwoman because I'd be scared of finding her attractive for the wrong reasons. I don't know, if I grew fond of a transgirl pre-op, I would still be fond of her port-op even though I'm not typically attracted to female bodies, so maybe I am homoflexible? I'd be fine being called homoflexible. For the sake of clarity, I'm totally fine with labels, I tend to assume they're "soft definitions" for most people anyways XD
11/08/2012
mr115393 mr115393
I have a love/hate relationship with labels. They make some things easier, but I'm also reluctant to feel like I'm shutting out other options.
11/09/2012
Robespierrethecat Robespierrethecat
I can't make up my mind on this one. I generally don't like to talk about my sexual orientation because I don't think it's important to who I am. I'm pansexual (or maybe demi), I usually just tell people I'm queer, and it's not like anyone really listens, because I'm female and am in a serious relationship with a man right now.
11/09/2012
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 13