How many of you really get offended by people who refuse to use your preferred pronouns?

  • Get FREE 5 Gifts with Orders $59+

How many of you really get offended by people who refuse to use your preferred pronouns?

Kenneth Fort Kenneth Fort
Self explanatory. What if they seriously have a problem seeing you that way, and aren't doing it out of spite? What if they use no pronouns altogether, as a compromise?
09/21/2012
  • Buy 3 Items for $70
  • Buy 3 Items for $50
  • Buy 3 Items for $30
  • Save 20% on Luxury Toys
  • Add Some Buzz To Your Favourite Toy & Save 60% On Kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
GONE! GONE!
I get offended when they are doing it out of spite. No pronouns is fine with me, if they're that pissy about using the right ones.
09/21/2012
butts butts
It's pretty damn offensive. I'd never refuse to use someone's correct pronouns, neither should anyone else, whether you're uncomfortable or not it's an issue of respect.
09/21/2012
MJ7 MJ7
Quote:
Originally posted by butts
It's pretty damn offensive. I'd never refuse to use someone's correct pronouns, neither should anyone else, whether you're uncomfortable or not it's an issue of respect.
Completely agree.

Even when people slip up and say "that's my girl" or something, I still get offended. Not like raging mad or anything, but I like people to consider their choice of words..
09/21/2012
MistressDandelion MistressDandelion
I'm offended but i rarely say anything, I'm too shy.
09/22/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
Self explanatory. What if they seriously have a problem seeing you that way, and aren't doing it out of spite? What if they use no pronouns altogether, as a compromise?
Well, I personally am not GLBT or anything, but have a family member who is. I wanted to say something anyways though I think a lot of us who mistakenly use the wrong word, it's an honest mistake. I always try to do whatever pleases people, but you know, we all sometimes slip up. It can be hard on this side too.

However, my family member doesn't care either way. He answers to both! He's mostly just like "call me whatever you want to." It's nice because we are often walking around on tip toes because we don't want to say the wrong/offensive thing. Ya know?

Doing it to be rude? I've never encountered that, never known anyone to actually do that to any trans intending to be hateful. I certainly wouldn't call someone by the wrong thing just to anger them. Sounds frustrating to deal with that though.
09/22/2012
Ly-Ra Ly-Ra
I can forgive an honest mistake, but if they know and are being reminded, I won't accept excuses like "Oh but you're still my baby sister to me!" "Oh you'll always be my little girl" even though I've specifically said to not call me that, then yeah I get upset and offended.
09/30/2012
WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
If someone refused to call me by my preferred pronoun, chances are I don't value their opinion and they aren't worth my time, so it wouldn't anger/hurt me.
09/30/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
I have a handful of trans friends though I'm not trans myself. I'm pretty quick to correct folks who use the wrong pronouns for my friends. If someone is doing it because they honestly don't know or realize or simply by mistake, like a slip up, or out of habit because they knew the person before they come out, it's one thing and I'll gently remind them. If they're doing it deliberately, if they're someone who is around us a lot, I'll have a serious conversation with them and explain that what they are doing is hurtful and damaging and if they don't care, then they don't belong in my social circle. If it's a misunderstanding or an honest mistake, most people will respond to gentle correction and an explanation or reminder about how hurtful it is to the person being mislabeled.
10/01/2012
nmirage nmirage
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
Self explanatory. What if they seriously have a problem seeing you that way, and aren't doing it out of spite? What if they use no pronouns altogether, as a compromise?
Anyone unwilling or unable to see me for who I am is not someone I need in my life. It does not matter to me whether or not it is out of spite. It is a matter of respect and if someone thinks using my name constantly in place of a pronoun is a compromise, that's a dead wrong assumption.
10/02/2012
Schattenstern Schattenstern
My parents are the only people I've told who outright won't use the correct name/pronouns and after being gone for 3 months and returning I've realized that is a major factor in my depression.
11/16/2012
hanjonatan hanjonatan
it's just a part of having basic respect for a person; it's one thing to slip up once in a while, but if it's a consistent thing then that's a pretty clear sign that you don't respect someone enough to refer to them the way they want you to. this stuff really isn't that complicated.
11/17/2012
pestilence pestilence
The only friends I really give a pass to on my name/pronouns are the ones with developmental disabilities, and both of them have been making serious efforts to get them right recently so I feel like everyone else has no excuse. I don't mind people avoiding pronouns altogether at all; it's purposely using the pronouns I don't like that bugs me.
11/21/2012
TheParrishism TheParrishism
If they are purposefully doing it, I tend to just cut them out of my life. I don't really have room for that.
11/21/2012
eroticmutt eroticmutt
As far as my family goes, I talk to them minimally because they still haven't got their heads around it. Though I have brought peace to that by only seeing them about three times since moving out.

For someone else, say someone assuming me to be the wrong gender not even someone I know, I will very forcefully correct them, and that seems to always do the trick.

If I am at work, and it's over the phone, I just ignore it.

Someone using no pronouns at all is perfectly fine. I am happy with that.
11/27/2012
needapacker needapacker
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
Self explanatory. What if they seriously have a problem seeing you that way, and aren't doing it out of spite? What if they use no pronouns altogether, as a compromise?
i havent had to deal with that in quite some time, but i would not associate with anyon e who would not use the proper pronouns for me.
11/27/2012
Robespierrethecat Robespierrethecat
It's offensive because why should a tran* person have to sacrifice their feelings and who they are just to accommodate some cis person who doesn't "see them as" their gender.

I'd be really pissed and probably need to have a serious discussion with anyone who used the wrong pronouns ever. It's really not okay.
11/27/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Robespierrethecat
It's offensive because why should a tran* person have to sacrifice their feelings and who they are just to accommodate some cis person who doesn't "see them as" their gender.

I'd be really pissed and probably need to have ...
It's educational. People fear what they don't understand; fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Yes, it sucks now. BUT you're making it better one person at a time for future trans* people.

Let's face it, there's no good way the question "What is your gender?" to come across. What if you ask a masculine looking bio-female which gender pronoun they prefer. What if they're really sensitive about the fact they are a woman who looks like a guy? See, now you look like an insensitive arse for offending someone with over-sensitive sensitivity.

Learn a person's name, address them by that.
11/28/2012
Arren Arren
I used to get offended,then I removed the people from my life who were doing it just to aggravate me. I still have people that mis-pronoun me all the time but I've made a point of surrounding myself with understanding people so I have no problem saying something about it, I'll correct random strangers in public too but I'm never mean about it.
11/28/2012
kdlt kdlt
It's more hurtful and saddening than offensive to me. I face it a lot (especially from my LGBTQ friends) but I'm usually too shy to stand up for myself and correct them.
11/29/2012
FTMax FTMax
It's a matter of respect for me. If I'm totally sure that someone respects my gender I really don't mind if they slip up, tease me, call me pretty, or anything else for that matter. If someone is doing it out of spite or blatant disrepesct, it's absolutely offensive.
11/30/2012
bog bog
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
Self explanatory. What if they seriously have a problem seeing you that way, and aren't doing it out of spite? What if they use no pronouns altogether, as a compromise?
i'm with you all - if it's out of spite, that's a different story...
12/02/2012
Mediumsizedman Mediumsizedman
Quote:
Originally posted by butts
It's pretty damn offensive. I'd never refuse to use someone's correct pronouns, neither should anyone else, whether you're uncomfortable or not it's an issue of respect.
I agree with this so much.
12/13/2012
Mediumsizedman Mediumsizedman
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
Self explanatory. What if they seriously have a problem seeing you that way, and aren't doing it out of spite? What if they use no pronouns altogether, as a compromise?
No pronouns is not really an ok compromise in my book. The only one I let get away with that is my mom.
12/13/2012
Total posts: 24
Unique posters: 23