I can't cum from sex with my boyfriend

needapacker needapacker
It's not that I can't orgasm, he just can't get me off. I don't get it. He makes me feel really good but we could be going for hours and i just won't cum. Sometimes i think it's related to dysphoria but idk.
Any advice?
11/20/2012
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married with children married with children
my wife cant cum from intercourse alone either. she needs the help of a vibrator or my fingers. Have you tried a vibrating cock ring yet?
11/20/2012
Aishiteru Aishiteru
You could try using a vibrator while you're with your boyfriend.
11/20/2012
TheParrishism TheParrishism
Toys could help. Or communication.
I think the best thing would be to not worry about it. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. It doesn't mean sex can't be as fun.
11/21/2012
shielaray shielaray
Quote:
Originally posted by needapacker
It's not that I can't orgasm, he just can't get me off. I don't get it. He makes me feel really good but we could be going for hours and i just won't cum. Sometimes i think it's related to dysphoria but idk.
Any advice?
I can't cum without clitoral stimulation from a vibrator or hands... I don't think it's an uncommon experience.
11/21/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
This is common even without dysphoria. Toys and clit stimulation seriously help.
11/21/2012
novanilla novanilla
Are you trying non-penetrative forms of stimulation with your sex that also is not working? If you normally use vibrators by yourself, try using them with him also. Have you tried things like tingling lubricants? Sometimes those can really speed things up for people who keep rubbing their clit to no avail.
11/22/2012
Sinfully Sinfully
I can't either and it's my understanding that many girls can't cum from penetrative sex.
11/22/2012
PassionQT PassionQT
There's nothing wrong with you; most women, it is said as many as 70% can't cum from penetration alone. Hopefully your boyfriend is open to you using toys to help you achieve orgasm. I will use a vibrator while my partner holds me and kisses me to get there. So it's not his "tool" doing the job, but he is helping greatly!
11/22/2012
Andrew1992 Andrew1992
Maybe try something different. Maybe role reversals (if feasible) or something to that effect?
11/22/2012
needapacker needapacker
I usually don't have penetrative sex with him. Penetration causes me dysphoria most of the time.
I can't cum from penetrative or non penetrative sex.
11/23/2012
kadelette kadelette
Get him to try some different warming/sensation lubes with you, possibly toys, maybe different positions? Maybe extra foreplay? With enough patience and varied attempts, something's bound to work. Good luck!
11/25/2012
hanjonatan hanjonatan
i had that problem for years. it was a dysphoria thing and just not being able to focus enough to really enjoy it.

i can't really give any advice except try to talk to him and idk, do whatever you need to do to feel at ease with him etc. and/or try new stuff if you think that's the problem. but it sounds like it might be a mental/dysphoria thing.

good luck, dude, i know it can be rough. and very frustrating!
11/25/2012
novanilla novanilla
It definitely seems like a dysphoria problem, then, as you suggested. You know best.

What types of things set it off the most? Try to eliminate those things. Would wearing a strap-on help, even if he's rubbing your clit? Perhaps watching him give a blow job to you wearing a strap on while rubbing your clit? Wearing a shirt? Turning the lights off?

Try to find some sort of modification you can make that may not eliminate your dysphoria but will at least ease it.
11/25/2012
emiliaa emiliaa
I have a dysphoria problem too, I don't identify with my body at alll. ;_; *hugs* Do you have that problem with other partners? You can talk to me about it if you want to, I'd rather not participate in a big ol discussion with a bunch of people but you can PM me XD
11/25/2012
eroticmutt eroticmutt
Quote:
Originally posted by needapacker
It's not that I can't orgasm, he just can't get me off. I don't get it. He makes me feel really good but we could be going for hours and i just won't cum. Sometimes i think it's related to dysphoria but idk.
Any advice?
That's totally normal. It took me months of masturbation to *ever* be able to cum with a partner.

Think about it this way: if you can cum from masturbation, you will probably need the same type or similar stimulation, position, etc to do it with a partner. So if you're on your belly and humping something, you'd have to do that with him (can be tricky but doable). If you're on your back, rubbing your genitals with fingertips in circles, again the surest way is to do that with him.

I find that I have an easier time up top, but I need to be able to rub my cock against his pelvic bone to get the right stimulation, and he can't move because that will throw me off the spot.

What you're going through is totally normal and tons of people are in the same boat, but it can be done. People who aren't cumming during sex are usually thinking they can use a different type of stimulation than they would during masturbation.

The secret is using the *same* stimulation. There's a reason you do it that way. And tell your partner not to move while you're doing it. Get into the right position and just keep going.
11/26/2012
needapacker needapacker
I guess its just dysphoria. Whatever.
12/13/2012
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 14