Sexual Orientation for the Genderqueer?

AndroAngel AndroAngel
I wish there were better words to describe sexual orientation. I often struggle with trying to describe my orientation because I identify as neither male nor female so I can't say that I'm "gay" or "straight" because I'm not a man or a woman. I don't like the term Pansexual, although it's the closest to accurate I've found. Bisexual doesn't work for me, because I'm attracted to people all along the spectrum...

Wouldn't it be better if we had a system based on the gender of the person you're attracted to, rather than their gender in relationship to yours? Like: Male-sexual, Female-sexual, Queer-sexual, Femme-sexual, Butch-sexual, Andro-sexual, Multi-sexual (come to think of it, I like that term better than pan). Then you could have a man, a woman, and an Androgyne all hanging out being Male-sexual together, or Femme-sexual together. That way sexuality would be easier to talk about for people who don't quite fit the gender binary we have now.
02/01/2012
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HannahPanda HannahPanda
My girlfriend is the EXACT same way, Angel. She identifies as straight when she feels masculine and I identify as queer. I love her gender fluidity and wouldn't have it any other way. We get questions from others all the time, but we generally don't ask questions about our sexualities how we identify because it doesn't matter so much. The entire "male-sexual" aspect I don't think I understand, but I don't mind the term 'pansexual,' because it simply means being attracted to someone for the sheer emotion you have invested in them as a person and ignoring all gender hurdles. That's what suites me best but I can fit under the umbrella of queer as well.

I hadn't expected to find many people who identify as androgynous and as a gender-bender, but perhaps Eden was the best place to stumble upon someone who is fluid with genders as my partner is. She has the exact same problem in identifying whether or not she's straight, a lesbian, or simply just.. queer. I think you're right that the sexual terms cover just about everything other than those who gender bend. I say we're queer and just go with it because it's easier and most people don't question it.
02/01/2012
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Queer works better than most. Really, though, what I meant was it would be easier to identify by what gender you're attracted to. People who like men would be "male-sexual" people who are attracted to a masculine presentation would be "Butch-sexual" people who are attracted to an androgynous presentation would be "Andro-sexual", etc. So someone who was attracted to Butch women only would be "Butch-Female-sexual" I guess...
02/02/2012
Destri Destri
We have this problem as well. I am a straight-up lesbian, but my husband is a male-presenting, gender queer person. He really can't get away with saying he is androgynous, because he really does present as a male. We mostly use the term pansexual, I guess it comes the closest...

I hate that we have to label things at all! Labels have been a big issue here, as people always want to know "what" we are and how things work around here.
02/02/2012
Jensen Jensen
Human-sexual?
02/06/2012
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Jensen
Human-sexual?
I like that. I like it best of all, I think.
02/06/2012
Ciao. Ciao.
I absolutely agree that there should be better ways to describe attraction rather than just gay/straight/bi. I am sure there are many of people (myself included) whose mix of attractions and identities just don't neatly fit into the typically used terms.
02/06/2012
Llewey Llewey
I identify as genderqueer (agender) and briefly describe my sexual orientation as -- androphilic.

Maybe my case is a bit strange, but I REALLY prefer male bodies. I would date a MtF transwoman, but would prefer the physical male bits stay intact. Of course, this sounds so selfish when put into words, but I know what my body responds to. Androphilic seems to be a good way to identify which type of body I prefer while keeping my sex/gender ambiguous.
02/12/2012
Destri Destri
I personally am working on the use of auto-erotic to describe myself. It means a person who prefers masturbation to actual sex with another person. It is not a good fit, because I love to get other people off, I just don't want them to try and get me off. I did a post about this and someone called me a "stone." I am trying not to take offense.... I am a very sensual person, I just prefer to make myself achieve an orgasm, it is hard for me to ever cum when someone else is trying to get me there.
02/12/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I personally am working on the use of auto-erotic to describe myself. It means a person who prefers masturbation to actual sex with another person. It is not a good fit, because I love to get other people off, I just don't want them to try and ... More
I'm sorry the term "stone" offended you. I saw it got explained and clarified in the other thread. The word "stone" actually gets applied to femme and butch women thusly: A "stone femme" is a woman who prefers only to be on the receiving end of sexual encounters, not reciprocate. She wishes her partner to pleasure her, touch her, penetrate her, perform oral sex on her, etc, but not do the same in return. This gets paired with a "stone butch" who is the exact opposite and prefers to pleasure her partner, but not receive the reciprocation. Women I have known feel this way for many reasons. Some simply for personal preference, some from reasons of gender identity, some because of negative past experiences or sexual abuse. I think the terms are limiting only because they imply that you have to be butch to want to give but not receive and femme to want to receive but not give and that's simply not the case. Incidentally, most stone butch women I've known have enjoyed masturbating, either alone or with their partner with them but not participating. Some women are completely stone, while others have limits (ie, fingers are ok, but no oral, or toys are ok but no hands or mouth, or clitoral stimulation but no penetration, or any other variation you could think of. One woman I knew wouldn't allow her underwear to be removed but anything you could do around or under them was fine.

To the topic of this thread. A lesbian transwoman I know recently introduced me to the term gynephilic which means a preference for women. This can be used regardless of the gender of the person being described as gynephilic, which is appealing. Unfortunately and rather unsatisfactorily, in my opinion, the antonym to this is androphilic, which is not an attraction to androgynous people, but an attraction to men or, alternately, a preference for humans over animals. So that's not quite right. And a lot of people dislike the terms because they sound clinical or like something from a psychology textbook or sound like pedophiliac or necrophilic or a variety of other terms with a negative connotation. But, I agree that a collection of terms to describe what a person is attracted to would be more useful that homo-, bi- and heterosexual and trying to shoehorn the trans, queer, genderqueer, and anyone else into those three categories which require a static and clearly defined gender of the person being described to be accurate. Unfortunately, nothing ideal exists at the moment.
02/13/2012
Destri Destri
I apologize for not understanding about the term 'stone'... I am actually quite new to all of this. I only admitted to myself that I was a lesbian about 2 years ago, and then this whole evolution has occurred and sort of left me confused.

I hate that labels and terms have to be applied. But I also get completely that we all have to have some way of describing ourselves to others. It is hard to find just one term that completely encompasses how I feel and what I think I am in this world. But I guess if I said I was a 'stone butch' most people would get it, and it does sound better to me than 'auto-erotic' - which sounds like I get it on with cars!
02/13/2012
nori nori
you bring up SUCH an excellent point. I'm a sorta feminine, female bodied, female identified individual. And I'm attracted to feminine males, masculine females, as well as androgyny, and along the trans*spectrum.

I've recently been using the term 2/3lesbian. while the other third can be up for grabs, depending of the flavor of the day.
02/15/2012
Chris Corrigan Chris Corrigan
Your gender has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, first of all. You're a queer/pansexual androgynous human.
02/17/2012
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Chris Corrigan
Your gender has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, first of all. You're a queer/pansexual androgynous human.
That's what I said, but the way we describe orientation relies on the gender of the person whose orientation is being described, which is a problem for me since I don't technically have a gender.

And like I said, I don't like the term Pansexual because I'm not really attracted to all gender presentations, just most of them. (For instance, I'm not attracted to hyper-masculine men.)

Maybe Omnisexual is a good term.
02/24/2012
butts butts
I've always wondered about this, I never knew how to describe the orientations of genderfluids/genderque ers/agenders except "they like women/men/etc.", I like the terms like femme-sexual.
02/26/2012
butts butts
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
That's what I said, but the way we describe orientation relies on the gender of the person whose orientation is being described, which is a problem for me since I don't technically have a gender.

And like I said, I don't like the ... More
I'd still say that you're pansexual, because the fact that you aren't attracted to hyper-masculine men is a specific preference that will happen within ANY sexuality. Being a straight male doesn't mean you're attracted to ALL women, you're going to have preferences and types of women that you aren't attracted to, but you're still straight. The sexuality terms straight/bi/gay refer to being attracted to certain persons with the genitals you're attracted to, it's not referring to their presentation, level of femininity/masculinity /androgyny, personality or anything else. Pansexual means that you're attracted to people with all/any type(s) of genitals, the femme-sexual/masculine -sexual/androg-sexual/ etc part is separate.

For example, a female who is attracted to males is straight. But, she ONLY is attracted to very feminine men. So she's straight femme-sexual, but she would probably just refer to herself as straight for the sake of simplicity, since the femme-sexual thing is just a preference within her sexuality. That would be harder to describe with pansexuality since you'd have to state EVERYTHING you're attracted to within the whole spectrum, so I'd just say "Pansexual, but I'm not particularly attracted to hyper-masculine males.".

I'm in no way trying to say that YOU CANT USE OMNISEXUAL or anything like that haha, but I hope this all makes sense.
02/26/2012
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by butts
I'd still say that you're pansexual, because the fact that you aren't attracted to hyper-masculine men is a specific preference that will happen within ANY sexuality. Being a straight male doesn't mean you're attracted to ALL ... More
That does make sense. Maybe it doesn't need to be super specific, but there does need to be a better system than what we have in place.

On the subject of Femme-sexual, though, I have actually met people who are attracted only to femme people, be they male or female.
02/27/2012
Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
I think it's silly to describe certain concepts, feelings, or ideas with just a term or a word. Other than make that concept or feeling easily identifiable to others who know the meaning of the term, it really doesn't do anything else, nor bring people closer to understanding how you feel.

I think the only description that's accurate is that you are sexual being, as most humans are. For example, few of us can really say we are truly "heterosexual" with 100% heterosexual thoughts and never even had a homoerotic dream. Sexual orientations are just labels, and labels serve to minimize and expedite the information transfer between humans, but they don't give any real insight to the feelings of the individual.
02/27/2012
butts butts
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
That does make sense. Maybe it doesn't need to be super specific, but there does need to be a better system than what we have in place.

On the subject of Femme-sexual, though, I have actually met people who are attracted only to femme ... More
Yes! I've met people like that too

Maybe someone should make a grid, with the top being male, female, intersexed, etc. and the side being femme, androg, masc, etc., with a bunch of boxes so you can fill in what you're attracted to hahah.

Maybe even color code it to be more specific about preferences, if you want to be that specific.




somehow I can't believe this hasn't been done yet!
02/27/2012
Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I wish there were better words to describe sexual orientation. I often struggle with trying to describe my orientation because I identify as neither male nor female so I can't say that I'm "gay" or "straight" because ... More
Why put a label on it? I consider myself "Sexless" I identify with females though, crossdress. But I ALWAYS refer to myself as "it" never male or female.

I am in the same boat you are there. I am attracted to neither male nor female Here is a convo I have once had;
person- "Are you gay?"

Me- "No I am not."

person- "So... you are straight then?"

me- "No I am not at all."

person- "What are you then bi? I mean how do you identify?"

me- " I dont identify with anything at all. I am not gay, straight or pansexual. I just am."

See people do not get it. I mean you are who you are there is no need for a label.
02/29/2012
thePicklez thePicklez
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I wish there were better words to describe sexual orientation. I often struggle with trying to describe my orientation because I identify as neither male nor female so I can't say that I'm "gay" or "straight" because ... More
I find myself many days wavering to be genderfluid, but quite often I feel strongly as our society's idea of male or female. When I'm really feeling strongly on one end or the other of this binary, I actually find that I'm actually very homosexual. I am attracted to people along the whole spectrum, but my preference tends to follow along with my gender identity of the moment.
In a sense, I would almost consider myself homosexual but genderqueer.
03/01/2012
queerasfuck queerasfuck
I always feel like saying pansexual makes me feel like a tool, even if it's the most accurate descriptor.
03/03/2012
finnimbrun finnimbrun
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I wish there were better words to describe sexual orientation. I often struggle with trying to describe my orientation because I identify as neither male nor female so I can't say that I'm "gay" or "straight" because ... More
Thankfully I'm not monosexual, because I gay or straight definitely wouldn't work. So I know how that goes. I think that system would be better though, yeah. Personally I like (only semi-jokingly) identifying as "consenting-being-sexu al" because I don't like the word pansexual either, and omnisexual just makes me sound like I want to f*ck everything all the time. (Which shouldn't be a bad thing, but that's a whole other conversation.)
03/03/2012
Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
youre like me, you dont identify or discriminate, thats fine. Be who you are love who you love.
01/06/2013
eroticmutt eroticmutt
I think this is an excellent idea, and MUCH better than the current system simply because it is more specific in the necessary ways.

Being masc-sexual unequivocally means you like guys, versus 'straight' which still doesn't tell us a single thing until we know your gender. I think it's a great model and one that we should be implementing.
01/06/2013
fizzygato fizzygato
I feel like I have the reverse of that problem.

I don't mind not having a specific label for my sexuality.

I feel like my sexuality is too complex to even summarize down to one word. Possibly a series of labels, but definitely not one label.

I feel like it's other people who constantly ask me, "So if I like you, what does that make me?" I think that's nice of them--- it seems like they're considerate by doing so, but really makes me question the lack of autonomy involved in sexuality labeling at all, i.e you determining your identity based on your perceptions of others' bodies
01/08/2013
XYCopperheadSly XYCopperheadSly
Queer is a nice term.....I just use "sexual" to describe my sexuality most of the time.
01/08/2013
Total posts: 27
Unique posters: 18