Should your partner be involved in the process of buying transgender items?

TransGuy14 TransGuy14
My partners been very supportive. I just bought my first packer (rolled-up socks did the job, but I definitely like packer better), and the first day I wore it it felt like a very private victory. I got home, and I guess she was looking through some things and realized it was gone, and so when I got home she kept pressing me about my day and getting upset when I didn't tell her. But I felt like, after all this time, this was my special day and I wanted my private victory. Anyway, I eventually told her and said that some things I want to keep to myself, maybe just for that day. Some days I'm not going to want to tell her everything because as public as transition is, it's also very private and some days I just want to relish in the fact that I'm finally being me, for me, not for anyone else. So, my partner is VERY supportive. I'm so appreciative of that support, but sometimes I want my personal space too, you know?
12/13/2012
FrustratedFemme FrustratedFemme
If someone is going to date a trans* person, they should be comfortable with looking at those kinds of things with them. I think they should also be given time to get used to it, though.

My girlfriend isn't trans, but she's genderqueer. I bought her first packer for her. We looked at them together, she made a choice, and I bought it. Basically, we look at these kinds of things together all the time, and I'm supportive of anything that makes her feel more like herself. However, not everyone has the same level of comfort right away, so I think it's different for every couple.
12/13/2012
novanilla novanilla
When I was dating a gender queer individual (female assigned, but felt genderless or sometimes more masculine) I was not involved in the sense that we were looking up packers together, because those were things they did on their own. However, I was excited and enthusiastic and supportive whenever I thought it was needed or when I genuinely was. They told me when they were ordering a new packer or something, and I was happy for them and asked them questions about it. I think if I had sat with them and looked for them it would have made them uncomfortable so I never asked to. If they asked to look at packers together I would have.

Disclaimer: I have many trans* and gender queer friends and have been trained in trans* issues and I study gender, so this is really a comfortable topic for me as a cis person even if I don't understand it personally. Your partner seems to be totally new to this, and I'm not quite sure what I would be like in his position. I am also a queer woman, so I think about gender and sexuality a lot because it affects me daily whereas a straight man never has to think about this stuff, or at least not as often.
12/26/2012
novanilla novanilla
Quote:
Originally posted by MJ7
Just wanted to post a little update on my situation.

I was still upset about the fact that my partner had not wanted to see the packers online that I was considering, so I decided to write him a letter to explain exactly why his behaviour ... More
That sounds like an awesome resolution, and your partner seems fantastic!
12/26/2012
fizzygato fizzygato
It depends.

If I were going to use a pack-and-play sort STP and planned to play with my partner with the packer, I'd be a little bit insistent, like, "No, you are having a say in this," especially if I didn't know any of my partner's preferences but just knew they wanted a packer involved in future play and especially if I were going to be spending a lot of money on the thing

If I knew it made them dysphoric/ otherwise uncomfortable, though, I might be easier on them, and like, "Fiiiine. You don't have to help me choose," but I would also be like, "But if you plan on us using it in play in the future, your input could be really helpful now/ you might be seeing it then anyway, so why not just see it now?"

Idk... I think all of this varies based on different life circumstances but in general that would be my first approach
12/27/2012
Kyle Hunter Kyle Hunter
i'm blessed.my gf is very supportive and involved
12/29/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
I think support is more important than direct involvement, but it's really good/sweet if a partner can be involved in picking out/buying trans*-related items. My first partner was pretty disoriented by my gender expression, and I'd say that was an element of our breakup, though it would have happened anyway for other reasons, I think. Being with more openly supportive people has been really good for me. I hope your partner gets more comfortable with time. Some people just need an adjustment period.
01/04/2013
eroticmutt eroticmutt
Personally, I strongly prefer not to have my partner involved in things like that. Sadly for me he has gotten involved before when I was testing out STPs and it just made me feel very poorly when he criticized design, etc. He is 100% supportive of me transitioning and has helped a lot along the way, but it seems like there are some things that partners just can't understand.

After all, it's like a double-whammy to me to hear anything negative about my packer because to me that's like an extension of my dick. To feel inside that it isn't adequate as-is and feel the need to use a prosthetic only to hear the prostethic getting bashed really makes me feel very bad.

He's only done that on one occasion, when I had bought a new brand (not from EF, it was an STP) and I was frustrated while trying to get it to work but his harsh words came across as feeling like a criticism of me even though I KNOW that they were not, just because it is a very sore subject to me.
01/24/2013
LoganAshlee. LoganAshlee.
Yes! Include them
01/25/2013
LoneOokami LoneOokami
it be nice if they were but its not necessary because this is a personal thing
06/12/2013
alextge alextge
Quote:
Originally posted by MJ7
I was wondering - do you think that partners of transgender individuals should be involved when it comes to buying certain items? (Packers, STPs, etc)

I have been looking at STPs and packers online, trying to decide which one I should put my ... More
I don't think I could do it without their support and advice
06/14/2013
TransMarc TransMarc
I think they can be involved if it's okay for everyone in the relationship, and it'd be nice, but it's not something mandatory.
07/05/2013
Love Bites Love Bites
Quote:
Originally posted by MJ7
I was wondering - do you think that partners of transgender individuals should be involved when it comes to buying certain items? (Packers, STPs, etc)

I have been looking at STPs and packers online, trying to decide which one I should put my ... More
I think partners should be supportive, regardless of gender identity. I want to cross dress, my partner not only supports me but helps me look at packers and such. I'm not sure why your partner did that, maybe ask him? It would be nice if he could support you, your choice to do it and the process of doing it as well.
07/09/2013
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