I was about 3 when I realized ~only girls wear dresses~ (as untrue and cissexist as that turned out to be).
After that, I refused to wear them and generally felt as if I "wasn't a girl."
I spent from like 5-7 on thinking I "should have been a boy."
When I was like 17 I started embracing lesbianism as part of my identity, when I met a bunch of lesbians who were SUPER full of pride. I was like, "Yeah, we kind of are alike! Maybe I've just been confused all these years, and I just meant to go butch."
But at the same time when I was like 15-18 I was discovering the term "gender identity disorder" and forming my identity to be really trans* normative trans* masculine, like finding every shred of "masculinity" I could about myself and magnifying it/ using it as justification of "why I am how/who I am."
When I was 19 I met a radical trans* and queer club and from there decided I'm probably genderqueer and that I was never really questioning gender in the past, but just going along with what a cissexist, heteronormative, patriarchal, etc.oppressivethings society was saying to be like, and am still currently thinking a lot about gender but for now sympathize most with the term "genderqueer," although I feel like that too doesn't fully describe me