Transgender and Polyamory

callsignhusker callsignhusker
I've been thinking about how society likes to conform and shape itself into binaries and how many people feel they must either fit the "man" role or the "woman" role... When really I like many others would like to fit both roles in different ways; I don't fit the mold. I feel that transgendered people sometimes try to force themselves into one of those two roles when they could fulfill both.

The second part of my thoughts on this lately has been about polyamory. In a two person relationship there is an impetus for one person to fulfill a more 'male' role and for one person to fulfill a more 'female' role. My point is, that perhaps polyamorous relationships don't have quite as much of this pressure just by virtue of their multiperson structure. I don't know where I'm going with this.

What do you you folks think? I guess my overall point is that a polyamorous relationship could be a uniquely good fit for some trans people..
03/13/2011
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That Man from Mars That Man from Mars
Quote:
Originally posted by callsignhusker
I've been thinking about how society likes to conform and shape itself into binaries and how many people feel they must either fit the "man" role or the "woman" role... When really I like many others would like to fit both ... More
I don't think anyone can fit either role entirely. Everyone's some variation. The whole 'gender binary' thing is defunct, but it never was absolute anyhow. Seems a lot of kids these days don't get that. It's a spectrum. Always has been, always will be.
I'm intersex. But I'm a man. I'm a man who has some effeminate qualities, but I am more 'male' than otherwise and so I identify as such. It's not some big complexity.
06/04/2011
G.L. Morrison G.L. Morrison
I'm not sure I understand the male/female role thing that is described in the question. Is this a more hetero-identified thing? Do you mean passive/active, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, fuck/get fucked?

I don't think trans people are any more polyamorous than anyone else. I've had a couple of translovers who id-ed as poly. If I used my anecdotal experience as evidence of anything, I'd actually say the opposite.

I think there is something alienating about growing up "different" and feeling like an outsider that makes one nostalgic for the "normalcy" you imagine others are experiencing. This can create a hunger for the white picket house style monogamy. Also taking hormones has emotional side effects. Testosterone makes one horny, angry and aggressive. Estrogen makes one weepy, oversensitive, etc.

Add a relationship to the chemistry set and you get jealousy, fighting, makeup sex, etc. Polyamory just means more people... not better relationships or better relationship skills.
06/05/2011
xxjoel xxjoel
I think you're just associating "female" with catcher, which is fucking ridiculous.
03/18/2012
GONE! GONE!
I have become more open to polyamory since coming out about being trans since I feel like it could hypothetically fulfill all the wants I have including the ones I had before transitioning and the ones I have after, but not because I associate any of these desires with any particular gender. I've just gotten used to playing different roles in relationships and can't always decide which ones I like more.
03/18/2012
Chirple Chirple
I know what you mean. Maybe it's regional / cultural. I know as a kid that the media and such gave relationship examples with typically "male" and "female" roles about what responsibilities a you had as a couple.

I've talked about this system before - it does what it can to meet needs to make a functional sustaining unit.

It's definitely not the only way to do so, though !


With trans* and poly, I think perhaps proportionately more trans* people consider it than cis-people because they've generally thought more about the importance of sex and gender and gender roles and where they fit in that the average person who is not trans* has. I think thinking about it gets you to consider different ideas.
03/18/2012
Positwist Positwist
"In a two person relationship there is an impetus for one person to fulfill a more 'male' role and for one person to fulfill a more 'female' role."

This isn't true at all in my experience. I'm a queer woman: I do identify as a woman but the way I enact "womanness" isn't traditional by any means. I date mostly women-identified people from high femmes to stone butches. The way we negotiate our roles deviates pretty hugely from the traditional "man" and "woman" relationship, probably because... you know, there's no man.
03/18/2012
Ciao. Ciao.
I think in general society makes it really easy for us to force everything into some kind of binary role, you're either male or female, masculine or feminine, dominant or submissive, passive or aggressive, etc. etc.

While I definitely think that trans people have the opportunity to explore and define their genders in unique ways (because it's something that we are much more conscious of than most people), I don't think that they are any more or less able to take on the challenges of a poly relationship which likely successful more because of communication and boundaries than because of the genders of those involved.

I'm 100% supportive of poly people and trans people, but I don't know that poly is a better fit for any particular person/people, it's just another option out there.
03/18/2012
MasonJ MasonJ
I feel like if there was a cis-male in the relationship I would probably be pretty insecure about my own body/identity. But that's just me...
03/18/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
I'm trans and poly and feel very supported by the relationships I have, but I don't think being trans has contributed to my interest in polyamory in any significant way - having partners who respect me and don't expect me to fit into a strict masculine or feminine role is always an important factor, whether I have one monogamous partner or am in a poly relationship.
05/18/2012
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 10