What Makes A Person Trans? Am I?

MeliPixie MeliPixie
Hi everyone! I've been wondering this for quite a while, and I figured it's time I ask people who know. What makes a person transgendered? I mean, I'm not asking "why" they are transgendered, I am wondering what "counts" for them to, I don't know, qualify? If there even are qualifications? What sorts of characteristics and feelings to transgendered people have?

This brings me to my poll question: Am I transgendered, if only just a little? Or if there is another word to describe my thoughts and feelings? Here is my thinking. This might get a little long-winded.

Ever since I was old enough to know what a penis was, I always wanted one, to the point of sometimes feeling like I should have been born with one. Even though I also love my vagina and the wonders within my own fully female body, some part of me craves to know what it feels like to have my cock stroked, to put it in someone and actually feel it (more than just the smack of hips when I use a dildo on my boyfriend). I used to buy men's clothes, but being an incredibly voluptuous woman, they don't fit properly and chafe terribly. I prefer porn that involves women with cocks. And recently my boyfriend got me a Realdoe Feeldoe , because even though I wanted to try a Share because I hear they are easier to use (having already the Feeldoe Violet), the need for a real cock was overwhelming, and pretty much made the decision for us. That's not to say I want to get surgery or anything, if there even is a surgery that creates a penis yet more than elongating the clitoris. I love my vagina. I just feel... almost incomplete without a penis.

These thoughts aren't just recent, like I said, I've felt this way pretty much all my life. I wonder if someone could help me figure out what it means. If I am transgendered in some way, or confused, or just extreeemely curious... I'd like to discuss your thoughts. Pixie
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Sounds like wishful thinking to me.
You might be a little gender confused, sure.
l'amour , GONE! , Chris Corrigan , Pirate , ghalik , xilliannax
6  (12%)
Sounds like you're having very transgendered feelings, yes.
Ciao. , Elnoa , aaronlt , eroticmutt , Maxx , HouseWench , poetprincess , Sohotdinosaur , butts , ChaiMocha
10  (21%)
Other (please explain)
chicken12 , Sir , kendra30752 , Darling Jen , Paladin Fantasys , ToyBoy , Kynky Kytty , DeliciousSurprise , Kkay , alistair , sissymorwen , lecanis , AndroAngel , Rawhide , RavenWolf88 , Katelyn , Snozzberries , sausagelover , Seleena K , shcoo , Ice1 , Rhinobaby , jamthieves , transboy , Interesante , smc3115 , kenny.the.dinosaur , Thomas90 , treehugger , friendswithfangs , TransMarc , LoganAshlee.
32  (67%)
Total votes: 48
Poll is closed
10/22/2011
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Ciao. Ciao.
Hey MeliPixie, sounds to me like you're having some trans feelings...yes. How you decide to act on those is totally up to you. You desire a penis, you've experimented with presenting as a male, and you sound like you are just curious in general about your own gender.

While I'm sure there are some essentialists that would say you have to meet "x, y, and z" to be considered trans, as far as I'm concerned if you want to consider yourself trans you have plenty of good reason to do so. In fact I think your experience is not too far off from mine (in the opposite gendered direction).

I've never really hated my penis, but I've never really felt particularly "male." I enjoy presenting as a woman some of the time, and probably would be perfectly happy if I woke up one day in a woman's body...but I have no real interest in getting surgeries to make that happen. I'm happy as is as long as I am free to explore my whole range of gender (which my partner is more than happy to let me do).

I consider myself trans. And hey, if it's a label you want to take on, go for it!
10/22/2011
chicken12 chicken12
Hi, Meli.

I wouldn't consider you to be transgender.

A transperson is someone who believes they were born in the wrong body - they should have been born male, but are female, or female, but are male.

The idea of discomfort with ones' genitalia or the desire to have the other's is one part of Gender Identity Disorder (GID), but there are many facets to it. People with GID generally prefer opposite-sex pronouns, opposite-sex behaviors (including rejection of same-sex clothing, toys, etc).

Would you feel content at being a woman, but just having a penis? If so, I wouldn't consider you to be trans.
10/22/2011
Sir Sir
It's not my place to say, and if you feel that you need to poll a community about what YOU are, then you're probably not. It's no one's place to tell you what you are, you need to find that out on your own. Do research, see what makes you feel right.

Being a trans- individual isn't just about wanting a penis, it's about feeling that you are the gender you weren't assigned. Trans- is now an umbrella term, however, so if you feel that you are genderfluid, that's one thing. But wanting a penis? Plenty of people want penises. Plenty of people LOVE penises. That doesn't make them trans-.

It sounds more like you just want a penis, honestly. But again, it's not my place, or anyone's, to say. Figure it out for yourself, you're the only one who knows.
10/22/2011
Ciao. Ciao.
Transgender does not equal transsexual, and I would certainly doubt that Meli fits into the latter category. Engaging in a more fluid gender presentation, questioning your assigned gender, and desiring to have physical parts of the opposite gender all to me fit neatly into the transgender (broad) category.

But, rather than argue definitions, this is really about you and how you identify. Do you see yourself as trans, or just a woman who would love having a penis? Nothing wrong with either really.
10/22/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
I was pretty much going to say what Sir already said.

I also wanted to add that I don't believe in "Gender Identity Disorder." It is NOT a "disorder" to have been born in the wrong body and want the body one knows is the right one for them!

I hope as we progress as people, this term will go the way of considering homosexuality a "disorder" (meaning, GONE. Being gay or lesbian used to be considered a "disorder" and thankfully, now no longer is by educated and enlightened people, including the people who edit the DSM) by the medical profession and by laypeople.
10/22/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
I suppose my question was a little less informed than I meant it to be. I'm not sure if I'm asking "if" I'm trans, but more like, I know I'm having these feelings and it would be nice to be able to put a name to them. I know exactly what I want (breasts, a vagina AND a penis) and I know that the cravings for this part I don't have are deep enough that sometimes I even cry.

I recently heard the term "genderqueer" and wondered what it meant, but there is so much about the topic of trannsexualism and transgenderism all over the internet that it's impossible to know what's right and what's wrong, who's trolling and who actually has something to say. And maybe this questioning my gender identity is just a phase and I WILL eventually go back to being "a women who really wants a penis." But I definitely have a lot to learn first, obviously.

It does sadden and scare me that transpeople have been defined as having a disorder, I think that's a terrible misnomer
10/22/2011
Kkay Kkay
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
I suppose my question was a little less informed than I meant it to be. I'm not sure if I'm asking "if" I'm trans, but more like, I know I'm having these feelings and it would be nice to be able to put a name to them. I know ... More
I can't speak for all genderqueer people, but as a genderqueer person, I view it as an 'other' checkbox. I feel neither male nor female, and I have no desire to identify myself on a gender binary. I don't feel at home with my body, but that doesn't come with wanting said body to be male-- I just -don't- want it to be female.

That in every day life people constantly feel the need to gender me makes my skin crawl. I can't pass as androgynous, and people won't even call me by my own name because there's a societal assumption that it's 'inappropriate' ; for a 'woman' to have a masculine name.

There are other genderqueer people who feel both male and female, and there's overlap with genderfluid people, who express gender as male, female, or other depending on their feelings in the moment.

ETA: When it comes to trans and being viewed as a disorder, it's more complicated than it seems on the surface. Being acknowledged as a disorder has a lot of implications for transitioning and how insurance should cover it. It's easy to say that it's horrible for trans to be considered a disorder, but there are people who have fought for it so that medical care is available for others like them.
10/22/2011
kendra30752 kendra30752
I chose other only because I simply feel that I do not know enough on the transgenered subject to even begin giving advice. I have a young fam member who feels this same way and when he was a child, we KNEW. He was always far more feminine than not so in that area, I can kind of understand, but to say "I know how you feel" would be wrong because only a person who's gone through it themselves can know. In my opinion, remember, I know little about this, I think what you described sounds exactly like what I've heard from those who are transgendered. I know it must be a tough road and I do wish you the best!
10/22/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
You feel however you feel and it's up to you to decide just how you want it labeled. But the common understanding of transgender is someone completely unable with the sex their were born with and want nothing more than to rid themselves of that one and fully become the other. Since you still love being female, having a vagina, and would not consider getting rid of them permanently, you wouldn't be in that specific category.

But there are plenty of "gender queer" identifying people that feel that they can be both and embrace both, the physical characteristics as well as the social. Some days they want to be pretty and feminine and others they want to be tough and masculine. Sometimes they love to have their vaginas fucked and sometimes they want to do the fucking. I'd google "gender queer" see what you find.
10/22/2011
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
I don't even consider this a "queer" issue. In my opinion, you're kinky and turned on by the idea of having a penis and using a strap-on. So do I, and I'm perfectly happy with my body too.
10/22/2011
Paladin Fantasys Paladin Fantasys
Many times in my life I have fantasized about being female, knowing I'd really like being penetrated. It's not something that is satisfied by being pegged, because the fantasy on the edge of every pegging is being double penetrated, if I only had a vagina.

I don't know what that makes me either. Especially since I'm just recently finding the joys of anal sex and simulated oral with my wife's harness and dildos. And with that came something unexpected, arousal at the thought of wearing lacey crotchless boy shorts to be pegged in. Just received my first pair and got an instant chubby just putting them on. Got a full on erection when my wife put hers on. Can't wait to get pegged wearing mine.

I don't know what any of that makes me. Overall I'm more sexually satisfied than any other time in my life, yet at the same time experiencing a wider range of frustrations, wishing I could experience the joys and pleasures of all the sexes.
10/22/2011
chicken12 chicken12
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
I suppose my question was a little less informed than I meant it to be. I'm not sure if I'm asking "if" I'm trans, but more like, I know I'm having these feelings and it would be nice to be able to put a name to them. I know ... More
I'm going to reply in reverse, starting with the last few lines.

I can understand why it seems uncomfortable for transgenderism to be identified as a mental disorder, but I think the belief reflects, in greater part, a stigma against mental disorders in general. People would be much comfortable with a medical diagnosis than with a mental health diagnosis. There's a very widely held belief that anyone with a mental illness is responsible for their own illness and that they're weirder or stranger with people than physical illnesses.

However, having a mental disorder doesn't mean a person is crazy and having GID does not mean a person should go under psychoanalysis or cognitive behavioral therapy or be institutionalized to fix the thought processes they have. Psychologists are generally in favor of transitioning procedures through the use of social change (clothing, pronouns), hormones, and surgery.

However, the reason that GID is a disorder is, because like all disorders, it can cause significant distress and impairment on a person's functioning. Someone who feels they are male but is in the body of a female can become extremely depressed, have low self-esteem, and a number of other issues.

Transitioning can also be a time when a person could use an objective third party. The discomfort in physical changes and mood swings are something that need to be kept in check. Coming out to family and friends, as well as coping with people who are unsupportive, is also something that psychologists can help with.

I really don't know much about what it means to be "genderqueer," but I personally would avoid associating that term with you largely because I see a big distinction between gender and sex.

If you wanted to identify as a woman, have breasts, and a penis, I wouldn't say that's genderqueer, because genderqueer refers to not categorizing oneself as a man or woman in terms of gender. Things like penises and vagina refer to biological sex, something that psychologists are trying to separate from the concept of "gender."

I'm sure there's some type of label out there for you (if labeling is what you really want), but I, personally, wouldn't define you as being transgender or genderqueer, but that's just me.
10/22/2011
aaronlt aaronlt
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I was pretty much going to say what Sir already said.

I also wanted to add that I don't believe in "Gender Identity Disorder." It is NOT a "disorder" to have been born in the wrong body and want the body one knows is ... More
As a student in the therapy field, I feel I should speak up. I am also opposed to the term and I identify as transgender. There are many opponents to the use of "disorder," and there are also many solutions. By the release of the DSM V, we should have a solution, whether to call what's currently Gender Identity Disorder by Gender Incongruency. It's even been considered to be a birth defect, because it has been concluded that it's not a mental illness.

The DSM V was supposed to be out for several years now, and currently, the release date is supposed to be in May 2013 (let's hope that happens).

For the OP, MeliPixie, many people are some level of transgender; I'd venture to say the majority of the human race is some level of gender queer (even if miniscule).
10/23/2011
alistair alistair
Hey MeliPixie, My name's Alistair and I'm trangender. I don't really think it is up to a poll decision of other people. It's really how you feel at the end of the day you may just be curious about having a penis or you may actually be on a genderqueer spectrum. For me I am trans because I firmly believe I have a male inner being and I will only be truly happy as being a man outwardly. I don't really think you are but you defiantly have some gender queer feelings. In the end though it doesn't matter what I think; only what you think. I really how this helps I'm sorry if it doesn't.
10/23/2011
Miss Voluptuous Miss Voluptuous
I can relate and identify with a lot of what you wrote about. Personally I'm not trans. I am though super curious/turned on/excited about trans and gender bending and poly genitalia. Also I have a lot of fun with cross-dressing sometimes. Still not completely transsexual though. It's a sexy world out there and Pete knows it's exciting to play around with and experiment with the grey area between male and female. So fun. Endless fun.

And yet I'm a lady! I believe strongly in experimentation and pushing the envelope and trying out different styles. Allow yourself permission to experiment and permission to listen to what your heart says. I don't think there's anything more I can say about that.
10/28/2011
Miss Voluptuous Miss Voluptuous
Quote:
Originally posted by aaronlt
As a student in the therapy field, I feel I should speak up. I am also opposed to the term and I identify as transgender. There are many opponents to the use of "disorder," and there are also many solutions. By the release of the DSM V, we ... More
Woah, birth defect? That's interesting and unsettling at the same time. Fascinating! I mean, on one level, yes. Being born the opposite gender of what you are is kind of.... mistake? Aiya, I don't think so though. As much pain and fucking torment or just weird situations that being born this way causes, I think there is value and massive knowledge to be gained from going through that struggle. In a general way, often people who go through a difficult learning situation are multiple times stronger and smarter in the end from having gone though it.
10/28/2011
Miss Voluptuous Miss Voluptuous
Quote:
Originally posted by Paladin Fantasys
Many times in my life I have fantasized about being female, knowing I'd really like being penetrated. It's not something that is satisfied by being pegged, because the fantasy on the edge of every pegging is being double penetrated, if I only ... More
That's awesome.
10/28/2011
julia. julia.
it's 100% up to you what you choose to identify as!
11/09/2011
lecanis lecanis
I don't really think that anyone else can tell you what the proper label is for yourself, or even if there is one. There are about as many sex/gender configurations out there as there are people, when you really stop to think about it.

For example, there are plenty of people who are unhappy with just one part of their body (either one they do or don't have!) or who are unhappy with their entire body too. Wanting to have the sexual parts of both sexes just sounds like you want to be able to have a variety of experiences and options, and doesn't seem to be as much about 'gender' as physical sex.

But if genderqueer is a label that you feel fits you, use it? Or if you prefer to identify as some variety of trans*, I don't see how that would be taking away from anyone else who identifies that way.

I know personally I sit somewhere along these lines, because I very much want certain aspects of a male body, but am uncomfortable identifying as either male or female, and am resigned to the fact that surgical technology just isn't where it should be to create what I feel would make me comfortable.
11/22/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Your experience sounds similar to mine. I'm genderqueer/gender fluid. While I specifically identify as an androgyne, you sound more like you're on the sliding scale of gender fluidity, some days you'd like to have a male body, while others you're perfectly content being female, am I right? If you could have both a penis and a vagina, would you take that option?
11/24/2011
Rawhide Rawhide
Hard call. Putting the penis question aside for a sec, do you have a desire to be recognized by others as a male? Do you want a traditionally male name and male pronouns? How do you feel about your breasts and your hips?

Basically I'm wondering if this is about how you want to fuck or how you want to walk in the world.
11/25/2011
Antipova Antipova
So, everyone else's answers have been really insightful, and there's obviously a lot going on here in a lot of different directions.

I just wanted to say, a little bit, "Hey, you've got a friend in me!" because I'm happy with my breasts/vagina/vocal tones/facial bones etc, but I also wish I had a cock.

I don't consider myself trans or genderfluid or anything, and apart from being extremely happy to get to peg if I'm in a relationship with someone who wants to receive, it doesn't really manifest itself in my sex life. (I wear a cock around the house sometimes if nobody's home, but that doesn't really affect anything.) I'm attracted to people with penises. And more than a handful of my former boyfriends/lovers have said "Antipova, it's kind of like you're a gay man trapped in a really pretty woman's body." And I shrug, and say "well, guess I have better luck attracting all the straight guys that my gay inner self lusts over while I've got these tits, then, hmm?"

To me, I'm kind of neutral about my own body---I don't really get any pleasure from looking at myself in the mirror, and I don't know how to dress myself (usually defaulting to blank long sleeved tee shirts and men's workpants). But at the same time---I love my body because my partners are so happy with it.

That said, I really really love being penetrated, and I'm glad I was born with so many different holes to be penetrated
11/25/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
So, everyone else's answers have been really insightful, and there's obviously a lot going on here in a lot of different directions.

I just wanted to say, a little bit, "Hey, you've got a friend in me!" because I'm ... More
I can certainly relate to most of this. And I love how fluid and unique each person is. I definitely think the whole "two genders, one 'correct' sexuality' thing is SO limiting. I feel like we're such a rainbow of different likes, wants, desires, and emotions. It's beautiful.

I have been damn curious about having a penis for a day. I wouldn't want one for a lifetime. Just a day. And it would be a busy day. Otherwise I love my female body. But I also can love and appreciate all gendered bodies as well.
11/26/2011
poetprincess poetprincess
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
Hi everyone! I've been wondering this for quite a while, and I figured it's time I ask people who know. What makes a person transgendered? I mean, I'm not asking "why" they are transgendered, I am wondering what ... More
I dont think you are transgender just maybe curious about how it would be to be a guy..
11/26/2011
Snozzberries Snozzberries
I wish I could slide between both - be one or the other or both depending on my mood.

I guess that's why there's SecondLife (the game). Still. Wish it were that easy in RealLife.
12/28/2011
Rhinobaby Rhinobaby
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
Hi everyone! I've been wondering this for quite a while, and I figured it's time I ask people who know. What makes a person transgendered? I mean, I'm not asking "why" they are transgendered, I am wondering what ... More
Genderqueer: Think outside the gender binairy!
01/02/2012
Chris Corrigan Chris Corrigan
I'd say genderqueer. Your post doesn't make you come across as trans imo.
02/17/2012
Pirate Pirate
Sexuality and gender aren't the same, as pointed out by tons of people. However, i guess it can come to a point where the need to experience male sexuality (well, the feeling of having a real cock and all) overcomes everything else.
I believe that girls can want a penis, or boys a vagina.
Some FtM and MtF chose to keep their genitals unchanged and live perfectly with it, and wouldn't even want to change them even tho they identify and live as the opposite gender.
I guess talking about it with trans* people is a good idea to help you figure it out, and it's awesome that your boyfriend supports you!
03/06/2012
Interesante Interesante
I'm obviously not a professional, but I do think that those are trans* feelings. To be transgender, you don't need to identify rigidly as male or female or wish you were one or the other. You can be somewhere in between or a little bit of both. Or at least that's how my therapist explained it to me. 8)
03/07/2012
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Total posts: 34
Unique posters: 28