Would you stay with a partner if they decided to go through with a gender changing surgery?

lzbncrckhead lzbncrckhead
i was just wondering how many people could handle the changes
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes. If i truly felt this person was ‘the one’
Destri , gingernicole , Darling Jen , Sir , Eucaly , lzbncrckhead , Rage Demon , AriBoi , mistre$$ , Adriana Ravenlust , The Curious Couple , Mr. & Mrs. Peg , Crichton , l'amour , Miss Nessa , systematicweasel , thebest , Andersonda , RosesThorns , thegoldilocksincident , aliceinthehole , Vanille , allinonekid , HomuHomu , voenne , SaMiKaY , Maxx , quinceykay , RonLee , Jon S , Graniteal , shcoo , Riki , Harpina is gone , ectoBiologist , MasonM , SalmiakkiVodka , sharksteak , Sam I Am , plaidvulva , Faeya , pix , hatman , snowyslut , tinkertoo , pinkLFant , icyqueen , crazycouple7281 , bdan , MJ7 , LilLostLenore , PropertyOfPotter , Nykatron , LoooveMonkey , Jaxxie Lifeless , jr2012 , Mediumsizedman , Alan & Michele , novanilla , fizzygato , XYCopperheadSly , NightKat , LoganAshlee. , Roxen
64  (28%)
no, i like the gender they are now (before the change)
MJ1337 , Gunsmoke , froggiemoma , newfoundlust , jakjak , married with children , hyperfemmepony , Ansley , kendra30752 , Sex'и'Violence , Gingy , Bignuf , ~LaUr3n~ , Redboxbaby , stickythicky , toxie m , Rainbow Boy , eroticmutt , *HisMrs* , bayosgirl , Ice1 , LAndJ , Sohotdinosaur , Missmarc , Incendiaire , Zombirella , AJvil , Eliyahu , P'Gell , Nora , SilverMinxxx , Karmababe , mpfm , LadyDarknezz , skeeterlynn , rockblenny , Noelle , AliMc , Stinkytofu10 , T&L , Beautiful-Disaster , Melan!e , Supervixen , nikki0668 , rihanne , Bubba29
46  (20%)
i’m not sure, that is a major life change
MaryExy , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) , darthkitt3n , DeliciousSurprise , sarki , Ms. Spice , NothingPerfect , AngelvMaynard , ily , pleasurehunter , badk1tty , geliebt , wrmbreze , RavenWolf88 , Apirka , Nazaress , tortilla , Undead , winterseve , Woman China , unfulfilled , Allstars316 , ghalik , sodapin , travelnurse , theothers1 , wdanas , Neotigress , JennSenn , Martiniman , Septimus , surreptitious
32  (14%)
yes, if the person is open and honest with their feelings
Kim! , Coralbell , LostBoy988 , Fishie Princess , Jenyana , joja , BlackxxxRose , Airen Wolf , nori , GenderSexplorations , Twitch , Diabolical Kitty , sissymorwen , MooRawr , Rhinobaby , llellsee , SolasAingeal , Willow Wand , Peggi , Collogue , angiogenesis , Indigo Morada , Llewey , mutewolf , xGOLDx , butts , thePicklez , Hibangel , finnimbrun , jamthieves , queerasfuck , jadenthenewkid , Liberalqueer , Lock , Mec , Ly-Ra , tA , Alx , Interesante , smc3115 , scaredlittleboy , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , RavenWings , Nontoxic , xxjoel , mbattles , blixa , MasonJ , BiJess , TheParrishism , FindingJames , thisisadeletedaccount , DarthTaco , melissa1973 , aluminummm , matt123 , radioboy , Gdom , Non-Binary Unicorn , mr115393 , Genderfree , tiniest bird , glasskitten , Leda , I Am Sherlocked , femme filth , Robespierrethecat , closed account , Strider , Katelyn , DaS13 , bog , skippywashere , Gone (LD29) , kkybf , smlove , Curvy , Schattenstern , Soup , lingeron , Rivers , Twelve , U3H , Alchemagician
84  (37%)
Total votes: 226
Poll is closed
06/28/2011
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MJ1337 MJ1337
Quote:
Originally posted by lzbncrckhead
i was just wondering how many people could handle the changes
I could love a person regardless of what their gender was, but since I'm straight, I think I would have a problem with my man no longer having his man-parts... I can still love him though!
06/28/2011
Destri Destri
I know that my husband is 'the one' so that is not a problem, and yes, I would stay with him if he decided he wanted to be a her. I am pretty sure he doesn't want to, tho. LOL
06/28/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Repeat poll - please check before starting a new one.
06/28/2011
froggiemoma froggiemoma
not sure
06/28/2011
LostBoy988 LostBoy988
Gender doesn't make a difference to me as much as personality.
06/28/2011
thebest thebest
yes
06/28/2011
Twitch Twitch
yes. been there, done that.
06/28/2011
hyperfemmepony hyperfemmepony
Quote:
Originally posted by lzbncrckhead
i was just wondering how many people could handle the changes
No matter how much I loved them, I'm attracted to girls - not guys. I just wouldn't be sexually attracted to a FTM.
06/29/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
I'd definitely need more time to think about it. I think I could only answer if I was actually in the situation, with all the proper backstory and build up to that question.
06/29/2011
Eucaly Eucaly
I like the personality more than the parts, so yes.
06/29/2011
Ansley Ansley
We would remain friends but the romantic/sexual aspects of the relationship would be over. They would no longer be the person I fell in love with.
06/29/2011
kendra30752 kendra30752
No.
07/09/2011
Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
No. They may be the same person inside, but I wouldn't be sexually attracted to them any more.
07/09/2011
Gingy Gingy
I've been in this situation and while I thought I could handle it I couldn't. I supported my ex and still love them as a person but Im no longer physically attracted, and the hormones did change who they were quite substantially.
07/09/2011
Fishie Princess Fishie Princess
Transition is challenging, both for the person transitioning and their partner(s). I've been on either side of the situation a couple of times. Yeah, it was hard, but it's so much easier to love someone as they begin to love themselves a bit more, and to be present for someone's transition is a magical thing.
07/11/2011
Jenyana Jenyana
Well, I'm bisexual leaning on pan, so it doesn't really matter to me the contents of your pants and shirt as long as you're happy with yourself...

So yes, absolutely. Besides, in my country you can marry either sex, so it wouldn't even change our long-term possibilities.
07/12/2011
AriBoi AriBoi
Quote:
Originally posted by lzbncrckhead
i was just wondering how many people could handle the changes
Well, being FTM myself, obviously this would not be something that would impact my decision to stay with them or not. Especially given that I'm bisexual (or pansexual, more precisely).

My partner would probably also vote for the first option, since she IS staying with me even when/if I transition. It's definitely an adjustment for her - referring to me as male and thinking of me as such, but she's definitely been great about it - and we're sort of going through it all together, as I only came to the realisation of what it is that's been "bugging" me a couple of years ago (and we've been together for five). So, we're in this together, no matter what.
07/16/2011
mistre$$ mistre$$
If I am really into them, I think I could ignore it. Honestly, if you think they are "the one" then, to me, their appearance and their body transcends that. If you already have that mental connection, then whatever. It would take some getting used to, I can say that much. But, it is what it is. It could be hard, but..that's love.
07/17/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by lzbncrckhead
i was just wondering how many people could handle the changes
This question made for great dinner talk with our friends. All agreed, that if we were "straight"..which we are, then we CANNOT be "married" to someone of the same sex, and don't want to be. Honestly would be the same as cheating on us...in that, if you want something different then the lifestyle of marriage to another, monogamous partner, then please leave the relationship FIRST...then change the deal...be it having another partner, or changing who and what you are.

We might still be friends with that person, or even "co parents" but "handling the change" is not an option. I, for instance, married a MAN. I have NO DESIRE to be married to a WOMAN, even if it is the same "character".
07/17/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
We would remain friends but the romantic/sexual aspects of the relationship would be over. They would no longer be the person I fell in love with.
Well said.
07/17/2011
jesseftm jesseftm
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
This question made for great dinner talk with our friends. All agreed, that if we were "straight"..which we are, then we CANNOT be "married" to someone of the same sex, and don't want to be. Honestly would be the same as ... More
I feel like the way the original question was posed is very problematic. Whether or not someone ends up transitioning through hormones and/or surgery is NOT necessarily changing their gender. Here you say you married a man and have no desire to be married to a woman, which could very well be the exact same case if you married a man who just happens to be trans. For example, though my girlfriend has dated women before, now the she is dating me she is dating a man. If/when I eventually start hormones and get surgery, she will still be dating a man. The change does not happen after the physical changes. If anything I would say it's the other way around, but of course that certainly depends on the person.
07/17/2011
jesseftm jesseftm
Oh man, I hate this thread so much I can't even handle it. If you're dating someone they probably don't want you to "deal with it" or "ignore it" if and when they decide to transition. Are you kidding? Can you imagine the resentment that would build up in a relationship that involves IGNORING an entire aspect of the person you're dating? This goes for ANYTHING. If you're just dealing with your partner's transition, or ignoring it, you probably shouldn't be with that person. I know I sure as hell would not stay with someone who reacted that way to my transition.
07/17/2011
AriBoi AriBoi
Quote:
Originally posted by jesseftm
Oh man, I hate this thread so much I can't even handle it. If you're dating someone they probably don't want you to "deal with it" or "ignore it" if and when they decide to transition. Are you kidding? Can you imagine ... More
Dude, I think you might be reacting a little harshly. I think the one who said she could ignore it (mistre$$) probably didn't mean it quite like that. She just chose inappropriate wording. I think instead of "ignore it" (which sends the probably unintended message of pretending that the transition doesn't/didn't exist), she meant that she thinks it wouldn't MATTER - i.e. that a transguy would be a guy as much as a cis male or that a transgirl would be a girl as much as a cis female. That's what I think she meant, but perhaps she can verify. On an additional note (which I'm pretty certain ISN'T what mistre$$ meant), "ignoring it" might be what some trans folk may want. E.g. a transguy might say "just treat me as though I was born male, and as though there was never anything female about me" - i.e. he's saying "ignore my transition". In that event, ignoring it might be ok if it works for them (I would personally never choose such a route in a serious relationship being that I like everything being open and honest, and that would feel like we're lying and deluding ourselves - but that's me).

Also, regarding "dealing with it" - well, I don't know what you think "dealing with something" means, but if you are with someone, and then come out to them as trans and/or you transition while with that person, BOTH of you have to "deal with it". HOW you will deal with it is another issue. For some "dealing with it" means simply making an adjustment as far as names/pronouns are concerned, for some it's an adjustment of one's identity (e.g. if they previously only dated females and are now with a transguy, they have to ask themselves whether they can still be with this person or not - for some, this may be an instant response of yes (and a new "lablel" might be necessary) or no (meaning, "I'm a lesbian, I can't stay with you, you're a guy"), for others it may be more complicated - i.e. "this is my partner, I love him, I will love him if/when he transitions, but can I be certain it will work if I've identified as gay up until now - am I sure I can be with a man?" and again the eventual answer may be yes or no). And if this is something you've struggled with yourself (coming to terms with being trans and deciding what to do about it), I don't see why you wouldn't let those close to you have the time to think/deal/struggle with it too - you can be there to help them sort things out, if they would like to be helped. Eventually, if they support you and desire to stay with you, I don't see why that couldn't make for a happy marriage/relationship.
07/17/2011
sarki sarki
I would have to be in that position to say either way
07/17/2011
The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
I would stay with my fiancee no matter what as long as she loves me.
07/17/2011
Mr. & Mrs. Peg Mr. & Mrs. Peg
I fell in love with my wife, not her pussy. If it makes her happy to change her gender, then that is what is important. (I do love her pussy....but I am not in love with it. )
07/17/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
it would be hard, not because they're not the same gender anymore, but because of all the emotional hardships during the transition. i know i would still love my partner, but we would have to see therapy so we could stay together.
07/18/2011
AriBoi AriBoi
Quote:
Originally posted by Ms. Spice
it would be hard, not because they're not the same gender anymore, but because of all the emotional hardships during the transition. i know i would still love my partner, but we would have to see therapy so we could stay together.
What "emotional hardships" are you referring to here? Do you have experience with this? Examples?

Oh, and just a note - it's not that they're not the same gender anymore - it's that they're physically transitioning into the gender they ARE. Going through transition doesn't change your gender. You can be born female and identify as male long before you take any steps to transition into male. Your gender is male from the moment you identify as such.
07/18/2011
jesseftm jesseftm
Quote:
Originally posted by AriBoi
Dude, I think you might be reacting a little harshly. I think the one who said she could ignore it (mistre$$) probably didn't mean it quite like that. She just chose inappropriate wording. I think instead of "ignore it" (which sends the ... More
I think it's probably true that I was reacting harshly, but some of the responses really got to me. I did think about the idea of ignoring it actually meaning the transition didn't matter. As someone who doesn't like talking about my own transition I guess you could say I would fall into the category of wanting my girlfriend not think about it very much. I also agree with you that I would feel like I was lying if we did choose to blatantly ignore my transition. I don't want to bring attention to it, but discussing what I'm going through with my partner is a very different situation.

It's very true that I would want whoever I was dating to have time to think about it and sort things out. I would, however, probably react the same way if my girlfriend addressed the issue with some of the wording as I've seen in this post. I would feel invalidated and would begin questioning if she was someone I could see myself with. I think that what really got to me was the one-sidedness proposed here of "I could deal with it" rather than "we could deal with it". It sort of reminds me of when a straight woman tells another woman (typically a lesbian) "if I were gay I would date you." Sexuality and gender become a novelty so quickly, and it felt like these responses weren't really taking into consideration how their partner would react to these reactions.

I think in general it's often that I see questions/posts in this forum that seem very outdated, but that could come from the fact that I live in the bay area and have a lot of trans friends and went to a liberal arts college, etc. I think the most important point that I wanted to get across, though, was that the transition is not what changes the person's gender. I saw that you also mentioned that, so it's at least reassuring that I'm not alone in saying that here.
07/18/2011
Total posts: 140
Unique posters: 129