#AprilFools - Cherry Scented Dong Review

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#AprilFools - Cherry Scented Dong Review

Virgingasms Virgingasms
When I first heard about this toy I didn't give it a second thought. Why would I want a scented sex toy? My vagina doesn't have a sense of smell. But after haring Carrie Ann sing the praises of this toy, and some recent break-ins nearby I decided to buy a Cherry Scented Dong for home protection.

It arrived in Eden's usual discreet packaging but when opened that up I found the very opposite of discretion. The toy's box was covered with images of naked ladies trying their damnedest to make the thing look sexy. Licking the toy, sniffing it in what's I imagine is supposed to be an alluring manner and really just coming across as more silly than sexy.

The Cherry Scented Dong is 15 inches long, with a circumference of 5 1/4 inches and a diameter of 2 inches. The toy is made out of jelly, which rates a 2 on the Eden Safety Scale. Since I didn't buy this toy to play with care and maintenance is fairly easy for me, but if you plan on masturbating with it I suggest using a condom since jelly can leak phthalates and is extremely porous. This material can't be sterilized so keep condoms on hand if you plan on switching orifices (orifici?) or sharing with members of your Fine Cheese and Sex Toy Club. Since it's got more pores then a teenager who eats only Big Macs, you'll also want to wash it thoroughly. Toy wipes, antibacterial soap or lava from Mount Doom should do the trick.

As I mentioned earlier, I bought this monstrosity to give myself some ease of mind after a series of nearby break-ins. Well, only days after it arrived I awoke to some strange sounds. I quickly reached for the Cherry Scented Dong from under my bed and grabbed the phone before hiding myself in the closet. I called 911 and was assured the police would be on their way. I guess I wasn't being as quiet as I thought because the door swung open and I was face to face with the robber. He lifted his arm to strike me but the strange sight of someone holding a bright red dildo that reeks of cough syrup through him off guard. As he processed what he saw I made my move.

WHAM! I smacked him across the face withe the dong and ran out to the hall. He followed soon after and I hit him again, this time in the throat. Unable to breathe he stopped running, clutching his throat. I took the opportunity to get in a few more smacks around the face and one strong wallop to the stomach. He went down right as the police arrived, to my great relief.

The officers came in and were about as surprised as the robber had been to see me holding a giant jelly penis, but after seeing the intruder on the floor they shrugged it off. "Whatever works," was all the officer who took my statement could say after he managed to stop laughing.

The robber was taken away and I slept soundly knowing he was in the clink and that I would have my trusty Cherry Scented Dong under my bed for years to come.
03/26/2013
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eri86 eri86
This cracked me up.
03/26/2013
js250 js250
OMG!!! This was too funny!!
03/26/2013
FieryRed FieryRed
Bahahahaha! Very nice!
03/26/2013
edeneve edeneve
hahahahahahahahaha - I can't stop laughing!!! too, too, funny!!! bahahahahaha!!! you go girl!
03/26/2013
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
The Cherry Dong is my one, true love!


LOL.

Nice job!
03/26/2013
Naruto Naruto
hehe, this is the funniest thing I've read today! lol
03/26/2013
Virgingasms Virgingasms
Thanks everyone!
03/26/2013
GONE! GONE!
Cherry-scented home protection! I love it!
03/27/2013
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Virgingasms
When I first heard about this toy I didn't give it a second thought. Why would I want a scented sex toy? My vagina doesn't have a sense of smell. But after haring Carrie Ann sing the praises of this toy, and some recent break-ins nearby I ...
Ummm do you have a link to the Lava by Mount Doom? It sounds like just the product we have been looking for.

Also jelly degrades pretty fast and I was wondering if you took the precaution of covering it with a condom before smacking the intruder? He may sue you if he develops a rash, cancer, or a huge pimple. You should include such warnings in your review in the future.

Great job!
03/27/2013
Virgingasms Virgingasms
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Ummm do you have a link to the Lava by Mount Doom? It sounds like just the product we have been looking for.

Also jelly degrades pretty fast and I was wondering if you took the precaution of covering it with a condom before smacking the ...
I'm afraid I don't, Lava from Mount Doom must be bought at the source, but use caution; one does not simply walk into Mordor. And the burglar apparently developed an unpleasant skin condition. From what I hear, the other inmates call him Scaly Steve.

Thanks!
03/28/2013
Ayumi Ayumi
Ha ha. This was awesome.
Clever and creative.
03/30/2013
TJtheMadHatter TJtheMadHatter
lol Awesome! I have often day dreamed about such situations.
04/01/2013
Virgingasms Virgingasms
Thanks for reading, everyone!
04/01/2013
ImaGodiva ImaGodiva
OMG this is a flavorific review!! I have been looking for something just like this to complete my Huge Cherry Dong trifecta of dildoes (dildos if you prefer)(and I definitely prefer dildo/e/s)!!!!! My others are the Cherry Scented Vibro Dong (that one gets extra credit for the "Vibro") and the Crystal Jellies Double Dong (the "Double" makes up for the questionably-safe jelly material. I have heard that it's only really dangerous if you take a bite & swallow it. And with the great cherry flavor, I can't resist, so I am grateful this is double-ended. I just started eating from one end and the other end is perfectly insertable, anywhere I want. It's large so it should last until I die from pthalate poisoning). But now, to add one to my collection that can be used as a personal protection device, that's SO rad! I'm definitely trying this one. And Carrie Ann, we HAVE to talk!
04/01/2013
Bme Bme
Awsome
04/01/2013
gorgeous gorgeous
too funny
04/02/2013
rosythorn rosythorn
Love that last bit
04/04/2013
Total posts: 18
Unique posters: 15