#AprilFools - A Bright Idea

Antipova Antipova
SUMMARY
Looking for a firm, extended-wear anal plug that puts you in mind of the great outdoors while in the comfort of your own home, plugged in to AC power? The Small Bonfire Decorative Lamp offers a great teardrop shape for easy insertion, and a very stimulating warming sensation.

PROS
Teardrop shape for easy insertion, secure base, wall-powered

CONS
If you're not into temperature play, this isn't the plug for you!



USE
AzMyArch's Small Bonfire Kit Decorative Lamp is an innovative anal plug---but it's about time someone developed a plug for this, shall we say, niche! For those who are frustrated by replacing batteries or your rechargeables dying just when you need them most, the wall power of this plug will never let you down. But if you crave the outdoors while you're stimulating your insides inside, never fear! The rustic campfire-design of the plug slips inside easily as it reminds you of late September bonfires, and the flared, timber-textured base will securely anchor the plug outside you as you fondly think back on firewood split for marshmallow roasts.

The Small Bonfire Decorative Lamp is actually an excellent play party toy---roast marshmallows over a space heater while each of your guests warms themselves by their own personal "fire"... you're sure to have a night to remember!

MATERIAL AND TEXTURE
The Small Bonfire Decorative Lamp is made of glass---this is not the durable borosilicate glass that sex toys are usually constructed of. No, this is simple fragile glass, so remind your sphincter to take it easy as it slips in. Though you may outfit your lamp with a frosted bulb for a more muted light, the "tongue" of fire itself is quite smooth, so it should slip in easily with just a bit of lubricant.

The secure base is actually made of dowel rods---sand them down to avoid splinters! The dowel rods will never be inserted, so this is not critical.

DESIGN, SHAPE, and SIZE
Mimicking a bonfire, the Decorative Lamp is composed of a teardrop-shaped transparent orange glass dome, which contains a small lamp lightbulb. The taper of the glass is quite pleasant, allowing you to slide gracefully from tip to bulge, and then down to the comfortable neck. Assuming you don't need to stray more than 6 feet from your wall outlet, this plug should be quite comfortable for extended wear. The dowel rod logs mesh nicely with your anatomy to avoid chafing (although the plug cannot be worn with clothes on due to the cord).

The dome is roughly fist-sized, so this plug is not recommended for beginners.

PERFORMANCE AND CONTROLS
Plugged directly into the wall, and modulated by a simple on-off switch on the cord, you'll never be left guessing as to how to operate your Bonfire. Leave the flint in the Emergency Kit, this flame runs on the grid!

The working element of this plug is a 20W bulb, which generates enough light to read by if you should ever choose to remove this lovely plug from where the sun doesn't shine. It also generates quite a bit of heat, so be sure to have that other handy camp essential, aloe vera, on hand!

CARE AND MAINTENANCE
Glass is extremely simple to keep clean---simply wipe the Decorative Bonfire down with a damp bleach rag for a thorough cleaning.

When the 20W bulb dies you can replace it with another from your local hardware store. The dowel rods can also be replaced for minimal cost should they ever become unappetizing.

When not in use, you can store your Decorative Bonfire on the coffee table. Guests will marvel at your multi-purpose accessory!

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

I only have one thing to say:

Hot damn! That was a bright idea!
03/17/2012
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Elnoa Elnoa
>_________________>


Scary.
03/18/2012
bayosgirl bayosgirl
ROFLMAO.
03/18/2012
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Elnoa
>_________________>


Scary.
Right, I hope everybody sees the category this was posted in!


disclaimer---don't put a lamp in your ass.
03/18/2012
Beck Beck
Hilarious! I am working on mine now.
03/19/2012
Jul!a Jul!a
Hot damn indeed! Where can I find said lamp for the anal usages?
03/19/2012
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
Hot damn indeed! Where can I find said lamp for the anal usages?
AzMyArch, whatever that may be!
03/19/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Cool! (Well.... Hot) You could put a 150 watt bulb in there... for temperature play! Or a 3 Way bulb... then the fun will be endless.
03/22/2012
Ansley Ansley
Oh the places you'll go....

You should totally pitch this to Porn companies to use in their outdoor/woodsy scenes.
03/22/2012
FruityCloudPuff FruityCloudPuff
This is an adorable idea. Hilarious review.
04/02/2012
Bethy Cassatt Bethy Cassatt
Oh my gosh, I love this!
04/02/2012
curious kitten curious kitten
Now that was one very creative April Fool's review. Great job, I am totally amazed at the idea. This is only the second one I've read and I am almost rolling on the floor already.
04/02/2012
Kate Kate
"September bonfires, and the flared, timber-textured base will securely anchor the plug outside you as you fondly think back on firewood split for marshmallow roasts." Lmfao
04/02/2012
Antipova Antipova
I am so glad everyone's loving this
04/02/2012
SexyRayne SexyRayne
id be very scared of the fragile glass.
04/02/2012
Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
I love that you had to put a disclaimer to not actually put a lamp in your ass. Funny!
04/04/2012
Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Who can resist the experience of having a$$ on fire?



Great review, thanks for writing it!
04/07/2012
wetone123 wetone123
As a smokin' ass myself---I loved reading your review! Thanks for the laughs!
04/08/2012
Total posts: 18
Unique posters: 15