#AprilFools - How Embarrassing!

Heartthrob Heartthrob
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OK I'm always careful with my toys. I'm always the one that says, it could get lost in you, don't do this don't do that. But this time, I'm the one with the embarrassment. Sigh, how could this happen? I'm such a good girl? I do everything right!

I ordered the Huge Beggar Cock from Hung Homeless Men. You know, the company that makes those super realistic dildos and vibes molded from the men they find wandering the streets? When it arrived, I couldn't wait to try it. I ripped it out of the box, tore it out of the newspaper wrapping and there it was, erect in all it's glory. Eight inches of solid silicone molded to some guy on the street himself. Awwwww. Pure bliss. Then, wouldn't you know it, the doorbell range. Grumbling to myself I went to the door and left my prize sitting on my bed. When I got back, it was gone! I mean, where can a piece of pleasure that large go? My dog!

I hate to admit this, but unlike my homework excuses in school, my dog really did eat this one. What can I say, the only thing left was a little chewed on bit of pleasure.

OK, so let's get down to how this thing worked for me. Well, the Huge Beggar Cock makes a good chew toy but it really doesn't last long. The material is silicone and smells like dog breath. Now, on the scrap of dildo left there is just enough for clit stimulation. Little nubs from tooth marks create a nice texture. Cleanup is a snap, throw it away! Very discreet, no one will know what it is or what it was. Perfect for those out there who love em and send em away.

Experience

Now for the embarrassing part. The next day, my poor dog had a stomach ache. I took him to the vet and they said his colon was obstructed. It was surgery for Mr. Nibbles. After surgery the vet came out looking a little confused. He showed me what my dog had eaten and low and behold the head of the toy had been intact and even had the signature stamp as clear as a bell "Homeless Cock Collection!" I felt like dieing right there I was so embarrassed. I took Mr. Nibbles and payed the bill, hoping to never see that vet again.

I suppose this would be a good choice for a toy. I never got to use it in it's glory but it looked nice. Not good for dogs though. The vet bill was over $700.00 so if you're on a budget and a dog owner, keep this in mind. Also, apparently, Hung Homeless Men also make Wet Homeless Pussies because the vet called me the next day asking me out on a date. He was intrigued that we liked the same brand of sex toys.

Pros
100% silicone, life like.

Cons
Dogs love it, huge vet bill, embarrassment

Summary
If you want something huge and lifelike the Huge Beggar Cock is for you. Beware though, dogs love it and will run off with it leading to potentially embarrassing moments.

Stars, None it costs more than it's worth.
04/01/2010
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Sir Sir
What a mess! Don't you just hate it when your dog eats your sex toys? How aggravating..

Good review!

(HAHA!!!!)
04/01/2010
SexyTigerX SexyTigerX
Oh bad doggie!

Good one!!
04/01/2010
Gary Gary
Hung Homeless Men is the best adult company never ever!
04/01/2010
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
Hung Homeless Men is the best adult company never ever!
We should totally interview them next! I'm sure they can access a computer at a public library or something.
04/01/2010
Sammi Sammi
Lol! The poor dog!
04/01/2010
MuffysPinguLove MuffysPinguLove
bahaha I love the company name!
04/01/2010
Gardenvy Gardenvy
Awwh, poor dog. Hey, do you think Hung Homeless Men make a feature line for the BUM FIGHTS video stars? Because if they do, I'd like one of the bum with the forehead tattoo. Great review!
04/02/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Still it all worked out...you met a great guy who likes to fuck homeless pussy! What could be better?
04/02/2010
Heartthrob Heartthrob
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Still it all worked out...you met a great guy who likes to fuck homeless pussy! What could be better?
Laughing so hard I don't know what to do with myself!
04/02/2010
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
I really like how you so gently offered the homeless beggar cock a really good home. Just too bad you did not get to use it.

Want a gnome instead? Tiny Gnome It can't really run away.
04/02/2010
Heartthrob Heartthrob
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
I really like how you so gently offered the homeless beggar cock a really good home. Just too bad you did not get to use it.

Want a gnome instead? It can't really run away. ... More
Hey good idea, and my dog can't chew it up!
04/03/2010
Sammi Sammi
Quote:
Originally posted by Heartthrob
Hey good idea, and my dog can't chew it up!
I think my dogs would
04/03/2010
xsapphirexangelx xsapphirexangelx
i didn notice the date at first and looked up Hung Homeless Men...got me =D haha
04/04/2010
Heartthrob Heartthrob
Quote:
Originally posted by xsapphirexangelx
i didn notice the date at first and looked up Hung Homeless Men...got me =D haha
OH my goodness!
04/05/2010
Jenni Shelton Jenni Shelton
lmao.
09/21/2011
froggiemoma froggiemoma
omg too funny!
09/21/2011
butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
Hung Homeless Men is the best adult company never ever!
i agree!
10/18/2011
butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
I really like how you so gently offered the homeless beggar cock a really good home. Just too bad you did not get to use it.

Want a gnome instead? It can't really run away. ... More
hahaha
10/18/2011
Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
Hope you enjoyed the date at least.
10/18/2011
FemmeFlo FemmeFlo
Quote:
Originally posted by Heartthrob
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OK I'm always careful with my toys. I'm always the one that says, it could get lost in you, don't do this don't do that. But this time, I'm the one with the embarrassment. Sigh, how could this happen? I'm such a ... More
ROTFLOL. This is the shit.
11/15/2011
Lindsey123 Lindsey123
BEST. THING. EVER.
11/20/2011
TheCleansing TheCleansing
This is really hilarious.
11/24/2011
Miss Naughty Kitty Miss Naughty Kitty
that is funny did you go out with the vet? did that work out?
11/24/2011
toxie m toxie m
Oh my god. I love this. Amazing review! Baha
11/25/2011
Snozzberries Snozzberries
Ok, I couldn't stop laughing at the company name.
12/18/2011
sexybutterfly sexybutterfly
Awesome review. i love the humor in it.
12/27/2011
Dirminxia Dirminxia
I laughed pretty hard over this one.
01/08/2012
sweetiejo sweetiejo
This was so awesome,
01/16/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Heartthrob
Use

OK I'm always careful with my toys. I'm always the one that says, it could get lost in you, don't do this don't do that. But this time, I'm the one with the embarrassment. Sigh, how could this happen? I'm such a ... More
Hilarious yet expensive! Was the vet cute?
02/03/2012
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Total posts: 31
Unique posters: 26