#AprilFools - My Little Garden Gnome

Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
I was at my very, very best friend’s place and we’re just like so very close. We tell each other everything and stuff. She was so excited about something she got at a yard sale. She had gotten this really sweet deal for 5$ and she said I needed to try it. It’s perfect, and for everyone. It’s a very cool garden gnome. It looks amazing. She really made me want that thing, and I was drooling on that toy, and not just from the mouth.

Garden Gnome

This gnome is really non-threatening for anyone, beginners and more advanced users. The pretty hat looks really nice, shiny and smooth. She was so excited to try it the first time she got home that she took the closest thing that looked like lube. It just happened to be some cold bacon fat in the bottom of a pan. Isn’t she just so practical? I’d never have thought of that myself. You go, girl!!!

The colors are very bight, and that pointed hat looks really special, especially on top of that cute little face. And if you want some a more advanced experience, I was told that trying it from the base feels really amazing. She said it’s hard getting it in because it’s not tapered or anything, but once it’s in, she said it was like WOW! She means, ‘Wooouaaaowww!’

We think it’s clay and it’s well glazed with what looks like the very best non-lead-free coating. I’m sure lead makes the coating more resistant to anything, being a natural metal and all. She showed me the hole under the toy where you can see the raw clay. It’s a great natural material and you can’t go wrong with what mother Earth gives us. Besides, my friend said that being empty inside makes the toy much lighter and she prefers it that way. She does not tire easily, if you see what I mean.

She said that it’s really easy to clean. Actually, since it’s a garden gnome, you just have to leave it in your garden and the rain will take care of everything. It’s all natural. So, next time you take a walk in the garden, it will always be ready for you. Isn’t it just perfect? I’d do that little guy anytime!

I did not get the time to try it as well, but I’m supposed to go back this weekend, she’s going to share it with me after washing it for me. and we’ll do all that and stuff. You’ll be missing something really fun.

Anyways, what are you waiting for?? Get yours today!!!
04/01/2010
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Sammi Sammi
Lol! Makes me wonder about those houses that have whole gnome communities
04/01/2010
MuffysPinguLove MuffysPinguLove
lol garden gnome sex! Good one
04/01/2010
Sir Sir
You make the Garden Gnome sound like a real hit! I've got to get one for my partner!
04/01/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
could you do two gnomes at once? are they metrognomes?
04/01/2010
00 00
I never thought I'd hear or think of a gnome and sex at the same time...but now, I bet Ill dream about that little bugger tonight.
04/02/2010
jewgasm jewgasm
Gnomes are creepy and pervy looking. I bet they drive around in rusty vans with no windows.
04/02/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Is gnome sex better than dwarf sex? Do gnomes whistle while they "work"?
04/02/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Is gnome sex better than dwarf sex? Do gnomes whistle while they "work"?
HHAHAAHAHA!!
04/02/2010
Gary Gary
Hey wait a minute... didn't I see that gnome on TV?
04/02/2010
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
could you do two gnomes at once? are they metrognomes?
Well I know I could do two at the same time, but I'm not sure about you. And the metrognomes are slightly different than the Garden Gnomes, they look more like a Ken barbie doll.
04/02/2010
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Is gnome sex better than dwarf sex? Do gnomes whistle while they "work"?
Well my friend said that she could hear some sounds as she was using it feet first, and the hollow hole inside made a fun suction sounds.

I'd have to try the Gnome Sex before, but Dwarf sex is already pretty hot. It seems like a tough choice.
04/02/2010
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
Hey wait a minute... didn't I see that gnome on TV?
I can't tell really, once you see a gnome, you get that craving and you're like hooked and you start seeing them everywhere.

So... you see gnomes too?
04/02/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
I can't tell really, once you see a gnome, you get that craving and you're like hooked and you start seeing them everywhere.

So... you see gnomes too?
I saw him on the telly, too. You're dating a star gnome? Man, you're lucky...
04/02/2010
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I saw him on the telly, too. You're dating a star gnome? Man, you're lucky...
Well, I guess Gnomes are much more popular as a sex fetish than I had imagined. I feel so much better now.

Tiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny GnomeTiny Gnome
04/02/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Well, I guess Gnomes are much more popular as a sex fetish than I had imagined. I feel so much better now.

... More
That made me die laughing!
04/02/2010
Sapphire Pet Sapphire Pet
I have a friend who has a phobia about garden gnomes... makes me wonder if there was an "accident" that caused the phobia now!!!
10/21/2010
Zeracan Zeracan
Quote:
Originally posted by Sapphire Pet
I have a friend who has a phobia about garden gnomes... makes me wonder if there was an "accident" that caused the phobia now!!!
Garden gnomes are known to be the #1 weapon of choice by rapists.
10/21/2010
squirrelykid squirrelykid
Bacon fat xD mmm i bet that would make a man want to go down on you ;D
12/19/2010
Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Is gnome sex better than dwarf sex? Do gnomes whistle while they "work"?
Oh goodness, LOL.
12/19/2010
MrRainybowbow MrRainybowbow
Oh man >.< I hate those things! xD
12/19/2010
phunkyphreak phunkyphreak
I love gnomes too!!! I have one in my yard he is evil
03/25/2011
tigerkate tigerkate
I got one of these, in miniature size, at target a little while ago. Can you believe he was hiding in the $1 section?!

Seriously. He sits on my coffee table. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!
03/26/2011
callsignhusker callsignhusker
omg all of these are so funny!
04/08/2011
Jenni Shelton Jenni Shelton
that looks creapy, maybe ive watched to much tv, but loving the review
09/21/2011
FemmeFlo FemmeFlo
The eyes... I could never put a gnome in my vagina... The eyes...
11/15/2011
Melissa Smith Melissa Smith
Gnomes are my favorite, but umm not during sex lol!
02/13/2012
winterseve winterseve
Great "review"! I love the bacon fat idea. I couldn't stop laughing.
03/10/2012
Bethy Cassatt Bethy Cassatt
That thing is entirely too haunting... I think I'll get five.
04/02/2012
Total posts: 29
Unique posters: 22