So, everybody said this, Hibachi is the greatest sex toy evar! So, I ordered one. It came in the mail, and I was, OMG, so embarst, cuz, what if the mail dude new what it was and shit? He didn’t say nothing, but I seen him trying to look down my shirt when I go out to get the mail and shit, and OMG, he’s so creepy. Those shorts, y’know?
So, I got this thing. OMG, it’s so fuckin’ big! Like, who has a Hoo Hoo that big? Is it for wimmins with GINORMOS VaJayJays or wut? Maybe like chicks who had a lotta kids, or do IT, like every day or somethin’ and get all stretched out or somethin’?
So, the boyfriend says, “Don’t be a pussy, just try it.” (I hate the “P” word. But, he uses it.)
I cudn’t do it. So the boyfriend gets some hand lotion and says, “Loob that sucker up!” Well, that burned like carazzy. So, I gave up and had to take a shower to get all the hand lotion off.
I cudn’t figure out how to use this supposedly greatest sex toy in the world. So, the instrucshions said it was for massaging and shit, nuthin about sex and doin’ it or cumming or nuthin’. I dunno why. Why don't the instrucshions tell you how to get in IN? Huh?
Somebuddy at Edens is always talking about LOOB. I mean, I’m not an old dried up old gramma or nuthin’. What do I need loob for? So, I got some anyways. The boyfriend said get some with some cherry flaver would be gud, so we got that. (Did you know them points you get when you say things on Edens can count as MONEY when you buy shit? Kewl.) Maybe I can get him to give me some licking down there with this cherry loob. Anything cud happen.
So, we waited for the loob to get here. So, the loob gets here and I had to deel with an other creepy mail man again. WTF? Only this time, it was some guy from UP or UPS or somethin’? He had a brown outfit on, and he brought the thing to my door, (OMG, wut do u guys do when yer parents are home?) and I had to sine for it, and OMG, I was embarst again, cuz, what if he xrayed it or somethin’? Creep.
So, the boyfriend opens this cherry loob and its all gross and sticky and slimy. Is it supposed to be like that? All slippery and shit? He takes it anyway, and puts it on the Hibachi, and, FU-UUCK, it still don’t go in.
Then the boyfriend says, “Whats that corde for?”
“Huh.” I said, “I dunno. I thought it was in case it goes in TOO far and you can pull it out, so it doesn’t end up in your stomack or somethin’”
But, the boyfriend says, “No, plug that sucker in.” So, he plugs it in….. and he had a idea. He just put in on my Luv Button (y’know wut I’m talkn’ about, that button, near your VaJayjay? But, on top of your VJJ.)
HOLY SHIT! That thing got buzzin’ and b4 I knew it, I cummed and cummed.
So, I ain’t usin’ it the right way, but we used it a different way, cuz there was NO WAY that humongous thing was gonna fit in my hole. NO way! (And, I don’t put stuff in my ass. That’s a egzit only hole, y’know?)
Maybe I used it wrong, and now this review will suck. But, that is how we use it. (No offense to you older married wimmin who obviously use this thing the right way. Maybe after I have kids or have been doing it for, like 10 years and get all stretched out, like you guys, No offense, OK?)
That's how we use it, rite or rong.
Deal with it.
I cummed and cummed. That’s all that matters. Y’know?