What's the worst date line you've ever heard? *contest*

The Bloggess The Bloggess
What's the worst line you've ever heard (or accidentally said) on a date?

Leave the mortification here. Winner gets a prize.
12/10/2009
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DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO
Oh geez...

I was about 18 and was on my second date with a guy. He drove me out to some dirt road in the middle of a corn field, started kissing me and trying to feel me up. When I declined and asked him to take me home he said 'I love you'. I blinked and pushed him off of me. He got out of his truck and went to sit on his tailgate. I got out and walked around to ask what he was doing, he was suppose to take me home.

He said 'I was looking for a shooting star so I could wish that I hadn't messed things up between us.'

I'm not kidding.
12/10/2009
El-Jaro El-Jaro
My cousin used the line:
"Would you like to lick the ___ off the tip of my ____?"

They're married now with 2 kids.
12/10/2009
Victoria Victoria
Dude showed up wearing a t-shirt that said "It ain't rape if the bitch is dead" --- ummm, yeah. That didn't last long.
12/10/2009
Laurette Laurette
Not really on a date but I had a guy ask me at a bar: "You ever fantasize about being with a granddaddy?" According to a friend my eye actually started twitching from sheer horror.
12/10/2009
NuMe NuMe
I don't remember specific lines, but I was famous for looking a guy right in the eyes when he gave me a crappy one and telling him "That's the worst line I've ever heard". That usually, but not always, shut them up.
12/10/2009
EffinSara EffinSara
From another music enthusiast: "Hey baby, how about we go back to your place to swap music and bodily fluids?"

*shudders*
12/10/2009
Dragon Dragon
In the days before cell phones, I was on a date and he drove. After something (presumably dinner/movie..) he drove to a pretty deserted and not so great part of town. Then he climbed into my seat and started kissing me. About two minutes later - unzipped and said "You suck my cock until I come or I leave you here."

First date. Last date.
12/10/2009
WazNeeni WazNeeni
I'm using this sort of as a public confession. I picked my date up and we got in my car. It was winter time. As we started driving off, I said, "My clock is an hour ahead. I don't believe in Daylight Savings Time. As a protest, I stay in DST all year!"
12/10/2009
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by WazNeeni
I'm using this sort of as a public confession. I picked my date up and we got in my car. It was winter time. As we started driving off, I said, "My clock is an hour ahead. I don't believe in Daylight Savings Time. As a protest, I stay in ... More
i so don't get this...
12/10/2009
AwakeningTara AwakeningTara
Quote:
Originally posted by The Bloggess
What's the worst line you've ever heard (or accidentally said) on a date?

Leave the mortification here. Winner gets a prize.
I met a guy in a bar that was a lighting tech student at the university. He asked me if I wanted to see his "light rig". Funny thing is I ended up marrying him and his nice rig.
12/10/2009
hatstrap hatstrap
So, this wasn't *quite* on a date but it was said very early in the relationship. We were... being intimate (with my mouth) and I found myself babbling slightly nervously - appallingly rude, I know.

Tea was offered by one party, considered a genius idea by the idea party and it was pronounced that Einstein would go down on that idea (for its awesomeness).

My response?

"Stephen Hawking would get Bukkake'd for that idea."

Yeah. We're still dating.
12/10/2009
Envy Envy
I've never really dated but one guy who was coming on to me said in passing conversation "Well, I'm a manwhore..."

I also get guys who say things to me online, and I mean really let loose things.

One example:

Me: Sorry, I only do things with guys if they provide me with a ring in the future.

Guy: What if I wrapped my cock around your finger, will that work?

Me: *logs out of game*


Second example:

Guy: Are you a chick or a 12 year old kid?

Me: I'm female.

Guy: Heeeeeey baby, a/s/l?

Me: Old enough/no thanks/somewhere you are not *logs off server*
12/10/2009
Sammi Sammi
Not really on a date, but at the bar this guy I was talking to bent down to pick up something I'd dropped, and he stopped when he got to crotch level, then stood up and said, "Gee, your hair smells terrific!" Ugh. Like a shampoo tagline would be a good pickup line.
12/10/2009
Juliettia Juliettia
I got asked if I would like tickets to the gun show. He proceeded to do the whole macho arm thing and then said, "I won't charge you for the bang if you do." and did the whole karate chop V action on his crotch.
12/11/2009
Bekka Bekka
Oh geez... Ok, so I have a very inefficient brain/mouth filter. I went on a date with this guy (who I had known for a while, for what it's worth) and we ended up going to a restaurant that my friend works at. She seated us near a couple with a baby, and said, "Oh, Bekka loves babies! She's going to have like a million of them!" Which is true, but not for a LONG time. I accidentally blurted out "Not yet, I'm going to coat-hanger those fuckers for at least ten more years." Dead. Silence. Oops?
12/11/2009
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
I had an absolutely terrible one night stand. The next morning he goes, "Do you have any more condoms?"

Me (reluctantly): "Yea" (Don't know what I felt the need to be honest.)

Him: "Wanna use one?"

*barf*
12/11/2009
StealingKitty StealingKitty
Quote:
Originally posted by The Bloggess
What's the worst line you've ever heard (or accidentally said) on a date?

Leave the mortification here. Winner gets a prize.
"Baby I can lick your ticket and leave you begging for more". Yeah I fell for it, and was retarded in it for at least 3 years. Maybe not the worst line, but had me caught up in a vortex of sexual explosion with a maniac for way too long.
12/11/2009
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Bekka
Oh geez... Ok, so I have a very inefficient brain/mouth filter. I went on a date with this guy (who I had known for a while, for what it's worth) and we ended up going to a restaurant that my friend works at. She seated us near a couple with a ... More
HAHHA
12/11/2009
Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
I never get any one-liners. They all like to pretend they're conversationalists with me.

I mean, M regularly says, "Nice socks. Wanna fuck?" Does that count?

Me, on the other hand... My line has always been "Hi, I'm Rayne. I'm a bitch." Works every time.
12/11/2009
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by Bekka
Oh geez... Ok, so I have a very inefficient brain/mouth filter. I went on a date with this guy (who I had known for a while, for what it's worth) and we ended up going to a restaurant that my friend works at. She seated us near a couple with a ... More
Ok, so that is absolutely hilarious. My boyfriend's best friend was hanging around one day (about 8/9 years past) while we were discussing pregnancy.

He said to his g/f "if you get knocked off I am calling Roto Rooter!" WTF?!?! She didn't laugh, but we all did.
12/11/2009
samjones samjones
Quote:
Originally posted by The Bloggess
What's the worst line you've ever heard (or accidentally said) on a date?

Leave the mortification here. Winner gets a prize.
I'd like to say that this happened to a friend, or I read it somewhere, but sadly this came out of my own idiotic vocal orifice. It was the first time I'd ever dated anyone, I was fresh out of high school and I guess I still had all the sex-ed warnings ringing in my head, because when I invited him up for coffee I felt the need to clarify "This is just coffee, I'm not going to sleep with you...you might have AIDS or something."
To his credit the gentleman in question nodded sagely and replied "Of course."
There was no second date. My sense of shame killed that relationship before it could start.
12/11/2009
Erdbeeren Erdbeeren
Back when I was 18 I was being hit on by a man in his early 40's. Age was never a deal breaker for me but the line, "You should come home with me tonight. My mom will make us pancakes in the morning." certainly was.
12/11/2009
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
I'm a total dumbass because I posted this first as a comment on the blog, but two of the worst I've heard are:

#1, My ex broke up with me because I hit her, but she really deserved it so I dunno what she was so pissed about.
#2. So how many dates do we have to go on before you'll fuck me?

Both stuck in my mind after all these years, because the first line came from a guy who I remember actually seemed hurt that she had left him (go figure), and the second came from a guy I had met in a church!
12/12/2009
Sarah8104 Sarah8104
I have a Tempurpedic and a bottle of Patron...wanna go back to my place?
12/12/2009
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by Sarah8104
I have a Tempurpedic and a bottle of Patron...wanna go back to my place?
That is funny.

On my first date with my ex he took one look at my boobs and it just flew out..."are those REAL?" Uh, I am 17 (this was 9 years ago)...I hope so! Yeah, we dated for 2 years and are still best friends...he introduces me as the chick with the fake tits. Awesome.
12/12/2009
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Erdbeeren
Back when I was 18 I was being hit on by a man in his early 40's. Age was never a deal breaker for me but the line, "You should come home with me tonight. My mom will make us pancakes in the morning." certainly was.
well...did you get pancakes?
12/12/2009
deceased deceased
The worst date ever was with a co worker. You shouldn't fish off the company pier anyway. "Wanna get dinner and see a movie?"" Yeah, so we go go his new trailer-oops I mean modular - and some ones hitting the door. He asks"Do you like kids" I said :"Not really" He said "What a shame I got 5 goats and they are so cute." Then we drove to Publix SuperMarket for dinner at their hot dog stand. Every three minutes he had to pee because his bi poloar medicine did that to him he says and then showed me how his hands shook. Then we drove to Blockbuster and picked up Mrs Doubtfire and while we were watching it on my mattress he asked me if I wanted to suck his cock and I said I'd rather chew my legs off and crawl around, nyet spaseba, ok? So he says "Baby your eyes say yes even though your mouth says no" And he whipped out his dakine and I had indigestion from never having eaten a hot dog before and threw up right on his dakine.
12/13/2009
Allie Brosh Allie Brosh
It wasn't so much what he said, but what he did. A guy wanted to ask me to a school dance so he bought me a bundt cake and had his mom drive him 15 miles to my house to give it to me. A bundt cake.

Sadly, I wasn't home when he dropped it off but when I got home, my mom was like "Sweetie, some guy dropped off a cake for you? It's on the counter."

How does someone decide to buy a girl a bundt cake as a means of securing a date with her? I like to imagine that he went through a whole list of things in his head before arriving at that decision: "I could buy her flowers... no. Too cliché. Chocolate is out too. I can't afford to buy her an iPod. I KNOW! I'll buy her a cake with a hole in it!" And then he had to be like "Mom? Can I use the car? Fine. Can you at least drive me to drop off this cake? It's for a girl. It's going to convince her to go to the dance with me."
12/14/2009
NuMe NuMe
Quote:
Originally posted by Allie Brosh
It wasn't so much what he said, but what he did. A guy wanted to ask me to a school dance so he bought me a bundt cake and had his mom drive him 15 miles to my house to give it to me. A bundt cake.

Sadly, I wasn't home when he ... More
Actually I think that's kind of cute.
12/14/2009
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