Dear Friend,
I know you waited a long time for this child. But, letting him get his way in every situation is only teaching him you are a doormat and that he can do anything he likes with no consequences.
That is why he bites you, and kicks you, and hits you, and when he locks you out of the freaking house, you
worry that "he's going to be scared." Rather than getting pissed off, and wanting to throttle him, like a normal person would feel like. Let him learn
Natural Consequences for his actions. Saving him from completely healthy, normal consequences for his child-like, yet increasingly manipulative actions is NOT going to help him learn what Life is about.
I don't know everything, but I have raised a ton more kids than you have. I had a BABY when my oldest was your Angel's age. She had to learn Consequences because she was no longer the Center of the Universe. Also, because she had to learn to live in a World where not everyone was "Mommy" and think that her every poo was a gold nugget.
I love your little guy so much. But, he's catching on to your reluctance to let him learn by not allowing him to face his own shitty behavior when he misbehaves. He is also learning that he can do ANYTHING and the most you will do is whine at him, saying "Pleeeeeeease, stop, that hurts Mommy." Then he laughs. Whining lets kids know you are
weak and he knows that one push and you will fall over and cave in. He isn't the parent, you are. There is more to parenting that "protecting" kids, teaching them to live in a world where other people have feelings is your MAIN job.
You know I don't believe in hitting children. But, don't bullshit me that "Time Outs don't work. He just gets up." Then HOLD his little ass in the damn Time Out chair until he stays there!!!! He's a cute kid, but nobody is going to want to be around him if he is allowed to think that the sun rises and sets around his little Golden Head, and nothing he does has ANY consequence.
He's at the age when kids can be ruined. They can be ruined by cruelty (you aren't doing that, Thank God) but they can also be ruined by not being allowed to learn from their less than well thought out actions. Or ruined by not being Corrected by the very person who had the most opportunity to Correct him. YOU.
He can't raise himself. That's your job. Please, there is more to it than kissing Owies and feeling "sad" when he cries in the Time Out chair. Teaching him NOT to be an Id Driven Animal is your job!
I know your own parents sucked, but taking the complete OPPOSITE tact isn't going to work either.
He's a good kid, please, you need to WORK on Consequences so he stays that way.
I love you both.
P'Gell
