please help me find the right gift for a handicap family member in dire need of sexual relief.

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please help me find the right gift for a handicap family member in dire need of sexual relief.

tantric tantric
So I have been reading on the site about handicap Individuals, and their sexual needs.

I have a brother who is in his mid twenties. He has a physical and mental handicap, due to a life long spinal deformity and botched surgery on the spine and brain stem. He works, but lives under parental care, as he is limited in physical mobility and can't drive. He lives in a very rural area and has little access to socializing. He expresses his sexual frustration to me very frequently. I live over 2000 miles away so I can't just take him out for a good time.

My mother, his primary care giver, is a very "anti-sexual" person and doesn't allow "pornography" in her home. She also constantly tries to enforce upon him that masturbation is evil, wrong, a disease, the devils vice, ect. and so forth.

What is your best recommendation of a male toy for someone in his shoes?

The main criteria:
1. easy to hide and or discreet, but reusable (no tenga cups)
2. extremely easy to clean and care for due to his physical disability.
3. durable and safe material.

Thank you for reading and responding to this, I know of no other community I would trust to help out with such a personal problem.
01/27/2009
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CaptainBunnyKilla CaptainBunnyKilla
Quote:
Originally posted by tantric
So I have been reading on the site about handicap Individuals, and their sexual needs.

I have a brother who is in his mid twenties. He has a physical and mental handicap, due to a life long spinal deformity and botched surgery on the ...
First of all, good on you for taking care of your brother like this. Maybe the Maven sleeve? The Fleshlights seem kind of difficult to take care of (they have to be dusted with corn-starch, sleeve left out to air dry, etc).
01/27/2009
Victoria Victoria
This sleeve link is not difficult to enter, not hard to hold, has a closed end, is clear and doesn't need more than a good soap and water washing. He'll just have to be sure to let it air out and dry afterward. Make sure you get him some lube too.
01/27/2009
Jimbo Jones Jimbo Jones
I think the Head Honcho should be worthy of consideration. It weighs less, is less bulky, is easier to care for, and takes less lube to use than Fleshlights. If you think he is more well endowed, the Super Head Honcho is only a dollar more.
link
Fleshlights are supposed to be easy to hide because of the inconspicuous packaging, but they are so big that I think they are harder to stash.
01/27/2009
Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by tantric
So I have been reading on the site about handicap Individuals, and their sexual needs.

I have a brother who is in his mid twenties. He has a physical and mental handicap, due to a life long spinal deformity and botched surgery on the ...
I have to recommend the Tenga Flip Hole. Because you can open it for cleaning, its really easy to care for. I know you didn't want the tenga cups, but this one is worth looking it. Though, as I do not know his limits, the piece you have to slide on/off for cleaning may be a little tricky for him. Its larger, so depending on his individual limits, this may be beneficial or more difficult.

I have to also say, NO FLESHLIGHTS. They are very difficult to care for. And one less than perfect cleaning and it will not smell very pleasant.

Getting him a good lubricant is a fantastic idea. You can also suggest, if possible, he use a condom. It will make cleaning easier and help lengthen the life of the toy.

I hope this is at least somewhat helpful.
01/28/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Jimbo Jones
I think the Head Honcho should be worthy of consideration. It weighs less, is less bulky, is easier to care for, and takes less lube to use than Fleshlights. If you think he is more well endowed, the Super Head Honcho is only a dollar ...
I don't know why anyone would ever think the Fleshlight is discreet. If anyone ran across one, they would know it's NOT a flashlight immediately. LOL
01/28/2009
Jimbo Jones Jimbo Jones
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I don't know why anyone would ever think the Fleshlight is discreet. If anyone ran across one, they would know it's NOT a flashlight immediately. LOL
I agree with you. Maybe Fleshlight should start selling a line of flashlights that use the same casings and then one could have a row of them on the shelf where some are Fleshlights and some are flashlights and no one would know the difference. That's just silly.
01/28/2009
tantric tantric
Thanks for the suggestions, the fleshlight is absolutely ruled out. So far I'm leaning towards Jimbos suggestion of the head honcho. I love my super head Honcho and I imagine the standard version is pretty good as well. Maybe that and a bottle of maximus if only he can find a way to hide it. He get his "adult magazines and videos" confiscated on a regular basis. Thanks for all the input.
01/28/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by tantric
Thanks for the suggestions, the fleshlight is absolutely ruled out. So far I'm leaning towards Jimbos suggestion of the head honcho. I love my super head Honcho and I imagine the standard version is pretty good as well. Maybe that and a bottle of ...
I second the Tenga Flip Hole (if he has the ability to clean one) or the Head Honcho.

As for lube, you could buy him something that comes in a rather non-descript container, or--my personal recommendation--buy a really good lubricant, like Maximus, and transfer it in to a plain bottle for him. They have travel-sized shampoo bottles at Walmart for $1 that are just plain colors.

I think you're amazing for helping your brother out like this!!!
01/29/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Quote:
Originally posted by tantric
Thanks for the suggestions, the fleshlight is absolutely ruled out. So far I'm leaning towards Jimbos suggestion of the head honcho. I love my super head Honcho and I imagine the standard version is pretty good as well. Maybe that and a bottle of ...
WOW! Why all the hating on the Fleshlight?

It's quite simply the best product I've ever used, discreet enough if you stick it in a cupboard or drawer and infinitely superior to any sleeve I've tried.

As for cleaning - I have to disagree with Beautiful Dreamer. They come apart into separate pieces and can be cleaned quickly and simply... The only problem is letting it 'dry out' which is the same with any sleeve.

EF does tend to be a website dominated by female reviewers, so I'd just like to throw in my 2c AS A MAN. The Fleshlight is an outstanding product I certainly don't think it should be ruled out so quickly.
01/29/2009
tantric tantric
@Red Roulette, I'm not hating on the fleshlight its just that I know his situation very well and it would be a problem for him to clean. He would also have a problem hiding it. He does not have a "cupbaord or drawer" that my mother does not go through. I'm pretty sure she would notice it. I'm leaning more and more towards the original head honcho.

@backseat BooHoo, The Flip Hole seems amazing and would probably be able to pass of as something else. (I want one, maybe I should do some personal research and see how discreetly it can be left out).I feel it may be a bit pricey for something that could be found and tossed by our mum.
01/29/2009
Nashville Nashville
Fleshlights are GREAT but they're too big- I tried to use my husband's on him and I couldn't grip it right. If your brother has trouble with things like zippers or buttons he'll have trouble taking out the sleeve every time to clean it --- and as far as privacy goes, he has to let it air dry.

I recommend the same as Victoria. The Big man's masturbator may be big but it's designed to be loose and I've seen my husband work it really easily over his cock. The only downfall is that it has to air dry as well.

What about the tube love glove? It looks pretty basic and has a few 5 star reviews. The general consensus seems to be that it's tight though so he may struggle with it.

Has anyone tried any of the hands-free blow job imitators like link?


Also, as far as lube goes, I might recommend something with a pump? I don't know the extent of his disability but caps may prove to be a challenge.

My mom works with the disabled and she actually cared for a man that bought just tons of (what she described sounds exactly like Boy Butter link) he used to spend hours in his room... lol, if that says anything about the product. If your brother's into straight up masturbation, this might be an easier solution to make it easier for him.
01/29/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
As far as lube goes, I was pleased with this: link

It has a pump, like Sleeping Dreamer suggested.
01/29/2009
CaptainBunnyKilla CaptainBunnyKilla
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
WOW! Why all the hating on the Fleshlight?

It's quite simply the best product I've ever used, discreet enough if you stick it in a cupboard or drawer and infinitely superior to any sleeve I've tried.

As for cleaning - I have ...
The reviewers here who voiced their opinions all have direct experience with Fleshlights and their upkeep (myself excluded, but I noted that in my comment). Their opinions on that front are no less valid than yours just because they happen to be female.
01/29/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Fleshlights, in my experience, are a bit on the heavy side, which wouldn't be much good if her brother can't handle something that heavy. They're also not that discreet as far as masturbators go, and the material usually requires a bit of extra upkeep, namely corn starch.

You are not the only male reviewer who has voiced his opinion; Jimbo Jones has also expressed the belief that they aren't the most discreet of sleeves. You can voice your opinions on female sex toys, we can voice our opinions on male sex toys, especially when the opinion is based on really objective qualities of a toy (weight, discreetness, etcetera) rather than very subjective qualities (how it feels).

No one is saying the Fleshlight is a bad toy, it's just probably not a good choice for this particular situation.
01/29/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Quote:
Originally posted by CaptainBunnyKilla
The reviewers here who voiced their opinions all have direct experience with Fleshlights and their upkeep (myself excluded, but I noted that in my comment). Their opinions on that front are no less valid than yours just because they happen to be ...
Oh, Good God. I seem to remember us having a debate in which you invalidated an entire gender's opinions just a few days earlier - I thought we'd said 'truce?'

I actually wrote a VERY snotty response, but in the interests of diplomacy, I deleted it. Suffice to say, I think a man's opinion of a Fleshlight is probably more useful than a woman's, while a woman's opinion of a rabbit vibrator is probably more useful than a man's. I'm not saying either gender can't make pertinent, interesting comments about either product - I'm just saying that the product's intended audience is probably the audience for whom the product was intended.

I will bite my tongue and instead explain why I think the Fleshlight is simply the best masturbation product out there. Tunic can make his own mind up.

1: The rigid shell makes it MUCH easier to handle/use than floppy, fleshy sleeves or fake vaginas that can get sloppy with lube and difficult to hold.

2: The length is enough to accomodate the entire penis. Most sleeves 'bottom out' at just four inches or so, meaning the top of your dick pokes out the end.

3: All sleeves and toys need to be cleaned. The easiest products to clean (like the silicone Redheaded Slut I just reviewed) aren't going to be the best products to use. The Fleshlight is pretty good compared to others.

4: The only other product that comes close to being as pleasurable is the CyberSkin Cyber Sex buddy, which is, again, too short and hardly discrete because it looks like a fleshy, disembodied vagina. The rest simply don't feel as good.

I have used a variety of different sleeves. The Fleshlight is the best - in my opinion.

Tunic's a smart person and knows his brother best of all, so I'm sure he'll look at all of our opinions and judge them each individually. I just wanted to jump to the Fleshlight's defence because I detected a kind of 'oh, it's so mainstream, we don't think it's cool anymore' vibe and I don't think that's fair.

You know what? That TV show Friends stopped being 'cool' after the fifth season, but it still doesn't mean it wasn't one of our favorite shows to watch in secret (even if we didn't want to admit it to our 'cool' friends.)



The Double Comfort

In my opinion, all sleeves are inferior to the Fleshlight - inherently so. The Fleshlight is a very well designed, practical tool that does the job for which it was envisioned perfectly. Sleeves always seem to involve compromises. They're too short. They're too small. They're too firm.
01/29/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Erm - I think I meant Tantric and wrote Tunic. I'm a dumbo!
01/29/2009
CaptainBunnyKilla CaptainBunnyKilla
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Oh, Good God. I seem to remember us having a debate in which you invalidated an entire gender's opinions just a few days earlier - I thought we'd said 'truce?'

I actually wrote a VERY snotty response, but in the interests of ...
Oh boy.

First of all, I believe his handle is Tantric.

Second of all, it has always been clear that you completely missed the point of my posts on that other thread. It's also not appropriate to bring it up here.

Third of all, your post on this thread is the one that invalidated the opinions of an entire gender. A man's opinion on how easy a rabbit vibrator is to clean and hide would be equally useful to a woman's. The point of Tantric's post was to determine the best sleeve for use by a person with a disability, with a variety of considerations in mind. You took into account none of those considerations. Other people have pointed out cleaning, hiding, and usage concerns, all of which are totally valid points regardless of the gender of the contributor. You're entitled to your opinion, of course, but your posts read like odes to the Fleshlight, and that's not what Tantric asked for. You don't seem to be taking the specifics of the situation into account: this isn't a thread about what the "best" penis sleeve is.

You're the one with gender invalidating problems, and I'll kindly ask you to stop. Let's stay on topic, please.
01/29/2009
tantric tantric
Not trying to start any debates here, Just looking for some good 'ol feedback. He does have slightly limited dexterity in his hands but he can deal with screw on caps and flip tops. I still feel the pump lube is the best idea though, and have pretty much made up my mind on Maximus.

In fact I would let him pick it out himself but my mother doesn't even believe in the internet so he has no access to the web.

Not make any one feel bad, but Friends was NEVER a cool show. Viva la Simpsons!!!
01/29/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Quote:
Originally posted by CaptainBunnyKilla
Oh boy.

First of all, I believe his handle is Tantric.

Second of all, it has always been clear that you completely missed the point of my posts on that other thread. It's also not appropriate to bring it up here.

Third ...
I have apologised for my 'tunic' fuckwittery!

All I wanted to do was give my opinion of the fleshlight. Let's not get either of our knickers in a twist about it.

As I said in my first point about the Fleshlight, it's MUCH easier to use than other sleeves, which tend to flop about and get difficult to grip when they're lubed up.

Tantric will know best what his brother's requirements are, but there are several sleeves I've tried that are simply difficult to get your cock inside and hard to hold when using them. If disability is an issue, I think something firm and easy to hold, like the Fleshlight's plastic covering, would be a MAJOR advantage.

Also, most sleeves are fleshy and pick up lint and crap. The fleshlight's covering reduces that.

Thirdly, stick the cap on the top and it's fairly discrete. It might not look like a flashlight, but you know what? It certainly doesn't scream 'vagina in a can,' either. It's totally discrete, unless his mother unscrews it and pokes inside - even then, if you get one of the 'discrete' designs, it's unlikely she'll immediately think: "Oh, gee, it's a masturbation sleeve."
01/29/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Quote:
Originally posted by tantric
Not trying to start any debates here, Just looking for some good 'ol feedback. He does have slightly limited dexterity in his hands but he can deal with screw on caps and flip tops. I still feel the pump lube is the best idea though, and have ...
I'm from Europe. Friends was cool there (kind of!.) I was very disappointed when I moved to America and discovered I couldn't live in an enormous Manhattan apartment on a coffee-shop salary!
01/29/2009
Jimbo Jones Jimbo Jones
Don't get me wrong, the Fleshlights are pretty amazing in many ways, my only point was about size. They are very large in comparison to other masturbation devices. It would be much harder to tuck a Fleshlight into the back of a drawer than it would be to do the same with a Head Honcho. Also, the Fleshlight costs 3x as much, so if the concern is mom finding it and throwing it out, the Head Honcho wins that as well. One could argue that the Fleshlight is a better toy for masturbation, but I think it is actually less discrete and costs much more. At least the plain front one would be harder to determine what it was for, but I think Fleshlight written on the side might give it away. One could just purchase a sleeve from their website, which would also be cheaper, but I think they are usually better inside the hard case.
01/29/2009
Mr Guy Mr Guy
Oooooookay.

Didn't this thread start off on the premise of good intentions?

Yuh-huh.

So how've we managed to embroil ourselves in an over-the-top battle royal of the sexes? Come on now; this is silly. Play nice, or I'll make sure that every female reviewer on this list gets a Fleshlight, and every man gets a Rabbit. And the only ones who will get LELO toys will be my cats. I'm sure 'Tilda would appreciate chasing a Lily around the kitchen, especially if I covered it in fur and catnip beforehand.

Remember, sexism, even the whiff of it, makes Lilly Ledbetter, Betty Dodson, and Nina Hartley cry.

So be nice.


BTW, rock on, Tantric. It's a damned fine thing you're doing. (Depending on how much manual dexterity he's got, a Flip Hole might work out well - though it is a little big and bulky.)
01/29/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Quote:
Originally posted by Jimbo Jones
Don't get me wrong, the Fleshlights are pretty amazing in many ways, my only point was about size. They are very large in comparison to other masturbation devices. It would be much harder to tuck a Fleshlight into the back of a drawer than it ...
Cost is a huge factor - my first car cost less than a Fleshlight!

Do they have fleshlight written on the side? I thought mine just has plain white casing.

I read on one blog of a guy who stuck the label from a bottle of Toilet Duck on the side of his fleshlight and keeps it in the bathroom in plain view - it just looks like a funky bottle of toilet cleaner.
01/29/2009
Epiphora Epiphora
"I detected a kind of 'oh, it's so mainstream, we don't think it's cool anymore' vibe and I don't think that's fair."

I have no idea where you got that. Everyone's trying to come up with a feasible solution here. It seems to most of us that the Fleshlight is too bulky, and perhaps difficult to clean (I don't have one) for someone with a disability. Nobody is saying that the Fleshlight is a bad product, or that it's somehow uncool.
01/29/2009
Jimbo Jones Jimbo Jones
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Cost is a huge factor - my first car cost less than a Fleshlight!

Do they have fleshlight written on the side? I thought mine just has plain white casing.

I read on one blog of a guy who stuck the label from a bottle of Toilet Duck on ...
It's hard to see in photos, because it is the same color as the rest of the sleeve, but it is in raised lettering running up the side of the sleeve.
link
Maybe they have had sleeves in the past that didn't have the words, but I think they all have them now.
Re-labeling is an interesting and possibly humorous solution to that problem.
01/30/2009
Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
WOW! Why all the hating on the Fleshlight?

It's quite simply the best product I've ever used, discreet enough if you stick it in a cupboard or drawer and infinitely superior to any sleeve I've tried.

As for cleaning - I have ...
Just for the note, "MY MAN" (Bucking Bill), is the one who asked me to put the note about not getting a fleshlight. We own 20+ sleeves and its by far the hardest to care for. I'm glad you've had better success.
01/30/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Quote:
Originally posted by Jimbo Jones
It's hard to see in photos, because it is the same color as the rest of the sleeve, but it is in raised lettering running up the side of the sleeve.
link
Maybe they have had sleeves in the past that didn't have the words, but I think ...
It works very well on the Tenga products, because once you take the label off, they're totally nondescript. I stuck a cocoa-butter label on one and it was fine until my wife wanted to moisturize her face:

"Er... Honey? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"
01/30/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Quote:
Originally posted by Beautiful Dreamer
Just for the note, "MY MAN" (Bucking Bill), is the one who asked me to put the note about not getting a fleshlight. We own 20+ sleeves and its by far the hardest to care for. I'm glad you've had better success.
20+ sleeves! Wowsers. I will certainly defer to his experience!

I've only tried five - but although i admit, all of them are easier to clean than the Fleshlight, the Fleshlight is the nicest of ALL of them to use.

I'd be interested in Bucking Bill's opinion. Doesn't he find the shortness of many sleeves and the difficulty holding them frustrating?
01/30/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
What a frustrating situation! Your brother is very lucky to have you for support.

I also would second the head honcho. I haven't tried it but according to Jimbo's suggestions it seems like the best option.

I have tried the Jenna Jameson pocket pussy with my partner and it is great except it may be too realistic. We usually dry it off with a towel on the outside and try to dry the inside too so we don't have to let it out on our counter. It's fairly good but it doesn't get much use so I am not sure for how long it would fair.

Good luck
01/30/2009
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