Self Pitying 3am Ramble

  • Get a Free Rabbit Vibe with Orders $59+

Self Pitying 3am Ramble

Dame Demi Dame Demi
Ah, the holidays are here! Generally a good thing for me, but I'm an only child and decided to spend the holidays with my parents this year, since it's been about a decade since I have. So now I'm stuck for two months sans husband and my sex toy collection!!! *sigh* I think my right hand is going to fall off soon! Anyway, not really saying anything of any interest, just looking for sympathy.

I'm 36 years old and still terrified of bringing sex toys into my parents' home. Was just wondering if there's anyone else out there who's still terrified of the parental units, or of traveling with sex toys in general.
12/14/2008
  • Buy 3 Items for $70
  • Buy 3 Items for $50
  • Buy 3 Items for $30
  • Save 20% on Luxury Toys
  • Add Some Buzz To Your Favourite Toy & Save 60% On Kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Well, I visited home a few weeks ago and brought something but just couldn't use it. I didn't really have time, anyway, but I wasn't there for 2 months. I definitely feel your pain. After a little over a week I was feeling the hurt. LOL
12/14/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Yeah, I'm super-paranoid when I'm at home. When hubby comes home with me, I yell at him every time he rolls over in bed because it makes the bed squeak! I'm like "Shhh! They'll think we're doing something!" And I've only been married almost 16 years. Thanks for the sympathy!
12/14/2008
Epiphora Epiphora
Ha! Good to see you posting at this hour. I'm procrastinating.

Man. Every time I think about living at home and how I had to wait for them to leave or be terrified of them walking in on me, I get the shivers. I think I might die, staying with my parents for 2 months. I never really was into using my fingers on myself. It would suck really, really bad. Especially since now my masturbation sessions are really long and involve porn, penetration, and my loud Xtreme bullet of course. Oh it would be horrible... I pity you too!
12/14/2008
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I'm trying to adapt. I secreted the Oui, a battery, and a tiny container of lube in to my purse, and I'm receiving projects at my parents' house for now. It's hard to get a moment alone here--mom's always calling me, dad always wants to hang out, sister shares a room with me, brother just barges in through my door--but I deal with the same issues via phone when I'm at school. (Seriously, everybody calls me when I'm masturbating. It's RIDICULOUS.)
12/14/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Haha, several people up at this obscene hour! I thought about bringing my Blueberry with me, but I have an unfortunate tendency to have my luggage searched at the airport (apparently my frumpy 36-year-old-housewife self looks like a terrorist or something). My parents don't open my mail, so I've thought about requesting assignments here, but my Dad's an Ebay addict and I'd just die if they accidentally opened something compromising! My aunt said "fuck" in front of me the other night and my Dad chastised her for it. I honestly think my parents think I'm still a virgin who's never had an orgasm...
12/14/2008
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Dame Demi
Haha, several people up at this obscene hour! I thought about bringing my Blueberry with me, but I have an unfortunate tendency to have my luggage searched at the airport (apparently my frumpy 36-year-old-housewife self looks like a terrorist or ...
LOL

If you're checking luggage, almost everything is fine in there. (I always check so I would never put anything compromising in my carry on anyway)
12/14/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
LOL

If you're checking luggage, almost everything is fine in there. (I always check so I would never put anything compromising in my carry on anyway)
Unfortunately, I'm one of those poor unfortunate souls who is always singled out for a full luggage search, where they open your checked bags on a table before the security checkpoint. It wouldn't bother me, really, but they do it sort of out in the open in most airports, and I don't want some smartass security person holding up one of my vibes. It's bad enough having my underwear out for public view. *sigh* I need to get something discreet, like the cell phone or lipstick vibe, I guess.
12/14/2008
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Dame Demi
Unfortunately, I'm one of those poor unfortunate souls who is always singled out for a full luggage search, where they open your checked bags on a table before the security checkpoint. It wouldn't bother me, really, but they do it sort of ...
I've never even seen that happen. I've had my bags checked but it's always after they're out of my hands so I could care less.
12/14/2008
Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
I'm trying to adapt. I secreted the Oui, a battery, and a tiny container of lube in to my purse, and I'm receiving projects at my parents' house for now. It's hard to get a moment alone here--mom's always calling me, dad always ...
Backseat, You're hilarious! I don't know how you manage to get any 'work' done.

Demi, Fear of being caught with sex toys in your parent's house never wears off. I'm 50, married 23 million years and I feel the same way.
12/14/2008
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
Backseat, You're hilarious! I don't know how you manage to get any 'work' done.

Demi, Fear of being caught with sex toys in your parent's house never wears off. I'm 50, married 23 million years and I feel the same way.
I don't know how I do it, either, other than the fact that I have my own room up at college, so beyond vocal interruptions, nobody SEES what I'm doing.

It happens when I'm having sex, too, and then everybody wonders why I don't want to talk to them on the phone for 5 billion years. I don't like talking on the phone normally; why would I want to do it while I had my face in somebody else's crotch?!

Married 23 million years, LOL.

DD, have you thought about putting a small vibe in your carry-on?
12/14/2008
Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Quote:
Originally posted by Dame Demi
Ah, the holidays are here! Generally a good thing for me, but I'm an only child and decided to spend the holidays with my parents this year, since it's been about a decade since I have. So now I'm stuck for two months sans husband and ...
I can understand that fear. My mother lived with me and my ex husband for a couple of months when I was pregnant with my first child - the kind of pregnant where I was watching porn and begging for sex ALL THE TIME. My poor mom. I think that experience has made her numb to just about anything I say now! I just told her last weekend about EF, my new blog, etc. and she said "Am I supposed to be surprised?" LOL!

Really what's the worst that's going to happen if they catch you using toys or having sex? Of course there will be lots of shared embarrassment, by some more than others, but once you get past that first awkward moment I guarentee they will respect your privacy and put ear plugs in if they hear the bed squeak!!!
12/14/2008
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
I can understand that fear. My mother lived with me and my ex husband for a couple of months when I was pregnant with my first child - the kind of pregnant where I was watching porn and begging for sex ALL THE TIME. My poor mom. I think that ...
The worst that could happen: my mother would disown me and live in self-imposed shame for the rest of her life, all the while seeing me as a sex-crazed whore. I told her I wanted to get on BC this month (mostly for the health benefits), and she just about went through the roof.

If I ever have kids, she will treat it like an immaculate conception.

I love my parents to the point of worship (I'm half-German, after all), but unfortunately, they are not as open-minded and "chill" as some peoples' are. It'd be more than an "awkward moment" if they caught me using a vibe.
12/14/2008
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
The worst that could happen: my mother would disown me and live in self-imposed shame for the rest of her life, all the while seeing me as a sex-crazed whore. I told her I wanted to get on BC this month (mostly for the health benefits), and she just ...
Actually, I take half of that back: my dad would be awkward for a little while, then make inappropriate jokes about it. He is more willing to admit that sex is a biological function than my mother, who just about slapped him when he made some joke about me "moving in with a vegan female partner and having 12 cats when I turn 40." (My mom has no sense of humor about sex or religion and likes to pretend I'm heterosexual.)
12/14/2008
Nashville Nashville
Just take them! Surely you have discreet toys, I brought my Delight with me this summer for some much needed relief and I'm glad I did. A life without sex toys is no life at all.

However, with the packages coming in the mail... well, my mother is the type that opens mail- she doesn't care whose name is on the box, she'll open it up and see what's inside. Just be uber careful! Maybe rent a postal office box while you're away... and as far as senior citizens (my parents are) they go to bed at 8 pm.. so you're usually guaranteed some time without having to worry if someone is going to barge in on you!
12/14/2008
Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
The worst that could happen: my mother would disown me and live in self-imposed shame for the rest of her life, all the while seeing me as a sex-crazed whore. I told her I wanted to get on BC this month (mostly for the health benefits), and she just ...
Oh my goodness! Don't worry, it will probably get better as you get older and your parents stop seeing you as a younger person. Especially considering that you seem like a very "together" intelligent person.

I was really more addressing Dame's particular situation.
12/15/2008
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Oh my goodness! Don't worry, it will probably get better as you get older and your parents stop seeing you as a younger person. Especially considering that you seem like a very "together" intelligent person.

I was really more ...
I figured as much, but I had to respond. It was just like, "Wow, total opposite of my mother!" LOL, bless her.
12/15/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Haha, thanks for some great input, everyone! I know I should just get over it and be an adult, but in the presence of my parents, I immediately become 11 years old again. Just as much as using toys, I miss reviewing them (I've still got a ton I haven't written up yet); but when I review, I always have the toy next to my computer so I can do accurate 'tests' for power, volume, etc. My parents' computer is on their kitchen table, so I can just see my Mom coming downstairs and finding a big dildo next to me on her table. Argh! I'm more suffering from insomnia and blowing off some steam than anything, so thank you all for listening to me and giving me your support and input! Two months, though....I'll probably end up breaking down and ordering something before I go home, I know it....
12/15/2008
Liz2 Liz2
I certainly empathize with you. I fell like I am about 12 yrs old when I go home. My first sex toy experience was with my mother's old Hitachi which I discovered and figured out its use as an early teen by accident. Never used a Hitachi since! My mother knows I am sexually active but we never talk about it other then her admonition to be careful and protect myself. When she visits me, its a mad scramble to hide my toys, lube, condoms and recharges.
Staying at her home, I take a vibe, a dil, a butt plug and a bullet but 2 months OMG! LOL
12/15/2008
Snappy Snappy
Maybe a device that is used for exercise (SmartBalls, Peridise...) would be more acceptable to them if they found it. They're quiet and don't require batteries, either. You could wear them virtually all of the time if you liked.
12/15/2008
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Wow, I feel so lucky that my parents are extremely chill. Well with my dad it's a don't ask, don't tell type of thing. I'm fairly open with my mom though...I've even given her my partner discount code. So I'll be bringing my entire (though still small) collection home with me over winter break and getting assignments shipped there. My boyfriend will probably spend some nights over and we'll definitely be having sex. Since my sister moved to the other side of the country, I've had the upstairs of the house to myself, and my parents go to bed pretty early and sleep like rocks, but I still try my best to be quiet.
12/15/2008
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by LikeSunshineDust
Wow, I feel so lucky that my parents are extremely chill. Well with my dad it's a don't ask, don't tell type of thing. I'm fairly open with my mom though...I've even given her my partner discount code. So I'll be bringing my ...
I can't bring myself to have sex in my parents' house. It just feels...dirty. The only reason I feel comfortable masturbating is because it's something I do alone, and I've done it since I was a little girl and didn't even realize what it was.
12/15/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Thanks, everyone, for all the suggestions! I know this is a stupid thing for a woman in her mid-30's to be worrying about, but I can't help it. I do like the suggestion of the Smartballs or something similar. I'm just paranoid because, while my Mom doesn't snoop, she IS a compulsive cleaner/straightner, and I'm afraid she might stumble across something by accident.
12/17/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Quote:
Originally posted by Dame Demi
Thanks, everyone, for all the suggestions! I know this is a stupid thing for a woman in her mid-30's to be worrying about, but I can't help it. I do like the suggestion of the Smartballs or something similar. I'm just paranoid because, ...
Make that straightener....it's 3am, sorry...
12/17/2008
Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Dame Demi
Thanks, everyone, for all the suggestions! I know this is a stupid thing for a woman in her mid-30's to be worrying about, but I can't help it. I do like the suggestion of the Smartballs or something similar. I'm just paranoid because, ...
That's what bags are for! Storage options with keys are great... I brought a sex case to my parents, my mom asked why it was locked and I told her I had all my medications in there.. she dropped it, apparently it was a good enough excuse.
12/17/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
That's what bags are for! Storage options with keys are great... I brought a sex case to my parents, my mom asked why it was locked and I told her I had all my medications in there.. she dropped it, apparently it was a good enough excuse.
Haha, great idea, thanks!
12/18/2008
AnalArtist AnalArtist
ME, ME,OHHH Me.
I just got into toys this year and have travel twice with them. This last time scared me to death cause I went to Tokyo on a class trip then home for a month. I can't go that long with out something in my ass! I just can't.
I was so scared customs would take out my dildo and wave it around with my professors right there. Then worried if I go home parents will need something and find it. I was raised mormon...so that might kill them. I need to get a bag and lock em up! So don't worry, I think we all fear it. I just don't want to hear what I'm doing wrong from anyone. Ohhh well, happy holidays and hope you enjoy your toys
12/19/2008
Bulma Bulma
I'm facing 1-2 weeks away from home starting in a day or so (weather and road conditions are deciding for me) and I am so dreading being without my toys. I will be staying with my parents for awhile then with my sister before coming back home. I am not brave enough to take toys into other people's houses...heck, I don't even touch myself in the dead of night when I KNOW everyone else is asleep. I may have done it as a teen while I lived there, but now it's just too weird and creepy. I do know that my toys will be getting a workout once I get home though
12/19/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Thanks to both of you! It's nice to know I'm not alone, at least. A safe and happy holiday season to you both, and everyone else out there!
12/19/2008
CaptainBunnyKilla CaptainBunnyKilla
Quote:
Originally posted by Dame Demi
Unfortunately, I'm one of those poor unfortunate souls who is always singled out for a full luggage search, where they open your checked bags on a table before the security checkpoint. It wouldn't bother me, really, but they do it sort of ...
I totally understand about the luggage searches: I'm half Lebanese with a Lebanese last name, and I'm always pulled for "random" searches. I definitely put my toys in my checked baggage.
12/23/2008
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 36
Unique posters: 16