Prude Friends?

Not here Not here
My man and I were at a friends house, and the topic of sex came up. I already knew that these particular friends aren't the most open about sex, so I wasn't expecting anything terribly exciting to come up.

But when one of my friends said "That's why I don't like porn, there's always weird stuff in it like chicks with dicks."

I looked at her, a bit confused, but let it pass. Then dildos came up.

"Eww, they creep me out! " said the same friend.

I looked to the side. "I plead the fifth!" And smiled.

When salad tossing came up, and everyone but me and my man were making horrible faces and talking about how gross it is, we realized it was about time to go.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. They are great people. But sometimes, I feel like I can't really be myself around them. I am a sexually open person, and I don't want to be judged by my friends for liking "kinky" things like sex toys and having my asshole licked.

But, the point here, is this.

Do you have close friends that are really squeamish about sex? Or can you talk about anything? Does the ability to communicate openly (or not) affect your relationship with your friends?
11/09/2010
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LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Not here
My man and I were at a friends house, and the topic of sex came up. I already knew that these particular friends aren't the most open about sex, so I wasn't expecting anything terribly exciting to come up.

But when one of my friends ... More
One of my oldest friends, someone I consider family more than friends, is pretty squeamish about my job—and especially if her kids are around.

They are 4 and 6 and I am perfectly capable of discussing what I do without including the fact that it's an adult products company, but she freaks out if they come within ear shot and I am talking about work. Tho I did point out to her that even if I used the word dildo around the kids, they'd probably have no idea or interest in what I was talking about.

I get it and I do try to respect her wishes, but I am surprised by how much it agitates her. The funny thing is, we don't have to talk about my job, but she, and my two other friends that belong to this group I consider family, are quite titillated by it all and so they ask...
11/09/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
My best friend - women's lib, sisters are doing it for themselves, kick your ass in the boardroom type - is the same age as my father (59) and won't discuss ANYTHING beyond "man/woman and it better be behind closed doors". She's very open and accepting about other lifestyles and orientations, but her world is strictly "me, my man, and nothing else". I don't think she's ever been in a toy shop. We have lots of other things to talk about, but pretty much the most we ever discussed in relation to sex was my celibate marriage and my ex-husband's shaming of my sexuality so as not to take responsibility for his own disinterest (as mentioned, she's a women's lib feminist). I think part of the reason is that she also regards me as her 'other daughter' (I'm about a year or two older than her eldest), and there's only so much you're willing to discuss with your children. We've known each other since 1999.

The person I'm most open with is an online friend in Scotland who is bisexual and was the only one to suggest using sex toys. She's been very honest and down to earth about the whole thing (as a lapsed Catholic/self proclaimed pagan/creative type - yeah), so it's good to have somebody to chat with about it who knows me (we've been friends since 2004). She also addresses the emotional stuff, which has REALLY helped me in figuring out what's going. We're going to meet the summer after next and film a Doctor Who sketch at Kennedy Space Center. ^_^
11/09/2010
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
In the past ten years or so I seem to have surrounded myself with a lot of open minded people.

When I split up with my husband he "got" all the friends. heh. So while losing my old, high school friends was painful I have to admit that the new ones I've made since suit me better at this point in my life.

They're pretty much either all kinky or open minded and that is invaluable to me, being accepted for who I am, exactly as I am, rocks.
11/09/2010
Envy Envy
I have a prude friend or two. One is Catholic and doesn't even want to think about dating. It's funny because it seems it's only my guy friends I can talk to about such things or show my collection to, except one, it's kinda awkward when anything sexual is brought up between us. (I used to have a crush on him bad many years back, and still do sometimes, so it's just really awkward for us.)
11/09/2010
DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO
I've been surprised by both prudes and freaks. I have friends who were pretty sexually promiscuous that got uncomfortable reading my blog and finding out about sex toys, etc. Then I have friends who seemed more private that have asked me for recommendations on which toys to buy and ways to spice up their relationships.

I keep seeing a similar trend with stuff on some of the reality shows I watch. My jaw drops when I see people on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge who will get piss drunk and sleep with half the house over the filming of the show, yet are squicked out by the idea of going down on a woman and sex toys. Then Scott and Kourtney Kardashian have been caught getting their freak on out on their balcony and walked in on by various family members. They also seemed to come from families that discussed sex, but Scott paid $50 to a guy outside of a CVS (or Walgreens or something) to go in and buy them some lube!
11/09/2010
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
I have one female friend, and my boyfriend, who I can talk about anything with. Absolutely anything - my friend and I have a rule - no such thing as TMI. The rest of my friends though? Eep. Most don't know what I do here and the few that do think I'm crazy. My best childhood friend thinks doggy style is the craziest sex can get (it's one of 2 positions she personally finds acceptable - which is fine - it just kind of clashes with my personal stance on things). I need more real life liberal minded friends...
11/09/2010
Not here Not here
I'm glad you guys had such detailed responses!

@Chilipepper- I know how you feel about your most open-minded friend being an online one. I actually made a friend here on EF whom I e-mail regularly, and she is the one person aside from my man that I feel like I can be totally open with!

@Carrie Ann- I wish I had all open minded friends. I have been trying to change that, because although my friends are great people, they just don't seem to "get me and my man. That's awesome for you that you can be the freak you are! Rock on!

@Tori Rebel- I am totally with you! Here's to more REAL LIFE kinky, open-minded friends!
11/09/2010
Jobthingy Jobthingy
I have one or 2. They get a little weirded out. But they also know that I speak my mind without thinking twice and one never really knows what will come out of my mouth. So they get a little squeamish but usually just say EWWW and move on. That is usually when I tell them not to knock it until they try it
11/09/2010
Danielle915 Danielle915
I have a few. I just laugh at them and tell them to lighten up...LOL
11/09/2010
LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
In the past ten years or so I seem to have surrounded myself with a lot of open minded people.

When I split up with my husband he "got" all the friends. heh. So while losing my old, high school friends was painful I have to admit ... More
Yeah, for the most part, my "new" friends are... well Carrie Ann is one of them, so that should give you an idea. (Big buncha perverts, all of them!)
11/09/2010
Not here Not here
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Yeah, for the most part, my "new" friends are... well Carrie Ann is one of them, so that should give you an idea. (Big buncha perverts, all of them!)
I would love to have friends like you, Carrie Ann and the rest of the awesome EF staff! Perverts are where it's at!
11/09/2010
Lunacy Setting in Lunacy Setting in
My best friend and I are irrationally similar, and anything and everything is fair game in our conversations. She's the only one I can openly discuss toys with so far.

Of my eight close female friends I can have open discussions with probably five or six of them, but one doesn't even like the words penis or vagina so I watch it with her. At home I have one close friend who likes sex but is horrified of toys. She likes that I review toys and says she sometimes lives vicariously through me and some of her other "wild" friends (Never thought I'd be one of the wild friends for anyone!)

Another girl I've been friends with since 1996 has never kissed anyone and has no desire to do so. She knows I review toys but we don't discuss it, and once when a mutual friend of ours and I were discussing the joys of handcuffs she was horrified.

I would say that I have five close guy friends, and anything goes with those five. They turn to me for dating/sex advice and vice versa.

Sometimes I'm a little too blunt and just blurt inappropriate things out, that either scares people or intrigues/amuses them. But I'm getting better with keeping my wits about me and reading people to figure out what would fly with them and what wouldn't.
11/09/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Not here
My man and I were at a friends house, and the topic of sex came up. I already knew that these particular friends aren't the most open about sex, so I wasn't expecting anything terribly exciting to come up.

But when one of my friends ... More
Actually my best friend since birth is basically a virgin...so we completely don't have that category to talk about. She is a really open person and her brother is into swinging, toys, etc and she accepts him, but I have never ventured down the sexual talk with her. I figure I'll wait for her to come to me with it. It's not weird to me since it has been this way our entire lives.

But, with new friends I am often shocked with how naive and uneducated they are about sex and sex toys. They think things like if a girl has a sex toy she doesn't think her bf is good enough or if a guy has a masturbator and a gf he is a sex addict. My close friends don't have these opinions of course because I taught them everything they know, but NEW friends or random people I meet that hear from other friends that i do this often have their opinions about it much like Jezebel experienced. BUT I correct them instead of leave. If they continue to down it, I pretty much put them in a position where they start to question what is wrong with them not me lol. ;p

BUT thankfully I have a large circle of close friends and none of them would recreate a situation like Jez described.
11/09/2010
Kimbertrees Kimbertrees
All in all I think that I only have one friend that I could be completely open with who wouldn't judge me for anything. Most of my friends are either the type that find certain things gross or feel that sex just shouldn't be talked about with anyone but your partner unless you're talking to a doctor. I'm more closed off to my other friends because of this fact though. If they're that judging over something as natural and wonderful as sex then why I would I share some other secret with them? But maybe that's just me.
11/09/2010
gone77 gone77
I have one friend who's sort of prudish and not as open as I am. But it doesn't bother me that much because a) she's been there for me for over 10 years b) we don't talk about sex very often and c) I have other more perverted friends to chat about sex with.
11/09/2010
Not here Not here
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
Actually my best friend since birth is basically a virgin...so we completely don't have that category to talk about. She is a really open person and her brother is into swinging, toys, etc and she accepts him, but I have never ventured down the ... More
We didn't leave right after that..I actually tried to get them to be a bit more open, but realized it wasn't gonna work. I just didn't want the post to be super long, LOL. We were planning to leave anyway, but the lack of good feedback was all the more reason to. Sometimes it's best to leave sex out of the picture, especially with these friends. I wish it weren't the case, though.
11/09/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Not here
We didn't leave right after that..I actually tried to get them to be a bit more open, but realized it wasn't gonna work. I just didn't want the post to be super long, LOL. We were planning to leave anyway, but the lack of good feedback ... More
Ahh gotcha. I figure they made you so uncomfortable that they made you feel unwelcome to their conversation since your views were so different. If you had left right away, I wouldn't have blamed you either way.
11/09/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Not here
My man and I were at a friends house, and the topic of sex came up. I already knew that these particular friends aren't the most open about sex, so I wasn't expecting anything terribly exciting to come up.

But when one of my friends ... More
A lot of my friends are outwardly Vanilla. I don't have sex with them, I don't need, crave or ask for their approval for what My Man and I do in the bedroom (and they don't ask me about what they do) so I try to stay friendly and non-committal when things like this come up.

A lot of our friends think we are pretty Kinky, but aren't exactly sure why. We don't talk about sex with people who don't understand. An occasional comment or joke (they don't usually understand) is made, so they get a clue, but are mostly clueless to our proclivities.

Although, if someone were to attack a practice that we find really fun, I might make a joke or say something like, "You never know what things you'd like until you've given them several chances. You can't judge just by guessing, if you've never done it." And then just leave it at that.

A few months ago, one of my MOST Vanilla friends' husbands hangs out with My Man. One night in bed he told me, "Did G. ever tell you she really likes anal?" I almost choked! I guess they guys got drunk and G's husband told My Man, under pain of death, not to tell anyone. Of course, he ran right home and told me. Neither of us could believe it. It's true (I'm actually proud of her.) So, sometimes people put on fronts just to save themselves embarrassment.

My brother is a Kink, but he's.....my brother. So, aside from jokes and those knowing looks when someone mentions sex toys, or Liberator Wedges or Mom says something with a Double Entendre, (and she doesn't realize it) we don't really discuss a lot. I'm firmly convinced that Heavy Catholic Guilt warped us both.
11/09/2010
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
I have a very dear friend who I have never really had the "sex talk" with. She kissed her husband for the first time the day before they got married. They didn't even have sex for the first time until they'd been married several months because she wasn't comfortable the first time and he was deployed the next day after their wedding.

I just don't know how to broach the subject.
11/09/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
All of my close friends are virgins and act like they're grossed out if I talk about sexual things.
11/09/2010
Trashley Trashley
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
All of my close friends are virgins and act like they're grossed out if I talk about sexual things.
Kinda similar here; it's gotten better but I assumed coming to college, everyone'd want to fuck. Eh. Whatever. They do what they do.
11/13/2010
Kim! Kim!
One of my friends is rather religious. No sex until marriage and everything. I spare her the details.

But I have plenty of people to talk to about the dirty stuff if I want.
11/13/2010
Riccio Riccio
I do not discuss details with my friends. The are all open-minded, and on the left, or they would not be my friends.
11/13/2010
DustBunny DustBunny
I love my best friend, but she's probably 25 and still a virgin. Nothing wrong with that, but it's like beer goggles. She can see that stuff is out there, but doesn't get it. Perfect example, her younger brother was dating a girl that was kind of kinky, and when they split up because she was crazy(stole money from her parents to buy plane tickets and tried to move across the country to live with him). She left a collar and leash in the back of the car, he didn't want it because that wasn't his thing. Her family all sat around talking about how it was like someone lost their dog. Being that I'm really into collars and that stuff I didn't say much. I think by now she knows, but she doesn't get it and when that's the case she never brings it up.

Funniest moment was attending a college event with the friend and they handed out gift bags for halloween. She was eating the candy out of there and a condom in the tin packet was in there. She was like "Oooh gelt!" and was not pleased with what was inside, in fact she freaked out. She ended up giving me all the condoms from in that bag(like 5 of them) and told me I could use them as balloons. I didn't have a guy at the time, but was highly amused by the glow in the dark condom.
11/13/2010
Avant-garde Avant-garde
My friends are pretty open minded, but I don't really talk about this stuff with anyone, including my friends. Its just not anyone's business but my own and I prefer people judge me based on who I am rather than what I have or have not done. If they cant handle that I could care less, friends or not.
11/13/2010
ToyGeek ToyGeek
I have nothing but prude friends, I fear, including one who can't bring himself to look directly at the television if people are kissing, and not even particularly steamy kissing -- the kiss between Daniel and Vala on Stargate SG-1 is too much for him, and he couldn't handle Roswell at all. I think something like True Blood or Torchwood might kill him, never mind porn.

A few years back, one of my friends brought her pastor to my house to discuss my "sin of lusting in my heart" after reading a fanfic I wrote with a distinctively PG-13 rating, because a heterosexual couple shared a steamy kiss out of wedlock. A kiss! Good thing she didn't read anything else I've written.

Several other friends hound me about attending an "unhealthy" church because we are accepting of homosexual members. I pretty much avoid those folks at all costs these days, because prudishness I can tolerate, but not hatred, especially hatred disguised as religion.
11/13/2010
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGeek
I have nothing but prude friends, I fear, including one who can't bring himself to look directly at the television if people are kissing, and not even particularly steamy kissing -- the kiss between Daniel and Vala on Stargate SG-1 is too much ... More
I hate fundamentalist Christians. I won't even get started.... I'll just say that because I can already feel my blood rising. I had a FB status once that said, "Just because you don't struggle with homosexual feelings, doesn't mean that homosexuals chose to feel them." Or something along those lines and I was basically told that I don't care enough about the Bible or God and essentially my soul is in danger.

So yeah... I KNOW how you feel.
11/17/2010
J's Alley J's Alley
I deal with this a LOT! My best friend is totally open minded (thank god), but most others...not at all.

One of my other friends has this prudish mask she puts on...she acts all grossed out and disgusted with toys and BDSM (weirdos as she calls them), yet I have known her and her husband longer than anyone else...they are JUST like me and J. She just puts it on as an act. I find it really irritating.
11/17/2010
Midway through Midway through
If they aren't open minded and I can't be myself, we aren't friends. A lot of people think I'm a bitch for it but I refuse to be friends with someone when I can't be friends with them. What I mean is, if I can't be myself, then I'm not really a friend, I'm just a fake person that they like. I obviously don't like them back because I couldn't, I'm being fake. If I was being real, I could like them.

So no, all my friends say horrific things that make little uber christians in restaurants stare angrily at us, and we don't care. I get judged a lot for numerous things in my life, but my sex life is something I refuse to be ashamed of.
11/17/2010
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